"Petra!"
Her mother jumps at her and almost causes her to lose her balance.
Petra enjoys her suffocating embrace silently and she doesn't care that probably the whole neighborhood heard her.
"I can't believe it!" she shuffles her hair and places a wet kiss on her cheek. "What a pleasant surprise! You naughty girl! I could have died from the shock. You shouldn't do such things to your elderly mother!"
"Sorry, Mama. I—"
"You are alive, right? It's not a hallucination. Please, tell me you are not a ghost!" the grey-haired woman grabs Petra from the shoulders and shakes her.
"I am definitely not a ghost" Petra chuckles amused.
"I'm sorry, baby. I just can't believe you're really here!", she hugs her again, leaving her little room to breathe. "Holy Rose! You're actually here!"
"Did we establish that already?" she says while gasping for some air.
"What are we still doing out here? You father and Lena will be dying to see you!" she takes her daughter's hand and leads her inside.
"Lena is here?" Petra asks after closing the door behind her and regaining her breath.
"Yeah, she's helping out with your father. It's hard for a woman my age to keep up and since Elias was kind enough to spare her—"
A loud exclamation from across the living room, coming from the very woman they are talking about, interrupts them.
"A! Petra!"
Her older sister runs to her, almost as fast as she did when they were playing tug in their childhood years.
Lena puts her arms around her waist and lifts her up, spinning her around. If Petra managed to keep her food inside her stomach on that shaky carriage that brought her home, she can hold herself now too and enjoy her sister's affection.
"What are you doing here?" Lena asks as soon as she puts her down.
Flying around on ODM gear never caused her to be so dizzy.
"Captain Levi gave me some days off" she explains.
"The one you won't shut up about in your letters?" Lena gives her a teasing look and elbows her.
Petra thinks it's best to ask about her father instead of giving in to her sister's humor.
The sight of her papa stuck in bed, so thin and helpless, causes her great distress. But the way his face lights up when he sees her, almost immediately transforms him. The smile on his lips brings a tear to her eyes.
She sits on the side of the bed and leans in for a hug.
"My little baby! I haven't seen you in so long!"
His voice is weaker and hoarser than she remembers it, but he is here in her arms and this is all that matters.
"Papa, I'm so glad you're doing better! I was so worried!" Petra breaks off from the embrace and cups his skinny cheeks.
"Suits you right!" he responds while sitting up. "Now you know how I feel about you being in the Survey Corps".
"Your father is right" her mother's voice sounds as she enters the room, along with Lena. "We are worried sick every time you write us that you're going on an expedition beyond the Walls!"
"Mama, I'm a trained soldier" Petra giggles in a way too cute for someone in the military. "How many times do I have to say that?"
"Especially your last expedition!" her mother continues as if Petra didn't talk. "I'm wondering whose idea was to send you outside in that horrible weather!"
"We couldn't have known about the typhoon".
"I couldn't even see my own nose!" Lena says frantically. "I can't imagine what it must have been like to fight those cursed monsters in these conditions!"
"No wonder your horse lost it, threw you down and ran off!"
"Thank the goddesses for Petra's captain that defied the storm and found her!" her father squeezed her hand gently. "I'd like to know where you would be, young lady, if he didn't attend to your wounds and carried you back safely!"
Why did she write them all the details?
To Petra, her letters to her family are the only space she can express her admiration for Levi. She can't admit all these feelings to his face, so she has found a way to channel her lovely thoughts about him. Not that she can describe exactly what's going on in her mind. But she won't hesitate to write to her father how devoted she is to her captain and how she founds it so sweet that he cares deeply about his "little brats", although he rarely shows it. (She has to censor some words, in order not to scandalize him).
"It seems captain Levi has a soft spot for you" her father's voice (now more vivid) summons her from her thoughts. "You are the only girl in his squad after all".
"It's not like that" Petra shakes her head. "That's just who he is. He cares for every soldier, part of his squad or not. He would do that for anyone".
"Even so, we as a family should be grateful to him for his service to you. Please be sure to transfer him our sincerest gratitude once you arrive, along with a little something special".
Mr. Ral turns to his wife and gives her a slight nod. Ursula seems to understand. She rolls her eyes and leaves the room to fetch that 'something-little-special'.
"What do you mean, Papa?" Petra asks impatiently.
He points at her mother, that now returns holding a small wooden box with a few delicate arty details. She places it in Petra's lap.
Her father explains: "You've mentioned in your letters that captain Levi is very fond of tea. I'm sure he will appreciate those excellent herbs from the mountains of Acroburg".
"He better will, or all that money we spent would go to waste" her mother sighs.
Papa leans closer to whisper to Petra's ear: "They were extremely difficult to come by". He then says to his wife: "Come on, Ursula, don't be bitter about it! Isn't Petra's life worth more than that? It's the least we could do. The only fact that soothes my mind is knowing that our daughter is in safe hands".
Petra takes a few moments to study the beautifully carved box. She opens it just for a second and the mesmerizing scents fill the air around her and make her close her eyes and sniff more than she should have.
"Oh! My Levi will love it!"
Three pairs of eyes stare at her confused. Damn. She realizes what she said.
"No! I mean…" she rushes to fix it, but she can't find the proper words.
"Petra? Anything to share with the family?" Lena folds her arms in front of her chest and gives her the most cunningly playful look, while raising her left eyebrow.
Maybe she should tell them she only wanted to say: 'Oh my! Levi will love it!'. But using just his first name would lead to further questions.
So instead, she laughs awkwardly and gives an explanation she hopes they will believe:
"I was thinking whether I should say 'my captain' or 'captain Levi' and I guess my brain got confused and mixed them up a bit" she rubs the back of her head. "Maybe I'm too tired from the trip".
"Oh, you poor thing!" Ursula places a quick kiss in her forehead.
Her parents seem to have bought it, but Lena… She's looking at her with a huge smile.
"Anyway, that's a great gift. But… maybe it's too much?" Petra tries to redirect the conversation away from her weird words.
"Maybe" her mother agrees. "But now it's done. However, we could still thank him in another way, not that extravagant".
"Like offering Petra's hand in marriage?"
Oh my god, Lena, shut up already!
Petra gives her sister the deadliest look, no one could imagine on such a pretty face.
Fortunately, her father only takes it as a joke and bursts out laughing.
"What an inappropriate suggestion!" Ursula scolds her eldest daughter. "To think that Petra could ever be involved like that with her superior officer!"
"She's just kidding, honey!" her father cuts her off. "Of course that idea is absurd. It's only meant as a joke. Lena has inherited my kind of humor!"
Yeah. Right. An inappropriate suggestion. An absurd idea. Only a joke. That is as far as it can get. Petra's lip twitches nervously as she is reminded of the harsh reality. Now is not the right time to cry.
"Anyway. What I was saying is that we can thank the captain without spending all of our savings" Ursula continues. "Petra, sweetie, why don't invite him over for dinner?"
Her eyes widen in shock.
"What?" she stands up without realizing it.
"Honey, that's a great idea!" her father says. "What better way to honor him than opening up our home to him?"
"But—"
Her mother doesn't let her continue: "You get some days off from time to time. Why not bring him along? You've mentioned he doesn't have any family. I'm sure he will enjoy a proper family dinner. I'll prepare the best meal. What kind of foods does he like?"
"Mama! The captain is very busy! He doesn't have time for that".
"You must persuade him" her father insists. "I want to meet in person the one who saved my daughter and shake his hand".
"No need to. I will give him your greetings".
"That's not enough! We are so obliged to him. I wouldn't sleep peacefully if I didn't know that captain Levi is your squad leader. That will be my only comfort when you leave again. You should be very thankful for being in the squad of Humanity's Strongest".
How can she tell them about her request to be transferred to a different squad? It would break her father's heart. And it's not that she can explain her reasons for asking that.
What her father says is true. She should be thankful for being in his squad, not only because he is Humanity's Strongest, but because of who he really is deep inside. She only wishes she could stay beside him forever.
Once her request to be transferred is granted, what will she say to her family? Maybe the best solution would be to hide it, let them believe nothing changed. After all, in her heart, he will always be her captain.
But… Crap. What will she say to her comrades? What justification could she give for leaving the elite squad?
"So, Petra?" her father speaks again. "Will you invite captain Levi here?"
She feels everyone's eyes pinning her and expecting a reassurance of that sort. Well, she can't give them that.
"I come home after god-knows how long and we keep talking about my Lev—about my captain, captain Levi! Isn't there anything else you want to ask me? Like 'Hi, Petra! How was your trip? Do you eat well? Did you suffer any major injuries in the last expeditions? How's the weather in the barracks? Did you make any new friends? How many of your old friends died since we last saw you?'. Seriously, people, what is wrong with you?"
She never wanted to shout. But she did.
What's wrong with her? Has her love intoxicated her so much that she yells at her own family? The people dearest to her?
They excuse her outburst. After all, she is tired. They apologize and let her rest for a few hours.
When she wakes up, it's not awkward. It's as if nothing happened. Her parents don't mention Levi again and they have a peaceful dinner.
"Petra, sweetie, can you bring your father's pills from the table?" Ursula asks her once they finish their food.
"Sure!" Petra stands up, ready to obey.
"Just the white ones. Not the round, the bigger ones".
"You mean these?" she lifts up a glass bottle.
"No, no. To your left and—"
"It's okay, mama, I'm on it" Lena says and brings the right pills.
Petra shouldn't feel bad about herself. There is a mess of medicine in the table. It's normal to be confused. How is she supposed to know his pills if she was absent all that time?
But… maybe that's the problem.
She's sworn to protect humanity, but she can't even take care of her sick father. What good is she to humanity if her own people are suffering and she does nothing to help?
Lena is away from her husband and their shop for almost a month. And what does Petra do? Nothing. She just happens to visit only because her captain was in the mood.
The real 'humanity' is her father, her sister, her mother. Not a general idea. And she doesn't help them. She thought she served the humanity by joining the military, but she was also, in a sense, abandoning it.
Maybe she should leave the Survey Corps completely, not just change squads. She's only one day in her house and the idea of settling down and starting a family doesn't seem so appalling.
What difference will it make if she leaves the army?
Will humanity be in more danger?
Will her absence cause more deaths?
Will her place in the elite squad not be replaced?
Will Levi miss her?
No. Certainly not.