4.

Pansy:

I am not your friend, I'd rather throw myself

through the window of the astronomy tower.

Had Hermione Granger completely lost her mind? Yes. Pansy was not sure if there was an internal short circuit, a piece broken by a strong blow... it was even possible to be in the presence of a new virus that kills reasoning, of which there is little enough, in students of Gryffindor. Were they outlandish theories? Not at all! Granger had come straight and without hesitation to sit next to Pansy in History of Magic class! The only one who was not pale and astonished at this situation was the professor, who being a ghost, he could not turn pale like his students (besides, he never paid attention to anything other than his syllabus).

Pansy crossed her legs as she straightened in the seat. She pretended not to notice that she had a Gryffindor by her side and ignored the glances that from time to time Weasley Weasley and Ragged Face Potter would throw at both of them. She used to sit in the last few seats of that class from freshman year so she could file her nails or gossip with her friends without interruption. Granger on the other hand, never strayed too far from her teachers, much less her friends. So there was no excuse, she wanted to sit next to her. Most likely it was a consequence of what had happened the night before. But what did she want? While thinking that question, she was playing with one of her rings. She didn't even bother to pay attention to history class.

A paper bird flew towards her, fluttered gracefully, spinning, and landed on her class notes (which were blank, it should be noted). Opening it, she could read: 'From 1 to Gryffindor, how low have you fallen? The answer is on your right'. At this point in the week Pansy may have started to be a bit masochistic, because she was amused by the joke and she had to give a soft, nostalgic laugh. Even if they messed with her, it was funny to make fun of a Gryffindor. She looked to her left, there was Daphne Greengrass and other small-time Slytherins pointing at her slyly and laughing among themselves. Clearly, they were the authors of the joke. And to her right, as the note said, she was spying on her. Wait. Spying on her ?!

"Is the bookworm now a gossiping parrot?" She asked sarcastically. Looking up at Granger, she had caught her red-handed, with her eyes on the paper, reading what she had been sent. The Gryffindor turned red, honoring her home.

Since they were in the middle of class, they were already ignored by everyone. The situation was the perfect example that news and fame are more ephemeral every day. Almost no one cared right now that Granger was by her side. Potter and Weasley were in their own world playing without paying attention to what was happening. And even the Slytherins who sent her the note were already chattering to each other again.

"I'm neither of those things, Parkinson."

The named one arranged her hair behind her ear so that she could see her better and smiled sideways. With her eyes she said something that could be translated as "and I am a unicorn, of course."

"You've made me dislike you as badly as ever in less than two hours," Granger grumbled as she settled into the seat and turned her attention back to the class.

"Oh, I know!" She exclaimed under her breath. Granger looked at her out of the corner of her eye in confusion, and she continued, "You fell in love with me yesterday. You came to see if you could get another hug from me. "The Gryffindor parted her lips to protest, but was cut off by Pansy. "Do you suffer from a lack of affection? Weasley doesn't give you enough love in private?"

"I'm not looking for your affection, Parkinson." Granger's face was funny. Anyone who saw her would know that she was angry, but that amused Pansy and didn't intimidate her at all. "Not Ron's. He's just my friend. If you're going to tease at least choose something real."

Pansy laughed and more to herself than to the other, she said:

"I finally feel like I'm really at Hogwarts. Luckily bothering you is something that I will never have to stop doing."

"What a boring life you must have so that one of your favourite things to do is annoy others."

"Offended, Granger?"

"By you? You wish."

"I think yes."

She didn't answer, but Pansy kept looking at her without losing any detail of her shocked face. She could imagine her thoughts, they were so obvious... Typical of Gryffindor fools. They are too honest. In her chivalrous mind, she must have thought that because of what had happened the day before she should act better with her. That irritated Pansy, that she felt sorry for her.

As she looked at her profile (Granger was concentrating on the class), she remembered what had happened the night before; when through tears she allowed himself to be consoled by her. It was hard for her to admit that she had allowed himself to be vulnerable to someone. They did not exchange significant words that night. In fact, when she calmed down and Granger loosened her grip, there were nothing more than a few knowing glances and an awkward "goodbye." Right now that silly way of escaping gave her some shame. She couldn't even have dignity in the end!

"Could you stop looking at me? I'm trying to pay attention to the class, which you should also do."

Pansy rolled her eyes and looked straight ahead again. She was upset. Not because of her words, those slipped off her like water. It angered her that Granger had seen her in that state the night before; it even annoyed her more than the continuous jokes of her housemates. And the worst part is that the Gryffindor must have been imagining that she was crying from the harassment. But no, she wasn't that weak. She didn't shed tears for something as simple as that. The jokes made her angry, not sad.

Last night, when she opened one of her class books, she had remembered her father. Bradley Publishing, the oldest publishing house in the wizarding world, was the property that had made the Parkinsons what they were. Holding that book, which had the logo of her family's publishing house, just at that lonely moment... It reminded her of the feelings of sadness that had been so present for so many days and that they were a time bomb waiting to detonate. And well, it happened: it detonated. She left her common room and went to the castle courtyard ignoring the curfew because her father had died, it hurt her horrors and she needed to escape from it.

After that time of meditation she came back to reality and said:

"I'm not your new charity case. Don't ever sit next to me again."

Granger didn't answer her. They did not speak again. When class ended they parted ways without even giving each other another look.

. . .

It may have been her imagination, but everything seemed to indicate that the jokes were gradually becoming less. Were they getting bored already? They didn't have enough of a problem with her to enjoy harassing her. The problem was exclusively money... that her father tried to swindle.

Pansy was sitting on the stairs, flipping through a fashion magazine. She wondered as she turned the pages what was the point of doing it, if now she was not going to be able to write down and buy everything that caught her attention this season. Frustrated, she got up and tossed the magazine in the trash. She shook out her skirt, pulled out a hand mirror to make sure her hair and makeup were in order, and started walking toward the Astronomy Tower. She avoided the corridors where she saw Slytherin students, it was better not to try her luck.

The astronomy teacher, Mr. Tofty, was distracted looking out of one of the classroom windows when she entered. She leaned against a wall as she watched the rest of the students enter. In this class Hermione sat next to Potter and Weasley as usual. It had been a few days without her trying to speak to her again. She probably wouldn't do it again. She, on the other hand, again sat at the back of the room. Today several had missed that class, so she was able to sit with no one next to her.

Astronomy always bored her too much. Also, Tofty used to ramble and tell funny anecdotes that weren't really funny. So she leaned back on the table, resting her head on her arms. It was quite relaxing to be able to do that, just be doing nothing in particular, without her friends talking up to her elbows about topics that didn't interest her at all.

The professor's words were distorted by her inattention. From her place she could observe her classmates. She didn't dwell too much on the Slytherins. Everyone who ever spoke to her now pretended not to know her. The friendships she had were hypocritical, but she wasn't surprised either. She was well aware that she never got a true bond with them. She wondered if it was her fault, that she didn't open up to others at all. No doubt she was naive when she thought they would comfort her on the first day of school. Wanting to put that issue behind her, she finally settled her gaze on Granger's tangled brown hair. She remembered the way that hair had tickled her eyelashes and nose. Pansy closed her eyes. She could almost smell her soft perfume, as if she were back on the patio next to her. That lavender smell, coming from her clothes. She hated to admit it, but it had been a nice moment. The simple memory kept calming her, as if she were still there. Few things came to mind that relaxed her so much. She kept thinking about that moment, rubbing himself into the fabrics of her own sleeves. With that texture and that aroma, she could not open her eyes again.

Parkinson.

"Parkinson!"

The Slytherin raised her head from between her arms, disoriented. Someone had been calling her.

"You fell asleep in class," she reproached her... Granger?

The Gryffindor must have noticed her bewilderment, as her face showed more annoyance than she already wore. Pansy raised both her arms and stretched them out as she pulled her back back, not caring about offending the other. Then she looked around, hardly any of the students were in the room anymore. And where was the teacher?

"Class is over," Granger added, as if reading her thoughts.

She gave a terse "ah" and tried to get up to leave the room, but the other girl stopped her.

"We have to do a job for this class." Together

Now Parkinson was completely confused.

"But it seems like since you never do anything in class, I'll have to do most of it myself," she continued reluctantly. It seems that Granger was never in a good mood!

"Can you explain to me what you are talking about? You appear out of nowhere and complain! You look like my mother scolding me before breakfast."

Granger was so upset... That was funny to Parkinson.

"We are forced to work together, we have to make groups of two students to complete a star map. The teacher decided the pairs. It will be a noteworthy practice for the Astronomy OWL. I imagine you'll be available tomorrow after Potions to work on this, so I'll see you in the library after that class. That's all."

Along with her last word, her feet moved to turn around and she walked away without waiting for her answer. Didn't she even care if she could get together after Potions? Well, yes she could. But why was this Gryffindor giving orders to the great Pansy Parkinson? Without thinking twice, she quickened her stride to catch up with her. Luckily for her, she succeeded. She grabbed her arm more tightly than she would have if she weren't so irritated. Granger looked at her in surprise.

"Didn't I tell you to stop bothering me?"

The brown eyes lost confidence and stopped meeting Pansy's gaze. It seemed like she was exhausted, but no. Gryffindors are stubborn to the point of being insufferable, in a fit, she said confidently:

"Actually, you said not to sit next to you. Not to stop bothering you."

"I think we both know what I meant."

"I'm not doing this to upset you Parkinson. I'm not that bored. The one who only feels good when they upset others is you."

Pansy clicked her tongue. Granger had already said a similar phrase and it still sounded as silly to her as when she said it the last time they spoke.

"Better than being like you: bossy and nosy," she replied maliciously.

As was customary, with her sharp words she managed to further accentuate the angry expressions on Granger's face. There was something else, though, which caught Pansy's attention. Was she disappointed in her attitude? It seems that Granger really expected things to change between them and is disappointed to realize that Parkinson is still Parkinson.

Granger no longer had the energy to keep fighting, so she added in a neutral tone:

"I'll be working on the star map in the library after Potions class. Join me if you feel like it."

Pansy didn't reply. She did not expect her to answer her like that, with a bitter tinge to her words, as if she gave up. It was one thing to make her angry and another to make her sad. An unpleasant sensation planted itself in her stomach. Granger ignored their differences to comfort her... And now she made her feel bad for no good reason. A reluctance ran through her entire body as she realized she wanted to apologize to Hermione Granger.

When she turned to leave again, Pansy almost did the same, but listened when Hermione spoke up with her typical snotty tone, clarifying:

"It will be your problem if your name does not appear on the parchment I give the professor."

She didn't answer her, but with a half smile she watched Granger walk away as she thought she had some bloody cheek.

. . .

Pansy was lying on the grass, staring out at Black Lake. There was a bit of wind, but the Sun didn't have a cloud covering it, so the temperature was pleasant. This was the best time of year to get sunlight without the girl's pale skin reddening from minor burns. She enjoyed taking slower, deep breaths, the air cooler and more humid in this part of the Hogwarts grounds.

"I always liked that the Slytherin common room is under the lake. It makes us special. Don't you think?"

Pansy stiffened in surprise and turned around to see who was speaking to her, although it was not necessary to know, she'd heard the haughty voice of the prince of Slytherin, Draco Malfoy, too many times not to recognize it even with her eyes closed. She watched him in silence, without losing any detail of his movements. He sat down on the grass then, but far away, leaving almost six feet between them.

"Pansy," he began, almost as if sighing her name. He seemed to have no prepared speech. He didn't even look at her. It was as if he was talking to himself, or did not need to confirm that she was listening. "How are you?"

The girl did not hide her bewilderment on her face, and without leaving her astonishment, she asked:

"What do you want, Draco?"

"I do not hate you."

"Thanks?"

"You're welcome."

Pansy had to contain her urge to strangle the blonde. She could see his smug smile, pretending he didn't realize that her thanks was an awkward and even ironic comment.

"Most of them are getting bored of bothering you."

After that statement Draco deigned to look at her. The girl shrugged her shoulders, her body clearly saying "So what? Shall I have a party?" He continued speaking:

"I don't know if we were ever friends as such. In the first years we met you tried to make me adore you."

"So what, Draco? We are not friends. You never really liked me. That is why I gave up."

"We never had much in common."

"And now we're having a conversation... Should I be concerned?"

Draco laughed.

"We had our moments, especially at twelve years old."

Silence reigned for a moment, it was uncomfortable.

"My condolences, Pansy. I wish your father hadn't passed away like that."

She shifted uncomfortable hearing his condolences. It sounded just like when a distant cousin came to visit your home and tried to make conversation because the adults made him do it. She hugged her own legs, somehow wanted to cover herself. The strength in her voice lowered:

"You said yourself that we don't get along. Why are you telling me this?"

"I could have been you. Things could have gone wrong for the Malfoys and not for the Parkinsons."

"Even your empathy is self-centered, Draco..."

He ignored her complaint and clarified something that no one asked him:

"I wasn't bothering you, but neither did I jump or would jump to defend you." He scratched his nose, taking time to think about how to express his ideas. "What I mean is that I am not interested in being your enemy."

There was a silence. The girl didn't know what she expected. Should she thank him for not being her enemy? There was something her housemate didn't say. What he really wanted to express was still stuck in his throat, that's why he kept talking about things that no one really cared about:

"The ones who hate you are the Greengrass sisters."

Pansy gave a fake laugh. She had always gotten on badly with them. As girls she fought with Daphne for Draco and as time passed and she stopped trying something with the blonde, the fights changed over who was the most beautiful, the most elegant, the one with the best grades, the best in sports...

There were several men from pureblood families at Hogwarts, but the Malfoys were the richest pureblood family in all of England, recognized even outside of Europe. It was a losing competition, only Draco could win. But among women, for the fight for the position of "the princess" of Slytherin, there were only the two of them: Parkinson against Greengrass. But now with the fall of the Parkinson name, Daphne (and little Astoria, who was influenceable and a boot-licker of her older sister) finally won. The now "princess" of Slytherin was enjoying her victory, pressing her, trying to sink her further...

"I personally like Daphne worse than you. That's why I'm so sorry about what happened, "Draco said. "But hey, life goes on…"

It was true, life goes on. Though Pansy couldn't find herself in her new life, or couldn't find herself in her old one. In that environment, perhaps because she felt that Draco was not listening to her or interested in her, she was sincere:

"It's not been so terrible for me to be expelled from our group. I'd rather they didn't bother me, of course... But we were always fighting with each other. Everyone. She fought with you, with Daphne, with Nott... We can't stand each other. Zabini hates you, and I'm sure you know he insults you whenever you're not around."

Draco laughed with his trademark fake charisma, agreeing with her:

"That's how business is... Like a battlefield."

"I'm not finding this so terrible anymore. I get a little bored sometimes without company, but beyond having to avoid messes with you, or well, with Daphne, I'm calmer. I hadn't been aware of how exhausting all this was. Who knows? Maybe when things calm down, I can associate with other Slytherins than you."

"You don't mind having lost your inheritance?" He asked, scandalized.

"Knowing that I'll have to work when I get out of Hogwarts and not living my entire adulthood shopping and traveling makes me want to jump into this lake right now. But if I don't think about it, I'm fine."

Both young people stared at the static water in front of them, calm. After several minutes, Draco got up and brushed off any dust that may have been left on his pants.

"What a pity... Today is the most I've ever liked you."

"I can say the same."

"But we would never be friends."

"I am not stupid. After what happened your father would never allow you to get along with a Parkinson. Besides, even if we can be friendly with each other... In a week we'd be trying to murder each other."

"I do not agree. It is true that I do not want problems with my father and my future damaged by joining you. But I wouldn't be your friend because it would get me in trouble with Greengrass. Zabini would see weakness in me. Nott would pull strings through the shadows, trying to use you to manipulate me. We're already grown up... If I don't make smart moves, not even my last name assures me of anything. Being your friend is not good business."

"As a child you weren't that cold, Draco. Who would have thought, a true businessman!" She mocked.

"Laugh, go ahead. But you are not the only one who faced problems. I already learned from them."

Pansy recognized that the blonde had changed. Last year was tough too, for most at Hogwarts actually. Draco had moved his entire fourth year with stealth and a lot of weariness on his shoulders. "He Who Must Not Be Named" almost appeared in the middle of the Triwizard Tournament to everyone's terror, but as quickly as he made his appearance, he was defeated. It was well known that the Malfoys were Death Eaters, so they had aided Him. Pansy didn't know the details, but she did know him and his fears. He just wanted to live quietly (and in luxury, he was a clear pampered only child). In fact, he didn't bother Potter as much as before, just a comment in the hallways if they crossed paths, out of habit. But he was no longer trying to get out of his mind. Was a life-changed Draco before Pansy's eyes? And her? Had she changed after her fateful summer? She felt the urge to raise her hand and reach for the shadows of the past. Clinging to the arm of that little Draco who did nothing but show off feats, often exaggerated, and even false. The one who laughed at his own jokes and loved playing sports. And on the other hand... unite her soul to the girl that she was. The one who laughed at everything, especially Draco's thanks, and started learning about fashion from her precious magazines. That girl who tried to show how wonderful she was, doing whatever it takes for the applause of others. The important thing was to be recognized by their peers. Is that her? A reflection of other people's desires?

"It was fun competing with you," Draco admitted. His face was upset, he was frowning almost imperceptibly. "I'm terrified of being wrong like your father. All purebloods... compete. We often make alliances that are even more deadly than open rivalry."

He nodded back. She wondered if, among deadly alliances, he included the one he had to make with you-know-who.

Malfoy was always very sensitive, much more than her. An insult hurt three times more than most. Fear tormented him as if he were still a child in the dark. In order not to be real friends, she knew him as a brother. She knew him from watching him so much. To see their victories and defeats up close. She was then aware of the dark circles under his gray eyes. He was still haunted by his own troubles, as if the ghost of "the one who must not be named" was still haunting his and her last name. She wondered if he was actually facing her that afternoon to face his own fears. If in fact, each one faced today their own reflection in the water of the Black Lake. Ironic that it was called that, as if it reflected something dark... The bad of both Slytherins.

"There's also one other thing you were wrong about," Draco added, causing Pansy to turn her attention again. "We could be friendly with each other and not kill each other."

She raised her eyebrows in surprise. A mocking smile appeared on Draco's face.

"I'm sure you said the same about Granger. And now they sit together in class, they decide to do work as a pair…"

Pansy jumped to her feet, as if his words burned her. Looking at him in annoyance, she muttered:

"We are not friends."

The boy's smile widened. He turned around and left. She, on the other hand, sat back down on the grass while thinking: Damn Malfoy. At least, she thought about it as long as the rage lasted, since before she knew it, again, she was facing her reflection.