"Doctor, you mean, I definitely can't have a baby?" Marilla's lip quivered.
"I mean, if you haven't had one yet and are trying for a baby then you may not. Miracle babies are common though. I'll give you two some time. Stay as long as you like." He left with a sorrowful look on his face.
Marilla sobbed her heart out on Matthew. He held her tight, wanting to be strong for her, but he too shed tears. Both being orphaned at an older age, they had wanted to have lots of children of their own. It would've made them feel less alone in the world.
"I'm so sorry Matthew. What kind of a wife am I, that can't even give you children?"
"Don't talk like that. It could very well be on my side and if that's the case then I'm sorry that I can't give you children."
Saddened they went home and fell asleep in each other's arms.
A few monotonous years went by and they fell into a routine. Life became a cycle of house work, farming and sleeping.
When a frantic Rachel came pounding on Green Gable's door, Matthew and Marilla were just sitting down for supper.
"Rachel? What's wrong?"
Rachel nearly collapsed onto Marilla who held her friend.
"It's James! He got trampled under the horse's hooves!" She cried while Marilla tried to offer her support.
"I need you to watch the children while the doctor tends to him," she wiped her eyes on her apron.
Matthew spoke then, "of course, we would be happy to. Anything else we can do for you, you just let us know."
"Thank you Matthew, thank you Marilla." She left teary eyed and came back shortly with the other 5 children in tow.
With a quick kiss on each of the childrens' heads she left.
"Will James be alright, Aunt Marilla?" Caleb asked, who at the age of nine was a very solemn child, wise beyond his years.
"I sure hope so, Caleb. Here let me show you all where you'll be sleeping. I was going to put you and your brothers downstairs and then the girls, minus Lily in the east gable."
Ruthie piped up then, "but where will Lily sleep?"
"I'm going to have her sleep in my room with Uncle Matthew and I. She's too little to sleep in a bed unsupervised, I would be afraid that she would fall out!"
Ruth was quite offended by this, at six years old she was a sassy thing, "I and Nellie can supervise her just fine! I'm six now!"
"It's Nellie and I, and I'm sure you can but I would just feel better if uncle Matthew and I watched her, alright?"
"Okay," Ruth sulked until Marilla offered her a scone.
Lily was the baby of the Lynde family and was an easy going, happy, one and a half year old.
"When will Uncle Matty be here?" Thomas whined.
"He'll be here soon. He just wanted to finish with some things in the barn for the night. Why don't you all get ready for bed?"
It was a bustle of nightgowns and pajamas as the children got ready and when they were all ready for bed, Marilla tucked them in their respective rooms.
Marilla handed Lily to Matthew when he came in and he read the boys Bible stories; book in one hand, baby in the other.
"Alright. Good night boys," Matthew said as he ruffled their hair.
"Should I pray for James?" Thomas asked with big eyes.
Marilla hugged him, "yes, you should pray very hard for his safety."
They did the same thing with the girls and Nellie had a quick cry on Marilla's lap. She and James were very close. Marilla quietly comforted her and soon she stopped crying and listened as Matthew read the story of Joseph.
After they prayed with the girls, the Cuthberts went to bed, carrying Lily with them.
She wouldn't settle down in the basket that Thomas had carried her over in and eventually Marilla conceded and brought her into bed with Matthew.
She snuggled down between Marilla and Matthew easily enough and fell asleep.
This was the first time in years that Marilla and Matthew were sleeping sorta apart.
"She has Thomas's eyes, don't ya think?"
"Mm, yes, Matthew. She does. Poor thing is probably so confused as to where her mama is. Goodnight Matthew."
"Goodnight, dear."
Marilla had just drifted off to sleep when a loud wail pierced the air.
"Waaaaaa! Ma!" Lily cried and screamed for Rachel, kicking her legs and shaking with sobs. It was a pathetic sight but one couldn't help but feel sorry for the little girl.
Marilla held Lily against her chest and quietly shushed her. It didn't work and she still screamed and cried...
In the morning, Marilla woke up downstairs in the rocking chair, the baby asleep in her arms. She thanked the lord that she hadn't dropped the child.
Matthew quietly padded down the stairs and whispered, "did she finally fall asleep?"
"Mm, yes, the bairn cried herself to sleep. Poor soul."
After a rather noisy breakfast, Marilla sent the children out to play and wiped the porridge off of Lily's face and hands.
Around lunchtime, Marilla spied Thomas coming up the lane. His shoulders sagged and he looked like he had been crying.
She raced out to meet him "surely he's alright?!"
Thomas shook his head, "the hoof went right t-throu-" he broke down and Marilla hugged him in sympathy.
After a few moments he let go and wiped his eyes, "he was such a beautiful boy. Marilla, how do I tell the children?"
Marilla had no words and they walked to the house; tears were streaming down both of their faces.
They told Matthew first and he cried with them.
The Cuthberts gave the Lyndes some privacy and took a walk, each in their own thoughts. They turned around and went home after some time.
"Where is Lily?" Thomas asked when they arrived back, he somehow had all of his children on his person and it was obvious that they had been crying.
"She's upstairs napping, I'll wake her so you can see her," Marilla offered.
Thomas held up his hand, "don't, you never wake a sleeping baby. Is it alright if you keep her here until she wakes up? Rachel will probably be willing to see people by then."
"I'd be happy to keep her here."
When it was time, Marilla went over with the baby. She had shed her own tears, now it was time to be there for Rachel.
Rachel cried against Marilla, her shoulders shaking.
Marilla said nothing and just held her.
They buried him in the Avonlea cemetery next to his older sister, who was a stillborn when she came out.
The house was eerily silent when the Lynde children went home and the Cuthberts felt more alone than ever in the world.
The years after were full of sorrow for the Lyndes, but they did have three more children: Two boys and one girl.
Meanwhile Marilla and Matthew worked and cleaned as life slowly went back to normal for them.
One day, when Marilla was about to turn thirty-eight, she examined herself closer in the mirror. Her face was no longer the face of a young care-free girl. She was still a young lady, but there was a presence of a seriousness that didn't used to be there. Her youthful smile had been replaced by a sad smile, which was still beautiful to
Matthew, but it wasn't the same to her.
She went to her chamber pot and noticed that her blood hadn't come yet. As she got dressed she wondered. Thirty eight was much too young for menopause...could it be? She decided to want longer before she told Matthew.
The next week she threw up every morning and then was fine, except for fact that she was exhausted all the time. Matthew would come in to find her asleep as the table, her needlepoint still in her hands.
"Mar are you alright?" He asked, after the fifth day in a row that he found her like that.
"Mm oh," Marilla started, "I'm sorry. I'll get tea ready right now..."
"Mar," Matthew put his hand on her arm to stop her from getting up, "is something the matter? I've heard you sick in the mornings all week. Do you want to go to the doctor?"
"I suppose I should," Marilla told him, but while he thought she should go because she was truly sick, she wanted to go to see if she was pregnant. She refused to hope, but could she be? There had been so many times before that she thought she was, only to have her blood come soon after.
They went to the doctor both with very different thoughts.