Chapter 4: Stitches

Bella POV:

Oh no. Oh no, what have I done? Why did I have to be so stupid? Why did I have to be so clumsy? Why? Why did I ruin a perfectly good night? I was devastated.

The blood kept pouring out of my veins. I could not look at it, since the smell alone made me nauseous. Carlisle was the only one who could think clearly.

´Emmett, Rose, take Jasper outside,´ he demanded. Emmett nodded quietly, but I could still see a glimpse of… Of what, remorse in his eyes? This must be so hard for all of them! Why was I such a klutz! Eventually, Esme also had to leave the room. I felt horrible.

I took a good look at Edward, who was protecting me and eying everyone in the room like a hawk. I knew his muscles could not tense, but the way he stood there I could have sworn they were tense. He was ready to fight everyone off, who was getting too close to me.

Eventually, Carlisle realised I needed to get stitches. Edward was carrying me towards a chair, while Carlisle took his equipment to stitch me up. Edward did not want to leave my side, but I ordered him; ´Please Edward, go outside. I see how hard this is for you, and Carlisle will take good care of me.´ I smiled reassuringly.

Edward sighed and turned to Carlisle; ´Please, take care of her,´ before he ran out of the room. I was wondering what he was thinking at that moment.

Edward POV:

I was thirsty. I did not want to be, but I was. I ran out of the room, into the cool evening air and took a deep breath. I hadn't even realised I was holding my breath while I stood next to Bella. I looked around to find my family members, their shocked expressions matched my own, I assumed.

I did not see Jasper straight away. He'd flown a couple of miles through the woods. I followed him. He was sitting on a fallen branch, looking devastated. I did not want to startle him, he looked so lost. But of course, he already noted my presence.

´Edward, I am so sorry,´ he whispered. Truth to be told, I wanted to be mad at him. I wanted to fight him. I wanted him to feel as hurt as I was right now. I wanted him to feel my pain. Luckily for me, if you could call it that, Jasper senses the emotions of those around him. When Bella was bleeding, he must have felt the thirst of all of us. Thus I could not be mad at him, he was simply feeling everything we all felt. And, at this moment he must have felt my sadness and despair.

´It wasn't your fault, Jasper,´ I said as I looked at him. ´You were feeling what we all have felt. We were all thirsty and you felt all our emotions combined.´

I sighed. I felt an immense weight on my shoulders, and I absolutely didn't know what to do. Bella was safe at this moment, but it could have gone so much worse. I could have saved her this time, but what would happen next time? Could I prevent the next time from occurring? How could I prevent the next time from occurring? What would I need to do?

´Edward, this is not your fault. It was an accident,´ Jasper said. Of course, he could feel my self-hatred inner monologue. Stupid Jasper and his stupid abilities, I thought to myself. But I couldn't help it; it really did feel as if it was my fault.

Eventually, Alice found us and joined our conversation.

´Don't beat yourself up, Edward. And you, Jasper. You couldn't prevent this. It was unfortunate, but stuff like this will happen all the time. Bella is alright and she is worried for you, Edward.´ Alice explained. I heard her, but I could not quite comprehend what she was saying.

So this will happen all the time? What? I did not want that!

´Don't try to make me feel any better, Alice,´ I almost shouted. She was shocked to hear the anger in my voice. I was angry. At myself. For putting Bella in danger. No one could sugarcoat it anymore, and I knew I was putting Bella in danger by being with me. We eventually all got up and ran back into the house.

I had regained control of my thirst. A different emotion took over once I saw Bella sitting there. A feeling of warmth took over, and I was relieved she was okay. Okay, for now, a voice in the back of my head said. I tried to ignore it, as I walked over to her.

´You sure know how to kill a party,´ I smiled at her.

She returned my smile and I saw a flash of calm in her eyes. ´You know, I was dressed to kill, but I didn´t mean myself for that matter.´

If I would have had a heart, it would hurt a bit by her statement. But, I was also happy she could joke about it in times like these.

If I would have had a heart, it would hurt a bit by her statement. But, I was also happy she could joke about it in times like these. Sometimes, she is absolutely stronger than me.

´Come on my femme fatale, time to get you home.´ Bella nodded and stood up, and quietly took her things. She also took her half-opened presents. At the door, she turned around and looked at both my parents.

´I´m sorry the night turned out like this,´ she said before quickly walking out of the door and towards her car. I glanced quizzically at Carlisle and Esme, before following Bella.

She was already standing next to her pick-up. She let me drive it, which was not a good sign. Neither of us spoke. Neither of us turned her new stereo on. The car ride was completely silent. I wanted to be the first one to break the silence, but I didn´t know what I could say. I´m sorry Bella for hurting you multiple times? I´m sorry Bella for bringing you into my house, a house full of vampires? I´m sorry Bella that I could not stay away from you? I´m sorry Bella that I´ve fallen head over heels for you? I´m sorry Bella that I´m not strong enough to be separated from you, even though that would be the best for you? Neither of those excuses sounded right in my head, let alone if I would speak them out loud. Bella could not take it anymore and she begged me; ´Say something.´

I didn't know how to answer. ´What do you want me to say?´ I instead asked her.

´Please forgive me, Edward, I feel responsible for what has happened. If I had been more careful, we wouldn't be in this situation. If I had been more careful, I would not have cut myself. If I would not have cut myself, no one would feel thirsty. I pushed all your buttons and it is all my fault.´ She said out of breath, almost hyperventilating. I could hear her voice break, and when I looked over I saw tears forming in her eyes.

Then, it clicked. She was trying to be strong in front of my family. She was just as shaken up by the whole thing as I was. I could pinch myself for not seeing it sooner.

´Bella please, it's no one's fault,´ I said equally to her as to myself. I didn't sound convincing though as I blamed myself mostly. I could see she didn't believe me either.

´How do you think I feel, Bella?´ I instead asked her. ´I´m beating myself up, just as badly as you do right now. The only difference is that you only gave yourself a little papercut. That's nothing. If you had a normal boyfriend and you gave yourself a papercut, the worst that could possibly happen is that you could not find a bandage. But what did I do? I took you into a house full of vampires. Something like this was bound to happen. I'm to blame for this, Bella. Me!´ I shouted at her.

She was quiet for a while. Clearly, I made her think about it. Suddenly, she looked at me with such devotion in her eyes, it kind of took me off guard.

´You´re right, it's your fault,´ she said while drying her tears. ´You kind of suck, you know.´ She said with a warm smile on her face.

I could not understand this woman. Here I was, telling her all the reasons why being with me is the worst that could happen to her, and she made a joke out of it? How could she?

´Edward, we´re clearly blaming ourselves for this,´ she eventually continued in a more serious tone. I could hear her heartbeat more steadily, meaning she wasn´t as agitated as before. ´And that's not helping either of us. So I suggest we'll postpone this conversation to when we´re a little bit more cooled down. Or well, if I´m a little bit more cooled down since you´re always cold.´ She said while playfully rubbing my arm a bit. The warmth of her skin would have sent shivers down my spine if I could have shivered.

I hummed in agreement, as we arrived at her house. I looked down at her worried face and decided that I would let the topic slide. For tonight. For her.

´So, do you want to open the rest of your presents now?´ I asked her.

´Oh absolutely not. I want to open them in my room tonight. You will still be coming, right?´

I knew that I could not say no to her, so I simply nodded. I did not want to stay away from her, since the shock of tonight was still so fresh in my memory. At least, I wanted her to have a great end to her birthday even though the party really flopped.

´See you soon,´ I said as I leaned down to kiss her. I pulled her into my embrace and started kissing her forehead, the tip of her nose and both of her cheeks. Her heartbeat quickly changed from a soft barely noticeable beat to a quick beat that almost resembled a night club. I could feel her smile as I leaned in and planted a quick kiss on her lips. She didn't want that. She put both of her arms around my neck and stretched upward on her toes before she deepened our kiss. Her sweet scent did things to me, so I had to pull away. I always had to pull away, in order to stop on time before anything would happen to her. But how I longed for her! She wouldn't know!

She gave me one last smile before she turned around and walked inside her house.

Bella POV:

Edward had been quiet all evening. I knew he was blaming himself for the accident, just as much as I was blaming myself. This wasn't good, Edward has a little flair for the overdramatic, and his natural pessimistic tendencies could easily overrule his joyous character. I had to tell him it wasn't his fault, even if he would not believe me straight away.

After our lovely kiss (oh, the things he did to me, he would never understand!), I quickly went inside to greet Charlie.

´Hey Dad, I´m home,´ I shouted. I could hear there was a football match on tv tonight so I decided to enter the living room if I wanted to see him. Oh, how occupied he was whenever there was a match on tv, it's really exhausting.

´Hey Bella, I almost didn't hear you come in. How was it?´ he asked. I almost felt bad for how I downplayed his interest in me whenever there was a match on tv. Almost.

´Oh dad, it really was something else,´ at least that part wasn't a lie, I thought. ´Alice really outdid herself. She ordered a pink cake and my favourite flowers were everywhere. She decorated the whole room and I felt really special. I even had to cry a little bit.´ I cheekily explained.

That last part sparked his attention. ´Why?´

´I don´t know. It was so beautiful, it just happened,´ I said as I used my hands to explain the greatness of it all. That's when he noticed my arm.

´What happened to you?´

´Calm down, Dad. You know me: I fell,´ I explained. ´Now, if you don't mind me, I´m hopping into a shower, since it was a long and exhausting day. Good night.´

I quickly ran upstairs before he could ask me anything else. I really wanted to hop into a shower before heading back to Edward. The water always calms my nerves, which is something I would need after today even though I already showered in the morning. After my shower, I put on my pyjamas. Since the moment I started dating Edward, my pyjamas slowly began to change into something a little bit more… Less gross. Before Edward, I only slept in Charlie's old sweaters and sweatpants. Now, I´m wearing normal pyjamas. Nothing fancy or overly sexy, but I still don´t want my boyfriend to see me wearing my dad's old clothes. I headed over to my room, half expecting Edward already there.

Of course, he already was.

´Hey there, long time no see.´

´Hey.´ He answered.

He looked at me with so much sadness in his eyes that I didn't immediately know how to react. Oh no. No no no. Not tonight. No sulking on my birthday. Just then, I knew what would cheer him up.

Can I open my presents now?´ I asked as I climbed on his lap, giving him a quick peck on his lips in the process.

It had worked, as he gave me a sweet little smile before giving me a long and narrow box. ´How come you want them now?´

´You made me curious. And these are the first birthday presents you have ever given me. So they set the tone for the rest of our relationship, don´t you think?´ I explained with a smile. He looked worried.

´But I wasn't even allowed to spend money on them. How can I meet your expectations?´

I simply rolled my eyes at him. ´Just give me the presents, Edward. I was joking before but now I really want to know what I got.´

Instead of answering, he picked up the present and pulled the paper off so I could not cut myself. A second time. How embarrassing that would have been.

I tried to give him the nastiest look I could produce. ´Gee Edward, think I can handle lifting the lid all by myself? Oh, how confident you are in my abilities! Wow,´ I tried to say as sarcastically as I could. The look Edward gave me in response simple said; you know you would cut yourself a second time, right?

Ignoring him, I opened the present. I didn't know it was, actually. Suddenly, I could put two and two together and figured out these were flight tickets to Jacksonville.

´Oh. My. God. These are plane tickets! We´re going to Jacksonville.´ I exclaimed. ´Edward, I can't take these. It's way too much. Way too expensive. And you would have to sit inside all day since it's extremely sunny. It´s too much.´ But I could not remove the silly grin on my face. Even though it was way too much, I loved it. It was one of the most considerate gifts I had ever received since the Cullens did not just buy me a plane ticket, but they bought me a plane ticket to see my mother. Forks had been amazing to me, but I still missed Renee and they knew that.

Edward was pleased with my outburst. ´Well Bella, I certainly did not expect you to be this pleased. I´m happy you like the gift. Now on to the next one.´

He opened the second present as well. You can never be too careful, I guess.

Inside the second present, there was a blank CD case. Feeling like an idiot for not knowing what three out of three gifts meant, I simply looked at Edward quizzically. He sighed and put the CD in my CD player. I heard beautiful piano music that I recognised as my own lullaby. Edward made a lullaby for me after we´ve met. It was beautiful. I thought plane tickets were the most considerate gift I had ever received. Boy, I was wrong. This was the best present that he could have ever given me.

I felt an immense wave of emotions rushing over me. The song brought back memories of our first encounter. How weird I thought he was. Our first date in Port Angeles. How I guessed he was a vampire. The first time I had seen his family. How welcome I´ve felt. How happy he makes me.

How weird tonight was. How scared I was for just a brief moment. How sad I am that he blames himself for it. How I wished I could take away his pain. His blame.

It was a long day, and tears started welling up in my eyes. I looked up and saw that Edward didn't really understand my sudden emotion.

´Thank you so much,´ I whispered. ´This is beautiful. It's the best gift I have ever received, and I mean it. I can't thank you enough.´

He was obviously pleased with my answer. ´I sure do hope it had exceeded your expectations.´

´You know it has, Edward. Thank you so much. Now if you don't mind me, but I feel like I can't anymore today. I´m tired, and I just want to hug you and go to sleep.´ I said with authority.

I didn't have to tell him twice. With immense speed, he lifted me from the bed and pulled me into a blanket. He laid next to me on top of the covers, in order for me to stay warm. He put his arms around me and I snuggled myself into his embrace.

I yawned. ´So after a day like today, what´s on your mind right now?´ I asked him, trying to get back to the subject of today's events.

´I´ll promise you we´ll get back to that subject. Just not right now,´ he particularly begged me.

I could understand that. So, if my boyfriend did not want to engage in some pillow talk tonight, how else could I make him comfortable? Oh wait, I know!

´So Edward,´ I started, trying to sound as seductively as one could get with her father sleeping in the room right next to her. ´You know it´s still my birthday, right?´

´Yes…..´

´And on my birthday, you have to be nice to me. Am I correct?´

´Since when am I not nice to you?´

I rolled my eyes at him. ´That's beside the point. The thing is that I really want you to kiss me.´ I batted my eyelashes at him. ´Since I really want to kiss you.´ I bit my lip a little bit, hoping it would help my case. ´But you know, you don't have to, if you don't want to.´ I pouted.

I saw. He was trapped. Trapped in the little dance I just performed. I was such a sneaky little bastard.

He gently cupped my face and brought it closer to his. He started kissing me gently, as always. But instead of staying gentle, he became a bit rougher. He had never kissed me like this before. It was as if he was a castaway and I was his anchor. It was desperation. I felt his hands in my hair as if he was begging me not to stop. As if I would stop. As if I could stop. His tongue demanded mine. His lips demanded mine. All I wanted to do was follow. Follow his rhythm, follow his passion. I pressed my body into his. I couldn't help myself. I needed him. I needed his touch just as much as I needed oxygen. Way too soon for my liking, I felt his hands as he pulled me away.

´I´m sorry, it was way out of line,´ he said. Trying not to sound too disappointed, I stuttered: ´I don´t mind.´

But I did mind. That kiss was something else. And I could not shake the feeling off of me that something was wrong. He had never kissed me like that. He's always the one who's in control. For him to kiss me so… animalistic? It simply did not feel right. Sleep took over my worried thoughts, and I drifted into a dreamless state.

Looking back to that kiss, I wished I wasn't right about it. I wished it was just a rough kiss, and nothing more. That we were just passionate, nothing else. Looking back to it, I realised I might have missed the signs. I should have pushed him more to talk about his feelings. I should have fought harder. I should have done this. I should have done that. But the truth is, I don't know what I could have done to prevent this outcome.

I didn't know it at the time, but that kiss was him saying goodbye.

That was the last time I kissed Edward Cullen.