Fragile World

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these delightful characters, that honor belongs to Cassandra Clare. I have mostly followed the events of the show except for Simon's becoming a Vampire. For this story, I wanted Raphael to be his sire, so I followed the books version of his turning.

Chapter 4

It had been a week since Izzy had stormed her way into Magnus's loft and forced Simon to relay the details of his last few months to her amidst many protests from the Vampire. Since then, she had taken to showing up at random, barging into his room and demanding his time and attention. Part of him liked it because he had certainly missed the girl in his time apart from the Shadowhunters; another part of him resented the way she made him talk, forcing answers out of him even when he was clearly not comfortable with the direction her questions went. He had finally put his foot down yesterday when she had pushed too far and he had snapped at her, demanding she stop being so pushy and leave him alone. She had looked a bit surprised and then left in a huff. She had not returned.

Simon was just making his way out to the living room when he heard a quiet knock on the door to the apartment. He ignored it, assuming that whoever it was had business with Magnus. The warlock was currently out, and Alec was at the institute, which left Simon, who was not expecting company, so he continued on his way to the living room. The knock came again, a bit louder this time. Simon sighed and walked back to the door, ready to tell the person on the other side that the High Warlock was not at home and to come back later. The words stuck in his throat when he opened the door and found a pale blonde boy standing on the other side.

"Jace?" Simon asked in shock. "Are you looking for Alec? Because he's at the institute." Jace shook his head.

"Hey Simon, I know where Alec is, I just left him not that long ago. I actually came to see you," he said, looking a little unsure of himself. Simon looked at him in surprise but stepped back to let him enter the apartment.

"Um, okay. Come on in. I was just going to watch tv on the big screen since Alec and Magnus are both out. You're welcome to join in if you want. I don't know what I'm gonna watch yet, but it will probably be something stupid." Simon was rambling. He knew he was rambling, he tended to do that when he was nervous. And Jace always made him nervous. Not only was the other boy an incredibly skilled strategist and fighter but he was also the most gorgeous person Simon had ever met in his life. Jace literally looked like a statue of a Greek god come to life with his perfectly sculpted muscles, golden hair, and gorgeous blue and hazel eyes. Stopping his train of thought before he said something stupid, he turned and walked back toward the living room, motioning the blonde to follow him.

Simon flopped down into "his" corner of the couch drawing his legs up under him until he was sitting cross legged. Jace sat down on the other end of the couch. He sat stiffly, looking intently down at his hands in his lap. Simon was puzzled, Jace was usually so cocky and sure of himself. It was strange to see the blonde look so…vulnerable.

"Sooo, what's up?" he asked hoping to break the awkward silence before it got too heavy. The other boy jumped slightly as if he had forgotten that Simon was there and had been startled by his voice.

"I… I guess I just wanted to check in, see how you were holding up. It's been a while and Izzy came back last night all huffy and I figured she did something stupid. Someone needed to make sure she didn't burn the place down on her way out," he joked. Simon cracked a small smile.

"Yea, she was mad when she left here. I may have yelled at her and told her to stop pushing me and to go away…I wish I could say I'm sorry about it, but in this moment, I'm not," Simon told him honestly.

The other boy actually laughed a little at that.

"No wonder she was so huffy! She is definitely not used to being told off. Her ego was probably wounded."

"Yea, well she's lucky her pretty face wasn't wounded," mumbled Simon, his frustration from yesterday coming back. Jace sobered a bit and turned so that he was facing the Vampire.

"Listen Simon, I … I wanted to apologize to you. I know we have never been particularly close or anything, but I should have realized what was happening with Clary sooner and stood up for you. I'm usually more observant than that…. I guess I let my emotions get in the way and allowed myself to be distracted and manipulated as well…. I don't… I mean I…" he faltered a bit, trying to get his thoughts together and Simon interrupted him before he could continue.

"Dude, don't be sorry. You didn't do anything wrong. I was the one who knew better. I've known Clary my whole life, she's always taken what she wants and never given anything back, she just sugar coats everything so you think she's being nice and doing you a favor. I don't know why I expected it to be any different in this world than it was in the Mundane world. I was just too stupid to see it in either world. I was so caught up in chasing my old "normal" life, the life where Clary was still my best friend, and we did everything together and I didn't have to be alone in a new world trying to get my shit together because all of a sudden, I was dead and then I was a Vampire who had no clue what it meant to be a downworlder…I knew better, I just chose to ignore it. You don't have to apologize for anything Jace. I should have been warning you guys about Clary and not feigning blissful ignorance."

Jace frowned and looked at Simon thoughtfully.

"I've been beating myself up over everything since you left. I thought that if I had realized sooner that Clary was just using you for her own gain that maybe we would have been able to send her to another institute to be trained and you would have been able to stay. And maybe the trouble that follows her around would be taken elsewhere. There was so much going on and I was so confused and trying to figure my own shit out. Unfortunately, I didn't really realize anything was amiss until that trip to the Seelie Court. Everything happened so quickly from there that I didn't even have a chance to talk to you about it all and then you were gone."

Simon felt a little guilty for leaving like he had. But at the time, it had felt like the right thing to do. Get away from Clary, leave everyone in peace, and preserve his fragile self from further harm. He hadn't expected everyone to actually miss him or worry about him! He wasn't anything special. He was Simon, the stupid Mundie who had gotten himself turned into a vampire. Everyone thought he was an idiot and that he was annoying. But according to Alec, Izzy had freaked out and searched for him for weeks in her free time and Magnus had spent time trying to track him as well as having multiple conversations with Raphael about how stupid he was being to ban Simon from his 'family'. Alec had even told him that he and Jace had taken on any investigations that involved Vampires in case it might get them a lead on his whereabouts. He was stunned, truly he was.

"I'm sorry," Simon said softly looking across the couch to the other boy. "I never meant to hurt anyone. I was trying to prevent anymore hurt to myself…" he looked down at his hands. "I felt like I had lost so much, and I couldn't take it if you guys had rejected me after everything that had happened."

Jace genuinely looked surprised by his statement but chose not to comment, instead he picked up the remote and tossed it across the couch.

"Put something stupid on you nerd," he said with a wink as he propped his feet up on the coffee table in front of him.

Simon chuckled, taking the subject change for what it was. A peace offering, a new start so to speak. He clicked the tv on, picked something at random and stretched himself out on the couch getting comfortable. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Chairman Meow jump up and make himself comfortable on Jace's lap.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Three hours later had Simon and Jace still on the couch watching tv when Magnus arrived home from his warlock duties. He paused inside the door to remove his jacket and shoes and was surprised to hear voices from the living room.

"Wait, she purposely sent that girl to a crack house so she wouldn't try out for their glee club?! What is her problem!" Magnus recognized that voice, it was his boyfriends parabatai.

"Yes! Rachel is a selfish bitch! She can't stand the thought of someone else taking her spotlight," Simon was saying.

Magnus made his way down the hallway and paused in the doorway to the living room, taking in the scene before him. Jace sat on one side of the couch, feet propped up on the coffee table and Chairman Meow curled up on his chest. Simon was laying on the sofa, head in Jace's lap, looking up at the blonde and elaborating on something from the show that they were both watching while waiving his hands about rather enthusiastically. This was the most animated that Magnus had seen the Vampire since they had brought him to live at the loft. He filed that interesting knowledge away for later contemplation and decided to make his presence known.

"Hello sweethearts, I brought dinner," Magnus announced hefting the large bag and smiling brightly at both boys as he made his way into the room. "Jace! How nice to see you, I didn't think you had any free time these days with the amount of time you spend out in the field." The blonde blushed but chose not to comment. "There is plenty of food if you want to stay for dinner. Alec should be here shortly, and I know he would love to see you," he added with a wink before setting the bag on the table and disappearing into the kitchen to get plates.

Jace grunted in reply and Simon climbed to his feet and went to help Magnus get place settings. They sat down and the warlock put several take away containers in the middle of the table.

"I got a bunch of different things, so I guess it's a bit of a buffet dinner. Help yourself Jace," Magnus directed as he got the last bag out and transferred the blood within it from a bag to a glass and handed it to Simon. The fledgling took the glass and set it down on the table, he wasn't hungry. He watched in fascination as Jace went about piling food onto his plate with gusto. At least someone had a healthy appetite! Magnus also went about filling his plate with something that looked like noodles in some kind of sesame sauce and tempura shrimp. He sat back and took a bite before eyeing Simon intently. He looked at the glass and then at Simon pointedly. Simon sighed and slumped in his chair.

"I'm not hungry Magnus," he mumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. The warlock glared at him.

"We've talked about this little one…you need to eat! You look positively waifish as it is, you haven't gotten any better since you came here. Please, eat something."

Simon winced at the concern he heard in Magnus voice. He hated to make the others worry. He didn't want them to worry, but he hadn't been able to keep much down in the few weeks that he had been at the loft and it was getting harder to hide the fact since his body did not appear to be 'healing' as it should. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jace looking at him intently, but he chose to ignore that for the moment. He gave Magnus a long hard look, picked up his glass, and took a sip. It tasted like ash, like it did every time he ate these days, but he forced himself to take a second sip before returning the glass to the table. The warlock smiled and returned to his dinner. Fifteen minutes into the meal, the front door opened and closed and then Alec appeared, looking exhausted. His face lit up when he saw them all at the table.

"Jace! I wasn't expecting to see you here. Hey babe," he said softly as he leaned down to give Magnus a kiss before flopping into the chair next to his boyfriend. Magnus smiled sweetly at the dark-haired boy.

"Rough day? You look wrecked honey," the warlock asked, a hint of concern in his voice.

"Meh, busy day but not awful. There was a Shax demon nest reported in Manhattan and a rogue vampire reported in the Bronx. The demons were taken care of. The vampire is still being investigated, no one has actually seen him or her, just found the bodies left in their wake. So far, there have been five mundanes killed." He ran his hand through his hair, pushing his bangs back from his forehead. "Jace, you find anything out in your investigation?" The blonde shook his head.

"Not really, the mundanes have nothing in common and none of the Downworlders in the area were too keen to talk to a Shadowhunter let alone tell me if they had seen or heard anything about who this vampire could be. I'll probably go back out later; I might have better luck now that it's dark out and I can potentially talk to other vampires in the area." Alec nodded and reached for his plate leaning forward to see his options. Once his plate was full, he sat back looking around the table as he did so. His eyes fell on Simon's still very full glass and he raised an eyebrow pointedly. Simon pretended not to notice, diverting his gaze out to the balcony and the city lights he could see sparkling beyond that.

"Simon…" Alec began, his voice serious. Simon looked back and met the archer's eyes. There was worry there as well as determination. He threw his hands up in defeat, giving both Magnus and Alec a miserable look before picking the glass up and draining it in two gulps. They smiled brightly and Simon glared at them, cursing his guilt as he felt bile rise in his throat, the blood he had just gulped down already not agreeing with him.

"Simon," Jace said softly. "Are you alright? You look like you're going to be sick," he observed, a hint of concern creeping into his voice.

Simon couldn't respond as he felt the nausea building and he lurched to his feet and ran to the bathroom just in time to throw himself face first into the toilet bowl. The blood he had just drank made a quick reappearance and his stomach continued to clench painfully as it tried to rid him of anything else but found nothing. After what felt like forever, but was probably only a minute or two, his stomach unclenched, and he took several deep breaths. He stayed bent over until he was sure his stomach was done torturing him and then he slowly pushed himself up into a standing position. He turned toward the sink, his step faltering when he caught sight of the blonde in the doorway. Their eyes met for a brief moment and then Simon turned back to the sink, splashing cold water on his face and rinsing his mouth to rid it of the foul taste.

"Are you okay?" Jace asked as Simon leaned heavily against the sink. Simon shrugged looking over the blonde's shoulder, fixating on one of the pictures hanging in the hallway.

"Define okay," he said, slowly letting his eyes drift back to meet the other boys gaze, trying to project the emotions he was feeling into that look so that he didn't have to say anything out loud. Something must have leaked through because Jace inhaled sharply and took a half step forward. Before he could do or say anything else, Magnus made an appearance in the hallway behind Jace.

"What was that honey? Do you not like the blood? Are you okay?" Concern shone in his eyes as he looked at Simon, still leaning heavily against the sink, water trickling down his face from when he had splashed himself.

Simon shook his head but didn't say anything as he forced himself to stand completely and walk to the door motioning the other two back so he could exit the bathroom. He went back out to the living room and sat stiffly on the couch, bending almost in half as he leaned down with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. He felt the others sit down around him but did not look up as he tried to get his thoughts in order. He was so tired…so unbelievably tired. He finally looked up meeting the concerned gazes of his friends.

"Simon," Alec said softly. "What's wrong? You know you can talk to us, right?"

Simon scrubbed the palms of his hands over his face contemplating how to start.

"I think…I think something is wrong with me," he began. "I don't know what it is, but I haven't been able to keep anything down. Everything tastes like…like ash."

"How long has this been going on?" asked Magnus, glancing at the fledgling in alarm. Simon shrugged and wound his arms around his torso as he shrank back into the couch cushions.

"Since I moved in. At first, I thought it was just because I wasn't used to eating regularly and my body was adjusting to proper meals on a constant basis. I figured I'd adjust, and it would work itself out, but it hasn't gotten better. I still can't keep much down. And now I feel hot…like there is a faint burning sensation in my whole body. That just started like a week ago maybe…I don't know…" he trailed off looking up again.

Magnus was looking at him intently, his brow furrowed as he snapped his fingers and a book materialized in his hands. He quickly flipped through, scanning a page here and there before stopping and reading the words on the page intently. He frowned, biting his lower lip in a gesture he had to have picked up from Alec and then passed the book to his boyfriend. Alec scanned the page quickly, his mouth falling open as he stared at Magnus. Now Simon was worried…. what was in that book!

"What?! Do I have some sort of weird Vampire disease? Why do you both look like that?" Simon asked, concern creeping into his voice. Magnus passed the book to Jace before looking up at Simon and running his hand through his hair.

"From what you are describing, it sounds like a more severe case of…um…. starvation I guess is the best word I can use for it. It's pretty rare, only occurring in vampires who have not had the proper nourishment over an extended period of time. In these cases, blood from the blood bank is not sufficient to re-nourish the body and often times the body refused to absorb it. That would explain the throwing up bit for you. The burning sensation is a bit alarming as it is usually indicative of a later symptom of this illness." Simon stared at the warlock trying to wrap his mind around the new information and willing his mouth to work. He licked his lips and clasped his hands tightly in his lap.

"Am I dying?" he asked hoarsely. "I mean, if by body is essentially starving, will it kill me? Or will I just go insane with bloodlust when I get hungry enough? I mean neither option is very appealing but…" he trailed off when Jace put a hand on his shoulder.

"Simon, calm down you idiot. You're not dying. It says here that the only way to 'reset' your body is to either drink the blood of your Sire or drink fresh blood, directly from the source so to speak."

Simon's gaze shot up to Magnus, looking for confirmation and dreading the answer. The warlock nodded slowly.

"Jace is correct. The most effective fix would be to drink Raphael's blood. In a pinch, blood drunk directly from a person will also work, it may just take more than one time to re-set your body so to speak. Once your body is nourished enough, switching back to pre-packaged blood shouldn't cause you illness anymore and you can continue on as normal."

"So, all I have to do is convince Raphael, who hate me in case no one remembered that, to let me drink his blood and I'll be fine?! Sure, easy, no problem! I'll get right on that," Simon said sarcastically. "It's been nice knowing you guys," he said, throwing his hands up in defeat.

Jace glared at him, making Simon stop mid rant. "Don't be an idiot," the blonde said seriously. "If you don't think Raphael will help you, you just need to find a willing donor to let you feed from them a few times." Simon recoiled at the thought.

"No! Absolutely not! I could kill someone. I don't have that kind of control yet. I'm still new to this vampire thing and I do not need to have someone else's life in my hands, literally!"

"Well what else do you propose then?" asked Jace seriously. "Are you going to go down and talk to Raphael?" Simon blanched at the thought.

"NO! I doubt he would see me if I did go down there! But I also can't just ask someone I know to be my 'blood donor'! I would never be able to live with myself if I hurt a friend or even worse couldn't stop myself and drank too much!" Simon could feel the panic creeping up the more he thought about that option. He would rather die than accidentally hurt someone he knew. He jumped when he felt a gentle touch on his cheek. His eyes flew up to see that Magnus had come to kneel before him, his hand resting on his cheek and the other coming up to brush some stray strands of hair behind his ear.

"Calm down little one," the warlock said in a soothing voice. "Nothing needs to be decided at this moment. We can take some time to discuss options and put a safeguard in to place so that no one who is involved will be hurt." Magnus continued to stroke Simon's cheek and the vampire instinctively leaned into the touch, relaxing just a little bit at the contact.

"I can't risk it Magnus," he choked out. "I would never be able to live with myself if I hurt someone. We don't know what will happen if I were to drink fresh blood after all this time. I…what if it throws me into bloodlust and I can't stop myself or I hurt one of you because you can't make me stop?" The warlock hugged him tightly before drawing back to look him in the eye.

"I will not let that happen Simon. You have my word. I am not the High Warlock of Brooklyn for nothing. My magic is very powerful, I would be able to stop you if it came down to that. I promise nothing bad will happen to anyone."

Simon believed him. Magnus wouldn't make a promise he couldn't keep. Not with something as serious as this. Slowly, he nodded.

"Ok… I… what do I do now? How do I even find someone?" Simon asked. "It's not like I can take out an ad in the paper."

"I'll do it," Jace said and all eyes in the room snapped up to stare at him in surprise. "What? He drank my blood before. You didn't kill me then and you were practically dead by the time I got to you."

Simon just stared dumbly at the blonde. He couldn't comprehend what was happening. Jace was volunteering his blood to help him. Jace was willing to risk his own safety to help him. Jace was willing to potentially die to help him. The thought made him feel…warm inside.

"Jace, are you sure?" Alec asked before Simon could say anything. "It's not a decision to be made lightly," he added.

"I know that Alec," Jace said, the serious tone of voice sounding strange coming from him. "I'm sure. I want to help. Let me help you, Simon." Simon's mouth felt dry, he was suddenly nervous.

"I… I don't… I mean… are you sure? Really sure? I truly don't know what will happen if we do this." There was no trace of doubt in the other boy as he nodded.

"I'm sure Simon. I trust you."

A/N: And that seems like a good place to leave things! Let me know what you think. Next chapter, Simon drinks from Jace, more Simon and Jace development and a gig at the Hunter's Moon. Thanks for reading!