He was still asleep. He was still asleep at 10 am! She had managed to slip out of the room when Mark arrived, take a shower and get dressed and he was still asleep. She wanted to think it was the pain meds, not the illness that was leaving him this exhausted. Because she still wasn't used to her husband sleeping through everything. She wasn't used to him not springing out of bed and running to make her breakfast or join her in the shower.

So she pretended it was the Demerol. She pretended it was the Demerol that she had woken up in the middle of the night to give him after he had woken her up with his low groans. Even if he had been sleeping through everything for nearly a fortnight she could pretend it was the Demerol. She just wished it wasn't. She wished it wasn't the Demerol or the cancer. She knew how strong Demerol was, very.

At 10:30 he finally started to wake up, he still looked tired even after 12 hours of sleep.

"Hey sleepy." Meredith laughed moving over to his bed and sitting down next to him.

"Morning." He said flatly.

"Is the pain at all better?"

"No."

"Oh Der, you can have more Demerol in 30 minutes."

"Good."

"Are you hungry?"

"No."

"You need to eat especially now because when you start the chemo you won't be hungry or able to eat."

"Fine."

"Let me go get you something to eat."

"Okay."

Meredith left the room and Mark stayed with him.

"Your not okay Derek."

"Really?" Derek said sarcastically.

"Your depressed."

"No I'm not I'm tired."

"Yes I know your tired but it's not just that, your like after New York and we don't want you to do what you did then."

"How do you know?" Derek said meaning to sound angry but he just sounded weak and quiet.

"Do you really think Nancy would keep something like that, she told me and Addie."

"That's why I should've never told her."

"No it was good that you told someone."

"I should've just kept quiet."

Meredith walked back into the door with a tray and she placed it down onto the table over his bed. It had a bowl of musli, a slice of toast and a glass of orange juice.

"Thanks." Derek said.

He started eating the musli slowly but after 2 bites he couldn't eat any more. He then managed to eat a slice of toast but he had to force himself to eat it. He took a sip of the juice and leant back against the pillows sighing loudly.

"Done?"

"Yes." He sighed, exhausted again.

"Why don't you have another nap?"

"Hmmmm..."

Derek pushed away the table and tried to sit up but the pain was still too strong. He tried again but once again failed. Meredith walked over to him and hugged him tightly.

"Let me help you Derek."

"Thank you."

Meredith slowly helped Derek sit up and held onto him,

"What do you need?"

"The bathroom."

"Oh okay."

They stood up but Derek was still very weak on his feet. Mark placed his magazine on the couch and went over to help his brother. He grabbed hold of his free arm, Derek looked so embarrassed that he couldn't even walk to the bathroom without any help.

Once they got in there Derek grabbed hold of the sink and took some deep breaths to try alleviate the increasing nausea. Meredith was stood rubbing his back as he closed his eyes tightly and continued to take deep breaths. The nausea was getting worse and worse until he gave up completely. He leant forward weakly over the sink and threw up. Meredith held his shaking hand and continued rubbing his back gently as Mark disappeared out of the room. Derek was kind of glad he had gone.

"Your okay Derek, don't worry I'm not leaving you."

When he finally finished he couldn't stand up any longer and collapsed down to the floor.

"Derek!"

He was laying in a heap on the floor unconscious, Meredith was playing with his black curly hair trying to wake him up again. Mark walked back in with Bailey and Hunt by his side expecting to see him throwing up not seeing him fainted on the floor.

"What the hell?"

"He's exhausted and in too much pain, he can barely stand up without help."

"If we get him into bed we can get him on some morphine and he can sleep." Hunt said.

He began to wake up and try to sit up so Meredith helped him sit against the cold bathroom tiles.

"We need to get you into bed so you can have pain relief and you can sleep." Hunt said.

"Hmmm..." Derek groaned tiredly.

Hunt and Mark both walked over to him simultaneously and leant down next to him. They grabbed his arms and slowly pulled him up until he was standing, once there they took him back to his bed steadily. As soon as he laid back down on the bed he fell asleep.

"Let's give him some more Demerol and put him on some oxygen." Bailey instructed, examining his scar from his surgery.

"Okay." Said Owen.

"His scar looks okay but I am going to do an ultrasound in a minute, is he supposed to be going home tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow morning."

"Okay."

"Why what's wrong?"

"Nothing I'm just worried about his pain."

"Okay."

"As long as you have meds and he is resting he should be okay."

"I've given him the meds and oxygen." Owen said.

"Let me go get the ultrasound Dr Bailey." He continued.

He left the room and Bailey went over to Meredith,

"How are you?"

"I'm okay."

"He is asleep, how are you really?"

"I'm scared...he can't die...he can't leave me..." She sobbed.

It was the first time she had let herself cry except for when she first found out, she had to be brave for him. Bailey hugged her tightly and rubbed her back in circles.

"It's Derek Shepherd we're talking about. He is strong and stubborn, too stubborn at times. Do you really think he will let cancer destroy him?"

"I know."

"It will be hell, he will become skinnier, he will have large bruises everywhere, he will be vomiting a lot, he will be in a lot of pain and his hair will fall out but he is still the person you married, you can't forget that Meredith."

"But..."

"But nothing Meredith, he will be okay, he has a huge team of doctors. He is not a surgical cancer patient but we managed to get him Dr Swender because she is the best. We have everything sorted, you just need to believe that he will be okay and believe in us."

"Thank you Bailey." Said Meredith rubbing the tears out of him eyes.

She was terrified but she knew Derek was even more terrified. She couldn't lose him. She already thought she had in the shooting but she was lucky and he pulled through. However Mer lost her baby, they were going to start trying for another but now they couldn't for a long time. That was awful for them, all they wanted was a child.

"I have the ultrasound machine."

"Thanks." Owen wheeled it to the other side of the bed from Meredith and Mark then stood at the foot of the bed.

Bailey lifted up his scrub top and squeezed some pale blue cold gel on his half bandaged stomach, trying to avoid having to redress them. She turned on the machine and started to move the wand over his stomach while scrutinising the screen.

"Definitely acute pancreatitis, there's nothing else wrong in his stomach." Bailey announced.

"Okay."

"Keep him on the Demerol, 2 every hour and give in 1 of Tylenol every 2 hours as well. That's all we can, keep him on meds."

"Okay, I'll put it in his chart and let the nurses know." Owen said.

"I have to go Meredith just page me if you need me and I will come up after my shift to check on him."

"Okay, thank you Bailey and thank you Hunt."

Bailey left the room but Meredith stopped Owen before he left the room.

"Have you seen Cristina?"

"She's working at the moment do you want me to page her?"

"Yes please."

"Okay."

"Thank you."

Owen left the room too and Mark and Meredith sat on the couch.

Derek didn't wake up for 6 hours, at 5. He had slept peacefully the entire time except for a few groans escaping his mouth. Meredith went for lunch in the hospital cafeteria with Cristina and Callie went up to see Mark and check on him. When he awoke Callie was still there, sat in the couch with the rest of them.

"Mer?" He asked his voice sounding raspy and sore.

"Hey Derek, how is the pain?"

"Better." He smiled.

"Move over." Meredith said bringing down the edge of his bed.

Hospital beds were only designed for a person but they were both small. Meredith laid on the bed and Derek placed his head on her stomach and held onto her hand. She could see something on his hip where his top had ridden up.

"Derek, what is that on your hip?"

Derek lifted up his to reveal a large bruise cover his hip. Meredith gasped slightly but Derek just looked down trying not to look at it.

"They're expected Der."

"I know."

"Do you feel hot?"

"A little bit."

"You feel really warm."

Mark stood up and got a thermometer and placed it into his ear trying to avoid the oxygen cannula.

"102.6." He announced.

"Can you page Dr Swender or Bailey?"

"On it." Mark said walking out of the room.

Seconds later he walked back in the room with Dr Swender behind her and a nurse behind her. She was just about to check on him so Mark quickly got her.

"What's happening?"

"His fever is at 102.6." Meredith said standing up out of the bed.

"Okay, can you open a window, get a cold cloth for him and give him some ibuprofen?"

"Yes Doctor." The nurse said.

"I'm going to get some soda for him." Mark said trying to find an excuse to leave.

"Okay." Meredith said understanding.

The nurse came back and gave Meredith the cloths. Meredith placed the cloths on his head, neck and shoulders. The nurse injected the ibuprofen into his arm before leaving the room.

"Except from the fever, how have you felt today?"

"I've basically been asleep all day, I had a little bit of breakfast threw it up, fainted and then slept and I've only just woken up now."

"Fainted?"

"He fainted because of the pain he was in and how weak he was."

"Okay, has Dr Bailey put you on any stronger meds?"

"I don't know."

"He is on Demerol and Tyronal every 2 hours."

"Is that working?"

"A bit."

"Good, what has Dr Bailey said about tomorrow?"

"He should still be able to go."

Just then Derek's phone started to ring from the bedside table. Meredith picked it up to look at it,

"It's Amelia."

"Okay?"

He picked up the phone and held it to his ear.

"Amy?"

"Which room are you in?"

"What?"

"Me and Addison are in the foyer, what room are you in?"

He held down the phone to talk to Mer,

"Addison and Amelia are in the foyer, what room am I in?"

"375."

He held the phone back up to talk to them,

"I'm in room 375, I think Mark might already be there next to the vending machines."

"Seen him, see you soon." She said hanging up the phone.

"Addison and Amelia are coming up now."

"Who are they?" Dr Swender asked.

"Addison is my ex-wife and Amelia is my favourite sister, they both work in a private practice in LA."

"Ex-wife?"

"It's complicated." He laughed.

"Is Mark meeting them?"

"He's already there."

"Mer...sick."

"Oh Der."

Meredith quickly passed him a basin and he leant forward to throw up. As he was throwing up, Addison and Amelia walked through the door to his room. When he finished he wiped his mouth and took a sip of juice.

"Hey." He sighed.

"Hi." Amelia said walking over to hug him.

"Hi Derek." Addison said staying in the doorway.

"How are you feeling?" Amelia asked sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"Like death how was your flight?"

"It was okay."

"Good."

"Derek, you need to have some tea?"

"I'm not hungry."

"I know just something little."

"Okay."

Meredith disappeared out of the room to get him something to eat and Addison walked over to him.

"I'm going to leave you at it but I'll come see you before your discharged tomorrow." Dr Swender said leaving the room.

"Mark?" Derek asked.

"Yes?"

"Can you get me some clothes out of my bag so I can change?"

"Okay."

Mark walked around the bed and found a black T-shirt, black checkered pyjama bottoms and his Columbia university hoodie.

"Bathroom?" Mark asked.

Derek nodded and took off his oxygen cannula. Mark disconnected him from his IV and helped him sit up. Amelia stood up and looked a scared look at Addison. Mark helped him stand up and held him up, they walked slowly into the bathroom and Derek held onto the sink for dear life.

"You okay then?"

"Yes thanks."

"Okay, shout me if you need any help."

Derek smiled and Mark walked out of the bathroom shutting the door behind him. He walked over to Addison and Amelia,

"He can't walk?" Addison said shocked.

"He can't even sit up on his own, he isn't good."

"And this is before chemo?" Amelia asked.

"I know but the tests he's had has affected his mobility, he is recovering from surgery and he has pancreatitis."

"Surgery?" Addison asked,

"He didn't tell you?"

"No."

"He had an appendectomy on Thursday."

"Oh my god."

"His pain is awful, he is always asleep and he can't keep anything down. I don't know how he is going to deal with the chemo."

Meredith walked through the door with a tray and she placed it down on the table.

"Where is he?"

"He's getting changed out if his scrubs."

"Only he could wear scrubs while recovering."

"Mark?" Derek said quietly trying to shout but not being able to.

"Let me." Addison said.

Ex-husband or not she still wanted to help him. She spent a quarter of her life with him and they could've still been together if not for her. She opened the door to see him sat on the floor with his head hanging low and his knees up to his chest. Addison sat down next to him and placed her hand on his knee.

"I threw up again." He sighed.

"I gathered."

"I'm tired."

"Let's get you in bed, Meredith has brought you some tea."

"Hmmm..."

"Meredith?" Addison shouted.

Meredith walked in and bent down in front of Derek so they were eye-to-eye.

"Oh Derek, should we get you into bed?"

He nodded and looked up at Meredith and smiled halfheartedly. Meredith grabbed his arms and slowly pulled him up, Addison held onto his back and shoulders so he couldn't collapse back down to the floor. As soon as he was back upright they walked him out into his room and sat him down on the hard bed. Mark started connecting him back up to his IV and put the oxygen back on him. He got comfortable again after that and Meredith pushed the table towards him.

"Can't I sleep first?" He asked trying to avoid eating.

"Come on Derek, just a little bit it's only some pasta and jello."

"Fine."

Derek sat up a little bit and picked up the fork. He took a small bite of the pasta and carried on eating it until he had devoured half of the bowl. He put the fork down and picked up the jello. While he was eating, they were all talking around him and catching back up. He managed to eat the entire jello somehow.

"Done."

"Okay, you can sleep if you want."

"Okay."

Derek didn't telling twice that he could sleep so fell straight to sleep.

"That's the most he's eaten in probably a week, the last few days he hasn't been eating and he's lost a bit of weight. He's lost even more now, 12 pounds in a week which is awful." Mark said.

"It's just the pain, he is very good at hiding pain so I'm scared he's going to now so he doesn't have to take as many pain meds." Meredith said moving the table and tray so she could place a basin for when he threw it all back up in a minute.

"He used to do that as a kid, Mom used to shout at him for it."

"I remember."

They all sat in silence looking at different magazines etc for 20 minutes until Derek started to wake up again, Meredith knew why so shot up.

"Mer?"

"Sick?"

"Yes."

He sat up and leant over the bowl and threw up the meal he'd just eaten. As Meredith rubbed his back, Amelia walked over and started to move his hair out of his face and hold the free hand. When he finished he couldn't stop coughing, the cough rattled his chest and his small frame. Amelia continued to rub his back even after he finished. He was that exhausted he fell asleep in Amy's arms. She helped him lay back down on the bed and pulled the blanket up for him. She couldn't understand how this happened to him but no one could ever change that.