Chapter Four
Beca don't know how long she stayed cuddled up with Chloe. She was praying that Chloe wouldn't see she was crying. No matter how she cuddled the older girl she felt Chloe's bones poking into her. Her girlfriend had destroyed herself and yet she still saw herself as fat. Beca couldn't understand this. Every breath Chloe took felt wrong; how could her body still be functioning in the state it was in? Beca just held the redhead closer and tried to control her tears.
"Are you up, Becs?" Chloe murmured.
"Yeah, babe." Beca smiled. "How are you feeling?"
Chloe chuckled. "Like my girlfriend and my best friend are teaming together to blackmail me out of love."
Beca laughed. "I wouldn't call it blackmail but it is out of love." The last part of the sentence was interrupted by Chloe's stomach growling. "What were you saying about not being hungry?"
Beca could feel Chloe tense. "Could we please not-"
"Hey, I'll get you food, okay? You won't have to move, and you won't have to have an audience of the other girls. Just you and me."
"I mean…okay." Chloe said in a small voice.
"What do you want?" Beca asked gently, sitting up.
"I want…um…oatmeal. Plain please." Chloe said, defeated.
"Coming right up." Beca said cheerfully, giving Chloe a quick kiss. She walked down to the kitchen and started eating up some oatmeal for her girlfriend. After a few minutes she made her way back into Chloe's room where Chloe was anxiously looking up something on her phone.
"Looking up the calories?" Beca asked casually.
"Um…" Chloe quickly set down her phone. Beca gave a weak smile.
"It's okay. I didn't expect for to change instantly. It's going to take time." She reassured her and handed her the bowl of oatmeal. Chloe stared anxiously at it.
"Could you…could you…?" Beca realized what Chloe was saying.
"Sure, hang on babe, I'll go get something. She reassured Chloe. Beca came up a few minutes later with a bowl full of oatmeal, though her oatmeal had maple syrup and brown sugar on it. She sat down across from Chloe on the bed and started eating. Chloe just stared at hers.
"Hey, come on. Let's not think about it. Let's talk about something else…" Beca thought for a moment. "If the Bella house was on fire-"
"That's how you're going to distract me?" Chloe asked.
"Just let me finish! If the Bella house was on fire, what two things would you grab?"
"Does that include people? Because I'd grab you first." Chloe laughed.
"Assuming all the people are safe, what two items?"
Chloe thought for a second. "Well, my phone…"
"Your phone? You can just get a new one?"
"Beca, I don't remember the password for anything. It's all just saved." Chloe laughed. "I don't even know if I could get into my bank account!"
"Fair." Beca laughed. "What else?"
Chloe didn't hesitate. "The first mix CD you ever gave me. The one I have hanging up." She gestured to the wall.
"Oh my god, that was freshman year, right? We weren't even dating then!" Beca reminisced.
"You knew I liked you though." Chloe pointed out. "I mean, I burst into your shower!"
"Yeah, that's not a consensual way to hit on someone." Beca laughed.
"I'm sorry, your voice was just so good I forgot about…everything else." Chloe beamed. "Your voice still has that effect on me."
"You're making me blush, Beale." Beca teased. She glanced at Chloe's bowl. "C'mon, baby. You'll feel so much better, you're probably starving."
Chloe blushed. "Can you talk about what you would save?"
"Of course!" Beca said, eager to distract her. "So, I guess I would grab my laptop because I have about a million mixes on their that my dumbass hasn't bothered to back up anywhere," Beca paused for a second and noticed that Chloe was very slowly eating the oatmeal. She hurried to begin talking again so her girlfriend wouldn't get stage-fright. "And I'd get the…fuck, this totally messes with my bad-girl image, maybe I shouldn't tell you…"
"No, no, no!" Chloe said, an evil grin on her face. "No backing out now, Mitchell!"
"'I…fuck…"
"I know you do, I'm usually there when it happens." Chloe teased.
"Funny." Beca said dryly, but she was smiling. "This doesn't leave this room?"
"Of course not." Chloe reassured her, slowly taking another bite of her oatmeal.
"I have a box of…well, ya know, the polaroid's we used to take before Fat Amy broke Aubrey's camera and…ticket stubs from movies we've seen and notes you've left me and things like that."
Chloe was shocked. "Shut the fuck up, you do not."
"I swear. I'll show it to you sometime." Beca promised.
Chloe started cackling. "Badass Beca Mitchell has a box of memories with her girlfriend. I don't know whether to laugh, cry, or both!"
"Whatever you do, just please don't tell anyone!" Beca insisted.
"Fine, fine." Chloe giggled. She looked down at her oatmeal, which was about halfway finished. "Hey, I think I'm good."
"Dude." Beca gave her a look. "Don't fuck with me. It is 3pm and you've had half a bowl of oatmeal."
"Exactly, almost dinner." Chloe smiled.
"Oh, so I get to choose your dinner then?" Beca beamed right back at her girlfriend.
"If I finish this, can I choose dinner?" Chloe bargained.
"Only if you kiss me."
Chloe smiled and kissed Beca. "Satisfied?"
"I will be after you eat." Beca said.
Aubrey held onto Chloe unnecessarily long when she was hugging her goodbye. "Eat." She told her.
"Jesus, Aubrey." Chloe let go and glanced around to see if any of the other girls were listening. Fortunately, Chloe and Beca had caught Aubrey after the other girl said bye.
"Don't worry, she'll be fine." Beca assured Aubrey.
"Come mere baby, one more time?" Stacie pulled Aubrey in for a long kiss. Beca and Chloe watched awkwardly as tongue clearly got involved and then groping soon followed.
"Should we, should we go?" Chloe whispered to Beca.
"I think that's probably safe." Beca whispered back. The girls quietly started to leave the pair to say their goodbyes.
"Wait, Beca!" Aubrey pulled away from Stacie. "Can I please real fast recommend that we get her professional health?" She mouthed the last two words.
"Mouthing doesn't work if I am also looking at your face." Chloe gave Aubrey the 'thumbs up' sign. "And I'd like to add that we have two months until the international competition and I will literally never emotionally recover if I miss that."
"But this is so fucked up, you are taking care of her like you're her therapist or something-"
"Well what else am I supposed to do?" Beca snapped at Aubrey. "You haven't seen her; she looks crazy malnourished-"
"I am right here." Chloe raised her hand. Beca ignored her.
"She will get help just not…not right now. I'll get her help if I think she's really in danger, but I think I can do this."
"This is already clearly a super co-dependent relationship." Stacie pointed out while massaging Aubrey's left breast. "Usually it's discussed with substance abuse, but honestly it can be any relationship where two people rely on each other and literally can't function without the other. If Chloe is only eating because you are pressuring her and can't eat in another way, that is super unhealthy and a sign of codependency. Haven't you taken a psychology class?"
"Could you maybe not grope your girlfriend while critiquing my relationship?" Beca asked. "And it's not up to me, anyway. Chloe's an adult and she can do what she wants. I'm just trying to make sure she doesn't die while making her terrible choices."
"I feel like everyone is forgetting I'm here." Chloe interjected.
"It's messed up, Beca. I'm just saying." Aubrey replied.
"Thank you, I appreciate your input. Have a good day and I'll take care of your friend and for FUCKS SAKE STACIE LET GO OF AUBREY'S TITS!" Beca finished with a yell. Stacie immediately let go.
"I'll be fine." Chloe told them. "It'll be fine."
"There is no way I am eating dinner in front of all the Bellas." Chloe insisted. "I don't like people watching me eat."
"Or not eat." Beca mumbled. She was trying her best to be patient with Chloe but after a week of trying to coax Chloe to eat something for every meal she could, she was beginning to get fed up. And it wasn't just affecting her mood anymore. She was starting to get behind in every class and was stressed out every shift of her internship. The only thing this hadn't been affecting was her work with the Bellas, and that was because she was working extra hard to not let Chloe know how badly this was affecting her.
"You're ordering me around and sassing me?"
"You can't keep holding up in your room all day. The other girls only see you at rehearsal. They're worried about you, they're your friends!"
"Well, they can come up here and see me if they want." Chloe snapped.
"They have. You've turned them away." Beca reminded her.
"Well…I'm not eating in front of them." Chloe said firmly.
Beca sighed. "Fine. I'll bring you up whatever you want as usual." Beca turned away and started to walk out.
"Jesus. Fine. I'll do it." Chloe came up behind Beca. "I'll do it."
Beca smiled. "Thank you, baby."
Chloe and Beca grabbed hands and made their way down the stairs to the kitchen where Cynthia Rose was just pulling out the garlic bread from the oven.
"She lives!" Fat Amy cried out. "Welcome to the world, Red."
Chloe stared at Fat Amy for a moment, then quickly turned and started back up the stairs. Beca gripped her hand and guided her to the table.
"This smells good, CR." Beca commented as she guided Chloe towards a spot. Chloe looked confused.
"Shouldn't I grab-"
"I got it." Beca reassured her and walked to the kitchen.
"How did you get her out of her room?" Emily asked Beca under her breath.
"Legacy, let's not be nosy. It's unattractive." Fat Amy called over her shoulder.
"Let's just try not to make a big deal about it." Beca hissed to the other girls in the kitchen. "Please? It's really important that she is comfortable while she eats."
The other girls nodded and filled up their plates. They all made their way towards the table. Beca handed Chloe her food and Chloe, in return, gave her a look over how much food she had put on her plate.
"Good to see you, Red." Cynthia-Rose nodded at Chloe.
"Thanks." Chloe mumbled awkwardly and started picking apart her garlic bread. Beca wanted to say something, but decided it was best not to embarrass her girlfriend.
The silence in the air was deafening. Each girl was clearly trying to not stare at Chloe while she picked at her food, but it was hard not to. Chloe did her best to act like she didn't notice.
"So, so, Legacy. Been working on any songs lately?" Beca asked, struggling to break the ice.
"Oh, yeah-" Emily started.
"You're asking Legacy to break the ice?" Fat Amy scoffed.
"Just as long as someone talks!" Chloe snapped.
"I have a question." Jessica asked.
"Yes?" Beca asked hesitantly.
"Why is she having trouble eating?" Jessica asked. Instantly everyone at the table stared at her. "What?"
"Oh, God, Jessica." Stacie muttered.
"I'm anorexic." Chloe snapped. "Hasn't that been going around the house?"
"Oh." Jessica nodded. "I thought she was bulimic."
"No, that's Aubrey." Fat Amy said.
"Aubrey isn't bulimic." Beca sighed.
"She's pretty damn close." Fat Amy argued.
"When I was seven, I once threw up for four days." Flo commented.
"Is this the best dinner conversation?" Cynthia-Rose asked.
Beca started to take another bite then stopped. "Wait. Why did you think she was bulimic?" She asked Jessica.
"Well, I've heard her throwing up everyday for the past few days." Jessica shrugged.
"And we are continuing the conversation." Cynthia-Rose sighed.
"She's been doing what?" Beca snapped.
"Okay, fuck this." Chloe violently pushed her plate back. "It's hard enough to eat without my personal life being thrown all over the goddamn table." She pushed her chair in and ran up the stairs.
The other Bellas stared at each other.
"Aca-awkward." Fat Amy murmured, reaching for a piece of Chloe's garlic bread.
"Shit." Beca muttered and stood up as well. "Maybe we'll try this again…in a few days…after a long meeting about what NOT to say." The small brunette ran up the stairs after Chloe.
"Not now!" Chloe snapped as Beca walked in.
"Too bad." Beca said, shutting the door. "You've been throwing up all week?"
"What, you're going to believe Ashley over me?" Chloe asked.
"That was Jessica." Beca corrected her.
Chloe cocked her head. "Really? You sure?"
"Honestly, it doesn't really matter at the moment." Beca said. "Be honest with me; are you throwing up now that I'm making you eat?"
Chloe stared at Beca for a moment, then silently nodded.
"Damnit, Chloe!" Beca lost it. "I'm working my ass off to try and save you-"
"I didn't ask you to." Chloe said coolly.
"Yeah, no one fucking did, but I'm not going to let you die." Beca snapped.
"You're so dramatic." Chloe rolled her eyes.
"Look it up, Chloe!" Beca was struggling to keep her voice down. "Anorexia is the deadliest mental illness, not to mention anorexics are more likely than healthy people to die from suicide. You could fucking die."
"Maybe that wouldn't be so bad." Chloe muttered.
"I'm sorry, what?"
"I said maybe that wouldn't be so bad!" Chloe yelled.
Beca stared at her for a moment then, to her horror, tears started to fall down Beca's cheek. Chloe froze when she saw the normally tough girl be so vulnerable.
"Shit." Chloe muttered and walked over towards Beca. "Shit, Beca, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."
"Yes, you did." Beca chuckled uncomfortably. "I know you did."
"Beca, this can't go on." Chloe wrapped her arms around Beca. "This is messing with you; I can tell it is. I don't want to cause so much stress for you."
"Then please." Beca cried. "Please, please, try for me."
"I know it's hard to believe, but I am." Chloe insisted, motioning for Beca to sit down on her bed. Beca sat and Chloe wrapped her arms around her.
"Graduation and the championships are in less then two months." Beca said. "If we can just hang on until then…"
"There's so many problems in the group even besides my…thing." Chloe said. "We leave for that retreat in a couple days, and we still don't have our sound or any hope of beating that fucking German group…"
"Hey, we can do it." Beca leaned onto Chloe. "We have each other and we have the group, even if they are terrible at handling awkward moments." The girls laughed.
"Do we really have to go on this retreat though?" Beca asked.
"I think it'll be good for us." Chloe said cheerfully. "And I really trust the leader."
"Do you think you can handle it?" Beca asked.
"I am Chloe Fucking Beale." Chloe smiled. "I can handle anything."
"Hey, love birds!" Fat Amy knocked on the door. "Hypothetically if I, or I mean Legacy, finished Chloe's dinner, would that be a big problem? Give me a number on a scale from 1 to 10."