x-x-x-x
Like I said before, it gets worse before it gets better.
x-x-x-x
The journey from Corneria to the edge of the System had been a short one. The Orbital Gate and discovery of hyperspace made quick travel from one end of the system to the other a simple affair. Of course being surrounded by Star Wolf veterans and new recruits alike made it rather tumultuous at times. Me being in charge since Wolf's old ass died certainly put a strain on things with Panther and Leon. But neither of them were ever leader material.
Panther even in his older years was still a walking sexual harassment lawsuit that did and was still waiting to happen… Leon thankfully had mellowed out a bit. Some extensive reconstructive surgery and experimental treatments had gotten his sadistic tendencies under control. Not gone, just far less overt. Even if I hated each and every one of them, they still needed someone with some semblance of a moral compass to keep them in line.
There were other pilots of course, various species and what have you, but we were the big three. The fleet itself had been composed of the best ships and crews that followed a recon sortie which turned up nothing. Once again, Military intelligence at it's finest. It wasn't until an hour after we exited hyperspace that our opponents made themselves known.
And I almost evacuated my reactor core into my pants from the moment I laid eyes on one ship in particular. It was a ship from Cerinian myth and legend, a vessel of untold power and destruction that could lay waste to entire armies… planets even. Powered by the souls of those who willingly sacrificed to fuel it.
The Soul Sphere.
Terror gripped my heart like that of the god of death's very hand. It meant that someone had found the ancient relic on our ruined homeworld. It's three dark oscillating rings were covered in ritualistic symbols and beautiful iconography as they spin in a myriad of directions. She was escorted by a motley group of ships. Cornerian, Venomian, and of course, Cerinian warships.
Oh how naive and foolish I was… To think I truly was the last of my kind. How stupid all of us were that Fox would take all of this laying down. He did have a vengeful spirit, but he was also immensely patient when he needed to be. Thirty years would be more than enough time to assemble such a force, train it, and prepare for all out war.
The first reactions were to ready weapons and the order to scramble was almost given when a singular message came through directed at the flagship.
It was an invitation to speak; a neutral station on the edge of the system, long since abandoned, would be used to house the talks. Many called it a trap, others said it was foolish and we should make a first strike.
I said no. All those eyes upon me, wondering what was wrong with me, asking what I knew. My loyalty was in question as I explained those ships out there were also Cerinian vessels. Some accused me of being a spy, others saying I was in on it and had led them to their doom.
Luckily, though we hate each other, we are still a team and Panther and Leon lept to my defense along with other Star Wolf members. Bitterness be damned, but battle does forge some bonds that just cannot be broken. It was a close call but eventually myself with Panther, Leon, a squad of marines and our own troops would go over with a representative from the Federation to engage in conversation.
Questions were raised as to why visual communication couldn't be used, and I surmised if it was a Cerinian in charge, talking face to face was part of diplomacy. It was not polite to talk from a distance with those who did not have telepathy.
And so they relented.
I was scared, far more terrified than anything in my life. I was going to see my people again, but if they had the Soul Sphere and other war machines. We did not deploy such weapons so readily. It meant they had come for a fight and even Panther saw my nerves on my sleeve. He tried to comfort me but I was as icy as ever towards him; the shit he pulled in the past far too much to ever let go. I could tolerate him, and that was it.
Docking with the station was routine and we began to make our way into the decrepit station. The creaking of ancient deck plating and bulkheads, the sounds of pipes that had long since been left without maintenance. This station was hanging on by a thread and we all knew it. It was likely the leader of the flotilla knew as well. No one would really try anything on a station that looked like it could fall apart if someone farted on the wrong part of the superstructure.
We made our way deep into the station at the established meeting point where to our surprise, our hosts were waiting for us and there they all were. Various species of Lylatian all standing behind or off to the side at the leader of the delegation. A vixen who stood at six-foot two, bore a nasty burn scar on the right side of her face with cold teal eyes and long flowing locks of dark sea-green hair.
Girl had a severe case of resting bitch face if I ever saw it. Others were present as well, a sky blue todd with red eyes and silver hair done up in a ponytail. Het was strangely effeminate for someone who was dressed in full blue black combat armor.
I was suddenly very glad I was concealed behind my own armor, not revealing my face. Though I know it's only a matter of time before they figure out who and what I am… What a joyful reunion that will be… I'm sure.
But… there are three things that grab my attention not a few seconds in as the bitchy looking vixen sits down across from her Cornerian counterpart. Two of them are obviously siblings with similar facial features to their mother, but vastly different fur patterns. The girl is a marble sun fox with symmetrical shapes of autumnal sun red fur amongst the white along her face and over the ears… Her eyes are a bright emerald green… Eyes I would recognize anywhere. My heart begins to quicken and my pulse with it.
The boy shares his features, handsome, a long noble snout but his hair is a deep teal much like that of the vixen sitting at the table with a terse stare. His fur is a similar color though slightly brighter and both eyes also match hers, but the facial structure is a dead give away…
That they are Fox' children. And thus my eyes come to rest on the male standing between the two of them, much like myself, fully bedecked in combat armor, hidden. And I feel it… I feel him. I want to break down and cry. Without a word exchanged I've discerned what became of my darling tod. He fled the system, went to parts unknown and found my people… he found another, a woman to love and call his own… to have children.
I wonder what their names are and I can feel multiple minds' eyes turning towards me. They can feel me. They can feel the psionic presence just as I do them. I expect judgement to be swift and merciless but a chorus of voices greet me;
You survived such horrors… we do not blame you for what you did or what you have become… It could have been so much worse.
Though muted, they were happy to see another Cerinian alive and thriving, even if they didn't approve of how. I made do with the tools I had and that's what mattered. Yet… they did not extend an invitation to join them. They shared those words and their eyes and minds turned from me! I wanted to cry out, to throw myself at their feet and beg for mercy, to plead for forgiveness from Fox.
But everything so far told me what was coming. It was already too late, war was here and the talks were just a preamble to try and avoid actual confrontation. But with how the ghostly vixen and the representative were getting heated. Conflict was inevitable.
Marines on both sides were holding their weapons as the two voices became heated; I could feel the roiling psionic energy from those gathered, especially the ghost and her two children. Such power… such force, I was but a spec compared to them and beneath my helmet, fresh tears began to spill.
I was going to have to fight my own people… Fox… and his children…
The world crawled to a halt as the frightening vixen suddenly upended the table and a potent glaive leapt to her hand. In one swift swing the bladed edge sliced through the Cornerian from shoulder to hip in a surreal display of gore. The dogs eyes wide as they faded from the sudden movement and hit the ground. Guns from both sides raised up immediately as I screamed in agony at the nightmare which became reality.
Blasters, razor thin crystal shards began to cross the dilapidated hall as I watched forces on all sides begin to be cut down. Cerinian, Venomian, Cornerian, all of them embracing suicidal mutually assured destruction. Even Fox had joined the fray still concealed beneath his combat armor and didn't even hesitate! His two children, his wife, all of them fighting in tandem protecting each other as they cut a bloody swathe and were heading right for Star Wolf and me.
I can hear Panther yelling at me to take up my weapon and start firing, but I'm frozen. The mere idea that I could fight my own people and Fox? No! I couldn't! Not the man I loved or my own people who had just arrived! I did not have the strength to do so.
The feline grabs me by the shoulder and starts yelling at me before a hail of crystal's shred through his armor and out his back, sending him to the floor in a tumbled heap. My eyes turning towards the source of fire and I see none other than the dark armored Fox McCloud staring at where I was. I feel nothing but malice and rage directed towards me. That Cerinian combat rifle with it's two prongs jutting outwards, the end of the barrel aimed at me. I expect a swift death, I'm ready for it. I deserve it as I weep within my helmet, only to then grasp the sides and undo the latches.
The least you can do is kill me while looking me in the eye, mo celo.
The rifle is still aimed at me while the carnage around us rages on. Seemingly the two of us left untouched in the mass self destruction of two groups continues. My helmet comes off and reveals my aged face to my attacker and I swallow, fully expecting Fox to ignore that invitation…
And I'm right. It didn't matter to him, I was just another target in front of him, a potential threat and with my Telepathy? He's spot on. I wonder if he even truly recognized me after all these years as a storm of monofilament thin crystals rips through my flesh and bone. My organs sundered with my armor becoming a death trap. Such rage, such anger in his soul… And I can't blame him… not after what I and Lylat had done to him. Not after thirty long years of fermenting and stewing on the injustice he and so many others had faced.
Blood fills my mouth. It's warm coppery taste flooded my senses as I lay there bleeding out at the end of my love's gun.
I'm sorry… Fox, I'm so sorry. My mind is fading rapidly but I get the message off and that's what matters. I don't care if he doesn't forgive me, I don't deserve his forgiveness, or his love. All I cared was he knew that I held regrets deep in my heart and would take them to the grave.
If he acknowledged my message, he didn't show it. But his thoughts betrayed him and told me he knew who I was and blamed me for everything. For the countless lives who suffered from Star Wolf before and after I joined. How Corneria threw him and so many others aside for their own selfish gain. How Falco, Slippy, even Peppy and myself abandoned him when he needed us most…
I truly am a wretched creature.
Use it! My inner light screams.
Use the damn key you stubborn old cow!
Even after all we've done this cannot be how it ends! Not in this nightmare!
I grimace and hack up blood as I shout back at it mentally to silence itself. This is how it should end. A puddle of my own blood and Lylat paying for it's crimes and selfish desires.
Use it. Another voice says and I recognize it right away. Either it's the clarity of death setting in or I'm losing my mind… maybe both. It's a female voice, gentle as morning grass warmed by the sun.
Use the key, Krystal. Neither of you deserve this. None of us do… mend what was broken.
My hand slowly reached to grip the key that had been hanging around my neck as I choked and wheezed, Fox's form walking by me as he fired off several more lethal sprays of death. I can't believe how cold he is even in these dying moments… I created him… I made him this way… My sweet todd… my beloved orange wonder.
You can fix it, Krystal… go back. You can fix all of this.
Who… are you… I reply with my fading mental space.
An image of that ghostly vixen appears within my mind, her scar and all looking upon me with sorrow and deep affection.
You may call me, Falyf… I have no time to explain, you will die in seconds. Use it! Go back, don't let those damned Krazoa manipulate you anymore! Go!
I had so many questions, so many ideas floating through my head that I wanted to ask and demand an answer for. But with my life's blood draining on the deck plating… there was no time. I gave it a squeeze as tears drained down either side of my head as I heard the deafening sound of shattering glass.
What are their names, Falyf? I struggle to think, I want to know that much at the very least!
A sad smile crosses the lips of the image within my mind, "Marcus, and Adarrah."
Beautiful… names...
Find me when you wake up, Krystal. Falyf whispers to me comfortingly as the world around me collapses in on itself.
I sit there in the dark for long minutes with my mind bouncing every which way while stewing in my own wounds and blood filled body armor. That is, until I nearly vomit in pain as I feel the shards leave my body. My organs begin to mend themselves and I can feel my vascular system begin to pump normally.
I forced myself to roll over and wretch crimson blood out of my throat several times until a small puddle had formed and I heaved. The world around me turned from black into a stark white… and familiar walls began to fade into view as memories began to flood back into my mind. Memories of failed trials and errors.
The Krazoa Temple on Sauria fades into view as do the Krazoa spirits. My eyes lift up and gaze at each of them with sorrow and anger.
"I failed again…" I mutter.
No answer comes, they know what happened. They were watching me for those thirty long years in this trial. Far too many times… far too many failures and I can never seem to get it right. My fists slam into the cold stone floor.
"Why?! Why am I so damn special I keep going through this again, and again?!" I demand of them, tears in my eyes. "Why do I have to keep enduring this pain?!"
One of the Spirits moves forward, it's purple tendrils moving around to wipe the tears from my eyes as I stare on in distress.
Because much like Fox, you have agency within the weave…
"What?" What kind of mystical bullshit answer is that?!
How many times do you think that Fox failed before he got it right? Do you think he was always a great pilot from the outset? His struggles and travails are many.
"Has he… tried to do what I am doing?"
Many times.
"Did he do it?"
There are a few, but the weave grows stronger with each success.
"But, I keep failing?"
And that is why we are here… Krystal. There is hope, by his actions you two are reunited, but the weave is a fickle thing, and it needs you as much as it needs Fox.
I sob and lean down to smash my fist into the stone, "I can't! He just killed me without a second thought! He obliterated me with a weapon made by my own people! I deserved it!"
In that timeline, yes… you did. But that path no longer exists, and we can try again.
"No dammit! Not again! How long must I do this until we give up?! How long until my heart can take no more pain of this nature and I become some… some... Fucking nihilist?!"
Such actions always carry a risk, Krystal… but for the good of-
"Cut the bullshit!" I yell and stand up, staring the spirit right in the eyes. "Whatever games you're playing, this has to stop. We have to get it right on the next one. I can't keep doing this. The good of everyone? What about me?!" I hiss.
The Krazoa look on in confusion as I continue.
"We've been through this so many times! And the one time I knew everything… It was amazing. It was exhilarating! But I was so different from the woman Fox fell in love with. I was an older woman with the body of a twenty-year old. But we fought so much, I was so different and that fell apart. And time and time again you've sent me through with little bits of important information that can make a change!"
I take a deep breath at the end of my rant and loose a howling scream at them from all the suffering I've endured; "But it's never enough! It's all trial and fucking error like I'm some lab experiment!"
We understand you hurt deeply. Which is why we remove the memories of the things you've done or had done to you in those other attempts. It was such a massive change in personality that you were no longer who you were, Krystal. We merely wish to return what you gave to us during the Sauria Crisis… it is the least we can do.
"And yet here I am again, a mess, broken, shamed, and hurting… I'm a mortal dammit! I can't take this kind of pain again and again without something giving out!"
And yet here you are.
"Because I'm a stubborn bitch! Not because I want this! I'm not a god!"
The Krazoa look at each other in distress; it's not the first time they've had to deal with my pain induced outbursts. I'm so tired, I'm so sick of failing, I just want my Fox… I just want to be happy.
We never aspired to god hood. We aspired to learn, and then to teach, and we have learned that we are imperfect teachers. Just as you have failed to teach your younger self how to solve the problems.
"Oh fuck you. I'm only here because of you! I'm only going through this cycle of pain and rebirth again and again because you feel you owe me something! This is the last run through, you fucking hear me? Let my consequences be what they are and be done with it… Whatever comes, I at least know I'll have Seras in the future."
Fate cannot be denied.
"Apparently it can since I seem to keep fucking up fate so badly!"
Again, they look at each other and then back to me.
Have you asked, why?
I stop and pause.
"What do you mean?"
You are angry and yet you seem to want nothing more than to be with Fox. This seems contradictory to us. You desire to be happy but everytime you go back, you do the same thing expecting a different result. You never stop to think… or halt yourself.
"Just what are you getting at?!"
The single focal point in this equation of perpetual mistakes… is you, Krystal. Are you sabotaging yourself each time? Since you are convinced you deserve it? Is this a hell of your own making since we will not give it to you?
"Why in the god's names would I do such a thing?! What person inflicts such heartache and torment on themselves?!"
Perhaps what you said about fucking it up is right. You keep rebelling against destiny and things go horribly wrong. Then you punish yourself, you die, or some event pushes you to use the key. And here we are again.
A never ending cycle of punishment and rebirth.
Stop punishing yourself. The Krazoa say in unison.
I grit my teeth and the words from Falyf echo in my mind "Don't let the Krazoa manipulate you anymore."
And it all clicks as I review almost a dozen lives in an instant. The Krazoa are there, always ready to help me relive the past and try to fix it. My eyes wander to each of them in turn before narrowing them in disgust.
"You… absolute… fucking bastards!"
They recoil at the venom in my voice. Like a snake bite or a poisoned knife in whatever passes for a heart, "This is all your doing! I am a literal science experiment! You're manipulating the weave to get the desired result you want for your little… whatever damned games you have going on behind the scenes!" I snap.
Krystal, please we are trying to-
"I want to love Fox on my terms. Not yours! That's why I keep rebelling! I fell for that wonderful man the moment I saw him! Sure it took time but we were almost there. And then my mistake decimated us! And that's fine! That's my problem! Not yours! You keep trying to smash us together to try and pre-empt the mistake!"
I look at them all as they take in the information. I'm stomping towards them, anger in my eyes; "I need to fix it. Not you… Couples fight, there is no such thing as a perfect couple, but I will do it on my own terms! My own! Got it?!"
If that is how you perceive it, it will do.
"Oh fuck off and just send me back already! We both know that's what you're going to do anyways!"
I'll get it right this time. I know what I have to do now, and it's a reality I have to accept, no matter what happens.