this chapter holds some delicate topics and conversations. pls be aware of this when you read it! thank you!
age: twelve
"You know why you were chosen, don't you."
The ceramic cup in her hands, filled with Tomoko's favorite tea (the one that she found disgusting and took small sips of in the hopes that the cup never had to be refilled), burned her skin. Nana welcomed the sharp pain, relishing in how it provided a distraction from this conversation. Tomoko rarely requested that Nana spend time with her, and Nana knew that the older woman was quite content with watching her child grow from afar. Yet on the rare occasions where she did request Nana's presence—one without Moe at her side and where the room almost seemed to resonate with the pure loathing that Tomoko sent her way—Nana knew nothing would be good.
"Yes." She said, bringing the cup to her lips and letting her tongue dart out to touch the steaming liquid. Gross, Nana fought the urge to wrinkle her nose at the sour taste that reminded her of soiled milk.
Tomoko hummed, obviously pleased with her response. Nana watched with narrowed eyes as Tomoko's pointer finger dragged lazily around the rim of her cup. The pleasant smile painting her lips contrasted with the malice that lingered in her eyes. Nana wasn't a fool—much like she believed Tomoko thought she was. Even after displaying how cunning she truly could be, Nana knew that her 'mother' only viewed her as a ditzy daughter who couldn't tell her right from her left…which Nana did struggle to do at times, but that's not the point.
"And why exactly were you chosen, Nana." Tomoko smiled, teeth bared and glare pointed at her.
The teacup clinked against the table and Nana folded her hands in her lap, meeting Tomoko's gaze without hesitating. When she was younger, Nana remembered hating the time she spent with her 'mother'. Tomoko would always go out of her way to point out something she found wrong with her. Most days, the sharp words were directed at her behavior or her clothing; but, on days where Tomoko was stewing with rage towards Moe or Akito—maybe both of them, if Nana was really lucky—she had no issue telling her daughter the flaws of her features. How ugly Nana looked when she smiled, how disgusting she looked when her nose crinkled, how her eyebrows were much too thin for her face, or how they could always afford the plastic surgery to fix these mistakes when she was of age.
"You're breasts are too small," She remembered Tomoko saying a few days after her twelfth birthday, "Gojou-san's not going to hesitate in finding a second wife. He's going to be too disgusted with your body to want to spend another night with you. Don't worry, dear," Nana truly wasn't, "Your father can always afford to fix that mistake of yours."
These…critiques—abusive slander by a woman whose too insecure of herself so she takes it out on a minor—never left the room. Nana knew that she could tell Moe the cruel comments Tomoko made, how she once threatened to scar Nana's skin so that no man would ever love her (Nana dared her to do it and silently laughed when Tomoko 'accidentally' knocked the teapot into her lap, a burn remaining on her upper thighs for a few days at most), or how she once slapped a seven-year-old Nana for asking why she had to marry Gojou Satoru. She just didn't want to. Tomoko was, in all other words, powerless when it came to her father and the Gojou clan. If her father found out what had happened in those rare moments the two spent alone, there was no question that her 'mother' would be put to death. Akito, Nana realized one fall day when she was nine, did not care for Tomoko and, if she died, truly wouldn't care.
"Because," Nana said, "I am expendable to the Gojou Clan."
It was nothing but the truth, there was no reason for it to hurt…and it didn't. Not once had Satoru shown that he cared for Nana in any way and, so, she figured that her death would mean nothing to him.
Tomoko laughed, and Nana was surprised to hear how genuine it was, "I'm glad you understand that, Nana. It'll make your life so much easier in the end."
Nana merely blinked at her, waiting for the woman to continue. Tomoko never went longer than an hour and, quickly glancing at the her phone that rested screen-side up next to her, she still had another forty-five minutes to go.
With an overly dramatic sigh, one that Tomoko probably thought Nana would take as sympathy, she reached over, and Nana felt her body tense.
"Nana," Tomoko cooed, gripping at her wrist, nails digging into the tender flesh there. Nana didn't react, though, she knew that's what Tomoko wanted her to do. Clenching her jaw, she let Tomoko pull her wrist forward, so that her hand rested on the table. The delicate skin mockingly stared up at her as she waited for her mother's next move, "Why are you so expendable? Why does the Gojou Clan find you so worthless? Why won't Gojou-san, the man who's supposed to love you, ever care about you?"
"Because," The words sounded robotic to her own ears, "It is my job to bear an Gojou-san an heir. To have a child with both Limitless and Six-Eyes is known to be incredibly taxing on the mother's body and, more often than not, both mother and child die."
A lazy smile spread Tomoko's lips further, her nails pressing deeper into her wrist. She would not cut her, Nana learned from experience, "Go on."
"As the child's mother, it will be my job to give them my life so that the Gojou Clan will have a surviving heir."
"And if Gojou-san decides to take on another wife—which he undoubtedly will do—who carries an heir when you fail to, what's your job?"
She swallowed, teeth grinding against one another. Nana hated Tomoko. She wished the woman who called herself her mother would just die. Akito would make it painful, too, if he found out what Tomoko was doing. Moe would probably torment the woman for days before she was put to death. You can't, Nana reminded herself, Just a little longer, you just have to wait a little longer and it'll all be worth it. You just have to wait until Moe tells you exactly what you need to know…just until you figure out where the birth certificates are.
"My job," Nana said, calm and without showing the irritation she felt inside, "Is to ensure that the child will survive."
"And what does that entail?"
"Giving my life up for the mother and the child. Making sure that she lives long enough to give birth and then guaranteeing that the child will be healthy." It was the truth, nothing more and nothing less.
"So," Tomoko sighed with a dreamy-like content that made Nana want to punch her in the face, "Why are you expendable?"
"Because I mean nothing. I'm only marrying Gojou Satoru so that he has an heir. If I die saving the child—whether it be mine or one of his wives—my job has been completed."
"Nana-chan," The words dripped from Tomoko's tongue like poison: sweet, easy to misread, and with a tone that had Nana subconsciously jerking back, "I'm glad you understand how worthless you are to them."
But how am I worthless if they need me to keep their clan alive?
There was something different about Gojou Satoru and Nana wasn't sure if she liked it or not. He was still quiet, still glowering at anybody who dared cross their paths, still rude, but he kept glancing at her with this…look in his eye. Nana wasn't sure what it meant and, quite frankly, she didn't really want to know at this point. He had, fortunately, interrupted her tea with Tomoko. Even if he interrupted them forty-five minutes into their hour, it still saved her from another fifteen minutes of her rants.
The grass felt nice underneath her feet, feeling like heaven after she walked across the boiling hot cobblestone path that led to the garden. Moe and the woman Satoru brought with him today—he never cared about their names, but Nana learned she was called Risa—trailed a few feet behind them. Close enough to keep an eye on them but far enough to not hear them.
"You're quiet today," Nana found herself saying, "It's a welcomed change."
"You're…" She didn't like how Satoru seemed to hesitate, it was too unlike him—too strange, "Less immature and," If she had been anyone else, she wouldn't have noticed how he slightly tilted his head to the side in thought, "Less annoying."
Nana scoffed, "Thanks."
Satoru, however, continued on as though he hadn't heard her, "I don't like it."
"Okay?" A crimson flower caught her eye and she made a mental note to ask her father what it was, "What do you want me to do about it?"
"I want you to stop."
Nana couldn't help it when she laughed. It was so strange, she found, that even though Satoru was the same age as her, he acted like a child. When he didn't like something, he expected it to change—or to stop—with a simple command. Humans, she realized late in their engagement, were not something he had experience with. Most likely sheltered and surrounded by Clan elders, 'servants', and his parents, Satoru was given both a life of luxury and pain.
"I'm afraid I can't just 'stop," Nana said, emphasizing the last word, "If I'm upset, I'm going to be upset. Even you, All Mighty Six-Eyes, can't do anything to change that."
Satoru strangely said nothing. From the corner of her eye, she caught the frown that twisted his rose-colored lips but didn't comment. The soft crunch of grass almost seemed to resonate throughout the garden. Nana wished that she could turn and walk with Moe…there was so much she wanted to discuss—so little time she had to discuss it.
"Why are you," Satoru hesitated as Nana's heart leapt in her throat. Never before had Satoru expressed interest in how she was feeling. Why the change? Something wasn't right. Why is he asking this now? This felt wrong. "Upset?"
She didn't want to say why—truly, she didn't. It was one of those situations where the last thing she wanted to do was talk to a person about her issues. All Nana wanted to do was curl up in her bed and drink the warm milk and honey Moe brought her since she was a child. She wanted to be in absolute darkness, maybe hidden underneath a blanket, and watch those cheesy, stupid rom-coms that Moe liked so much. In other words, Nana didn't want to be around other people.
But, if she was going to tell Satoru, then Moe couldn't be near. Not yet, at least.
Holding up her hand—a signal that meant that she wanted those following her to halt—she lead Satoru down a sharp turn and towards the wall covered in morning glories and lavender. There was no bench to sit on, not that Nana cared, and with a soft sigh, she lowered herself onto the stark green grass. Satoru regarded her with disgust, which she was expecting, as he remained standing. Nana didn't mind. Plopping a green apple candy in her mouth, she smiled at the sour taste that invaded her tastebuds.
"Satoru," She began, and he looked at her. It wasn't often that she ever called him his first name, nor was it common for her to not attach 'kun' or, if she felt like annoying him, 'chan'. He wasn't wearing his shades yet, something that she figured would come later, and meeting his sparkling, icy eyes was daunting enough. They were always so cold, never had she seen them with an inkling of warmth, "Do you think your Clan cares for you?"
Satoru regarded her carefully before answering, "Yes, they have to."
Ah, Nana mused, "Let me rephrase my question: do you think your Clan cares for you or do they care for the power you hold?"
Cold eyes didn't leave her questioning ones, his face emotionless. Nana wouldn't be surprised if this was the first time Gojo had to determine exactly why his Clan regarded him so highly. Yet…something told her that this was a question he often found himself asking. She wasn't blind to the days he'd come over covered in bruises. Sometimes the bandages that were wrapped tightly around him would be soaked with blood. Nana didn't hesitate to get new, clean ones. Not for him, however.
"What does it matter," Satoru scoffed, his brows narrowing, "They have to care about me."
Nana hummed at this, subconsciously picking at the grass or twisting the long strands around her lithe fingers. How much does he know, she wondered, and how much is he ignoring? The familiar scent of lavender surrounded her. Light, crisp, it was much nicer than the oils and perfumes Tomoko covered herself in. Moe always smelled like vanilla and when she was younger, Nana remembered curling up in her warm embrace.
She hated the smell of lavender.
"Do you know why your Clan chose me as your future wife? There are more than enough candidates in the Zen'in Clan, the Inumaki Clan—though not as well-known—wield strong heirs, I've heard the Kamo Clan has a rather powerful technique as well. I'm even sure there are women in the Gojou Clan that are better suited for bearing children with the Six-Eyes and Limitless." Her eyes never left his, the light color clashing with her darker one, "So why did your Clan chose the Oguri's?"
Her palms felt unusually sweaty, her heart pounding in her throat as her skin prickled. Nana wasn't sure why she was feeling so anxious, whatever the answer was, what did it matter in the end? She wanted to see, though, what Satoru knew—she wanted to know if her sacrifice would be in vain. There was a difference of marrying someone who wanted to live for themselves compared to marrying someone who only wanted to keep the same mentality of their Clan. If that was the case, Nana knew she was better suited to marry Naoya Zen'in. That blonde-haired crybaby she met a few years ago.
"Because," Satoru's voice was strong, unwavering, "We are indebted to your Clan and marrying me, the strongest, would be an honorable way to repay your kindness."
Nana yearned to scoff, but she didn't. Instead, she asked, "Why are you indebted to the Oguri Clan?"
"Why does it matter?" was Satoru's response, "The deal was made in the past, there's no reason to think about it now—especially when there's no benefit from wasting time thinking about it."
"Because," Nana glared at him, "There's a reason behind everything the Elders do. The sooner you understand that, the better off you are in the future. Do you really think the Elders care about you? Satoru, you are nothing more than a toy to them." With a sigh, she leaned back on the palms of her hand and stared up at him, "The Oguri Clan specializes in Reverse Curse Technique but, because of the drawback, it's rarely used and it's why we never attend school to become a true sorcerer."
Nana took Satoru's silence as means to continue, "The only reason why we're expected to marry is because of the children they want us to create. A child with Six-Eyes, Limitless, and my technique would truly be undefeatable. Once a child from us is born and has all these…skills, the Elders won't want you for anything anymore. Instead of becoming the strongest, you'll become nothing but a…a breeder. They'll want you to have as many children as possible with as many women as possible. It is your child that they want. Satoru, I hope you realize that, to them, you're nothing more than a sperm donor."
Emotionless and silent, Satoru looked the same as he did when she first met him. The blue of his eyes, ones she thought might be raging with an unspoken fire, appeared dull and dead. His hands laid limply at his side but the slight twitch if his pointer finger told Nana everything she needed to know. Brushing back a lock of hair that escaped her bun, her smile held nothing but pure malice.
"The reason why the Elders arranged our marriage was to ensure that all your children will survive. It is my job," The word fell emotionlessly from her lips, "To give my life for your child—to make sure that they are strong and vital. The Oguri Clan specializes in Reverse Curse Technique, yes, but my Technique allows me to take on whatever injuries a person may acquire. In a way, I'm like a dead girl walking. I'm nothing but a sacrifice."
Still smiling, Nana stood, brushing off the silk cloth that was wrapped around her figure. Satoru's gaze never left her, following her each and every movement as if she were about to do something unexpected. Not that she could, to be fair, his Limitless would stop her before she had the chance. Tucking her hands into the pockets of her dress—ones that Moe sewed in without anyone noticing—she grinned up at him.
"I guess it should be a blessing to be considered a sacrifice for 'the strongest'" She mocked him, "Unless, that is, you want to prove how powerful you actually are? How can the Gojou Satoru ever be considered the strongest if he never lives for himself, huh?"
There it is, Nana gleefully thought at the spark of fury that lit up the familiar blue of Satoru's icy irises, maybe this will put him on track. She was ready for him to defend himself, ready for him to claim that he didn't need her help in order to live and that he was the strongest—that the Elders were fools to think so poorly of him. But he didn't say that…he didn't even come close.
"I won't let you die for me," Satoru's voice was low, much lower than she ever heard it and chills ran down her spine, "And I'll never let our child be taken by them. If they think I'm strong now, I'm going to become undefeatable. If that's what it takes to have control of my life, I'm going to do it. Nobody will ever own me."
It was then that Nana realized she truly knew nothing about Gojou Satoru.
Hellooooo! The story is starting to get going! Whooooo! Please review and lmk your thoughts and opinions :)
yoru-kitsune2003: gracias! i'm not fluent in spanish yet, but I'm learning! I'm glad you like the story and i'm also really excited for the future (especially when megumi comes in!) I hope you like this chapter (and the development of gojou!)
Hashirama 1710: YES SHE DEFINITELY WILL! i cannot wait until megumi, nobara, and yuji enter the scene!
Guest: I totally get what you're saying. I've had some strawberries before and the larger ones do have more a water taste to them imo, but i get exactly what you're saying! thank you for those words about his childhood, i do worry that he seems to ooc bc of how he is currently but i really feel like his personality was completely different when he was a lil boy. I hope you like this chapter (and the reveal of her technique!)
DreamsOfTheDamn: youre username's so interesting, i like it! and thank you! things will be a bit heavy for a lil but they're definitely going to lighten up :)
Kayumeee: THANK YOU! and yessss gojou's so soft for nana it's so cute I can't haha. DOESN"T HE? i love kakashi tbh and i did draw from his personality because they're oddly similar imo. i can 100% guarantee you that this will not end sad. like, i pinky promise :)
Warlord of Chaos:...maybe she is, hehe! yes, nana is going to have a bit of a personality shift too and things are sorta gonna do a 180, but it'll be a good one, not a bad one! yeah LMAO the elders are gonna be cursing cause they done messed up. and dw! your english was really good!
hope you enjoy!
ana