Right. Egypt. Never been, love to go. It's actually part of Africa, but the closest I've ever been is Israel and Turkey, so that's still Asia and Europe. I've never visited Africa at all, and Egypt would be the most fun. This particular location is Giza, which is a tourist attraction because that's where all the pyramids are. Fun fact: During the time of the Mali Empire, ruler Mansa Musa gave away so much gold that its value dropped in Cairo. We won't be going to Mali, as you know, but Giza is a city just west of Cairo (the central area is less than 20 minutes away). The Nile is five miles away from where we land.

To the guest reviewer, I'm sorry, but you need to tell me how to fix up Episode 13 and Episode 21 before I do that. It was hard enough when I did it in Total Bubbly World Tour. Thanks also to lordgemini, AnonBrowser and IllusionSign (I'm sorry, but no – I don't actually see any appeal in Scott myself…not even sure why I did it because I never liked him all that much, even then).

Chris briefly explained to the contestants their first challenge, which was to get past a pyramid, either by going over or through (he said "under", but really, it's through) it. But before the race started, we heard another voice.

"Wait up, guys! Yo, wait up!" Ezekiel came skidding across the starting point. "I told you I wasn't gonna lose this time, eh?"

I said nothing. Chris scowled. "Didn't we leave you in, like, Halifax or Whitehorse or something?"

"It's called landing gear, homie." Ezekiel said proudly. "I climbed it, and hid with the cargo."

Chris still said he was out, but Ezekiel wasn't willing to listen. Either way, he still followed some of the groups into the pyramid.

"He's probably going to get lost and die in there, you know." I said, rolling my eyes at Chris.

Chris just shrugged. "Not my problem. I eliminated him, remember? He's officially out of my supervision. That means he's also not my responsibility because I'm not asking him to do anything. If anything happens to him, I'm not liable."

The camera crew followed everyone else, while Chris, clearly done talking about our homeschooled homeboy, started rapidly going through everything I needed to know before I started hosting in the next location.

"So I will let you know the location you're hosting in before we get there so you have time to prep an introduction," he began. "You'll start your hosting duties when we're thirty seconds over Tokyo." He grinned.

"So I'm hosting in Japan after we leave here?" I frowned. "How do I know what to say?"

"What? You don't make up the challenges. We have them all planned out already, and you'll know everything you need to tell the contestants. That's the easy part, anyway," Chris said. "What I'm going to do for your locations is supervise and critique you. Don't worry," he added, "I won't trash you unfairly. Well, I will, but you'll know what I don't mean. Seriously, I'll tell you what to stop doing and what to NOT stop doing."

"Okay." I nodded. "What else?"

"Reward challenges and elimination challenges are random this season." Chris went on. "You'll know, but under no circumstances will you tell the contestants what kind of challenge it is. You of all people should know contestants don't try as hard with reward challenges, Ms I-Can't-Study-If-I-Can't-Sleep."

I knew he was referring to the hospital movie challenge. Leshawna and Duncan had skipped out on that one, too, and we'd all gotten almost no symptoms of the disease everyone else had (Duncan and I got the laxatives and itching powder Chef had put in our pizza, but nothing else, and Leshawna ate no pizza and had no illness). I just shrugged.

Chris went on, "When you're not hosting, you've got choices. You can demo challenges if you want. As long as you don't change too much, you can help or hinder one or two contestants per challenge – just not a whole team. When you're hosting, you can decide if you want to allow cheating or not."

I nodded. Then I asked one more question. "What advantages do I get for this challenge if I'm not hosting?"

Chris shrugged. "You can stick with me if you want. Once the teams are formed, it's a race to and across the Nile. It's not something you can demo and I'm sure you don't want to walk in this heat, so you get a lucky break this time."

Well, that was something. And also, hosting in Japan would be pretty fun, and there was a reason Tokyo was the capital. It would probably be one of the more fun places to go, so I was starting off in a good place.

The first people to come out were Leshawna, Harold and DJ, who all ran out of the pyramid. By that time, interns had put down three numbers, so Chris told them all to stand behind the 1.

"In Egyptian, it's Waahid." Harold spoke up.

Still the dorky little know-it-all who didn't have a clue when to shut up. I gave him a sharp look and said "What do you mean, Egyptian? There is no language called Egyptian."

"I meant the language they do speak here. Modern Arabic, obviously." Harold shot back. "Gosh!"

The next ones to arrive were from the top of the pyramid. There was a sign that had been posted right at the top, and Bridgette, Lindsay and Alejandro surfed right down.

"Ladies, after you." Alejandro said, still catching his breath, but when he tried to follow them, Chris stopped him. "Not so fast. This season, three teams! Bridgette and Lindsay round out Team 1. Alejandro, you're the first member of Team 2."

"In Egyptian, it's eitnein." Harold spoke up again.

"Arabic." I muttered, but under my breath. There was no need for me to be mean to Harold again, if he didn't get the hint the first time.

"But, if it's any consolation," Chris went on, "You do get…"

As he spoke, Tyler tumbled down the side of the pyramid. Okay, that was about the worst display ever.

"Um, Tyler, is it?" Alejandro said, quite nicely.

Chris nodded, as two more people came screaming out of the pyramid. Noah and Owen.

Alejandro paused, looking at them. "That's…wonderful!"

I couldn't figure out if he was being polite or not. None of them had made that good of a display. I already could tell that Tyler was clumsy to the point of lethal, and I knew from last season and his showing in Season 1 that Owen was a goof who got by on dumb luck. I didn't know whether Noah was good at challenges, but I did know he wouldn't be pleasant company.

The next three came out of the pyramid, too. Sierra was carrying Cody, with Heather close behind. Sierra got put on the second team, and Heather and Cody were on the third one.
"In Egyptian-"

"No one cares, Harold." This time, it was Chris who stopped him. Even then, Harold still managed to tell us before the episode ended that three was "talata" in Arabic.

Chris wanted a musical reprise from everyone who wasn't done. Well, that being Gwen, Courtney and Duncan, who were arguing at the top of the period. This time, Duncan totally refused, declared he quit and went back to the plane. That was kind of a blow. I got on really well with Duncan last season and we'd had a lot of fun together. I was hoping for a repeat, even though we wouldn't get to hang out as much. Now it wasn't going to happen.

Ezekiel did make it out, covered in bandages like a mummy and carried by Izzy, who also ended up on the third team. Chris let Ezekiel back on because Duncan had quit (although he was put on Team One which gave them a numbers advantage), but I whispered to Chris "How about I try to get Duncan back on? Maybe if he doesn't have to sing again this episode he'll come back."

Chris shrugged. "You can try. We'll push him out before we leave Egypt if he doesn't go for it. When he gets back to Canada, we'll fly him out to wherever we are and then we'll get him back with us. Zeke'll be out first again, I bet."

That's why I warned Duncan about it when I went to talk to him. "You know, even if you quit, Chris is planning to fly you back out and force you back on the plane after pushing you out here. You're not getting a ride home, you know. We're going east, and Canada's back northwest."

Duncan shrugged. "I don't really care at this point. I don't have to go back to Canada, you know, not while I'm already out. I might have some fun while the season's still going on. It's all right for you, Toni. You don't have to do anything embarrassing that would ruin your cred. You're not changing my mind."

I shrugged. "Well, I'll miss hanging with you, but whatever. I guess maybe Courtney will give me less death glares. Maybe. Bye."

When I came out, the three teams were just announcing their names. Chris had, for once, let them choose their own names. "Team Victory!" cried the first team, the one of six.

"Team Amazon!" called out the group of girls plus Cody.

Team Two – mostly guys and Sierra – was still calling out names and arguing. Then, Sierra's voice rang out. "Got it! Team Chris Is Really Really Really Really Hot!"

"What?"

"Alright, best team name EVER!" Chris declared. He then gave them all rewards for finishing the first challenge. Team Amazon got a camel, Team Chris (yeah, what I'm going to call it) got a goat, and Team Victory got a stick.

"All will be explained if I feel like it," was Chris' only explanation for why the team that made it to the end first got a measly stick. It was time to end the episode. The race to the Nile Chris had told me about would be aired as its own episode, and it was time to wait around while everything was set up for it.

So that's Episode 1 done! You probably remember how close Toni and Duncan were (they were very good friends), so I wanted to add in a scene before Duncan left. It also explains why he didn't go straight back to Canada – because he knew Chris would drag him back onto the show if his location was known.

Also, I don't own the movie I referenced. Did you catch the title in there?