Back to Edward! I know I told a few of y'all the other day we'd find out what the bottles were yesterday... I totally forgot I had a Bella chapter before we went back to Edward and all the explanations. So, this is what some of y'all were looking for! I'll see y'all at the end for some explanations.

Chapter 4

EPOV

I tried to go to sleep after I found the pill bottles in the bathroom last night. But, it just wasn't happening.

Not only could I not figure out why she was taking them, but I was trying my damnedest to get some ideas hammered out for the construction company. My brain just wouldn't shut off last night. At all.

So, I spent the entire night going over some ideas for work, and cleaning the rest of the house. Bathrooms, kids' rooms, my and Bella's room, kitchen, living room, sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, dusting, everything.

It's exhausting doing all of this yourself. I don't know how single mothers do this all on their own, and take care of their kids.

But then, I start feeling like shit, because this is what Bella was talking about. She's basically become a single parent since I took over for my dad, and she's taken over the role of mom and dad. I should've seen this sooner. I can't believe that I didn't see this sooner. I would've never normally done this to Bella. I've just flat out neglected her and our kids. They're the most important part of my life, and I just shrugged them off for the last year or so.

I feel like an absolutely horrible husband and father right now.

I'm in our bedroom, vacuuming around the bed, when I see a slight movement out of the corner of my eye.

I look up and see Bella peaking around the corner of the door frame, then coming completely into view. I reach down and turn off the vacuum.

"Hi…" She said, a little shyly.

"Hey, beautiful." I say as I unplug and start tucking away the vacuum cord.

"So, you wanna sit down and talk about things?" She asked as she walked in and grabbed the vacuum from me to take back to be put away.

I grabbed her hand before she could get too far, and pulled her back to me so she was facing me. Tilting her head up to look into her eyes, I capture her lips with mine in a gentle kiss, one that I didn't realize I really, REALLY needed until that moment.

Pulling away and just staring at her beautiful face, I can't help but tell her "I've been such an idiot, Bells. I'm so sorry that I've neglected you the way I have. You can't even begin to know how horrible I feel about all of this."

She sighs, kisses me once more, and pulls on my hand to drag me down the hallway to the living room and sitting on the sofa.

We sit there for a few minutes, just trying to collect our thoughts. After a while, I take a deep breath and begin.

"I don't know where to really start, but I want you to know that we're going to fix this. I'm going to do my best to get some more help around the office so I can drop some of the load off of myself. I can't keep doing this to myself, and I can't keep doing this to you. I've dropped everything here at home onto your shoulders and took everything from the construction company and shouldered it myself. I feel so run down into the ground most days that I just don't know which way is up. It's gotten to the point that I ignore my own family." My voice cracks on the last part, and I have to look down, because I can't look at her and see the disappointment in her eyes.

I see her hand reach over and pull my face back up to look at her, and I see love there. Yes, there are tears there, too, but love is there in spades.

"Edward, you took on something you weren't sure you could handle. In the beginning, you would come home and tell me you wanted to hand it off to someone else because there's just too much to do in the office, and for you to do your other work."

"I know. And that's part of what I'm thinking about to help take the load off. I'm gonna have to step back from doing the construction part all together. It's just not working out to do that and run the company. I'm surprised I haven't run the whole thing into the ground yet." I say, scrubbing my hands over my face. "I need to hire a couple more people to help around the office, for sure. I know that dad's secretary left a few months before he stepped back, and we just haven't been able to find the right person to take her place. She was so good at her job and running the day to day of the office, and I need an office manager of some sort."

"Well, I know someone who could help… She just got told her company was getting sold and it was getting liquidated. So, she's gonna need a job pretty soon." Bella said, and I could see the gears working in her head.

I wasn't sure where this was going, but I'm open to just about anything.

"Who?"

She bit her lower lip and fiddled with her hands a little bit. "Me…"

My brain stopped for a moment then started processing again, just a little slower and I shook my head.

"Wait, what? Baby, what are you talking about? Your company got sold?"

She nodded her head and tucked her feet underneath her on the couch.

"Well, we found out about a month and a half ago. I've been looking around town, even in downtown Charleston, for a new job. You know I've been working with computers and crunching numbers for years. I can help out. At least until you can find someone else that might be a better fit for the office."

I grab her hands and pull her to me, kissing her lips. "Oh beautiful girl, you don't know how much weight you're taking off my shoulders right now."

She runs her hands through my hair and grins at me. "I think I've got an idea on that. I've seen what this is doing to you. You're so incredibly stressed and it's starting to take a toll on your health." She runs her finger under my eye. "You're not sleeping much. You're not eating much, because I've noticed your belt has been cinched in two notches. You've gotta take care of yourself, too."

That got me thinking about something else.

"Not to get off topic here. But, would you care to tell me what the pills on the bathroom counter are for?" I see a blush cover her cheeks and she tries to hide it. "No, don't hide from me with this. Why are you taking hormones? And anti-depressants? Blood pressure medicine? What's going on with you?"

"Well… I found out a few weeks ago that I've got PCOS. Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. The hormones are to help level out the estrogen my body isn't making anymore. And the anti-depressants are for obvious reasons. I've just had some difficulties dealing with all of this over the last year or so, and it reached a point where I needed some help. So I went to the doctor and she started me on those."

I'm not sure what the first thing is, but the depression, I get.

"Can you… tell me what that first thing was? Poly-what the hell?"

She just snorts and grabs hold of my hand again. "It's basically a hormone disorder. It will cause cysts on my ovaries. Some of them may rupture and that causes pain in that area. My cycles haven't been regular for a few years now. Not too long after I had Kate is when I started noticing that. I didn't think anything of it at the time. And I just started noticing things were weird with my body and I didn't understand what was going on. I'm still not sure how some of it is affected by this. Like my blood pressure. I got scared one day that I was gonna pass out and Alice rushed me to the hospital and they said my blood pressure was pretty high, and they sent me to a cardiologist. I'd had a few instances where I got dizzy and thought I would pass out, and I needed to get answers. They started me on something to maintain it at a healthy level. But apparently PCOS can cause you to have high blood pressure." She shrugged, looking at me. "Who knew?"

I'm a little irritated that I didn't know a god damn thing about this. I'm her husband, she should have told me.

I stand up from the sofa and start pacing, running my hands through my hair, and pulling.

"Bella, why didn't you tell me any of this? You have a blood pressure problem, and you didn't tell me? You know how freaked out I am about that kind of stuff after what happened with my dad. And this PCOS thing? Is it serious? Is it treatable? Is it…" I stop for a minute because I don't know if I can say this. "Is it fatal?"

She stands up too, and comes over to where I'm beating myself up because, clearly, this just makes what she's been shouldering because of me over the last year, a million times worse.

"Edward, stop. I did try to tell you. I tried a few times but I…" she looked down, wringing her hands. "You brushed me off whenever I tried to tell you. When I went to the hospital, you were out of town, at one of your off site projects for the week. I didn't want to freak you out before I knew what I was dealing with. So after you came back, and I went to the cardiologist, we got a game plan together, and it's been fine, for the most part. My OB/GYN said that if I can eventually get some of these other parts of the PCOS under control, then maybe the blood pressure won't be an issue anymore. She didn't say it was definite, but it was possible. But, we've got a dosage that seems to be working right now, and I've been started on the hormones so maybe things in my body will settle down some."

Well, fuck me dead. It's official. I'm just a royal piece of shit, and I shouldn't be a husband or father.

"God damn it. I'm… Jesus, Bella, this was something I would have listened to. No matter what else was happening. If something was wrong with you, I needed to know. That's part of my job as your husband."

"Well, Edward, I hate to say it, but you've kinda blundered on your job as a husband, lately! I would have gladly told you! But anytime I walked in the room to talk to you or get your attention, you had your nose in blueprints or on the fucking phone with whoever! All I ever got was this!" She screamed, and motioned her hand in a shooing motion. "Do you realize that as your wife, being shooed away like I'm some fucking dog, feels like being punched in the gut?! I've already got stabbing pains in my uterus, Edward, add to that the blow of your brush off when I need you, feels like I might as well just go sit in the corner and wait for further punishment!"

That felt like a slap in the face.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to blow up like that." She said as she put her face in her hands and shook her head back and forth. "I just… I've been bottling all of this up for so long, and… I'm sorry."

She sounds so defeated. And with good reason.

"No, I'm the one that's sorry. You're right. I wasn't there for you when you needed me. I've been so caught up with work and I just blew off every single one of my responsibilities, my vows I made to you when we got married. I thought last night that I was a horrible person… Now? What's lower than scum? Cuz that's what I feel like right now. I've neglected everything in my life. And you would've had every right to leave me for real. I can't believe I haven't been there for you, baby." I pull her into my arms, and hear her sniffle. "I'm so incredibly sorry, Bella."

She nods her head and pulls back a little. "I'm sorry, too. I could've tried harder, too. But trying to keep up with everything around here, dealing with these health issues, work… I just didn't have the strength to push harder."

"You didn't answer me earlier. Is this… PCOS… is it fatal?"

She pulled me back over to the sofa and sat closer to me this time.

"No, not necessarily. I mean, they've said it could possibly cause endometriosis or endometrial cancer, but every case is different. It doesn't mean that yes I will get cancer, or no I won't. It just means there's a possibility. I just have to keep getting checked out, keep doing the hormones, and try to get things straightened out, and maybe, it'll be less likely. They said there's no cure for it. But, doing the hormones, and treating other things, and finding a balance, helps. I've…" Her face kind of scrunched up, like she's not sure how to say this next part. "I've also noticed my hair falling out. Like a lot more than normal. It's one of the symptoms of PCOS. Hair loss on your head, hair growth in other parts that isn't exactly normal for a woman…"

Wait a second…

"What, like… you're gonna lose all your hair?" I ask, kinda shocked.

She looks a little unsure. "It's not definite. I may lose it all, or I may just lose some of it. But, I've noticed it falling out a lot more, what's on my head is a lot thinner. I got it cut shorter to take some of the pressure and pull off of it when I'm brushing it. There are medications to help with it; the hormones could help, too. It's one of those wait and see things."

"But, you said… hair growth in other areas. What exactly does that mean?"

Her little face scrunches up and she looks embarrassed. She lifts up her chin and points to a little area just underneath and on the left side. I don't see much of anything, but then I look a little closer and see a small bit of dark hair there.

"It's not that noticeable. I try to keep it maintained but, it's unfortunately a part of the package with this stupid disorder." She says as she looks back down.

She's right, it's really not that noticeable, but I know this is bugging her.

"Baby, I can hardly see it. This disorder thing doesn't make any sense to me. I'm not sure how those kinds of things can be affected by your hormones being out of whack. It's just mind-boggling to me. Is there any sort of research that I can do on this to better understand it?" I ask, hoping that I can at least get some knowledge on what she's dealing with.

"Yeah, my OB/GYN gave me some reading material and she said there's a lot of stuff on the internet to look up. There's so much that can be affected by this thing and I had no idea anything like this was possible. I'm still trying to get my head around this stuff, myself." She seems overwhelmed by this.

I pull her to me and just hug her as tightly as I can. "We'll figure this out, baby. We'll make sure you get the things you need to fight this off and get back to normal. I'm gonna take care of you, sweet girl."

Her arms are wrapped around me and she squeezes me tightly in response. She tucks herself under my chin and kind of burrows into my chest.

"I'm sorry that I'm dropping this on you right now and adding more to your stress load. This is why I was sort of glad you didn't know before, because you'd be even more stressed out at work. And I don't want you to go overboard."

"No, baby, it's ok. I'm not mad. I may have been a little upset before, but I understand. This was my doing too. So don't think this is all on you. Because it's not. I just don't know what I'd do if I lost you. Finding this out was more of a shock than when I came home yesterday." I tell her, and just revel in the feel of her in my arms like this.

Nodding, she goes on. "So, what else can we do about getting things leveled out at the office? Getting me in there is one thing, but are you definitely going to pull back from hands-on construction? I know you love working with your hands and making things. But, is that really what you wanna do?"

I'm already nodding before she finishes talking. "Yes, absolutely. I know it's not what I'd originally intended to do when I started, but things happen, situations change. I need to step up and make some hard decisions, even if they're difficult ones. I need to do what's best for us. And who knows? Maybe you working with me will be a new and interesting adventure." I smirk at her a little.

She slaps me in the chest and just laughs. "Yeah, no. We're gonna be professional, Edward. You've gotta be a leader at work. They're looking to you for answers and guidance. So, we're gonna do things the right way." She gives me a look that says 'don't mess with me on this'.

"Alright, alright, fine. Killjoy." I joke and kiss her temple.

Giving me a look, she goes on. "So, what else? You said you were thinking about hiring more people."

"Well, I think another two construction workers, at least. Possibly an extra person in the office with you. I think we can afford to hire that amount of people, so it shouldn't be a problem. I'd been thinking we needed more help for a while now. I just never put it into practice. If we can go ahead and get this going, I think this will be exactly what we needed. And I can be home more, where I can help out again. We can get back to a normal routine and you can start taking it a little easier. I don't want you to overdo things with this disorder you've got. You told me earlier that I need to take better care of myself. Well, I'm telling you the same thing. You need to make sure you're taking care of yourself. I don't want you to end up in the hospital or anything else. I love you too much to have anything happen to you on my watch."

I watch her face, and see several emotions flit across it. I hope she understands that we're gonna do this as a team now. We shoulda been doing this all along and I shoulda asked her, or even listened to her when she tried to talk to me about this stuff.

She nods, and says "I think that all sounds like a good idea. If you want to, we can go over some of the stuff that needs to happen with running the office and getting your numbers and such figured out. We can get on top of this stuff and iron out the details."

I think about it for a minute, but ya know what? It can wait for a day or two.

"Actually… I want to spend the day with my beautiful…" I kiss her nose, "smart…" then kiss her temple, "incredible…" kissing her cheek, "amazingly strong wife." then kiss her lips. "We've… I'VE been neglectful of our relationship, and I want to just spend some time with you. I think we need this more than anything else right now."

I register the shocked look on her face and can't help but laugh because she's just too cute for her own good. Our kids definitely get their cuteness from her.

After a little bit, she finally shakes herself out of her funk. "That actually sounds perfect. I need to call my mom and let her know we're gonna stay here. The kids were gonna stay the night again anyways, so we've got the whole day and night to ourselves. We can go over there tomorrow and hang with the kids."

"Awesome. Is there anything in particular you wanna do today?" I ask, standing up and reaching for her hand and pulling her up.

She thinks for a minute and then just pulls me down the hallway toward our bedroom. "I want us to just spend the day cuddled in bed, and just catching up. We need to reconnect and get back on a level playing field with each other. I also want you to try to sleep some, because you need it. You need to get yourself in a better spot to mentally deal with making changes at work. So, you need to let your body at least recuperate some."

You don't have to ask me twice. I jumped over to my side of the bed and burrowed in, holding out my hand for her to join me.

She giggled and scrambled up to join me and curled up against my chest.

Best idea ever.

So, background. Yes, this is a real disorder, and yes I have personal experience with it. Mine is somewhat worse than what Bella has in this story, but I've also had it a lot longer and it's just gone undetected for many years for me. I never knew how many things could be affected by PCOS and your hormones just not being produced. I've got irregular cycles, high bp, asthma, loss of hair, growth of hair in weird places, acne as a 35 year old, weird discoloration in my skin in spots around my body, etc. Just about every symptom that you look up for PCOS, I have. So, it's not a fun thing to deal with. My mother had endometrial cancer and we're thinking it could've been caused by her having PCOS as well. But there was no way to find out because she passed only six months after she was diagnosed with the cancer.

So, there's that. Leave me some love, if you're feeling generous!