Chapter 3: Afterglow

Shinji came to the so-called kitchen, in fact it was only a storage room with running water and an induction cooker; at first glance except rice there weren't even decent vegetables, much less raw meat. The only ingredient that could be called 'fresh' was eggs. However, after rummaging for a while, he still found something edible.

'Kensuke was indeed a military otaku,' in the corner of the kitchen, Shinji found a variety of Meal Ready-to-Eat and canned food. He chose the MREs produced by the country across the Sea of Japan, and some canned food produced by SPAM, ready to cut the ingredients into small pieces and make some fried rice.

'Emm, I have no idea whether this would satisfy her.'

This single thought of her brought the last night back to his memory. In retrospect, he was sure that he made a mistake answering that question. Asuka must have realized something; in fact, he had also already realized and accepted his own fate, but he couldn't suppress the selfish impulse to see her again. He wasn't sure if this would do any good to her, terrified he would just hurt her much deeper. So, when she made that request last night, even if she expressed a tiny little bit of hope to the future, or any sign of anticipation of being together with him, he would have rejected her with no compromise. It was something he had no way to give her. However, during that time, from her eyes he only saw the desire for carpe diem, mixed with desperation but also the determination to face the future. In that case, he could not resist; he only wanted to make her feel good at that time, hoping to comfort her. He would be really fucked up if he fucked that up.

The sound of the door creaking open snapped him out of his train of thought, and a voice followed, "Sh-Shinji?"

Shinji turned around to find an adult male wearing a pair of glasses, his fluffy hair made him look much older than his actual age. "Kensuke, right?"

Kensuke strode towards him and pulled him into a loose hug, patting his back, which Shinji gladly returned, "En, correct. Good morning, eh, Shinji? Are you…making breakfast?"

"Right. It's for Asuka."

"Shikinami? She now…EATS?" His voice was filled with nothing but surprise.

"Yeah…although it isn't necessary…"

Kensuke left out a chuckle, "Haha, Shinji, my man." He patted on Shinji's shoulder, "this way her mood could finally lighten a little. All these years I've never seen her smile, just like Ayanami."

"I…have no idea…cuz I haven't seen her smile since I got here, either." He intentionally left out her smile after they had done…that. Shinji believed his arrival only made her sadder; hell, he even made her cry twice, much less happy. 'If she's also crying now in the bath then make it three,' he thought bitterly. Shaking it off, he focused on the meal, putting the cut ingredient into the pan and started stir-frying.

"It can't be! Eating your cooking but yet to reconcile?" Kensuke showed an inconceivable expression.

"Hmmm…I…made a big mistake that time…" Reconcile? Shinji didn't know what state they were in now. Although they gave each other the most precious gift of themselves, their heart still seemed to be far apart. Was she only using him to release her fourteen years of sexual frustration? She was obviously a virgin, but he had no idea of the real reason behind it. Maybe she just didn't want to get that close to Lilin, and since he was also an 'Angel', she could finally…

They didn't completely open up their heart to each other; the physical bond they shared hardly did anything to unlock them. However, they both figured out the main idea in the other's heart. Apparently, they didn't approve of each other, and neither of them wished to compromise. They were too stubborn to let the other person solve their own problem.

"Big mistake as it is, you could still make amends to it. From what I see she will forgive you sooner or later. Damn, she took you here! She eats your cooking!" Kensuke said with an expression mixed with empathy and relief, "None of us managed to achieve what you have done! The occasional times she came here and took a rest, she just sat somewhere and played her wander swan. Cheer up, Shinji!"

"Sure…" Shinji said, adding some beaten eggs into the pan.

"Hmmm…smells good, Shinji! You're really putting these MREs to good use! I do envy Shikinami-san!"

"Actually, I over made the food, if you want some…" Hearing sincere praise from his friend, Shinji felt a bit embarrassed, blushing slightly.

"No thanks, I'm going on a patrol around the Village. I've already had a whole day of food with me, this leave to you and Shikinami." Kensuke waved his hands, turning around to exit the room, "spend some time with her. You have the whole day~"

Shinji sighed as he watched Kensuke went further and further, finally disappeared around a corner. He planned to visit Ayanami and Toji today who lived at the bottom of the hill. Still, just like Kensuke suggested, he figured he should spend more time with Asuka.

"Tadaima." Shinji entered the room, carrying their breakfast, just happen to meet a naked Asuka who freshly came out from the shower. Her red hair was still dripping water; the sun shone into the room through the window, tracing out every single curve of her perfect body. Shinji couldn't help but swallowed, unable to avert his eyes.

"What, haven't seen enough? Perv." Asuka wrapped up her body with a greenish towel, "You're really good at timing, still freezing up after we did that?"

"N-no! I just think you are so pretty…" Shinji blushed and turned around his head, putting the fried rice on the table.

"Hmph, when did you learn sweet-talking? I'm impressed," Asuka mocked sarcastically, drying her hair and putting on the undergarments, "ooh, it's fried rice, I'm surprised you could find the ingredients, must've been hard for you." She picked up a shirt to wear and sat down beside the table; picking up a spoon, she scooped a spoonful of food and put it into the mouth. "Hmmm, not bad."

Shinji simply stayed there and looked at her; the way she ate the meal reminded him of the time fourteen years ago. Fourteen years of hardship seemed to have made no indelible traces on her, Asuka in front of his eyes looked as bright as her hair.

"Eh? You eating or not?" Asuka, halfway through her meal, looked up at Shinji with a confused expression. She shot a glance at the table to find only one plate – which she was occupying - suddenly she realized something and was immediately embarrassed, "I'm finished, you can have the rest!"

"Err…I don't really need to…" Shinji was cut off by Asuka's oppressive glare, "fine." He picked up the spoon and started eating.

"Baka-Shinji…" Asuka played with her hair while looking at Shinji eating, "Misato said they will arrive in two weeks." She tried to sound insouciant, but paying close attention to Shinji's reaction.

"So, two weeks…little longer than expected…" Asuka was a bit non-committal seeing Shinji's expression, so she decided to ask another thing she wanted to know.

"Can I ask you a question?" Without getting any sort of permission she continued, "Back then, if you don't come and rescue me, would you achieve your original purpose?"

Shinji didn't answer immediately. Instead, he chose to finish his meal, and spoke indifferently, "It would be putting the cart before the horse."

"Really?" Asuka continued to play with her hair, "You really ARE an idiot." Silence. "Although it's a little late to say this, but…thanks for saving my life." After carefully thinking over his answer, she decided it was the answer she wanted to hear.

"Right." Shinji slowly turned toward Asuka, "By the way, don't you need to work?"

"I'm protecting this place, of course I don't need to work! Also, I hate places with so many Lilin!"

"You haven't changed a bit…" Shinji stood up, picking up the tableware, "What do you want for lunch?" He didn't wait for her to respond and walked towards the door. Just as he was about to exit the room, someone grabbed his wrist.

"Asuka?" Shinji turned around, looking confusedly at the woman who dragged him.

"N-nothing!" Asuka released her grip, "just wanna say, I can make the lunch…"

"Sure. I… I'm looking forward to it." Shinji said, exiting the room. Asuka murmured irately, "Damn it! What am I doing…" She trailed off, gathering her thoughts. She knew what she felt for him, but she didn't know what she should feel for him; nonetheless, there was one thing she knew very well.

She had to be alone.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Tomorrow Wunder will come and pick you up," Kensuke said, filming everyone and everything around him using a camera in his hand, "This is the recording of this village Misato-san asked me to do. And oh," He took out a letter from his pocket, "this is Toji's letter to his sister. On it wrote 'take care' or something."

Shinji took the letter and smiled, "Hai, I see." Wunder's arrival was ahead of schedule, since the enemy was moving faster than predicted. The endgame was coming, and humanity's survival depended on it. During the week he and Asuka spent in Third Village, they never had sex again since neither wanted to carry more baggage than they already had. They both knew what they had to do, and they refused to compromise.

Shinji decided to take a walk. He was curious that he hadn't seen Ayanami that day yet. Usually, she would have already begun working in the farmland.

Failing to find her using his vision, Shinji extended his AT-Field, scanning the surrounding area like a radar. The method worked very well; he sensed two other strong AT-Fields, one from Asuka, and another would be Ayanami.

He began walking in her direction. At least he should say a proper goodbye to her.

Shinji spotted Ayanami's black plug suit from far away. She was sitting on the ground, curling into a ball. He ran towards her.

"Tears?" Ayanami murmured, her plug suit was flashing warnings due to low battery, "Am I, crying? Is this, Loneliness?"

Shinji stood beside her, "H-hello, I…about your name...I think…Ayanami is just Ayanami. I can't think of other ones." He knew about the truth of Ayanami. While he wasn't sure if Ayanami inside Unit 01 was still alive, he still decided to call this one Ayanami.

"Thank you, for coming up with a name for me." Alarm sound. "I'm happy, just like this." Beep Beep. "I can't live here, but I like it here."

"Ayanami?" He started panicking as he sensed her AT-Field weakening.

"I understand what is love now, very happy." Beep Beep.

"What is it, Ayanami?"

"I want to, mow rice; I want to, hold Tsubame again; I want to, stay together with the person I love…" BEEP. The battery was depleted.

"No…"

"Farewell…" Her AT-Field disappeared, body disintegrated into a pool of LCL.

"Ayanami!" Shinji knelt down beside the empty plug suit, "Stay together with the person you love…but I can't, either."

He knew what he felt for Asuka, but he didn't know what he should feel for her; nonetheless, there was one thing he knew very well.

He had to be alone.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"This IS a big ship," a villager exclaimed as Wunder slowly descended from the sky.

"People who want to leave are exiting the ship," Kensuke stated, "the decisive battle is coming."

Asuka watched in confusion as Shinji started boarding the ship. "Idiot, where do you think you are going?" She grabbed his wrist, stopping him immediately. "Asuka, I'm going to fight."

"NO YOU ARE NOT!" She knew what he would do in the battle; there were two possible outcomes, both of them includes her death. If WILLE won the battle, she would have to suicide since she was the last Angel; in that case Shinji would probably go crazy and initiate the fifth impact. If WILLE loses the battle – well he would also initiate the fifth impact. So, the best way to prevent this was to completely avoid him from entering the battle or Unit 01.

"But I have to go," Shinji didn't back down, "I will pilot Unit 01 to stop my fa-commander Ikari."

"YOU ARE NOT GOING TO PILOT AN EVA! AM I CLEAR?" Shinji hadn't seen her this angry for – well ever since he came back.

"I'm sorry, Asuka."

"Wha-" A flash of orange and she lost her consciousness.

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AN: Tsubame Suzuhara was Hikari and Toji's daughter. And we are finally moving into the final battle!