Kurt sorts through his thoughts after a long night. Is anything as it seems?
Adam slipped out of the bed as gently as he could. He went out into the living area where Rachel was quietly studying with some cello music playing low.
"How is he?"
"He's out cold," Adam said. "Is it going to be a problem for us to stay?"
"Only that you'll have to deal with Santana when she gets home from work later."
"She a doll. She'll understand."
"I can never tell whether you're being serious or sarcastic."
"Then all of my acting classes have paid off."
"Right. Make yourself at home. You can use the table to study if you want. You can use my laptop if you need it." She held up the book in her hand. "I have a huge monologue to memorize."
He nodded. He moved back to the edge of the room where Kurt was sleeping to look in on him again before he settled in at the table to do some work.
He stood in front of everyone with his eyes closed as the entire conversation that had taken place two days prior in his room replayed on fast forward in his mind
"This is cheating, Kurt." Blaine insisted.
"This is texting. He's just a guy I met at the music store. Nothing happened. You used to text Sebastian all the time. You would even call him."
"But I didn't like him, and those texts were family friendly."
He sighed loudly and rolled his eyes.
Blaine asserted, "You like this guy."
He sat down on the edge of his bed. "I like the way he makes me feel. I mean, when was the last time that you complimented me or told me how special I was?"
Blaine became more agitated. He threw his hands up, still holding Kurt's phone. "I transferred schools to be with you!" He chuckled unhappily. "I changed my whole life. That doesn't make you feel loved?"
"You don't know what it's like being your boyfriend, okay? You are the alpha gay! Even Rachel wanted to make out with you. I used to get solos all the time. Do you know how often I sit on a stool and watch you perform?"
"Then talk to me. Tell me that you're unhappy, but don't cheat on me."
"I feel like I have taken crazy pills! I didn't cheat on you." He snatched his phone back from Blaine. "I'm really sorry if this made you upset, but it's... it's... it's okay."
"It's not right, but it's okay," Blaine said sarcastically.
"I didn't cheat on you," he said quietly as Blaine stepped into the hallway.
Blaine's enraged performance of "It's Not Right, But It's Okay" the day before in class popped into his mind next, but he pushed the images of Blaine's angry body language out of his mind. He opened his eyes and came back to the present as he looked over to the band and began to sing.
Take my life,
Take me for what I am...
"I didn't cheat on you."
"He's talking in his sleep," Adam whispered.
"He used to do that in high school sometimes at our sleepovers. Usually it was just humming a song, but occasionally he said something."
He looked back over at Kurt and could hear him humming "I Am Nothing."
"He's humming Whitney Houston."
She shrugged.
Adam grabbed his bag and moved to the table. He opened Rachel's laptop and powered it on. He grabbed the notebooks he had in his bag and spread them out on the table. He slipped the flash drive he kept on his keychain into one USB port and plugged his mouse into the other. Every time he opened his notebooks, he smiled and thought about how many years in the making his play had been coming together. He flipped through and found where he'd left off.
He walked hesitantly out onto the stage wearing a a black cape, a black tux with a white shirt and bow tie, along with a white half-mask. He turned and faced forward a few feet in from stage right.
"Hello. I'm Kurt Hummel, and I'll be performing 'Music of the Night' from the seminal Phantom of the Opera by Sir Andrew Lloyd Weber."
He noticed the look of utter boredom on Madame Tibideaux's face.
"Which I bet you hear a lot of... that song."
"That. 'The Impossible Dream' from La Mancha, and 'Being Alive' from Company, yes."
He nodded. "It's a safe and standard choice. Which is why I've decided to change things up a bit." He removed his mask. "Here, in the 11th hour, I've decided to go in a different direction. Something that's a little more out there, but is much more me. 'Not the Boy Next Door' from Peter Allen's biomusical The Boy from Oz."
He quickly moved to the side of the stage while removing the cape and the mask, handing them both to Rachel.
"Ladies." he called out for Mercedes, Tina, and Brittany. "I had my swans on stand-by."
The music started and he began to sing. As he sang the words "Though I may look the same way to you, underneath there is somebody new", he pulled the tear-away tux jacket off and tossed it aside, followed by the tear-away pants. He moved back to the grand piano in the gold lamé pants and fitted black dress shirt and pretended to play part of the music. He moved from there to the top of the piano and all around the stage as he sang and danced his heart out.
When he finished he stood at the front center of the stage silently, waiting for the still stoic Madame Tibideaux to speak.
She mentioned working with Hugh Jackman and concluded her comments with "I am certain that he would have been as impressed with what you did what that song as I am. A bold choice, young man."
Kurt's face lit up.
"I congratulate you for taking such a risk today."
He bowed awkwardly. "Thank you." He turned and blew kisses to his swans, before turning back to exit the stage, clearly overwhelmed by her praise.
Rachel got up and looked in on him about an hour later. She could hear him humming and the he said, "Thank you" very softly.
She shut the curtain and went back to working on her monologue.
"He's still asleep," Rachel said. "He was just humming 'Not the Boy Next Door.'"
"Ooh, I loved seeing and hearing him sing that the day the two of you came to audition," Adam said.
"Mmm hmm. So, I've heard." She rolled her eyes.
"As a fellow admirer of the male form, even you have to admit that he rocks the gold lamé pants."
"Gross. That's like saying my brother is hot."
Adam laughed.
"I don't have class until after lunch tomorrow. If he's still out of it, I can stay with him until then, if you have something you need to do. Plus, I'm pretty sure that Santana will be here after lunch. You can ask her when she gets back."
"Thanks. I really do need to go to class tomorrow morning. I can let his professors know that he won't make it in if he's still out of sorts in the morning."
Rachel went into the bathroom and came out about ten minutes later and went to bed.
He slide the loft door open.
"Surprise!"
"Blaine!" he exclaimed as he realized who was holding the gorgeous bouquet of long-stemmed red roses, the first bouquet Blaine had ever given him. He took them and wrapped Blaine in a hug.
"Hi!"
He stepped back. "This is amazing. I wasn't expecting you for another two weeks."
"I know, but I just couldn't wait any longer. I missed you too much."
"Oh, I missed you too. It's so good to see you."
Rachel pulled Blaine away from him and into a hug. "I can't believe you're here. I missed you so much!."
Finn came up from behind Rachel.
"Finn! What are you doing here?"
"I'm not really sure at the moment, but it's good to see you."
"This is fantastic," Rachel's enthusiasm bubbled over. "We're all together – here. Just like the good old days."
Adam had typed in as much as he could stay awake for. He packed his notebooks back into his bag, removed his flash drive, and put his mouse away. Before he managed to get the laptop powered down, the sound of the steel door sliding behind him made him jump.
"Doctor Who," Santana said. "What are you still doing here?"
"Well, Kurt conked out after taking that new allergy medication the doctor prescribed this afternoon. He's out cold."
"Has he been talking and singing in his sleep?"
"Humming as far as Rachel and I heard, but she was playing some background music while she was working, so who knows."
"We never managed to get a video him in high school, and he always accused us of making it up."
Adam nodded.
"So, let me guess, Sleeping Beauty is in my bed."
"He is. I thought he'd just nap for a bit and sleep it off."
"Amateur."
He shrugged.
"Fine. Go join him, but you better not snore. I have to work the early shift tomorrow, so I need to sleep fast."
"Thank you. To my knowledge, I don't snore."
"Yeah, whatever. Just like Kurt doesn't sing in his sleep. Let me go get something to sleep in since none of you will appreciate the beauty of me sleeping naked out here."
She started to undress as she walked towards her room. She checked on Kurt to make sure he wasn't actually ill. He didn't seem to have a fever, but she saw that he was still full dressed. She carefully undid his vest and his shirt. She unfastened his belt as well, but realized that he was was too out of it for her to get his clothes off by herself. She stepped back out into the living room area.
"Come help me get some of these clothes off of him. He'll bitch us out in the morning if we let him sleep in that vest, which I am sure is dry clean only."
Adam smiled and nodded. "I wouldn't doubt it." He followed her back into her room.
"Sit him up and I'll get the vest and the button up off. I'm sure he's wearing at least one shirt underneath."
They worked together and she managed to get them off. Adam reached down and untied Kurt's boots and put them to the side of Santana's dresser where she had laid his clothes out neatly. Adam laid him back down gently and managed to cover him up. He folded the comforter back, leaving him under just the sheet and the blanket. He went back out into the living room to let Santana change.
She came back out a few minutes later carrying sweats and the comforter, which she dropped on the sofa as she walked past. "I'm going to shower." She kept it to herself that Kurt was humming "Teenage Dream".
Adam got up and joined Kurt in Santana's bed. Kurt was still humming.
"I didn't know you were a Katy Perry fan," Adam teased quietly as he lay down as gently as possible.
"No! No! Stop!" Kurt said, sounding both angry and a little afraid. He flailed around a little, but then stopped moving.
Adam began to hum quietly in hopes that it would calm Kurt from whatever he had dreamt about.
Adam was awakened again and chuckled when he heard Kurt humming "One Hand, One Heart".
Adam smiled. He silently said, "I hope you wake up feeling rested, love." And fell back asleep quickly.
"Okay, so my gift to you is really big. "It's too big to put under the tree."
"Curiosity piqued."
"Okay, so you can pick it up at this address. And, you know, if you don't like it, you can return it."
Kurt took the slip of paper and the $20 Burt slipped him with it, grabbed his coat, and headed out. He took a taxi to the address. He found Blaine at the skating rink, waiting for him. They talked a bit and Blaine told him that he knew about Burt's cancer. And how he didn't want them to miss out on their Christmas duet.
"You are happy to see me, right?" Blaine asked.
"Yeah. Yeah. Always," he answered to avoid causing a scene. He put skates on and joined Blaine out on the ice. Music began to play through the speakers and they began to sing.
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas.
With every Christmas card I write.
May all your Christmases be white.
Adam turned his head as Kurt's humming got louder. He sang the last line out loud.
"Well, I'm not sure that's what I want, darling, but it's a nice sentiment I suppose." He smiled and turned over slowly and got comfortable again.
All you need is love.
All you need is love.
All you need is love, love, love.
All you need is love.
"So, Kurt Hummel, my amazing friend, my one true love, will you marry me?"
"Yeah. Yeah."
Kurt tossed and turned for a bit.
"Yeah. Yeah." Kurt sniffled a bit. He rearranged in the bed a bit before settling back in and began to hum "Love, Love, Love"
Adam smiled. "A Beatles fan. I'm learning all sorts of things. I've been there since the day you smiled at me, darling. I do love you ever so much." He reached out and gently placed his hand over Kurt's.
Eventually heard Kurt's breathing even out again.
He put Finn's jacket over Santana's shoulders and left the auditorium.
As they all sat in the choir room, Puck sang, which upset him in a way, yet he knew that Puck would miss Finn forever too. He had done something stupid at 15, which seemed so young and so long ago. His mind wandered and he honestly didn't pay close attention to the words.
Rachel sang next. She was broken and looked like she had lost ten pounds in three weeks.
How could it have already been three weeks? he asked himself.
She couldn't contain the tears as she sang.
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do,
To make you feel my love.
An hour later, Adam woke to Kurt humming "Make You Feel My Love".
Just before dawn, Adam woke to Kurt crying unconsolably. He tried to wake him completely, but failed. He managed to get him just coherent enough to get him to the bathroom and back into bed. He went back to get a wet washcloth and wiped Kurt's tear-stained cheeks. He placed a gentle kiss on his forehead.
"I hope you feel better soon, darling. Seeing you so upset breaks my heart."
He put the washcloth back in the bathroom. He dumped the trash from the bathroom into the larger trashcan in the kitchen and took it back to the bedroom with him and put it beside the bed just in case Kurt got sick, which seemed to be a real possibility given how much worse he seemed to be feeling. Adam climbed back in bed and pulled the covers up over Kurt's chest before he turned over and went back to sleep.
Kurt moaned a bit as he moved. He tried to sit up and before he could get his feet to the ground, he began to heave. Adam rushed around the bed and held the trashcan for him. He didn't even wake up fully at first.
"Oh, God. My head. Did I get off-my-ass drunk last night? I don't even remember drinking." He didn't manage to hear the answer as he lay back down and grabbed Adam's pillow and covered his face with it. "It's so bright in here, I'm going to die."
Adam scurried back to the bathroom and got a clean washcloth damp with cool water and took it back to the bedroom. He removed the pillow from Kurt's face and quickly replaced it with the folded cool rag.
"Thanks," Kurt mumbled as he lay as still as possible.
Adam took the trashcan and changed the bag and brought it back. He put his shoes on and went out into the living area again.
Rachel was up, making herself some toast. The couch was empty, with the comforter left folded on the end.
"He's a mess, Rachel. He was tossing and turning and obviously having some not-too-pleasant dreams during the night. I'm going to run out and get some migraine tablets or whatever I can find for horrible headaches. I'll be back as soon as I can."
"There's a 24-hour drug store down in the block past the subway station on the opposite side of the street."
"Got it. Thank you."
Kurt lay as still as he could, trying to refrain from even blinking. His head hurt so badly that he just couldn't allow even the smallest bit of light to enter his eyes by attempting to blink. Then, he realized that he had a cool washcloth over his eyes. He focused on relaxing. He tensed the muscles in his toes for ten seconds and released. He moved up tensing his ankles, calves, thighs, abdominal muscles, chest, shoulders, arms, and finally hands. He lifted the edge of the washcloth and allowed his eyelids to move a microscopic amount and he saw that he was lying in bed in the loft and judging by the lighting in the room, it was early morning.
He freaked out and sat up quickly, which was the wrong choice, as waves of nausea rushed through him. He slid back slowly, pushing the pillow he had been lying on up behind him a bit. It wasn't slowly enough though because the nausea overtook him and he leaned to the side to try to avoid vomiting in the bed, only to see that there was a trashcan next to the bed. He grabbed for it, but despite all the retching, nothing but a bit of water came up. He leaned back on the pillow and tried to get comfortable.
He did his best to focus. He was in bed, in the loft, early in the morning. He couldn't for the life of him figure out what day it was. He turned his head slowly to the left and opened his eyes once he had them angled to his intended target, which was the table next to the bed. He opened them just a crack and did not see his phone. No luck there. He closed his eyes, turned his head back forward, repositioned the washcloth, and relaxed again.
He lay there completely still for a few minutes. He eventually moved his left hand and moved it under the covers to find that he was still wearing regular clothes, minus his usual belt. He ran his hand up to his neck. No button up, no vest, no scarf. Just his undershirt. He thought he heard fabric moving, but then there was nothing.
"Kurt?" Rachel said in the quietest voice he had ever heard her use.
He moved his hand gently in response to her query.
"You're awake?"
He moved his hand just a bit again.
"Adam should be back soon."
"Why?" he managed to squeak out.
She continued in the super soft voice. "Because he went out to get you something for your migraine. He should be back any time. You threw up when you got up earlier."
Kurt was in too much pain to make sense of what she said. He left his arm out of the covers and gently put his hand on his chest.
"Can I get you anything before he gets back?"
"This is a dream," he said, his words barely audible or comprehensible.
She shook her head and walked away. "I'll take that as a 'No, thank you, Rachel.'" She went back and sat at the table and drank her tea and looked over her monologue again. She had some music to memorize as well, but she knew that singing would disturb Kurt, so she moved on to some assigned reading that she could do in advance.
Adam knocked just once when he came back. She got up and let him in.
"He woke up while you were out, but he's either resting or sleeping again. I told him that you were out getting him medicine and he just seemed confused. I made him a cup of weak tea with a tiny bit of honey. It should be room temperature by now. Let's see if we can actually get some of whatever you brought back into him."
Adam nodded. He went into the kitchen and washed and dried his hands quickly. He pulled out a bottle of extra strength pain relievers the pharmacist said should help and put two of them in his palm. He followed Rachel into the room. He took the cup of tea from her long enough for her to gently climb onto the bed and sit next to Kurt. Adam went around the other side and moved the trash can out of the way. He nodded to Rachel.
"Kurt, I have some tea and painkillers. Can you sit up enough to swallow them?"
"Umm."
"We'll help," she said.
Adam put his empty hand under Kurt's shoulders and helped him sit up and remain upright.
"Open your mouth so we can put the pills in. We'll go one at a time. After it's in, I have a cup of tea for you."
He opened his mouth and let Adam put the first pill in. He immediately reached towards Rachel's voice and she steadied the cup as he tipped it to take a drink. They repeated the process with the second pill.
"Now, just lay back and relax for another 20 minutes and we'll see if you're feeling better," Rachel said, still using the most quiet voice possible.
Kurt said nothing, but did lie back as Rachel suggested.
Adam and Rachel left the room.
Rachel put the cup of tea down on the table. "I hope those help," she said.
"Me too. I have some sweats in my bag for dance today, would you mind if I shower. I don't think I can go to class like this."
"Sure. Just use the green towels. Those are mine."
He grabbed his dance clothes from his bag and took them with him into the bathroom. Ten minutes later, he was back out wearing a pair of black joggers and a black singlet. He hurried over to the chair in the living area and grabbed his Apples hoodie and pulled it on over his head. "Thank you. I feel a lot more awake now."
"I made you some tea as well. I'm sure it's not up to your standards, but I do remember you mentioning that you're not fond of coffee and I don't have anything else to offer you. The eggs and toast are for you too."
"I'm sure the tea is fine, Rachel. Sometimes drinks are amazing and sometimes, they're just drinks and that's okay too. Thank you for the food."
"I can't cook very many things, but I can do eggs and toast."
He nodded and began to eat. When he finished, he washed his plate and cup. "Let's go see if he's better. If not, I'm going to let my professors know that I'm not coming to class and we'll take him to an urgent care center."
They stepped inside the room again and Rachel spoke quietly. "Kurt?"
"Yeah, Rachel?"
"Are you feeling better?"
"Better than dead, I think."
"Well, your sense of humor has returned at least," she said.
He moved a bit and then sat up quickly, but just as quickly lay back again. "Rachel, where is my ring?"
"Your ring? You don't wear rings. At least not that I've ever seen."
"You were there, Rachel. It was just a month ago. Where's my engagement ring?"
"Kurt, you aren't engaged."
"This isn't funny, Rachel. You and 75 other people were there, in the rotunda at Dalton."
"At Dalton?"
"Blaine had the Haverbrook choir, the Warblers, Vocal Adrenaline, and the New Directions sing "Love, Love, Love", and he proposed.
"What?" Rachel said.
"You were there. Everyone was there. Well, everyone except Carole and Finn. Oh, God, Finn." Kurt began to cry.
"Did Finn call?"
"Rachel?" Kurt said in a most devastatingly confused voice.
"I'll be right back. I think I hear my phone buzzing." She got up off the bed and motioned for Adam to follow her all the way into the bathroom. She closed the door so they could talk without Kurt potentially overhearing them. "What is going on?" she asked completely confused as well.
"I don't know. It's like he's awake, but he's not. When did Blaine propose to him?"
"Never. Although what Kurt described sounds like something Blaine would do. They broke up not long after Kurt and I graduated, but not amicably like me and Finn. After Kurt got his acceptance letter from NYADA with the scholarship offer, Blaine got even more distant than he had been earlier in the spring. He took a position at Six Flags like he had the two previous summers. He came back on a Sunday two weeks after he had gone to Chicago and confessed to cheating. He blamed Kurt for it, saying that Kurt should have taken the position that he had managed to get for him at the theme park as a costumed character. Waterman? No. It was Aquaman. Anyway, Blaine wanted him to do that instead of working at Burt's shop all summer." She stopped for a second to recall more of the details. "He hasn't even seen Blaine since then, which was the middle of June. He came back the day we had our last New Directions party before Kurt and I came here for orientation and Mercedes left for LA. He sang a really sad rendition of 'Teenage Dream,' and then later that evening they broke up. Burt took us to the airport. My dads had flown here earlier in the day."
Adam took his phone out and used Google to look a few things up. Rachel just stood there silently looking at his phone as his search brought up different terms – lucid dreams, vivid dream, nightmares, and night terrors.
She spoke quietly, "I'm not sure that night terror applies. He didn't wake up screaming or whatever. And lucid dreams, we can't know that. Only he could tell us that. But all of them mention medications. He took that allergy pill last evening at dinner."
"He did. And you said that he's talked and sung in his sleep before, but not all the time."
"That's true. It was only once in a while – in the fall and spring, I think. And he usually woke up feeling terrible and wanted to go home. We thought it was because he slept on the floor. Maybe it was something else. Anyway, we need to go back in there and wake him up. You need to get to class and he needs to figure out whether he can even make it to class. Plus, the 20 minutes are up."
She led the way back and sat down on the bed with him again.
"Rachel?"
"That's me," she said cheerfully, not keeping her voice as quiet anymore.
"Did I get drunk last night?"
"Nope. You didn't drink anything."
"I want to see your tattoo."
"My what?"
"Your tattoo. I'll show you mine."
"You go first then."
He sat up slowly.
Rachel adjusted the pillow for him.
"God, why does it feel like I have the world's worst hangover? Those pills you gave me helped me feel like I'm not dying." He took the washcloth off his eyes and opened them as he scooted back against the wall. "What is Adam doing here?" He moved to sit criss-cross and sat up as best as he could, propping his head in his hands and his elbows in his lap.
"Kurt, I say this with all the love I have for you. You have to focus or I'm going to slap you."
He looked down at his left hand. "Where's my ring?"
She moved across the bed and sat on her knees directly in front of him. She grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him a bit. "I think you're struggling between being awake and dreaming.
"Ouch! I told you that I feel terrible." He tried to pull away from her.
"I know, but you're not making any sense, and if you don't start making sense soon, Adam and I are going to take you to the doctor or the hospital."
Adam said, "Let's start with something simple, darling. What month is it?"
"Nearly the middle of April? The 9th or10th maybe."
"No, I'm afraid not. It's December 3rd."
"It can't be," Kurt insisted. "I went home for spring break to go to my dad's oncologist appointment. Blaine proposed. I said 'yes'." His voiced dropped. "And Finn died the next week. We just went to the memorial last week."
"Kurt, darling. It's December 3rd. To my knowledge your father does not have cancer. You can't have gone home for spring break because it's not until a little over three months from now."
"Just leave me alone," Kurt said somewhat defensively. "I'm dreaming now because you're telling me things I want to hear, like that Finn isn't dead and my dad didn't have cancer."
Rachel leaned forward just a bit and slapped him.
"Ow, Rachel! Violence isn't the answer." He rubbed his cheek. "That hurt. If I have a bruise the shape of your handprint, you're buying me concealer until it fades."
"Well, that sounds more like you," she said. "I'll buy you concealer. Are you awake now?"
"Now?" He took a deep breath. "I want an ice pack. My face hurts."
"There are a few in the freezer," Rachel said.
Adam left to get one. He wrapped in in a clean towel, took it back into the bedroom, and handed it to Kurt.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome, darling."
"Why do I feel awful? Wait? I'm so confused."
"You're not the only one," Adam said. "May I sit here?" He pointed to the empty space next to Kurt, where he had slept.
"Of course, sweetheart. We sleep in the same bed every night. What I can't figure out is why I'm in Santana's bed. I had the craziest dreams, but I still feel like I'm half-asleep. I need some coffee, please."
"Why don't you see if you can get up and come sit with us at the table. You can finish the tea Rachel made you while I make you some coffee. I'll make it extra strong so you can put an ice cube in and drink it right away."
"Okay." Kurt made his way to the kitchen slowly and sat down at the table.
Adam started Kurt's coffee.
The three of them sat around the table and Kurt sipped the tea for a few minutes.
"So," Rachel started, but then paused. "You were talking in your sleep and humming or mumble-singing to the point where it just sounded like humming."
"On and off, starting not long after you went to lie down after dinner," Adam added.
"I remember. I was so sleepy I couldn't hold my head up. I hadn't slept well the last three nights and I went to the health clinic yesterday afternoon. My nose was really stuffy and runny and I have a vocal presentation on Thursday. The doctor gave me some prescription allergy pills to try. A sample pack with three pills in it. He said that if my symptoms improved, then he'd prescribe a whole month's worth."
To clarify what Kurt said, Adam added, "We spent a lot of time at a friend's place over the weekend. The doctor prescribed something stronger than the Claritin he had taken."
"I'd never been around a bird for any length of time. I guess I should have thought about it considering that I'm allergic to down pillows. Anyway, I went into Santana's room to take a nap."
Now that he was a bit more coherent, Rachel put some bread in the toaster.
Adam continued, "But instead you conked out to the point that I couldn't get you up and out of here, so Rachel let us stay."
"In Santana's bed?" Kurt took the coffee and took a sip, and found it was the right temperature to drink.
"Well, Santana was actually really nice about it. She helped me get you undressed enough to sleep more comfortably when I couldn't do it by myself."
"She'll want something in return. A new dress from the vault probably. No big deal. I'll just pick one out preemptively and bring it over." He finished the coffee and went back to sipping the tea.
Rachel sat some toast in front of him.
"Would you like a dress too?" he teased. "Tea AND toast."
"She made me eggs," Adam bragged.
"Oh, God. I must have been terrible to take care of for her to feel sorry enough for you to actually COOK for you."
"Shut up," she said with no malice whatsoever. "Adam is my friend too. I can cook for him if I want to."
"Of course you can, honey." He winked at her.
"Well, spitfire and sass are returning," Adam said cheerfully. "That's progress. Can you remember your dreams?"
"Nightmares more like it." He watched as Rachel got up and cooked him some eggs as well. "Let's see. A lot of them were all like twisted versions of reality I guess, but they felt so real." He closed his eyes and willed himself to recall. "It started with Blaine getting pissed about Chandler, but I sang 'I Am Nothing' in response.
"Oh. That's different," Rachel said. "I thought your interpretation of 'Greatest Love of All' was quite inspiring. I'm sure he would have liked 'I Am Nothing' better."
"I'm sure he would have. I liked the lyrics, but they could be misinterpreted given the situation. I didn't cheat on him with Chandler."
"I know, Kurt," Rachel said. "But it wasn't your finest moment."
"I agree, but in my defense, after I found out that he had been texting with Sebastian behind my back for three months, he insisted that it wasn't cheating. You were there at the Lima Bean. He had even been calling Sebastian and talking to him on the phone. You were there when he waltzed up and was all complimentary and flirty with Blaine and cold and arrogant to me, pointing out that I was wearing 'boys clothes' for once. But Blaine insisted that Sebastian was harmless and that they were just friends. He said that the texting between them wasn't cheating or anything I should be concerned with, so I dropped it. I didn't look through their text log. I just trusted him. Sebastian and I have made amends since then, so that's not the issue at hand. Anyway, he pulled away without any explanation last spring. I kept inviting him to do things to spend time with me, but he turned me down repeatedly."
"Chandler, our friend Chandler?" Adam asked.
"The one and only."
"How did you 'cheat' with Chandler. I'm confused."
"We texted back and forth for two days."
"Oh."
"But in Blaine's defense," Rachel said, "He felt like all you talked about was New York."
"I probably did, but so did you. If he didn't want to be stuck in high school another year, he should have doubled-down and taken two English classes and bother junior and senior social studies courses and not taken arts and crafts and home ec. I realize those classes weren't taught at Dalton and he wanted to expand his electives, but if he had buckled down or even taken an evening class or two at LCC, he could have graduated with us."
"I hadn't considered that."
"Anyway, so in my dream, I acquiesced and sang 'I Am Nothing' as an apology song. I left out some of the verses and sang the chorus a few times. Next was our auditions for NYADA and our letters. You choked. She came in and sat in the auditorium and you freaked me out a bit."
Rachel laughed so hard she had to cover her mouth.
"You didn't even make it through the first verse. You asked if you could start over and Madame Tibideaux agreed. You messed up worse the second time."
"Stop. This is ridiculous." She still had her hand partially over her mouth. "We auditioned here at NYADA with all of the other prospective students. It would have taken her forever to go all across the country to listen to 80 students. Airfare, hotels, rental cars. As if." Rachel laughed again.
"But it's exactly what happened in my dream. And I came out on stage in a tearaway tux with a cape and a half-mask."
"What?" Rachel kept laughing.
"Yeah. I told Madame Tibideaux I was going to sing 'Music of the Night'." He shook his head. "Her comments in my dream were the same. But I was all flighty and nervous and weird."
Rachel was still laughing. "So, I forgot the words to a song and you were suffering from stage fright? That's great. Really."
"Do you have a tearaway tux?" Adam asked while wiggling his eyebrows.
"I do."
"Mmm."
"Let's see," Kurt said, changing the subject quickly. "Oh, I didn't get into NYADA, but you did. We opened our letters right after our graduation ceremony."
"So, Madame Tibideaux praised you like she did at your real audition, but I choked and got in but you didn't."
"Exactly. You stalked her to somewhere else in Ohio and Tina took you. You sent her gift baskets and a ticket to Nationals."
"That's absurd." She had finally managed to rein in her laughter. "Wait. We opened our letters after graduation? We got our letters in early April and had to accept or reject our places before we went to Nationals."
"I know. But everything was so real. It felt so real. Since I didn't get into NYADA, I came here to be with you because I was miserable in Lima."
"That makes sense for sure," she said.
"So, we found this place and you moved out of the dorm. Oh, and Santana went to school in Kentucky on a cheer scholarship."
Rachel had to cover her mouth again. "That's amazing. I love that."
"Wait. it gets better. Brittany didn't graduate with us. She stayed behind in Lima and had to repeat her senior year. Sam too."
"This is ridiculous, but go on. Why did you think you were engaged?" Rachel asked.
"So, you know how Blaine was still sore about me not asking to defer my admission to NYADA until he could enroll too?"
She nodded.
"Well, since I didn't get into NYADA in my dream, I guess my mind transposed his confession of cheating two weeks after school ended to him doing it here since in my dream I was living here in the loft with you. In my dream, he came here two weeks after I moved in, which was two weeks in advance of his planned trip."
"I guess that makes sense. Your brain was mixing reality and the dream together."
"So, anyway, Finn." His breath still hitched still feeling the pain of the dream. "Yeah. The day after graduation, he drove you to a fancy train station and set you free to come to New York City instead of taking you to the synagogue to get married."
"God, that would have been awful. Lima doesn't even have a train station."
"I know. It was like one of those movie scene fairwells."
She shook her head. "It hurt when we broke up after Nationals, but we're in a good place now. We just finally really talked and opened up about how I can't see myself anywhere but here and how he just can't see himself here. I don't like your dream or nightmare or whatever anymore than you do. I choked, I got dumped right before the altar, and what else?"
"Cassie July hated you."
"Great. If I ever want to play Worst Case Scenario with a partner, I'll choose you. Clearly your sub-conscience hates both of us."
"So, we went to Lima to watch Grease in the fall, maybe a month after Blaine cheated? And we didn't go back for Thanksgiving, but that part of the dream was completely accurate, except that I talked to Blaine on Thanksgiving evening right before Sectionals, but I can't really remember that part. It was like a super short conversation. And why on earth would Sectionals be ON Thanksgiving Day?"
"You're asking us? You're the one with the super strange, reality-slash-nightmare combination of dreams," Rachel said.
Adam said, "You mentioned your dad having cancer."
"Oh, yeah. He came at Christmas and brought Blaine with him as my gift from him. I had to go 'pick my gift up' at an address my dad gave me, which ended up being an outdoor ice skating rink within walking distance of here. We skated and sang 'White Christmas'."
"Darling, at one point, you were tossing and turning. You seemed to be struggling and calling out 'No!' and 'Stop.'"
Kurt's face went ashen. "That wasn't a figment of my imagination."
Adam reached out and covered Kurt's hand with his own. "You were humming a song from West Side Story."
"Makes sense. It happened the night before opening night."
"What?" Rachel asked, a quaver to her voice. "I mean, you don't have to tell us obviously."
"Blaine got drunk and groped me against my will, wanting us to have sex for the first time in the back of his car. I had to struggle my way free since he completely ignored my repeated requests for him to stop."
"Oh, God," Rachel said. "I think I might be sick." She got up and went into the bathroom quickly.
While she was gone, Adam just kept hold of Kurt's hand and sat with him silently. She came back a few minutes later.
"Why are you so upset about it?" Kurt asked.
"It's... well... Artie told us that we weren't doing a good enough job of portraying two people who had taken that step with each other and suggested that we stop holding out – that we should explore that aspect of ourselves."
"That 'aspect' meaning your lack of sexual experience?"
"Yes. Blaine and I made a pact to lose our virginities."
Kurt pulled his hand lose from Adam's, pushed his chair back, and stood up in the blink of an eye. "You did what?" he said icily.
"You heard me. It was stupid. I ended up telling Finn. We didn't have sex that night. It wasn't until that weekend. I went back to him and I apologized. I told him that I wanted him to be my first. From your reaction, I'm assuming that Blaine never told you."
"No. He didn't. But that makes everything make so much more sense. God, he didn't want to have sex with me because he loved me. I was a means to an end."
"I know he loved you," Rachel insisted. "That night when we talked about how neither one of had succeeded. We talked about tapping into the feeling we had knowing that we had found our soul mates."
"I don't care, Rachel. He might have nodded or gone along with whatever you said, but you don't trick someone into having sex with you because you love them. It's not like he asked and I said 'no'. I gave him what he wanted the next night because Sebastian was hanging around flirting with him. I thought he'd go to Sebastian if I didn't have sex with him." He walked over to the sofa and sat down. He propped his elbows on his knees and put his head down in his hands. My first kiss with a guy was forced upon me. "And now I find out that my first time happened because my boyfriend wanted to be a better actor."
He pulled himself together quickly and went back into Santana's room. He put his clothes, belt, and boots back on. He strode through the living room like a man on a mission. He grabbed his coat and put it on. He didn't bother taking the time to button it before he grabbed his bag and threw it over his head and pulled the loft door open. He turned back. "I'm going home. I have to get ready and go to class. Rachel, thank you for letting me stay here while indisposed. I need some space for a while, though."
She nodded sadly.
"Wait for me, please, darling." Adam had already grabbed his bag. He put his coat over his arm quickly and stepped out onto the landing
Kurt moved out of the doorway out onto the landing with tears streaming down his cheeks. He pulled his phone out and called Finn. He stepped down a few stairs and waited for Finn to answer.
"Hey, little brother, what's up?"
"I just needed to hear your voice."
"Oh. Well, it's me. Hey, wait. Why are you crying? Are you okay?"
Adam pushed the door closed. As he got close enough to reach Kurt, he offered his hand, which Kurt took. He interlaced their fingers and they began to walk down the stairs together.
"Not really. Did Rachel really tell you that she needed to have sex to be a better Maria?"
"Um, wow, that was a bad night, but yeah. I also kind of forgot that she was vegetarian and served her real meatballs."
Kurt laughed, not because messing with someone's diet was funny, but just because it was such an unexpected thing for him to hear Finn say. "I'll let you tell her that."
"No, thanks, man. Not a chance. You didn't say why you're crying."
"Oh, I had some medicine-induced, seriously disturbing dreams. Dad had cancer and you died."
"Oh, God. Those are awful things to dream about. Don't take whatever medicine that was again, man."
"Of course not. The dreams were just so real that I just needed to hear your voice."
"I get it. Burt just had a checkup the other day and Mom let him have a real beer with dinner Friday night to celebrate his good test results, so I'm pretty sure the cancer thing isn't true."
Kurt's breathing started to smooth out a bit. "Thanks. I'm going to let you go. I have to get to class."
"Sure. Don't wait until you have more nightmares to call."
"Okay."
"You and Adam are still coming for Christmas, right?"
"Well, for an early Christmas – the end of next week. We're flying out to spend the other three weeks of winter break in England."
"I remember. I need to go Christmas shopping."
"You don't need to get me anything, but if you insist, you can get me some chocolates. You know the ones I like. And get Adam the white ones. I know he'll love them."
"Got it. I have to get to class too. Text me your flight stuff and I'll come get you."
"Will do."
When they got to the bottom of the stairs, Kurt stopped to put his phone in his pocket. He pulled his scarf out his coat pocket and put it on neatly, and then buttoned his coat and put his gloves on.
By the time he had finished, Adam had his coat, beanie, and gloves on as well. "Can I hug you, darling?"
Kurt nearly flung himself into Adam's arms. He let himself be held. "I love you, Adam."
"Darling, I love you too. I have for a long time. You know that."
"I do. I'm sorry about freaking out and asking why you were with me this morning. In my dream, we didn't start dating until late in January. And, oh, God. I just remembered something else. We were only casually dating and my Glee teacher had his wedding on Valentine's Day. I went and slept with Blaine. You were so kind about it, saying that we had never agreed to be exclusive. You and I hadn't even kissed at that point." A few tears streamed down his cheeks again.
Adam slipped his gloves back off and wiped the tears from Kurt's cheeks with his thumbs. "It was disconcerting to see you doing so poorly. My heart did ache, but not because I thought you were rejecting me, but because you were so unwell. We've been together for five months today. I know you love me, and of course you've told me about your ex. And we learned even more him today. Very hurtful things."
"Yeah."
"Just because he was a twat, doesn't reflect on you at all. You are an amazing man. I'm displeased that he treated someone amazing, whom I love so much, so badly. But his stupidity brought me the most amazing person." He kissed Kurt on the forehead. "I'm so glad to be with you, darling."
"Me too. I hadn't planned anything to celebrate five months together, but I think we should do something fun."
"I agree. What did you have in mind?"
"Well, after the terrible mixing of history and nightmares, how about a brief re-enactment of how we met and our first date?"
Adam laughed. "That won't be entirely possible since I can't pull all of the Apples together to serenade you with the most ridiculous song again, but I'll do my best, darling. We can re-enact meeting at the activities announcement boards during your Freshman Orientation. And are you wanting to re-enact our first coffee date the next afternoon? Or our first real date where we dressed up and went out dancing after you moved here two weeks later?"
"Hmm. Well, since we weren't officially boyfriends for the coffee dates during my orientation week, I say when we dressed up and went out dancing because that sounds like an amazing way to spend this evening after the miserable evening and night I just woke up from."
"Do you have any commitments after your last class? Can we meet up then in the atrium to start our re-enactment?"
Kurt squeezed him. "I'm all yours."
"Three of my favorite words."