I forgot how lonely it was to walk home by myself.
It was sad, really, how miserable I was without her. Himawari and I were infamous at school for how often we fought. Everytime she opened her mouth she was voicing her disapproval of something I had done. Was there something wrong with me? Why do I miss the sound of her voice so much?
"HIMAWARI YOU'RE THE WORST!" I shouted to nobody in particular, stamping my foot on the ground in frustration.
"..."
"Huh?"
Somehow, I was in front of my house. I must have been so wrapped up in my thoughts that my body went on auto-pilot. And if I was in front of my house, that meant I was also right next to the house of a certain someone that had been avoiding me all day.
"Himawari!"
"You're disturbing the peace, Sakurako."
I stared blankly at her as she reached into her mailbox and pulled out a bundle of fliers. This was my chance to apologize!
"Himawari, I -"
"Sorry Sakurako. I'm quite busy at the moment." she stated curtly. She didn't even bother turning to face me.
"HEY! Himawari, wait!"
I moved to intercept her as she walked back to her front door. I just needed a minute to tell her how I felt. I reached out and grabbed her shoulder.
"Himawari, can I talk to you for a sec -"
Her entire body visibly recoiled at my touch. She turned around and looked at me with a scowl that made me want to cower in fear.
"What part of 'on break' are you not understanding? Go home, Sakurako."
I ignored the hurtful words. I wasn't going to give up so easily.
"I don't want to be on break! I want us to be friends again!"
"You just want someone to play along with your childish antics. I don't want to be associated with your immature behavior."
She opened the door and stepped inside.
"I have to go cook dinner, Sakurako. Goodbye."
Things had changed so quickly. Himawari felt so far away from me. I didn't want to force her to forgive me. If she needed time, maybe I needed to give it to her. Still…
"I miss you, Himawari."
Himawari paused as she stepped through the doorway, and for the briefest of seconds, I was sure she'd turn around. But my hopes were crushed as swiftly as they were raised. The door closed. I was alone.
So many thoughts were passing through me. I was angry that she didn't want to talk. Sad that she thought I was a bad friend. Anxious as to what the future holds. Yet through all these overwhelming emotions I felt one emotion stronger and more brilliantly than all the others combined.
Determination.
"HIMAWARI!" I shouted triumphantly to the door in front of me. "I'm going to change! I'm going to be a better friend!"
I turned around and began the short journey back to my front door. For the first time since we had our falling out, I felt hopeful that things would get better. If it was for her, I could definitely become a more dependable and mature person!
"I'm going to be a better friend!"
My back to the door, I listened to Sakurako's muffled voice with a heavy yet hopeful heart. Ever since we were young she would make these bold and outlandish promises with such confidence. Sakurako was lazy for sure. Annoying at times. But she was also passionate, and headstrong.
"I believe in you, Sakurako." I whispered to myself.
I wonder if she heard me.