In honor of my birthday week, I give you a light-hearted, longer than usual chapter. Enter Theo Nott and all his sass…

Betawork done by december_noon, Kindajew/datingstilinski1967, rosenymphadoraweasley5, and crookshankscrew.

I want to thank everyone that has left a comment/kudos. I wrote this for me, but I love seeing your thoughts and knowing you all are enjoying the journey so far!

peace and love,

sam

Slytherin.

The word taunted her from the page. It wasn't her first choice. No. It was dead fucking last on the list. What kind of sick joke was this? Sending famous Muggleborn war heroine Hermione Granger straight into the snake pit.

As we are all aware tensions will likely run high, we've tried to take that into consideration when determining your placements. What a load of shite.

Sure, she'd gotten to know some of the Slytherins over the summer as a result of their parole. And yes, she'd developed a soft spot for some of them. But it wasn't like it was mutual!

Ginny and Parvati came into the room while Hermione was attempting to burn a hole through the parchment with her eyes. Or at least, will the word to change.

"What's the verdict?" Ginny asked from the doorway.

"Padma sent word that she's going to Hufflepuff of all places. She couldn't be more opposite from a Hufflepuff if she tried. And Seamus going to Ravenclaw has to be a last-ditch effort to force him to absorb some of the curriculum by osmosis." Parvati rambled on to fill the silence while she bustled about the room, getting ready for bed herself.

Hermione listened to her roommate go on and on about the program and whose results they knew so far. The Hogwarts gossip mill really did act quickly. The assignments thus far: Seamus to Ravenclaw, Padma to Hufflepuff, Michael Corner and Hannah Abbott to Gryffindor, and Ernie MacMillan to Slytherin. No one had heard from the two Slytherin participants yet. Probably because no one wanted to talk to them.

At least none of the Slytherins were being sent to Gryffindor. The other houses would probably be fine with Davis and Zabini as they were both fairly neutral parties in the war.

"Hermione? Where's your placement?" Ginny was now fully in the room and standing in front of Hermione. That all too familiar look of concern on her face again. Gods, she was tired of seeing that look.

"Slytherin."

"I beg your fucking pardon! No. Absolutely not." Ginny ripped the parchment from her hands and glared at the house name.

"Before you ask… no, I am not dropping from the program. No, I am not using my name to get a different assignment. I'll just go and keep my head down. This stupid festival will hopefully keep everyone from being too vicious." Hermione shrugged as she pried Ginny's fingers from the parchment and rolled it back up.

"How are you so calm?"

"Because I understand why it's me." And she did. It made sense, even though she was angry that she was being used as a pawn. "I wasn't here last year so the animosity between me and the Slytherins isn't as great. I've been bullied and ignored, but not Crucio'd by my classmates. Plus, I fought for some of them at their trials. I think the Governors are hoping that all of that will have garnered some goodwill."

Ginny nodded along. As Hermione ticked off points, the anger faded from both witches. Parvati was being eerily quiet during this, though she was likely taking notes to spread this story around the school tomorrow. A gossip to the bitter end.

"Don't tell the boys until after I'm gone. I'm too tired to fight with them about this tonight. Just... tell them I was asleep when you came up and you don't know where I'm going yet." Hermione pleaded. Harry would be stoic in his anger. Plotting all the ways to get her out of it. Ron… well, his anger had never been a subtle affair, and she'd pushed him enough today.

"Okay… just— be careful. Promise me that." Ginny released a heavy sigh as she extended her pinky. Harry and Hermione had fully pulled Ginny into the Muggle world and she'd latched onto the concept of pinky promises. Claiming they held the same weight as an Unbreakable Vow, just without the instant death.

"Promise." Hermione reached up to link her pinky with Ginny's. They held it for a while until Ginny pulled her into a hug.

"Oh good, we're hugging!" Lavender Brown shrieked as she walked into the room. She immediately joined in on the hug, much to the dismay of Ginny and Hermione.

Things with Lavender were… complicated. Hermione still didn't like her and found her to be an annoying gossip at the best of times. However, Hermione had saved her life during the war. Greyback hadn't been transformed when he attacked Lavender, so she wouldn't be forced to deal with lycanthropy. The deep, purple scars across her neck and shoulder, though, would always be a constant reminder of how close she'd come to death. After Lavender found out what Hermione had done for her, she'd latched on. Sending baked goods and flower arrangements. Tracking Hermione down in Diagon Alley and forcing her into lunch. And inserting herself into moments like this one.

Hermione didn't have the heart to turn her away. It didn't mean she enjoyed these doses of Lavender Brown's adoration, though.

Ginny managed to extract herself from the hold and high-tailed it from the room, purposefully ignoring Hermione's glare at leaving her trapped.

—

The next morning, Hermione woke early to pack her trunk and prepare it to be sent to the dungeons with a locking charm. She didn't know who her roommates would be or how much she could trust them not to go through her things. Practical jokes were common and Hermione didn't really want to go through the first week of classes with charmed uniforms or searching for her knickers.

With her book bag slung over her shoulder—feather-light charms really were a girl's best friend—Hermione left the dormitory and crept through the common room. One glance back through the portrait hole and then she was officially gone for the term. Each step she took felt like a weight dropping from her shoulders.

She could breathe. She could relax. It was an odd sensation to feel knowing where she was headed.

You've survived worse.

It had become her mantra these past few months. If she could handle Bellatrix Lestrange, then she could certainly handle some elitist, bigoted teenagers.

Hermione met up with Ernie MacMillan on the final staircase down to the dungeons. The Hufflepuff was pacing back and forth at the entrance muttering to himself, apparently working up the nerve to take the final steps into the snake pit.

Hermione stepped in his path and Ernie jumped, letting out a high-pitched squeak.

"They sent you to Slytherin?" Ernie finally managed to ask, wide-eyed. Hermione just responded with a shrug and made her way down the stairs. Turning back to Ernie, Hermione gave him an encouraging look. "You coming?"

"I'll be in momentarily. I just… need some time to prepare"

"Suit yourself. Don't take too long though or I may have to send a search party." Ernie blanched at the idea and Hermione suppressed a chuckle as she provided the password and pushed through the stone wall entrance.

The Slytherin common was both predictable and surprising. Predictable in its black and deep green furnishings. The room screamed old money and elegance. All the pieces were probably antiques and worth more than Hermione's childhood home. The floor-to-ceiling windows that provided a view into the Black Lake created an interesting lighting scheme. It was a sunny morning, but the light filtering in was tinged green. Even nature seemed to bend to the colour scheme down here.

The surprising bits were the homey touches and sense of… liveliness. She'd always imagined the common room would be reminiscent of country clubs where people talked quietly while sitting primly on the edge of their seats. But no, people were lounging on all these antique pieces and yelling across the room. Each group was animated and comfortable. Not to mention that some students seemed to be organizing a snack bar and… oh, an actual bar as well. Good to know.

She was too caught up in tracking the movements of iridescent fish through the windows to notice that she was walking directly into someone. Hands grabbed her waist to steady her.

"We have got to stop meeting like this, Granger."

Malfoy.

His hands were lingering again. As she met his gaze, she expected to see annoyance or irritation. Maybe that same cold detachment from the train. Instead, she was met with a hint of amusement in his eyes and that old smirk graced his lips. Why was his face so close to hers? More importantly, why didn't she care?

"Sorry," she murmured. She didn't really know what she was apologizing for. Running into him or being this close.

"I'm really starting to worry for your safety if walking seems to be this much of a challenge for you. The stone floors are slippery, you know?" He was still holding her.

Words. She knew them. She should maybe use some of them.

"Yes, well. I guess I've been a little distracted recently." She let out a nervous chuckle and he finally let her go. He appeared reluctant to back up though.

"Thanks. For saving me from myself. Again." She could have left it at the pleasantries. But, Hermione was determined to make progress on the tentative accord they'd built. They'd be sharing a common room now. "Have you developed a hero complex I should know about? I seem to always make friends with that sort."

She panicked. His face did a weird thing as if he was quickly cycling through too many emotions and his expressions couldn't keep up. Fuck, was teasing out of line? Didn't they agree to be friendly?

"I—well—um—"

"My goodness, if teasing you made you speechless, I would've done this years ago." The pink tint to Draco's cheeks was just spurring her on. She'd never seen him blush before. "Tell me… is it the alleged heroic antics, or is it the comparison to my friends that's causing this?"

"Maybe it's not the teasing…" Malfoy's eyes widened. "I don't know why I said that. Not that being around you isn't enough to drive someone to be speechless. Typically, because you're rambling and no one can get a word in edgewise. Obviously. No other reason… aside from the rambling. Much like I'm doing right now. Would you care to slap me again? Maybe just to make me stop talking. Because I clearly can't seem to stop myself."

Malfoy's short-circuiting was cut off by the appearance of Ernie. That boy had terrible timing. But maybe she could salvage this conversation and pull Malfoy aside. Figure out where they stood. That idea was shot down though with the next intruder.

"Granger! And…MacMillian. You're here, too," a lanky brunette boy announced as he barged into the room. "Well don't loiter in doorways like an unenthused Draco. Theo Nott, resident welcome wagon of Slytherin House." Theo offered a hand to both of them, but quickly withdrew and brought the hand to his chest. "Yes, it is your pleasure to meet me. Let's get you settled into your rooms."

Theo pointed a singular finger at Ernie and began walking toward him. "Macmillan, you're bunking with me and Mr. Tall, Pale, and Angsty over there. Turn left at the stairs and follow the dismal aura of malaise. Go on." Theo waved his hands in the Hufflepuff's direction to shoo him in the general direction of the dormitories.

As soon as Ernie had left the common room, Theo rounded on Hermione. "Now Granger, you'll get the VIP tour. Daph, would you mind taking Granger's things to your room? Such a peach you are." Daphne Greengrass, a petite blonde from their year, silently walked up and took Hermione's bag. The girls shared a sheepish look.

Just go with it I guess.

"Allow me to give you the lay of the land, Golden Girl. Pay attention, as we'll only be doing this once. What am I saying? This is you. Of course, you'll pay attention." Theo shook his head.

"I'm sure someone could make you a diagram. It won't be me, as my crafting skills are atrocious." Theo took up a stance behind her and placed a hand gently on her shoulder. With each introduction, he gently spun her to the appropriate place.

"Over there you have your firsties and their second- and third-year corruptors. Best to leave the children to their own devices. Survival of the fittest and all that." Theo sighed as if he could eliminate the idea of children in the common room with sheer force of will—or blatantly ignoring them.

With a look of disdain, he moved on. "Marking their territory in the corner are the Quidditch jocks surrounded by the wannabes and groupies—notice the way the groupies wear Quidditch jerseys to stake their claim. Completely dull conversation but we tolerate them solely because they win things and we get to throw parties." At this, Theo shrugged and sent her a knowing look.

Merlin, were Slytherin parties as wild as Gryffindor ones or should she expect… opulence? Hermione fought off images of Gatsby-styled revels to focus on Theo's continued tour.

"Preening by the bookshelves are the Pureblood Princesses. They don't actually read the books, but the area does have the best lighting in the room, so they naturally hog the space. Unless you're an eligible bachelor with a sizable Gringotts vault, don't bother with them. That, of course, leaves the best people you'll ever meet," Theo gestured to himself, Malfoy, and Pansy, "and the worst." Theo directed her attention to Astoria Greengrass and a group of seventh and eighth-year students Hermione recognized from the trials. Goyle, Millicent Bulstrode, and Saoirse Rosier were notably among them.

"They are a little bitter about the ending of the war. Mainly bitter about their new reality and the severe reparations paid from the family coffers. Avoid them if you can as I'm worried their looks can maim. I'm convinced they're working their way up to murderous miens," Theo continued.

"Where does Daphne fall?" Hermione questioned.

"Oh, Daph's with us. I wouldn't have trusted her with your precious books if I didn't like her," Theo quipped as he ushered her onto the sofa. "She's also more compliant than your other new roommate Little Miss Sunshine over there." At this, he shot a glance at Pansy who merely shrugged as she settled into the armchair across from them.

"Good to know…" Hermione was feeling very overwhelmed. So far the welcome, mainly orchestrated by the one-man circus of Theo Nott, had been warm. There was a lot of house politics present in the snake pit, though, and she'd have to figure it out—fast.

"Ignore him. He's an attention whore at the best of times. You'll learn to tune him out eventually," Pansy chimed in. That was something Hermione had not expected… Pansy Parkinson being almost nice to her.

"I'm the official Welcome Committee for Salazar's sake!" Theo shouted. "But stop taking my spotlight, would you? I don't need input from the crowd." He winked at Pansy as the other witch rolled her eyes.

Malfoy had finally moved from his place by the door and sat next to her on the sofa, casually draping an arm across the back. Theo and Pansy began bickering about some age-old disagreement Hermione didn't even try to decipher. She caught something about the Yule Ball and Theo in heels.

As Hermione turned toward the blond to continue their earlier conversation, Daphne made her way to the rest of the group. The witch squeezed between Hermione and Theo, pushing Hermione further into Draco's side. No one had time to analyze that, though, as the Slytherin common room was suddenly very quiet.

The sound of heels clicking across the stone filled the silence as Astoria Greengrass strolled to stand in front of the sofa.

"Watch yourself Mud—muggleborn." No one missed the slip-up. "Just because your presence is mandated doesn't mean you're allowed to play with the toys." She tilted her head in Draco's direction and clasped her hands in front of her. Her tone shifted from high-society menace to primary school teacher in the blink of an eye.

"We look with our eyes and don't get any delusions about our place, yes?" She widened her eyes and nodded her head. It was one of the most patronizing gestures Hermione had ever seen.

Daphne was pushing herself forward and Theo looked like he was close to another monologue when Hermione stood to be eye-level with Astoria. Crossing her arms and mirroring Astoria's head tilt, Hermione found some of that old spark.

"Oh yes, I think I understand. My place in society…" Hermione tapped her chin in thought. "I'm nicknamed the Golden Girl and Brightest Witch of Her Age. You're… what are you again?" Hermione took a step into Astoria's space and the other witch was turning an interesting shade of scarlet.

"Right. You're just a girl trying to hold on to dated ideals that make you feel important and better than everyone else. Let me know how that works out for you."

Hermione turned and briskly walked to her new dorm. The old spark was just a fleeting moment and she was close to tears and apologies. Old habits die hard.

Great. Making enemies on the first day, Hermione, she thought as she slumped against the door.

—

It couldn't be real. She was staying in Slytherin.

Draco had given up on his dreams of redemption for so long until he ran into her—literally—on the train. He'd boarded quickly to avoid the cameras and the stares. Granger had seemed distracted and on instinct, he caught her before she fell. Maybe his hands had lingered too long, but she was right there. Draco felt like he should say something, but how do you tell someone that they saved you from your dark thoughts after not seeing them for months? He felt the hope of being in her life diminish when she'd shifted right into polite conversation. He couldn't handle detached politeness from her… not when she'd been the part of returning to Hogwarts he'd secretly looked forward to most.

Her small smile at the feast made him regret being so short with her, though. That wasn't for politeness. He'd reacted to the news of the exchange program exactly as the other Slytherins—he was nervous. Well, nervous was an understatement; scared shitless might have been more apt. He couldn't imagine anyone reacting well to them—him specifically—moving in for a term. When Blaise and Tracey had been summoned, there had been a cumulative sigh of relief from everyone else. They wouldn't be chosen.

His nerves had returned full force when she'd shown up at the common room door. He pulled a pillow over his face and groaned into it as he re-lived their encounter. He certainly was not cool and collected with her. Not if his fucking word vomit had anything to say about it. He didn't even really remember what he said…. something about asking her to slap him again.

His brain had stopped working when she indicated they could be friends. Although, his proximity to her might have been to blame for that, too. If she kept falling down in his presence, he'd have to build up a resistance to the way she smelled and how warm she was and the way she looked at him…

No. Stop. Friends. He wanted to be friends.

Some Hufflepuff was also present at some point, but who cared about him? Hermione fucking Granger was going to bunk with Slytherins. Now he could fix this. He could be friends with her if they shared a common room. He'd have opportunities to reach out to her and grab the lifeline again.

Not everyone shared his sentiment based on the amount of tension in the room. Theo had swooped in though to welcome the newcomers, but he'd quickly dismissed the bloke (Arnold? Erik?) to focus on the resident war heroine. That could work to his advantage. He began forming a plan when Theo walked into the dorm.

"I don't know if I should thank the Governors or throttle them," Theo said as he fell onto his bed. "I mean, the Golden Girl sent to Slytherin? Either it's the best move to show how far everyone's come after the war, or someone hates her. I'd bet all the galleons in my vault that a Slytherin on the board came up with it; it stinks of a cunning plot. No, wait – more like a Gryffindor trying to be cunning. They think it is, but it's so painfully see-through. Gryffindor all over it," he concluded.

"Someone told Pansy to be nice to her right? I mean, Daph will balance her out but still…" Draco trailed off. Pansy had a history, especially with Granger, and the whole roommate situation could get very ugly very quickly.

"I'm sure Granger can handle herself. Our new roomie though? I have exceedingly low expectations," Theo's face split into a wicked grin. "What would you say to some...good-natured pranks on our new Hufflepuff friend?"

"I'd say whatever it is, don't get me expelled or thrown in Azkaban and we'll be peachy. And try not to maim… whatever his name is."

"MacMillian. Ernie MacMillian. We've only had classes with him for seven years, Draco," Theo replied, rolling his eyes. "And I think we should introduce him to the house mascot."

"We don't have a—oh, fine. I see why you need me now. You're rubbish at Transfiguration."

—

"MacMillian, how was your shower? Any better than Hufflepuff?" Theo asked innocently. He really took the role of welcome wagon too seriously.

"Weirdly, yeah. How do you all have better pressure than we do? It's insane. And the showers seem bigger…" MacMillian trailed off as a hiss echoed through the dorm. Draco approached holding the transfigured King Cobra.

They'd purposefully dimmed the lights in the room. Not that Slytherin was known for being brightly lit. They were underground after all.

"Meet Salazar III, our newest house mascot. It's tradition to keep a snake with the eighth-years to really connect us to our founder," Draco drawled. Theo had made up this whole backstory. Really, his friend had spent way too much time planning this prank.

MacMillian was pressed against the wall at this point. Draco continued his slow walk toward the Hufflepuff. Then he bent down and placed the snake on the floor. It slithered across the stones and stopped just short of MacMillian's slippers. Bunny slippers at that. Very Hufflepuff.

"P-please get that snake away from me." MacMillian stuttered. The boy looked like he was close to tears. Theo seemed content to let him squirm a bit more, but Draco knew they were about to cross a line. He drew his wand and returned the snake to its original shoelace form.

Ernie breathed a sigh of relief. "A prank. I suppose I should've anticipated some hazing," he said with a noticeable tremble in his voice.

"Right of passage, I'm afraid. We all have to get inducted in some form," Draco deadpanned. He absentmindedly rubbed his left forearm where the tattoo—the brand really—still marked his skin.

"Right. Yes. Good." MacMillian seemed to be searching for a change of subject. "Hey, why is it always so dark in your dorm? Is it like a scare tactic or something?"

"Oh no. Draco's pale skin burns if he's exposed to too much light, so we keep it as dark as possible," Theo quipped.

"Fuck off, Theo."

"Also, the ambiance. A dimly lit room just sets the mood for a whole host of things. Right Draco?"

"Again. Fuck off, Theo."

"Oh, I do so love when you play coy…" Theo batted his eyelashes at Draco. He really was an incorrigible flirt. If it had a pulse, he'd flirt with it. Maybe MacMillian would be his target instead of Draco this term—one could only hope. MacMillian was watching the exchange like he was tracking a Snitch.

"Don't try to figure him out, MacMillian. We've all given up and just ignore him as much as possible. You have my blessing to do the same," announced Draco as he flopped onto his bed.

"And you have my full permission to mock Draco at any time of day on my behalf. If I'm not here, someone has to keep his ego in check or he won't make it through the door."

"Fuck you, Theo."

"In your dreams, dear."

Yes, that was a Mean Girls reference ;)

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