After spending about 2 or 3 hours with the Kawasaki Family, we ended up parting ways early, which left me with about 3 hours until I hit the hay.

The evening was chilly, but with the disappearance of the clouds and the illumination from the street lights, the evening felt peaceful and it made me want to walk down the street forever with no destination. The number of people around me was higher than usual, but it makes sense because it's a beautiful night outside and the wind has died down to an acceptable level. The wind can make a big difference in the weather. It could be cold outside but a strong gust of chilling wind will make you want to turn your back against it in hopes of it dying down. Even though there was a chilly breeze outside, it was still kind of nice outside.

As I was walking down the street, I was stopped by a familiar-looking figure.

"You got time? Let's chat, shall we?"

I didn't expect Yukinoshita Haruno to have waited for me at this time. It was something I didn't anticipate at all, so I felt my heart race for a split second before returning to its normal levels.

"Alright," I didn't have much of a reason to deny, anyway.

As we were walking down the street, she started the conversation. "A new girl, huh? You are an interesting guy, Hikigaya-kun."

Ah, here we go.

"Why do you care who I spend my leisure time with? Your sister was the one who rejected me anyway."

"Well, it's not that I care, but aren't you hurt? I figured you'll stray away from women at least for a while."

You would think so, right? But I had no intention of interacting with Kawasaki at all, but we happened to meet each other on the roof and that's how this journey started. At first, I was a little skeptical about hanging out with her, but it turned out not to be so bad and I enjoyed myself the first time around. Now, I believe the real thing I yearned for is with Kawasaki so I'm making it a priority to have a full grasp of it.

"Trust me, I am, but this was of her own volition and I just happened to get stuck in the fray. And she's an acquaintance of mine, so I didn't have much of a reason to object after all."

"Hmm, I see," She said, pausing ever so slightly. "Do you think your genuine thing is with her?"

Taken aback a little, I responded. "Who knows," I said, with my voice trailing off."

She smiled. "Let me phrase it differently, then. Do you think something genuine really exists in this world?"

"Yeah, because I had that kind of connection with your sister in the past."

I could easily say that I loved Yukinoshita, it would be the easiest way to convey my feelings for her, but there was more than that. The feeling whenever we talked, and whenever we stayed near each other was beyond words, so maybe that's what it's like to experience something genuine. A feeling where it's shared and understood by two people, a feeling that's beyond words, but observable nonetheless.

After getting rejected I've just been constantly doubting myself. What is genuine? Does anything genuine truly exist? Even if I did manage to get a little better with the time that's passed, I'm still in a state of constant doubt where I'm questioning everything that I've been through up until this point.

"And now that connection is broken, huh?"

"It looks like it."

"Maybe your connection with her wasn't real, to begin with, if this is all it took to break it. But, you know, I never had such a connection with anyone in my 20 years of living. I too had such a desire, but I ended up giving up on it because of my positioning in our family business."

I could see where she was coming from. Someone like Haruno can easily put up her facade and entertain the masses of the events she goes to. Everyone likes her, and because everyone likes her no one has anything bad to say about the Yukinoshita family. So, she was living a life where she had to abide by everyone else's expectations, and ultimately that is not genuine even in the slightest.

She continued. "I can only talk like this with you, Hikigaya-kun. We're more similar than you think."

"I don't know about that…"

"Well, if you don't realize it yet then I suppose it's fine. But we both desired something genuine at one point in our lives. And I understand what you mean by genuine. Just that feeling that's indescribable with words alone, and that rich soul to soul connection that you only experience once in a lifetime. Yukino wasn't mature enough to reciprocate that desire, but I am."

"W-what?"

She smiled. "I'm just kidding, or am I?"

"You're such a tease…"

Damn this woman. She had me going during the beginning but she almost gave me a heart attack with that little comment at the end. But I wonder if she was actually being serious or just playing around? There's no point in asking because it would make it seem like I'm interested in her or something.

She smiled. "Maybe one day she'll be mature enough, but you won't wait for that day, will you?"

No, not a chance in hell that I'm going to wait for her. It would be foolish of me to wait for anyone because you're going to end up waiting years for this person. Years of living in the past hoping that this person would come out of the shadows to give their life to you. No, as much I wanted to love her and as much as I wanted to be with her, I have no choice but to forget about her and everything that came along with her.

"No, I won't."

"I figured," She paused. "So, I guess Yukino won't get chosen again." She said, with her voice trailing off.

As we kept walking down the block, we strayed away from the arcade and found ourselves with small shops and restaurants. Even though there were lots of people nearby, it felt as if we were the only two here, with the lights illuminating themselves after each step we take.

"No, this is her doing, so don't try and make me feel guilty or anything."

"Oh, I know. But knowing Yukino, chances are she'll never find a guy like you in this lifetime. So, do you really think that you guys are done and through? Do you think she's going to let things end like this?"

After getting rejected and having our connection destroyed, even if time passes the distance between us, I still feel drawn to her in an unexplainable way. I already told myself that I was going to forget about her and move on, but for some reason, I still want to see and talk to her. But still, is it possible for us to get together now? No, just the thought of that is making me feel depressed knowing that will never happen.

But if it was all possible for that outcome to be manifested into our reality. If one day she manages to confess to me, what would I say? What would I do? Originally, I was thinking about scenarios in which she would confess to me and I accepted, then things would magically work out like the way I wanted to. But that was before I got involved with Kawasaki, so things are more complicated now and will require lots of reflection and thought before coming to an answer.

Before the Kawasaki era, I would've easily said yes to her, but now it won't be that simple. I want to keep spending time with Kawasaki, and I want to understand her better and I want to be around her more. Depending on the future, and if a confession might come from Yukinoshita, then I don't think a simple yes would suffice.

"Are you saying that she might confess to me?"

Surprised by my answer, she replied. "You're sharp; that's exactly what I mean."

"I thought about that happening, but like I said I'm not going to wait for that to happen."

"Hmm, so you did think about the possibility of her confessing to you."

"Yeah, I felt like the ending she chose wasn't the right one and the one she chose was a mistake, an error if you will."

Everything went to plan that night, but when she refused my confession my heart stopped. I could not believe that she didn't want to reciprocate my feelings. It felt like I misread her completely like there was something I miscalculated before confessing that night.

"That's an interesting thought indeed," She said, acting as if she wanted to say more, but stopped herself as we were in front of the station.

As she said that, she stopped in front of the station and spoke. "Thank you for walking with me, it was good talking to you, Hikigaya-kun."

"Yeah, goodnight," I said, waving her off lazily as I made my way deeper inside the station.

As I returned home, I slid out of my shoes and opened the door to the living room.

"I'm home,"

No answer. I didn't get notifications from Komachi so she must still be here. And Kamakura must be asleep since she tends to greet us whenever we enter the house.

As I made my way to my room, I got myself comfortable on my bed and I began playing on my vita for a while. Playing with my vita is an activity that helps burn a lot of time during the day. Even though I liked the games I had, I couldn't read, sleep or watch anime all day. I mean, I could, but too much of something is never a good thing. So, having a rotation of these three allows me to enjoy them all equally with the addition of time flying by.

This is how my evenings went before I joined the service club. When the school days end I usually head home and kill the rest of my time doing practically nothing. Then I rinse and repeat. Oddly enough, the school day is the only time of my day where anything can happen. You'll never get confessed to or find money on the ground at home, right? That's why going to school or out in public was interesting because anything can happen.

I paused my game to check the time on my phone. It was rather late, but not that late. But I noticed that I got some notifications from Kawasaki.

Saki: Hi, Saki here. I'm contacting you to see if I got through to you successfully.

Saki: I see, so it works. Anyways, what are you doing right now?

Saki: When you said you were a busy man, I didn't think you were actually being serious. Well, reply to me when you can.

I wasn't the best texter I meant that 100%. How am I supposed to answer these messages? Better yet, how do people go through hours of texting every day? I would reckon that calling is better than texting, so how is texting so popular? I feel like this kind of communication is used too much because it's convenient for a lot of people. But it does get to a point where you just want to be around that person rather than just texting them.

Me: Hello.

Before I knew it, my phone vibrated and she answered rather quickly. Huh, if it's going to be like this then I guess there's no point in having my phone away from my person.

Saki: Why are you so formal?

Me: I haven't texted anyone in years, so give me a break.

Saki: You're less formal in person, so what gives?

Me: Hold up, give me a second

'User changed your contact name'

Kawa-something-san: What the hell? Is this some sort of nickname or something?

Me: Nah, I actually forgot your name a couple of times a while back. So, the joke just kind of stuck with me.

'User changed their contact name'

Saki: I think I'll just stick with my actual name. So, what are you doing right now?

Me: Besides talking to you, nothing.

Saki: I see. So, you don't do much after school since you're not in the club anymore, right?

Me: Yeah.

Saki: Ohk. So what do you do for lunch? Maybe we can eat together or something.

What the hell? See this is what I'm talking about. Saying something like this in person is completely different from saying it over text. Over text, you have time to think of a response, but in person, it's almost the opposite. Plus, you can't detect emotions from the text so it's really up to you to visualize that kind of stuff.

Me: Sure.

Saki: Yeah, you're a lot better to talk to in person. Well, I'll see you tomorrow, I need to continue studying.

So this is texting another person besides Yuigahama and Komachi, huh? It feels weird and it's not something I prefer to do all the time. I feel like a 15-minute phone call is better than an hour or two of texting back and forth, don't you agree?

As I put my phone down, I got up from my bed and walked in direction of the hallway only to get stopped by a particular picture on my desk. The picture was of the service club, the one Isshiki took a while back for the student council newspaper. It featured Yuigahama smiling cheerfully, me sitting in an uncomfortable position, and Yukinoshita standing with a protective stance.

I grabbed the frame and I inspected it thoroughly. The service club, huh? Besides my cup, this was the last remnants of my connection to the club. I kept this picture here because I treasured the club we had, and it acted as a place of comfort for me. Even if we didn't talk much during club time, just being with them in that room was more than enough for me. But that was back then, now it's different.

I sighed, and I removed the picture from the frame and I walked in the direction of the kitchen garbage can.

Yukinoshita Yukino and Yuigahama Yui. These two people were the last people I never wanted to lose, but things don't always work out the way you want. We didn't fight, nor did we break each other's trust, but it still felt like our relationship was shattered with my rejection. Since it felt like that, I didn't have any reason to keep holding onto this photo, because it was only going to keep constantly reminding me of the past.

I folded up the photo and I stuffed it in the trash. I stared at the picture for a couple of seconds before making my way back to my room.

As I made my way back to my room, I looked at the empty portrait for a few seconds before resuming my gameplay.

I left the room that started it all, and I burned the photo that I kept of the service club. So, it's only a matter of time before my connection with both of them reaches a point where I no longer have a reason to talk to them anymore. And it still feels weird knowing how just one rejection shattered the connection I had with them. If we were so close, and if the connection I had with them was genuine, then why did things have to end like this? Were we not as close as I thought? Was everything up until this point just a sham and I just couldn't see through the lies?

So, please... tell me why did things have to end like this?

The school day proceeded as per usual, and after hours of boring lectures, I finally found myself at lunchtime, the best time of the day.

I wasn't a stranger to people talking behind my back. I had most of my middle school experience as the source on that. So, I didn't feel that uncomfortable in class when I felt the gazes of multiple students on me, in addition to their possible gossips. Yeah, I get it, I got rejected but I think some people don't understand how close we were. Yukinoshita, the school's most popular girl, rejected Hikigaya, the boy who made Sagami cry. It would make sense for people to be talking and gossiping.

I've heard it throughout my time. I'm creepy? I'm disgusting? Thanks, but people who talk like this never say it to your face, it's always online or behind your back. If you never experienced something like this before, then it can be incredibly unsettling at first. But you get used to it after a while because you know that eventually, people will forget about it.

As time went on, I found it easier to deal with the pain that I was dealing with. I used to come to school with no energy at all, and I felt so lifeless that I just wanted to sleep for an eternity. Now, I'm starting to get back into the habit of going to school and coming home, and continuing with this routine. But I still can't get these thoughts of her out of my head. It's almost as if I'm not occupied with something then I start to get depressed about the past, and I start to get deep into my feelings about Yukinoshita.

At this point, I have no idea what to do. I have all these feelings that I have no idea what to do with, and they're just invading my mind to the point where I'm just at constant war with myself. How can I cleanse myself from this pitiful state? Back in middle school, I managed to heal due to time and with our advancement into high school. But this was different, so how can I knock myself out of this pitiful state now?

As I made my way out of the classroom, I was stopped by a familiar-looking figure in the hallway.

"You took five minutes to get out of your classroom, did you know that?"

It was Kawasaki Saki. Just seeing her gave me a small sense of relief and comfort that eased my body and mind.

"I'm surprised you counted," I said, with a small smile.

"The last time I waited for you I didn't bother keeping track of the time. But this time I wanted to see how long you tend to take to get out of your classroom. Five minutes is a long time, what were you doing in there for five minutes?"

As she said that, we began walking in the direction of the roof, ignoring the scattered groups of students in the hallway.

"Impatient much, Kawa-something-san?"

"I'm starting to think that's definitely a nickname of some sort…"

I smiled lightly. "Yeah, maybe. But it's too long to say, so maybe I'll call you black lace or something."

"Oh, absolutely not. I'm surprised you even remember such detail, especially since it was so long ago."

Was it? I don't think it was that long ago that I got a glimpse of Kawasaki's panties, maybe just under a year or so? Some things you tend to remember for a really long time, I guess.

"It was a sight for my eyes so it's only natural that I'll remember."

"Ugh, you're so gross."

Yes, yes I know.

As we made our way to the roof, I noticed that there was another small group of female students eating by the ledge. Which led to Kawasaki walking in the opposite direction of them.

When we sat down, we got ourselves situated and continued the conversation. We sat down under the shade away from the other girls. It was dark enough to cool us down but light enough for us to see our food.

"How's Komachi doing, by the way?"

Surprised by her question, I replied. "Do you really want to know?"

"Yes, that's why I asked." She said, slightly irritated.

"Right…. Well, she's been fine, she's just been studying a lot, you know?"

She gave me an 'I see' look before answering. "How did she take your rejection? I mean, she probably found out that you got rejected, right? She must've had some kind of reaction to it."

It was a lot more dramatic than I expected. But I wasn't surprised, she really liked Yukinoshita and Yuigahama and the connection the three of us shared. It was only natural for her to feel sad when she found out the three of us stopped talking to each other.

"Well, she did react to it, but it's only natural for her to have acted that way. She understood the situation completely, so it's all good."

She gave me an 'Ah' before taking a bite from her food, then I continued. "How's Taishi, by the way?"

"Do you really want to know?" She said, using the same words I used earlier.

"Not really, just being polite."

She smiled. "You know, I really like talking to you in person compared to texting. With ya formal self."

"Is that so? But I think everyone prefers talking to people in person compared to online since friendships and relationships were not meant to be built over the internet.

Before the internet, people actually had to go out in public and interact with people, and that's how you created relationships with people. It would be incredibly difficult to open up emotionally to someone in person, but online you can do it whenever, easily. Do you love someone? And you want to tell them? Text them, and boom you're done. Even though the internet and social media are great, I feel like they've done more harm than good in today's society.

"Yeah, you're definitely not a texter, but maybe you'll like talking on the phone better."

Wait, does she want me to call her or something? Damn it Kawa-something-san, if you don't ask me straight up I'll misinterpret these kinds of things.

"Are you saying that you want to call me or something?"

"Huh… so you're not as slow as I thought. Yes, that's exactly what I mean."

"Next time just say it directly, it would've been embarrassing if that wasn't what you meant."

"Hmm, whatever," She paused to eat her food, only to continue. "Hey… are we like, friends now, or…?"

Huh?

The relationship I had with Kawasaki was strange. Before, you can definitely say that we were acquaintances, but how about now? After hanging out with her and her sister twice, and now that I'm spending time with her now, what was our relationship? We were friends or just mere classmates? I wanted to understand Kawasaki more, and I wanted to spend more time with her, so was it okay for me to consider us friends now?

"I-I guess you can say that we're friends. I mean, we did hang out twice right? So it only makes sense."

"O-Oh, yeah, you're right." As she said that, we continued to eat our food in comfortable silence, with only the other group of girls as a distraction.

Friends, huh? Was I friends with Yukinoshita and Yuigahama? Quite frankly, I don't think I can answer that question.

To start, our relationship was solely based and protected by the club. Without the club, I would have no relationship with either of those two. If I didn't confess to Yukinoshita and we made it to graduation, then I think that's when I'll know if we were truly friends or not. Once our place of contact gets destroyed, I would have to get out of my way to keep our connection intact. But now, I would never know if we were truly friends or not. But those two are fine, they're still talking and hanging out, so it's clear those two are friends. For me, maybe I wasn't friends with them at all, but it felt like we were, it felt like we were so close, but so far away from each other.

"Well, since we're friends now, are you free one of these days? Maybe we can, you know…" She said confidently.

"You want to hang out with me?"

"T-That's what friends, do, right?" She said, slightly embarrassed.

Ah, she was kind of cute just now.

And was this what friends do? Beats me.

"I-I guess so."

As I said that, the conversation quickly died and we both ate in silence.

Hanging out with Kawasaki? Without Keika with us? How will this turn out?

I didn't mind that she wanted to spend time with me, to be honest. After spending quite a bit of time with her already, I grew a solid interest in her. I liked to spend time with her, and I enjoyed talking with her and I always feel at ease whenever we talk. It wasn't quite the same feeling with Yukinoshita, but it was good enough for me to pursue it, and label it as my possible desire. But I wonder if she feels the same way.

The two times we spent time with each other we had Keika with us. If it wasn't for Keika then it would've been impossible for us to have spent time with each other. So, how about now? She didn't mention Keika once today, so I wonder if it's possible that she feels that genuine connection as well. If she felt the same sense of security and overall calm atmosphere whenever we conversed. If it was possible that she felt the same way, so did it make sense for me to also act on these feelings of mine?

With lunch coming to an end, we exited the roof and made our way to our classrooms. We still haven't spoken once after her declaration, but the silence wasn't awkward or tense at all. It didn't feel like time had slowed down while we were walking to her classroom either. Everything felt normal, and everything felt secure.

As we made our way to her classroom, she stopped by the door and spoke to me.

"I'll text you later, see ya."

"Yeah, later." She walked casually inside her clubroom as I said that, and I began my stroll to my homeroom.

It's still possible for such a desire to be impossible to be acquired in this world. The only time I came close to having a full grasp on it was on the bridge, but it was quickly shattered and it destroyed my mental health, even my physical health was at a low after getting rejected. I'm not expecting too much from this situation, but I'm also not doubting myself when it came to my intuition. But the last time I was close to having my desire, it was shattered right in front of me, so what makes this situation any different? Will my relationship with Kawasaki shatter the same way? I just hope that I can experience this special feeling one more time because I didn't appreciate it enough when it was present in my life.

AN:

So I decided to exclude the Saki date from this chapter and to include the next chapter.

Leave your thoughts for the story, any insight from others is greatly appreciated.

And I read that deleted Saki fic I was talking about the last chapter. And, well, it wasn't as good as I thought it was lol.