As Zoug was eating his morning meal, he couldn't help but look over at his new mate again and again. What was it about her that would cause the spirits to send him these dreams? And could it be true, could her totem actually be female?
He noticed that he was worrying Ayla with his staring and tried to focus on his food instead, but found that he was incapable of enjoying it. Tired, confused and not in the mood for eating, he set his bowl aside with a frustrated grunt - only to find himself faced with his mate kneeling in front of him, waiting to be acknowledged.
"Does Zoug not like the food?" Ayla asked after he had tapped her shoulder. It was a type of gruel made from grains and berries that Uka had never made with quite this seasoning.
"It's fine," he reassured her. "I am simply not hungry. I didn't sleep too well," he admitted, though he wouldn't tell her the reason for it. Spirit matters weren't for women to understand - even men could barely make sense of them most of the time. "If we weren't in isolation, I might go to hunt to try and walk it off; that method usually works for me. But as it is, I'm tempted to lie down for a bit longer."
He wasn't sure why he had shared quite so much information with her. He had done the same with Uva, but it had taken them a few turnings of the seasons until they had got to that point. Maybe it was going quicker with Ayla because he was not a young man anymore who had to prove his stoic manliness to himself and everyone around him.
"If you notice that you find it difficult to sleep in the future, I could make you a tea to help with that in the evening," Ayla offered after a moment of hesitation.
Zoug couldn't deny that he felt pride at her words - not only had he, in his old age, found a mate once more, no, she was even a skilled medicine woman from the First line. As such, he would always be excellently taken care of even at his own hearth.
"I will tell you if it happens more often," he agreed.
Back in his furs, Zoug closed his eyes, but sleep would not come. Instead, he found himself brooding over the images of his dream, especially the fact that Ayla's totem had seemed to be female. As far as anyone knew, all Clan totems were male. It only made sense - men protected women, so the protective spirits had to be male, didn't they?
Then again, he tried to rationalise, the Cave Lion totem was abnormal for a woman anyway, so was it that hard to believe that in this, too, Ayla could be different? Maybe Others women could have female totems - and she had been chosen by the ancient female spirits, too. Moreover, had not Goov, the acolyte, even speculated that the Cave Lioness might be Ayla's totem since they were the primary hunters of the pride, not the males? And didn't Ayla believe that it had been her totem that had led her to hunt?
Zoug's head hurt from all the questions and new ideas he suddenly had. The spirit world was too complicated for him. Who but a mog-ur could understand it? And yet, he would have to wait to talk to anybody about it - there were still many days of the isolation left.
With an exasperated grunt, he turned to the other side, and after a while, he finally went back to - this time a dreamless - sleep.
.-.-.-.
Ayla knew there was something that was bothering Zoug. She couldn't have missed it: the way he kept frowning, and how he would look at her every now and then, especially this morning - it was too obvious not to notice.
Was he already regretting taking her as his mate? She had tried her best to be a good Clan woman for him these last few days, and it hadn't been all that hard, either. He was a kind, tolerant man, and so far, he hadn't asked much of her.
Whatever it was, though, she doubted that he would tell her any time soon, if at all. The men liked to solve their problems among themselves instead of confiding in their women, and however tolerant Zoug might be, he was still a Clan man, she thought as she got the leather and oil she needed to polish the bowl she had carved by the fireside.
Concerning her own problems, however . . . she sighed, shaking her head at herself. There were two things she worried about, and at least the one about hunting was most likely a baseless worry. In truth, she had little doubt that Zoug would allow her to keep hunting. Brun and Creb had made her the Woman Who Hunts, and only the most traditional men like Grod or old Dorv might try to forbid it if she were their mate. Or Broud. But Zoug - he'd praised her skill, had called her a good student, he'd always indulged her watching his hunting stories from afar, and some days before their mating, he had accepted the wolverine pelts from her. No, it would make no sense for him not to want her to hunt.
Of course, she could wait until the isolation was over and see if her assumptions were right, but she knew that she would keep worrying until she would actually hear it from him. No, Ayla resolved as she began moving the soft, oil-soaked leather rag over the smooth wood of the bowl, she would talk to Zoug today.
Despite that resolution, the right time didn't seem to present itself until after the evening meal. When he had got up again around midday, her mate had once again been in a pensive mood, and although in the afternoon, he had praised the quality of the pelts when she had finally fashioned them into foot coverings for him and adapted them to his feet, he had seemed distracted.
Now, though, he seemed to have put whatever he was brooding over to the side, he looked full and content after a meal of deer and vegetable stew, and Ayla decided that it was time.
Despite her relative certainty that she was worrying about nothing, her heart was beating quicker than usual as she lowered herself to her knees in front of her mate once she had cleaned and put away their eating utensils. When the tap on her shoulder came, it took her a few moments before she could make herself speak.
"Will you still let me hunt?" Ayla cringed at the blunt words that her hands had formed almost without her own doing. This wasn't at all how she had wanted to approach the subject. She'd wanted to ask submissively, demurely, like a good Clan woman asking a favour of her mate. "I didn't mean to ask like that," she tried to correct herself. "I hope the hunter doesn't think I was making demands of him. I only wanted -"
"Ayla." Zoug had voiced her name softly, but it didn't take more than that to make her stop speaking. He reached out with his large, calloused hand and put it on her cheek, as he had done the day they had been mated. She hadn't expected such a gentle gesture form him then, and now it surprised her again. It felt good, though, and already, she felt reassured.
After a while, Zoug pulled away to speak. "Was that what had you so worried these past days? That I might not wish for you to hunt any longer now that we're mated?"
She nodded, then immediately shook her head. "I knew I shouldn't worry about it. You never seemed to mind me hunting, so I didn't truly think you'd forbid it once we were mated. I just . . . couldn't help worrying anyway." She felt foolish saying it like that, but Zoug didn't seem to be perturbed.
"It's normal for a woman to worry, Ayla. But you're right, I don't mind it. In fact, I'm not just going to allow you to keep hunting, I want you to hunt. I am ordering you to hunt for my hearth."
"You're . . . " too stunned to go on, Ayla stared at her mate.
Zoug shrugged somewhat uncomfortably. "I am . . . not as young as I used to be," he gestured slowly. "My time going out with the hunters has been over for several years. When I thought about taking you as my mate, I will admit that I was not entirely sure about how I would provide for you and your child."
Ayla was surprised by the admission, but it made sense. Creb had explained to her before their mating that like a retired leader or a mog-ur, as a retired second in command, Zoug could receive a portion of each hunt if need be, but could it be possible that Zoug wanted for her to help provide as well?
"The other men pointed out to me that my mate would be equally capable of hunting for my hearth as me," Zoug went on, "so this is what I have decided to do. You and I will go hunting together, and we will both make sure that nobody at this hearth will have to go hungry."
Almost, Ayla couldn't believe the words she was seeing. It was so different from anything she could have imagined, any Clan tradition that had been taught to her so far. Obviously, Zoug was noticing her astonishment, because a hint of amusement crept into his eyes.
"I see my young mate didn't quite expect such a break with tradition," he motioned. "Could it be that this old man is more forward-thinking than her?"
Ayla couldn't help the happy grimace that spread over her face. She would never have expected their conversation going like this, and it made her hopeful for the future.
"I'm just surprised. And very grateful. I'll try to be the best mate I can be, you won't regret your decision!" Ayla promised with animated gestures, not quite able to hide the sudden passion she felt. She would make sure to make Zoug proud of her, to be a good Clan woman, a good mother, and a good sling hunter. Everyone would see how justified Zoug's trust in her was, and that he'd made the right call to decide on such an unusual mating.
"I know that, Ayla. If I weren't certain of it, I wouldn't have taken you for my mate. And I'm equally certain that you will be a great help and providing at least half of what we'll bring back from our hunts."
Touched even more by his confidence in her, but also by his repeated and unusual admission of his waning strength, she impulsively shook her head. "I couldn't. I'm sure my mate is still a much more powerful hunter. Zoug, you still are the best man in the Clan with the sling."
"That might be true, but we both know that there is someone who is far better. Bragging suits nobody, and I know you are a good woman who wants to please her mate, but the truth is that nobody in all the Clans is as good with the sling as you are, including me."
Ayla felt hot both with pride and embarrassment. To have Zoug - a man - acknowledge her superior skill in his area of expertise so openly . . . he had done it before, and yet, it felt strange, though she couldn't deny it was a good feeling.
"Still, hunting is so much more than only being good at the use of your weapon, and you've been a hunter longer than I have been alive. There is a lot that I don't know yet."
"That is true," Zoug agreed, "and it's good that you acknowledge it. If there is one thing a hunter can't afford, it's arrogance and overestimating his - or her - abilities." He hesitated for a moment, then nodded as if he had made a decision. "You are an exceptional sling hunter already due to your technique and your hunting of predators, but you could be even better. I will teach you everything I know."
Excited beyond words, Ayla fought hard to blink away the water that threatened to fall from her eyes at his words. "Zoug, I . . ." She let her hands fall back into her lap and took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. Until now, none of the men had offered to instruct her, and she hadn't expected it. Her desire to hunt was too strange for them. She was the Woman Who Hunts, and they had accepted it - some grudgingly, others more readily. But she had been on her own; everything she knew about hunting, she had learnt from watching the men tell stories, or from her own limited experience. Now, like the men, she would have someone to train her properly, and for that alone, she knew she would be forever grateful to her mate.
"This woman is honoured and grateful that the esteemed hunter deems her worthy of learning from him how to help to provide for his hearth."
.-.-.-.
Zoug looked down at the woman kneeling in front of him, who had gratitude and happiness written all over her face, and he couldn't help but feel more pleased than he had in a long time. Why hadn't he - or anyone - had this idea sooner? Ayla was gifted, yes, but proper teaching would help everyone improve, and surely, if the spirits wanted her to hunt, then she needed good instruction as well.
"And I am proud to have you as my student once more. I'm sure you will learn well."
She nodded eagerly. "Would you tell me about a hunt from your youth?" Her pale face flushed red in the shine of the fire. "I regret asking if that is too forward, it's just - you always told the boys about them, and as a girl, I wasn't allowed to watch."
"Not openly, you mean."
Her face flushed even redder, but she didn't deny it.
"Go and get us both a cup of tea. I will tell you the story of my manhood hunt."
Zoug snorted with amusement at Ayla almost stumbling to her feet in her hurry to obey his order. She took a moment to calm herself, then went and spooned mint tea from the cooking bag into their cups. When she had brought his over to him and had hers sitting next to her, Zoug began with his story.
" . . . and it immediately fell to the ground, just in front of me," he finished a while later. "My spear had pierced its heart right at the first try - I had been lucky. I was very grateful to the spirits for their help, and for the trust the leader had put into me by allowing me to hunt a bison for my manhood hunt."
"Oh Zoug, that was so exciting!" Ayla burst out, her eyes shining with the thrill of the story. "I can't imagine hunting a large animal for the first time and then for it to be a bison! It's no wonder everyone always says you were one of the best hunters this Clan has ever seen. What did they say when they realised that you had killed it with just one thrust? The man of your hearth must have been so proud of you. And how -"
"Ayla, calm down," Zoug ordered with no little amount of amusement. "One question at a time. One would think that as a grown woman, you would have more restraint than the little boys who usually listen to my stories."
Embarrassed, she lowered her eyes. "I regret my outburst. I got . . . carried away."
Zoug found that he couldn't blame her. He, too, had been overexcited often enough by the stories of the men when he had listened to them in his youth, hoping that one day he would comport himself with as much bravery as them when he would be allowed to make his first kill with the spear. But what was he thinking? Ayla would never hunt with the spear - yet she did understand the excitement of stalking her prey, and the satisfaction of having killed it.
Who would have thought a man's mate could understand even some parts about the thrill of the hunt? Who could ever have imagined a Clan man sharing this with his mate? It was entirely untraditional, so different as to be inconceivable, but as he looked at her glowing, eager face, Zoug realised that he wouldn't have it any other way. That he wouldn't want Ayla any other way. This Ayla, he liked much more than the quiet, tense young woman of the last few days, and he hoped that he would get to see her more often.
"Now," he said, when it was clear that she had herself under control again, "let's start with your first question . . ."