Chapter 4: Framing Is Everything

There was a momentary hush as the assembled crowd tried to reconcile what their ears had heard and their eyes had seen with what they thought their brains had known, and the circle of students around Ranma backed away slightly in shock before surging towards him like air rushing in after a shockwave. Ranma found himself jostled at the center of a sea of bodies, all of whom were shouting questions over everyone else present, their voices mixing in a single, discordant wall of sound. Unused to crowds, the experience was overwhelming for the young martial artist to the point where he felt the need to clap his hands to his ears and shut his eyes.

Eventually, however, he could feel the pressure lessening, and he hazarded a look. The two girls (sisters?) were the only ones still in his personal bubble, the shorter of the two (pretty sure she was called 'Akane'?) provided an imposing physical barrier to the mob, while the other one, with the bob, she was standing protectively in front of him.

"Alright, back up, back up!" she shouted. "Hey!" She slapped the hand of a particularly bold young man who had evidently never been taught the rule of "look, don't touch". Glaring, she grabbed Ranma's shoulders in a possessive manner and said, "If you have questions for our newest classmate, you're going to have to go through the official channels! And fresh gossip from Nabiki Tendo doesn't come cheap!" She looked at Ranma with a hungry glint in her eye. "Stick with me, kid. I have a feeling you and me can go some places." Turning back to the crowd, she made a couple of warning swings with her school bag. "I own him, do you hear? I own him, he's mine!"

"Nabiki, quit it!" Akane admonished. "Don't you think he's gone through enough for a first day at school?"

The girl who was evidently named Nabiki was still eying Ranma with yen signs clouding her vision. Before she could say anything else, however, the school bell rang, signifying that roughly 80% of the Furinkan student body was now late for class.

"Uh, is that gonna be a problem?" Ranma asked.

"Pssh, please." Nabiki said, rolling her eyes. "What're they going to do, make all of us stand in the hall?"

"Can't fuckin' believe this…" Nabiki found herself muttering.

Her teacher leaned into the hall, frowning. "What was that, miss Tendo?"

"N-nothing, sensei!" she said with a bright smile, betrayed only by a vein throbbing beneath bangs that were quickly becoming damp with sweat. Her arms already felt like they were about to up and leave her torso, and she looked around at a sea of similarly struggling students, who represented more or less all of the people in her grade.

"How many buckets does this school even have?" she wondered aloud.

The answer, evidently, was "enough", as the first year students on the floor below also found themselves red-faced and straining under the weight of the water they had been made to hold. It was just as well that they had all been aent out into the hall, however, as even those students who had made it to class on time had no interest in their teachers' lesson plans for that morning. All their attention was focused on Furinkan's newest sideshow, who currently found himself fielding a barrage of questions from all sides.

"Magic is real?" asked a girl.

"Are you a boy or a girl?" asked a mousy-haired boy.

"How long have you been changing like this?" asked another boy.

"Is that permanent?" asked a girl with ginger curls.

"Are those things real?" asked one of the two boys who had ingratiated themselves with Ranma, who he now knew as Daisuke.

"Uh, yeah," Ranma replied, trying to remember the order of questions asked. "... I'm a guy, a few months, no, and yes, the are, so quit starin'!" He snapped at the other boy's lecherous gaze. "...Unless a'course you're willin' to buy me dinner first." He said with a wink.

Daisuke nearly short circuited, conflicting emotions flashing across his face as his brain tried and failed to attach the words from what appeared to be a girl hitting on him with the boy he'd seen beat Kuno to a pulp earlier that morning. He settled for turning the color and temperature of a freshly boiled lobster as his friend Hiroshi cackled next to him.

This set off a fresh wave of not-so-hushed conversation, all while Ranma stood there with his arms apparently unaffected by the heavy buckets they were supporting and a smirk unaffected by the stage whispers surrounding him.

Well he's confident, I'll give him that, Akane thought, standing several heads away from the strange new kid. She sniffed with the slightest hint of disapproval. A bit shameless, though.

Still, it had to be some kind of record. Here was, ostensibly, a boy, and Akane found herself not only not being reminded of the failings of half the species, but…

...She kind of wanted to see if he could use a friend.

You know, just someone to show him the ropes.

"So what do you make of him?"

"Hm?"

Nabiki rolled her eyes. "The Saotome kid, Akane. Sheesh." Despite it being a beautiful spring afternoon, she found herself feeling highly irritated. Not only had the new kid spilled countless yen worth of details to her customer base for free, but that whole water bucket stunt had made her arms feel like they were trying to escape to the upper atmosphere for the rest of the school day.

"O-oh, right. Him." Several seconds were spent walking in silence before Akane eventually just said, "He seems fine."

"That's it?"

Akane nodded.

Grumbling, Nabiki stewed for a while as they continued on their way home. "I noticed he was back to his normal self by the end of the day," she said, desperate for any information she could get her hands on. "Any idea how that works?"

"Oh, yeah." Akane said, as if just remembering. "When we were let back into class, he said he wanted to change back, and that he needed hot water to do it. He actually asked me to show him to the nurse's office."

Nabiki, ignoring her younger sister's burgeoning friendship with the newest weirdo at Furinkan, deflated visibly. "So what you're saying is that the whole class knows. Great."

"What is with you, Nabiki? I figured you'd be happy I was meeting people."

"I am, sis, I am," she replied. "But I'm also running a business, and that kid is seriously undercutting me."

"Undercutting your business?" said Akane, jaw dropping. "He was just answering questions! Really invasive questions, if we're being honest."

"Yeah, and revealing and/or not revealing invasive personal information based on who's paying is my bread and butter." she replied. "Would have been nice to have all this info to myself. Just saying."

Akane fumed. "I cannot believe we're related sometimes!"

Nabiki smiled, despite herself. It was good to get back to the basics of a good, wholesome, wildly unhealthy sibling relationship.

Low level snipes continued for the remainder of the short walk home with both sisters barely bothering to hide their grins by the time they crossed the threshold of the Tendo home.

"We're home!" Akane announced. The sound of the kitchen sink shutting off and a clink of ceramic on ceramic signalled that her eldest sister had heard her from the kitchen.

"Welcome back, you two!" came the gentle voice of Kasumi, who rounded the corner while drying her hands on her apron. "How was school today?"

"It was… interesting." Akane said, unsure of how to properly break the news that they had a new classmate with gender swapping action (just add water). She settled for being vague and factual. "There's a new student!"

"Oh, that's wonderful!" Kasumi said, her smile brightening the room. "You should invite her over sometime." Cocking her head to the side as if it came as something of an afterthought, she added, "...or him, I suppose." She frowned as if this wasn't a terribly likely outcome, given her sister.

"Try both." Nabiki muttered under her breath as she made her way to the refrigerator.

"Hm? What was that Nabiki?" Kasumi asked innocently.

"N-nothing!" Akane interjected. "H-he's a guy, actually! The new student, that is. His name's Ranma, and he's in my class."

"Really?" Kasumi seemed to become, to Akane's mind, unreasonably excited at this news as she pulled her sister into a tight hug. "Oh, we simply must tell father the good news once he's done speaking to his guest."

The hiss of an opening soda can alerted Kasumi to the return of the middle Tendo sister. "Daddy has a guest? That's surprising." If Nabiki was in fact surprised, she did a good job of hiding it, her expression not budging an inch as she raised the soft drink to her lips and took a casual sip.

"Yes, it's apparently an old friend of his, back from when he was still training under his old master."

"You mean the one that gives him that distant, haunted look when he's mentioned?" Akane asked.

Kasumi nodded pleasantly. "That's the one, yes. He's apparently just gotten back from China with his son. I… don't think he came bearing good news, however. Father got the sake out pretty quickly after he arrived."

Nabiki leaned into the opening that led to the home's main sitting room, seeing a very large, very drunk, very upset man in a white gi being comforted by her father, who was giving him gentle if unsure pats on the shoulder.

"Any idea who he is?" she asked.

"I believe father called him 'Saotome'." Kasumi helpfully answered.

Nabiki and Akane shared a glance. Neither said a word, but they both knew the other was thinking the same thing.

Today was not a day for coincidences.

The two sisters edged their way into the room, unsure if they should announce their presence or not. It wasn't that they were put off by the sight of a grown man crying, their own father was prone to bursts of emotional waterworks himself. It was just that mister Saotome seemed to have crossed some event horizon of anguish, worked up into what Kasumi would euphemistically describe as "a tizzy".

"We should say hello." Akane whispered to her sister.

Nabiki nodded. "So good of you to volunteer, sis." she whispered back, giving her younger sister a slight nudge forward.

Akane sputtered, but before she could say anything, her father had turned around.

"Ah, girls." Soun said, giving his daughters a wan smile. "Please, meet my old friend, Genma Saotome."

The girls bowed politely as the distraught man blearily tried to focus on them with bloodshot eyes. After a while, something that sounded like "You have such beautiful daughters, Tendo" escaped his lips, slurred to the point of near-illegibility. Saying this seemed to make him realize something, and prompted a fresh wave of sobs to wrack the man.

"Is he… alright, dad?" Akane asked. She was feeling highly uncomfortable in mister Saotome's presence.

"That's what I've been trying to work out, Akane dear." Soun said, sighing. "I had been half-expecting a visit from him from some time now, but I was also expecting there to be some kind of advance notice." He glanced at his daughters, a flash of guilt crossing his features. "...I also was not expecting him to come alone."

"Does mister Saotome have a son?" Akane asked.

Soun blinked in surprise. "He- he does, in fact! B-but how did you know?"

Nabiki grinned. "Oh, we met pretty boy at school today, daddy."

"Nabiki!" Akane hissed, elbowing her sister in the ribs.

But Soun didn't notice Akane's reaction, or else didn't care. "You… met young Ranma?" he asked, his eyes wide and glistening, the threat of one of his trademark bouts of tears clearly on the horizon. "...and you found him… attractive?"

Nabiki was unable to help herself from such a setup. "Yeah, I'll bet Akane sure did-"

"NABIKI!" she shouted, this time making a spirited attempt at throttling her older sister.

Soun was over the moon. Tears flowing in full force now, he scooped up the dead weight of his friend in a hug and spun him around. "Do you hear that, Saotome? Do you hear that?"

"Nrrglgr…" burbled Genma, his limbs swinging like a rag doll's.

"...Hear what, dad?" asked Akane apprehensively, relinquishing her grip on Nabiki's neck.

Her father didn't appear to hear her. Practically skipping into the kitchen while laughing, he returned dragging Kasumi behind him.

"Oh my, father, what's this all about?" she asked.

"The promise that Genma and I made nearly 20 years ago, my dear!" he said, beaming. "You see, when we were young men, we promised each other that we'd unite the schools of Anything Goes Martial Arts."

Akane felt an ice cube drop into her stomach. "...Meaning?" she asked in a voice with an edge to it.

"Meaning that one of you three will get to be engaged to young Ranma!" he said, presenting this surprise obligation like it was a special prize. "Now isn't that something?"

Nabiki choked on her drink. Kasumi dropped the dish towel she still held in her hands. Akane, meanwhile…

In three steps, she closed the distance between herself and the slumped form of Genma Saotome, grabbing him by the chest of his gi and screaming in his face, "JUST HOW MANY ENGAGEMENTS DID YOU ROPE YOUR SON INTO, HUH?"

"A-Akane?" Soun said nervously. "What's this all about?"

"Ranma's already engaged, dad!"

"He's what?" Soun turned to his friend, who had apparently sobered up immensely from the experience of being threatened by his friend's youngest daughter and was now standing under his own power. "Is this true, Saotome?"

Genma nodded miserably, before prostrating himself on the floor before Soun. "Please forgive me, Tendo! It was life or death! I needed that food!"

"C-calm down, Saotome. What do you mean, 'life or death'? What food?"

Genma, still in a position of supplication, spoke slightly muffled words into the carpet beneath him. "It was nearly 16 years ago, in the South Pacific. I had just set out on my training journey with Ranma, and I found myself dying of hunger and thirst. So… I made a deal with a man I found. He gave me fish and coconut milk in exchange for agreeing to marry off Ranma to his daughter." He looked up, a half-believable expression of remorse gracing his features. "I assumed I'd never see him again! How was I supposed to know he had enough money to send a search party into the Chinese wilderness after us?"

Soun was gracious enough to ignore the clear implication that his old friend had simply run from his responsibilities and expected it to work out. But something was nagging at him. "But… if you wound up in Nerima anyway… The only person rich enough to track you down like that would have to be-"

"Kuno." Akane spat. "Ranma's engaged to the Kuno siblings. "Both of them, dad."

"Both of them? But isn't the Kuno at your school a boy?" Soun glared at his friend. "I'm afraid you're going to have to explain yourself further, Saotome."

"Old Kuno made a very vague contract, it would seem." Genma shrugged. "And well, as for that second part, I'm afraid Ranma has… a condition."

"Yeah, I'll say." snarked Nabiki, unable to help herself.

"...A condition? What sort of condition?"

Genma gave a resigned sigh and pulled himself up into a seated position. "Tendo, do you remember the legends of the cursed springs of Jusenkyo?"

A faint glimmer of recognition flashed across Soun's features, and his brow furrowed in concentration. "I… think so, but they're just a myth, Saotome! Magic like that isn't real, it's the stuff of legend!"

"Well, Tendo, it turns out in this case that the legends are true. Ranma got himself a curse that day, one that pains me to even think about as his father. It's an embarrassment, is what it is." he spat. "You see, Ranma fell into the spring of drowned girl, and that Kuno boy is thick-headed enough that he's willing to listen to his libido before his eyes and believes the boy's cursed form to be his real one! And now both he and his sister are trying to lay claim to Ranma!"

While Soun collapsed onto his friend in a sad pile of wracking sobs, Nabiki looked at Akane, an unspoken question hanging in the air between them.

Akane nodded, once, and slowly.

Nodding back, Nabiki upended the rest of her can of soda onto Genma's head.

Really, neither teen had been sure what they had been expecting. From a sample size of one, it was easy enough for them to assume that father and son had both fallen into the same spring.

What they had not been expecting was for their father to suddenly be clutching the stomach of a giant panda like a baby marsupial.

Both Nabiki and Akane stepped back in surprise. Soun let go of Genma and scooted back on his rear end. Kasumi fainted (thankfully onto the carpet).

"Gowaarrrrrrr…" growled Genma.

"S-S-Saotome!" Soun stuttered. "W-what's happened to you?"

"It's okay, dad!" Akane said. "It's reversible! I'll get some hot water!"

As she put the kettle on the stove, still feeling the residual adrenaline from the rush of anger at the engagement announcement, she wondered.

Is this how Ranma felt when he got to the Kunos'?

Ranma, for his part, was currently delaying the prospect of returning to the Kuno estate for as long as possible. To that end, he was taking a walk with Hiroshi and Daisuke, who had taken it upon themselves to serve as Ranma's unofficial tour guides to the points of interest in the ward.

Said points of interest had included a river embankment, a duck pond in the park, a city pool, one of those public amusement spaces with random spurts of water shooting up out of the ground, and an apartment complex with a number of dripping window air conditioning units.

Ranma was noticing a pattern.

"You know, guys," he said, staying well clear of the droplets. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were tryin' to see my girl form."

"Aw, what?" Hiroshi said, the picture of false innocence. "What gave you that idea, man?"

"I dunno," he said, looking at a hopeful Daisuke attempting to catch enough water in his cupped hands to splash Ranma with. "Call it a hunch."

"Aw, c'mon, can you blame us?" Daisuke asked, abandoning his endeavor. "Your girl form is a total babe!"

"Ahaha, well…" Ranma said, blushing and rubbing the back of his head. "That ain't wrong, but still…"

Hiroshi and Daisuke glanced at each other, perturbed. "Dude, are you blushing?" Daisuke asked.

"Um. M-maybe? I'm not used to bein' flirted with." Ranma said. "It's a weird feelin'."

"Whoa, dude, we weren't flirting with you!" Hiroshi said, shaking his head. "We just wanted to see your hot half!"

"Hey, this side is plenty hot!" Ranma protested. "You sayin' it ain't?"

Daisuke couldn't help but feel like the conversation had shifted gears somewhat. "Wait, so are you flattered, or not?" He paused as he scratched his head. "And wait, are we hot?"

Ranma gave him an appraising look. "I mean. You're alright. Objectively, Tatewaki's kind of way handsomer than you two. No offense."

Daisuke, whose face was flushed with Not Offense, simply retorted with a masterful, "Well if you think he's so hot, why don't you marry him? Seems like that's lined up pretty well for you!"

"Because he's Tatewaki Kuno. I wouldn't marry him or his sister if they were the last people on-"

"Oh, Ranma-darliiiinnnnnnng~!"

"Eep!"

Before either boy could register what had happened, Ranma was gone, replaced by what they could swear was a quickly-dispersing cloud of dust in his shape. And lightly jogging to meet them was a girl they could only assume was Kodachi Kuno.

Both Daisuke and Hiroshi's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. Kodachi was wearing a skintight leotard that left very little to either boy's overactive imaginations, and she approached them in a motion that could only be described as a slink.

"Have either of you two seen my gorgeous fiancé, Ranma? I've been looking for him ever since school let out, and I'm simply ever so worried about him!" She gave Daisuke what she probably assumed was a puppy dog pout.

"Do… you need a public restroom, miss?" he asked, unsure what to make of her expression.

Instantly, her face soured like milk and she brandished a club at them. "Don't you play dumb, I watched him walk into this alley with you! Now where is he?"

"W-we don't know!" Daisuke had heard stories about the Black Rose of Hebereke from his favorite vantage point within the bushes growing underneath the window of the girls' locker room. He didn't want to be on the wrong end of her club. "He just disappeared, honest!"

"Hmph. Whatever." Kodachi lowered her club. "He'll have to come home eventually." She flashed a wicked grin. "And once he tastes my cooking, he'll never leave my side again! Oohhohohohoho~!"

As she skipped out of the alleyway, the two boys gulped as they watched her back.

"That was… intense." Hiroshi said, gulping.

"Yeah…" Daisuke said, nodding vaguely. "...I wonder how good her cooking must be, if she's that confident."

"Uh, more importantly dude, where'd Ranma go?"

"I'm, um, up here." came a voice from above.

Both boys looked up to see a small redhead clinging to the underside of a sturdily-attached air conditioning unit, the condensation from the rear of the machine dripping down his now thoroughly soaked silk shirt.

As Ranma dropped down, he shuffled his feet nervously as the three of them avoided eye contact.

"Hey, um-" said three voices at once.

"...You guys first." Ranma said.

Hiroshi cleared his throat. "So, sorry we like. Kept trying to splash you and everything. I guess."

Daisuke nodded. "And sorry about getting weird about if you thought we were attractive or not." He scratched his head, looking confused. "I… still don't know what that was about."

Ranma chuckled. "Hey, it's cool. Sorry if I made you uncomfortable. Haven't exactly had much time around other people or away from my pops before, and he ain't big on… this. It's fun, though." He winked, which given his current form caused both boys to develop an incandescent blush. "...I'm bein' serious about the dinner offer, too. So long as you're payin'. Anythin' to get outta that house."

Hiroshi tittered nervously, while to Ranma's eyes, Daisuke looked… oddly thoughtful.

Ah, well, he thought. This place might not be too bad after all.