A/N: Well, here we are. First of all, two things: one, I'm sorry for writing this, and two, make sure you listen to Chord Overstreet's new song Stone Man before reading if you haven't yet! You can find the song on Youtube here!

This is one of the saddest things I've ever written. And I just want to say that I am angry, yes actually angry, that Sam and Mercedes weren't endgame because they deserved to be. I believe they were the most deserving couple to be endgame and Sam being left alone wasn't fair to him. And so yeah, anyways, I could rant about this for days. So instead, I'll let you get to the fic.

And I hope you enjoy! xoxo!

Samcedes Kiss Prompt

Passionate Kiss AND Starting With A Kiss Meant To Be Gentle, Ending Up In Passion

1

"So you're not, like, bummed out about me and her giving it a go?"

(stupid)

(idiotic thing to say)

He still said it though. He still uttered those very words and watched as Mercedes had barely flinched. She barely flinched and then they were talking about Rachel while his entire heart was breaking.

"I need you to help heal her heart."

Is what Mercedes had said.

He knew she felt something for him still. She had to haveof because she was still his entire world (and yes, he knows that that is not how feelings work, more often than not, they can be completely one-sided but not this time). He had seen the look on her face, it was mirrored in his own, the barely-kept-together façade that was the only thing from keeping the shattered pieces of his heart from hitting the floor.

"And yes, if it makes you feel any better-"

No, he didn't feel better. There was no 'better' for him in the future because she was his future and with every word that they had said during that conversation, they slipped farther and farther away from each other.

"-I am a little bit jealous."

He'd been crying at this point, except the crying that only happens on the inside. It's the crying that you feel but don't show because how are you supposed to show her how much your heart is breaking when she just said she's happy with some-

(Christian rock singer)

-other guy? So, his throat was clogged, and she could have probably (most definitely) heard it in his voice, the strain of trying not to show that he's crying, and she reacted, too.

He watched her eyes flutter – a sign that she's shocked but trying not to show it and he just wanted (still does) to hold her like he used to be able to. To feel her warmth and kiss her skin.

God, he sang that song to her and her smile lit his world on fire, and he was prepared to watch it all burn away. But instead, she'd picked up right where she had left off smashing his heart.

He wasn't (and isn't) even mad at her (hadn't been then and still isn't now), not one bit. How can he be? She's happy and he truly wants to support her, but he's not sure that he can do that without himself buckling under.

And to add salt to his gaping wound, he couldn't help but crack some jokes and ask about this Christian guy who is so special because he won't have sex with her. And he regrets it when Mercedes joked back with him, bruising his ego entirely.

But her laugh had been worth it, right?

He's crying now, though, and there is no one around to see it so he doesn't bother holding it in. The tears slip over his cheeks and some fall off of his chin, or they continue to slide down his cleanly shaven neck.

It's not the first time that he's cried and thought about that conversation from three years ago. It's not the first time that he's cried for Mercedes Jones and he knows that it certainly won't be the last.

He takes in a gulping breath, one that forces his shoulders to shake and shiver as his next exhales comes out as a sob. There's no one – he has no one – around to hear him, so he doesn't cover up the noise and he doesn't try to quiet himself.

Sam is in his simple apartment (one bedroom-bathroom, small living area and kitchen) in Lima, Ohio and Mercedes is wherever she is in the world, living her best life being the amazing star that he always knew that she was. Even while she was still just some high school girl in a backwater town in the Midwest, he knew she had something in her that made her special.

It made her special to him. And he vowed that even if the world wouldn't wake up enough to realize it, then he would never let her forget it. Good thing the world is at least smart enough to not let her slip through its fingers.

He gets up from his couch, ignoring the small pile of mail on the coffee table in front of him, and grabs his guitar from its stand in the corner of the bare room.

His apartment is dark (because it's late and he should be sleeping but he'd gotten back from the school faculty gathering way later than he usually does and he just can't sleep now that he's here and remembering) and doesn't have a lot of furniture either. He keeps meaning to buy another chair or couch or something, but he doesn't have company often – no one wants to leave New York and come back to Ohio – and so why should he fill his place up with furniture that no one will sit on?

He sits back down and strums a few chord and sighs. Now that he's focusing on what he's about to play, he isn't crying as hard anymore, but that doesn't mean he can't feel the drying tracks of his sadness running down his face. His chest constricts as the familiar chords start up.

"I'm a stone man," his voice cracks a little on the first long note because he hadn't warmed up at all and has been crying, but he just ignores it.

It's a song that he will never sing outside this room because the only person he wants to sing it to will only be hurt by its words. And he doesn't want to hurt her anymore, he wants to be a man and be able to support her, but he can't- he can't.

The last time he sang her a song, not even one of his own, she had smiled her beautiful smile sitting on that bench on the stage of the auditorium and he was glad that he had thought of turning the lower stage lights on before he'd asked her to meet him there so that he could clearly see her wonderful face.

And he'd meant every word of that song, he really did (still does) long to be close to her. It was a romantic song, and he was pouring his heart out to her, but that was before he knew about-

(Christian rock singer)

-her boyfriend, the person she'd been (is) seeing. God, he'd felt so foolish after that. He'd sungHe's song to her, trying to get her back, and she wasn't even available.

"Floating under the water…"

And he does feel like he's under water, like he's drowning. The walls feel too close to him and every time he hears about her – about how happy or successful she is – he wishes that he could just be happy for her and not feel like his lungs had sucked in more of the water that is slowly drowning him.

"And it's lonely way down at the bottom…"

He looks around at his dark and empty apartment. He doesn't spend much time here and tries to keep himself busy with the glee club – the kids of McKinley High do keep him busy most of the time – and usually it works at keeping him distracted. Then there are nights like these when he can't help but feel.

"Most nights got me feeling like this,
Now I'm feeling like this again…"

He hates this. He hates feeling like this and he hates his song, but his fingers know the notes so easily – like muscle memory. Has he really played it that much? Probably.

He glances down at the piece of mail that had triggered these feelings to come back to him with a vengeance tonight. The words Save the Date! are forever etched into his corneas.

Her full name is so pretty in the font that they chose for these wedding invitations, though. Everything about her is beautiful.

"Most times when I'm dealing with this,
I just wish it was different…"

Oh, how he wishes it were different. He wants so very much for things to be different.

He wishes that he were selfish enough to try to get her back one more time before it's too late forever. He wishes that he could crash their wedding, right as the pastor is asking if anyone has any objections.

"I do, your honor!" Sam would stand up andin say, acting as if he were in a court room and not a church, hoping to get a humorous eye roll of laugh from the woman in his dreams.

He'd walk right up to the alter, rudely cut in between both of them – which would be meant romantically, of course – and profess his love for Mercedes Jones and beg her to marry him instead.

And she would say yes. She would grab his hand and they would run down the isleaisle together, his cheap suit jacket opening up and flowing behind him along with the pretty (like her) white train of her dress. They'd be free and flowing, running towards the rest of their lives together.

And he'd stop, right before they passed through the doors of the church and listen to the guests of the wedding-that-wouldn't-be-happening stand up in exclamation (except their friends would be cheering them on, Blaine, Kurt, Tina, Artie, Santana, Mike, Mr. Schue – all of them would be happy for the two of them). And Sam would stop them, just to rub it in Christian rocker's and his family's faces, and he would hold her face so gently and kiss her like he has wanted to for years.

A kiss that starts as a peck, but then they don't separate. A kiss that presses their lips together – his lips instantly warming from the heat of their love that blooms throughout his entire body – and doesn't make either of them want to pull away. A kiss that neither of them wants to end.

Mercedes would bring her hands up to his arms and wrap her soft fingers around his wrists, keeping his hands on her skin. Their lips would move together, as perfect as they had that first time they made out – they'd been in her room, her mother stepped out to go grocery shopping trustingand trusted them to behave. Sam hadn't been aware that she was leaving when Mercedes had invited him over and he had been surprised but not upset about the kissing. They weren't experienced with each other then, but they are now.

Yes, now their lips press and pull at each other. At first, they would be dry and sticking together (creating the sweetest of stings) and then, after Sam swipes his tongue across her bottom and lip and then yes the kiss is so much smoother.

A kiss that would make Mercedes feel loved and cherished by Sam with everything that he has. And he has a lot for her, he is willing to give her everything that he has ever been able to, and this kiss would tell her that. She would know, after a kiss like this.

Eventually they would have to pull away, the kiss not lasting nearly long enough, and escape the church properly before the riot at the alter descends onupon them.

So, they bust out of church's wide doors with twin smiles and her laughter sounds just like itis always has: his perfect song.

But alas, things aren't any different.

He's just here singing in a room by himself.

"How can I get back to when you were mine?
It's haunting me…"

When they were much younger and singing Summer Nights with the glee club. That summer that they spent together, before his family left and everything got so messy.

When they reconnected back in New York, when he thought he'd finally gotten everything that he was searching for in life.

"How do I get back to the surface in time?
I'd do anything…"

And he would do anything, right now.

Perhaps not moving to New York, when Blaine offered, wasn't the way to go. He can't help but wonder if he should'vehe'd taken his best friend up on his offer and moved back to the city that moves too fast with too many people for the chance that the love of his life would be there waiting for him.

He misses their place; his, Mercedes'sMercedes, and Blaine's place. The three of them together was amazing. So much fun and it was so muchsuch happier. He wonders if it would be the same if he was the one third-wheeling with Kurt and Blaine.

He could drown faster in all of these what ifs if he keeps going down this path.

"I'm a stone man
floating under the water,
And it's lonely way down here at the bottom…"

He feels like all of his friends have moved on without him, left him back here in Lima. Even though he knows that's not true, he knows that his friends – Blaine, Artie, Tina – they all love him just as much as they always have and that he was the who chose to stay back in Limahere.

Still, he can't help that he feels like a stone, sinking to the bottom of the ocean.

It's nights like these that he really lets his self-pity in. He would never voice any of this out loud to anyone (or sing them this song which is why he's never written it down and only knows the notes and words from memory) because he knows that his feelings are unfair to a lot of people.

He still can't help feeling them, though.

"Reaching out with an ocean between us…"

And literal ocean right now because he's pretty sure that Mercedes is touring in Europe right now.

An ocean and one man.

"I don't know if I'll ever be saved…"

He's not sure if he'll ever feel love for another person like he loves Mercedes Jones. He loves her with everything that he has. He loves her in every way that someone can love another person and he doesn't know what to do about it anymore.

"I'm a stone man floating under the water…"

So, he tucks it away until he can't. He's gotten so good at this pattern ofor pretending when he needs to and then when he can't- when he can't, he sings.

"I'm fine if you ask how I've been
But I'm numb from the medicine…"

He's sure that his friends have noticed. At least Blaine has.

Last week, during one of their regular skype calls, Sam had let it slip that he hasn't been with anyone (he said it as a joke, acknowledging the fact that Blaine has been getting more action as a married man than Sam has in a while) and he had seen the look on his best friend's face. It wasn't one of humor.

"Sam, you know you are good-looking, right? Go out and get yourself a girlfriend," he'd tried.

Sam couldn't say what he wanted: I don't want a girlfriend, I want my forever.

But, of course, he couldn't say that, so he gave some lame response and changed the subject. It worked then and Sam hasn't thought about the conversation again until now.

He doesn't want his friends or anyone in his life to be worried about him. He'll be fine, he knows it. Things are just hard and he still is so in love with her that it hurts.

"There's no sound when the bomb goes off,
But it burns underneath my skin…"

He thinks about how he had tried to keep the tears at bay during his conversation with her on the stageauditorium that they used to perform together on. How he had to clear his throat before cracking his joke so that she wouldn't hear the emotion in it.

And he thinks about how quickly it had been after she walked away that his dam broke and he couldn't do it. He couldn't hold back that emotion and it came pouring out while he sat under those stupid stage lights. He'd come so close, but she was still so much farther aheada head of him. It left him in a pit of his own despair.

How it had felt so suffocating to hold all of those emotions back from her. He knew even then, after that very conversation, that he would have to be her friend – and only her friend. He had to hide his love for her and act like he wasn't one tip away from exploding.

"How do I get back to when you were mine?
It's haunting me,
How do I get to the surface in time?
I'd do anything…"

He's not crying hard enough to sob, not anymore, but his tears have resumed their usual paths down his face.

The summer between his sophomore and junior year, the summer after his first year at McKinley and after he had been stupidly bouncing between other girls (one of them a lesbian, for Christ's sake) was one of the best summers he had experienced (even though he was homeless then). It was the best because it was the beginning of him and Mercedes.

It was their first kiss. The first time they held hands. The first time they had gone out on a date. HeIt was Mercedes's first real boyfriend and it was the first time Sam had felt like he was in love. He may not have known it then, but he certainly felt like she was his forever even then.

A forever he won't ever get because of-

(stupid Christian rock singer)

-of reasons that he hadn't been able to explain to her well enough to make her stay, like how he didn't need sex to love her. For reasons that neither of them could control, like the color of their skin. And it was unfair how much that hurt.

He sings through the chorus one last time and thinks about the time he came up with the very first lyric. It had been a month into her first tour, some time has passed, and everyone had moved away again (Blaine, Kurt, and Rachel off to New York, Tina and Artie off to California, Mike and Quinn back to school, and Puck back into the service) and things were quiet here again. Too quiet.

It gave him time to think and time to miss her while he watched her dance and perform through the screen of his TV, sometimes crying tears ofor joy at her success and other times just crying because it hurt too much to hold back.

It was one of those nights when everything was building and building, and he didn't know what to do. He felt like he was drowning and no matter how hard he tried to kick his way back to the surface – he had just gottengot back from a date with a new girl that hadn't gone as well as he'd hoped (not her fault though) – nothing could get him to stop feeling like he was sinking.

He had been sitting on the couch that he is now when the first lyric, which is also the last line, came to him as he watched Mercedes Jones – wonderful, powerful, and entirely famous Mercedes – on the TV during her third or fourth show on her year-long tour.

It was when he first felt like he was drowning.

"I'm a stone man, floating under the water…"

2

Four months later and Sam has, once again, plastered his goofy smile upon his face and brought his optimism and left all those other heavier weights back home for the wedding. He was almost successful in lying to himself about that last part, though. There was no escaping the emotions that are weighing him down because they are very much a part of him, just as his love for her is (often they are clouded together).

He sits in the audience, next to Blaine, at the edge of the church pew and is respectful and welcoming to everyone he sees.

It's times like these that he wonders just how far he could have made it in the acting business if it had been his passion, because, damn, nobody has hinted at the fact that he seems even a little off; even when he feels like he is damn-near out of breath entirely. Like the water of his emotions that have been drowning him for years are almost to the end of their mission and he doesn't know if he'll survive this night.

He doesn't know if he'll survive because Mercedes looks so good he wants to cry. Her beautiful white dress glows against her melanin-rich skin and her hair is done so elegantly. She looks angelic.

He chokes on his breath and his lungs struggle to fill up-

(oh God, this is it, I'm finally going to die from drowning-)

-as she walks past him on her way down the aisle. She isn't looking at him, she's turned the other way to smile at someone from the other side of the church, and he's glad that she can't see how close he is to breaking apart, how far down he has sunken for her.

And then they are all sitting again, and she is standing up so tall under the alter.

Sam coughs into his hand to cover up a sob that manages to escape his tight grasp, but no one even spares him a glance. Blaine, the only one sitting close enough to even hear him over the sounds of the pastor starting the ceremony, is too busy wiping away his own tears to pay attention to Sam's.

If only he were only crying over how beautiful the ceremony and the bride is.

Sam's chest constricts painfully when the pastor asks if there are any objections, his fantasy of taking Mercedes away is forcing itself to the front of his mind as there is a polite pause where no one says anything. He can't- won't do it because he isn't that selfish. He isn't going to ruin her big day (the happiest day of her life) just to be able to kiss her one more time.

And oh, does he wish he could kiss her. Touch her beautiful face and show her how he feels, how much she is still his only forever.

But no, he is merely a stone man at the bottom of an ocean.

So, he claps and cheers as the newly married couple walk hand-in-hand down the aisle towards their own future together. He pretends to feel nothing but happy for them and if he hums the notes of his own private song while the noise and chaos of the church is loud enough that his voice won't be heard, then that's no one's business but his own.

Songs That Inspired Me to Write This:
• Stone Man by Chord Overstreet
• All I Want by Kodaline
• They Long to Be Close to You by "Glee Cast" (a.k.a. Sam Evans)

What songs do you listen to when you read or write?

I hope you enjoyed! Let me know how you feel about this with a review or two! 3 3 3