"Catherine! "Henry's voice was sharp, yet she saw the surprise on his face and was paralyzed with shock for a moment.
"What are you doing there?" he asked indignantly and dropped the collected wood on the floor, "someone else could have come in!"
She saw his gaze linger on her naked breast, while Margot continued to drink in peace and with tired eyes, a few minutes longer, and she would fall asleep.
"What are you doing anyway?" Henry asked, and Catherine could see it slowly dawning on him.
"What does it look like?" she grumbled at him, "I'm making sure your child is happy."
Only a moment later, she realized that she had betrayed herself. Although her posture was now slightly tense, she would under no circumstances interrupt before Margot had fallen asleep, no matter what he intended to say or do.
"You breastfeed her yourself?" Henry couldn't believe his eyes. He seemed surprised but slightly dismissive. Catherine blamed this on the fact that upbringing in a royal family had put this thought into his head, and as he slowly approached her, Catherine defiantly stretched her chin.
"Yes," she replied with a slightly stubborn undertone, realizing that there was no going back "since birth."
She couldn't see how he dealt with her direct refusal of his order. His face revealed nothing of his emotions.
"The others too?" he asked, wiping his dirty hands on his jacket before slowly walking towards her.
"You wouldn't have to ask that question if you'd shown the slightest interest in me or our children in the last ten years." Catherine was not prepared to let him decide what she did with her body or her children, but Margot had been the only one of her children where she had dared to defy her husband.
She knew she had gone too far now and could see the anger on his face.
"Answer me!" Henry demanded, but Catherine pressed her lips together, holding Margot close.
"Then I'll put an end to this nonsense once and for all," he announced and stretched out his hand to simply pull her dress back into place.
"Don't you dare", Henry actually paused when he heard the apparent warning in his wife's voice, 'we are not in the castle. We are no longer King and Queen," she pointed out to him the obvious. He would have to learn to cope with it.
Henry pulled back his hand but took her chin between thumb and index finger and looked at her with slight contempt. It was the incomprehension that really hurt her when she returned his gaze and gritted her teeth.
"So you are nothing but a Medici after all," he said softly, and Catherine felt anger, along with disappointment, "a merchant's daughter, you must always have your way."
"You may be right," she replied coldly, "but you always took my money gladly. Of course, I could also let our daughter starve if you prefer."
Henry looked at her for a moment longer but let go of her chin and pulled back completely. "If you ever do anything like that again, Catherine," he spoke softly, in a tone that usually made her give in. Catherine could feel the warning and painstakingly restrained aggression very clearly, "then you will be very sorry. You're my wife, and you'll do as I say; I'm sick of your games."
"Oh yeah? And what are you going to do?" she asked scornfully, enthroned on her straw heap, "banish me from the barn? Believe me when I tell you that everything is better than this situation right now."
Henry knelt on the floor without a word, his ignorance maKing her even more furious, but Catherine knew that this was precisely what he wanted to achieve. So she concentrated on Margot again, who had trouble keeping her eyes open despite the verbal exchange of blows between her parents.
When after a few minutes, the straw and thin, dry twigs started to smoke in front of Henry, Margot had fallen asleep. She lay cuddled up in her blanket in the straw with her stuffed lamb in her arms. Catherine was just about to tidy up her clothes when a triumphant sound from Henry's direction made her lookup. Astonished, she raised an eyebrow. He had actually managed to light a fire. He left the hut a few more times to get more wood before the thunder started, and Henry preferred to stay within the reasonably safe walls. When the rain began to patter on the roof, and the wind increased, whistling loudly to make the barn shake, Catherine had sat down opposite him near the fire.
It was a strange silence, and the tension had increased considerably; Catherine knew that sooner or later, it would be discharged in an insane fight between the two of them. But Catherine was ready, he was no longer King, just a simple man, and she was always willing to make off with Margot. Unlike him, her family name was still valuable to her, it would be an easy one to go back to Florence, and at least she hoped it would be.
Henry looked at her. She could feel it; it was such a familiar feeling to be constantly watched by him that she did not attach any further importance to it.
Now that Margot was asleep and she did not have an endless journey to make in uncomfortable shoes, she could finally occupy herself with the contents of the sack that Henry had been carrying around with him all the time. As soon as she got her hands on the water bottle, Catherine took a big sip - after all, she had a child to breastfeed. Even if Henry didn't like it, she wouldn't stop until she was pretty sure that Margot would manage without breast milk. Catherine assumed that the little food was only intended for one day - a bit of bread and dried meat would hardly be enough for a long journey. She weighed a small sack in her hand - definitely gold. Henry looked up when he heard the sound of gold pieces jingling and observed her.
"We shouldn't be here" was not a question. It was an assumption made as a statement. Catherine watched Henry's expression change, which now confirmed her previous thought.
"What went wrong?" she followed up as Henry tried to remain silent and rubbed the back of his head at a loss.
"I don't know," he finally admitted, and Catherine was so eager for answers to her many questions that she didn't notice how Margot had woken up, "we should have gotten horses to travel on this morning."
"That means we'll be on the road longer than planned?" she could hardly contain her curiosity and broke off a piece of bread just to have something to do.
"Yes," Henry nodded at her question before reaching out for the bread. She handed it to him without comment and waited for him to finish his sentence. "I don't know any more," he shrugged, "tomorrow we'll know more."
Catherine nodded silently and ate her bread while her head worked full speed. Despite all the things she was thinking about, a question was on the tip of her tongue, and she knew she would not be able to hold back any longer.
"Was it worth it," she finally asked, looking at Henry, watching the dancing flames create sharp shadows on his face, and she could read him like a book - he didn't understand what she was talking about.
"What?" he asked after a few seconds, and Catherine thought he sounded pretty stupid.
"The Bohemian Countess," she explained and saw how it was slowly dawning on what she was getting at.
"Catherine," he sighed, and she knew what was coming. Excuses. No apologies, no regrets, only justifications.
"Was she worth it?" she interrupted him and looked at him sharply, hiding the pain inside her well behind the cold facade, "you have thrown away our entire lives. Our children are growing up without parents, Francis is too young to be King... "her anger took her breath away for a moment, and she drew a trembling breath.
"She wasn't worth it," Henry almost sheepishly answered her during the pause she needed to catch her breath, but she could see that there was enough frustration in him too for an outburst of anger.
"I'll never forgive you for this," Catherine said tonelessly, averting her gaze. She saw Margot crawling towards her through the mud, dragging her stuffed animal with her.
"Catherine, I'm... "Henry began, but she had already turned her attention entirely to her daughter.
A few soft Italian words made the girl gurgle when Catherine put her on her lap. Another demonstration of her power. Although Henry understood a few Italian terms, he had never bothered to learn his wife's native language or even shown interest in it. This was her revenge, she had spoken Italian to all her children, and she had had enough of hiding all the time. Henry had never cared much for her and their children together, only when it suited him. In her eyes, he had lost any right to interfere.