Zero Context: Taking Out the Trash Ch 4: The Windup, a x-overs fanfic

(BGM - Theme from Pan's Labyrinth)

"Sister? Big sis, where are you?"

No response. Only footsteps leading away.

"Sister? ...Wait, where are you going?"

A silhouette. An umbrella?... No, just a wide hairstyle. It said nothing, did nothing to respond to her cries.

"Don't leave me here! Please...!"

At last, a response. The vague humming of a lullaby reached her. She didn't know the song, but she did recognize the source. 'Pan's Labyrinth', wasn't it...?

"Please, sis... wherever you're going... at least say good-bye...!"

The silhouette inclined its head in her direction. It smiled sadly, not interrupting its lullaby, and slowly shook its head before continuing on its way. Clouds of mist came together, obscuring the figure from sight...

/-/-/-/-/

Date/Time: February 22, 2020, 7:15a.m.
Location: The Mungojerrie, Callista's suite

Callista laid awake in bed, glaring up at the ceiling and trying her hardest not to cry. "That dream again," she hissed quietly, shaking her head. "That... s-s-s-s-s-s-stinking dream again. And the longest day in my life's going to be right on the heels of it."

-"Which dream was it this time?"- Kaoru inquired. -"Your stepsister leaving, the evil lemon meringue pie, the tap-dancing graphic calculator, or your fleet's central computer having a rap battle with Seto Kaiba's?"-

"The first one."

A mental wince. -"Ooooh. Yeah, that would do it. You feeling well enough to get things going yourself, or should I take over?"-

Callista was about to tell her to go ahead, then thought better of it. She blinked a few times to dispel the tears that were still trying to form before climbing out of bed. "Yeah, I'm good. It's been a few months since I last had it, so I figure I was overdue for it anyway. Guess I've just been feeling wistful recently... anyhoo, plans: breakfast, a quick run to the PFL's souvenir store to quell that perpetual itch in my skull, and then straight to the Manor. Claire ought to have something in her wardrobe I can wear to the wedding."

-"Almost fifteen closets across three universes, and you still don't own anything formal,"- Kaoru said. Callista got the impression she was shaking her head. -"Didn't that whole 'prom' incident teach you to be prepared for those things?"-

"What happened at the prom stays at the prom," Callista bit out, "and I refuse to walk down that road on principle."

-"Once a guy, always a guy..."-

"And don't you forget it! ... But you know me. I hate formal stuff. The odds of me enjoying one of those events is about the same as a repeat of the Spanish Flu showing up back home."

Their banter continued even as they left the ship twenty minutes later. To the few onlookers who saw them leave, it started like any other day... and in the long run, for all of its build-up and the trials that would befall the participants that day, that's what it would shape up to be.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/

Time: 8:00a.m.
Location: The Hasano Estate (The Place the Leaf Resides), unknown Muffinville sub-dimensional residential area

Knock-knock knockity knockity knock knock.

An eldritch being sat up from its breakfast, fairly resembling a Gardevoir in appearance and dress yet somehow not. "Hmm? Someone's a'knocking early today," it murmured to itself, quickly finishing its bite of toast before getting up to answer the door. I haven't ordered any packages recently, and the mail carrier shows up at 9:30, so who could it be?

Its question was answered when it opened the door, an unfamiliar young woman with a large pointy hat and jeweled purple dress standing there. Close behind it was one of the Harrison kids, the currently-a-male-human Ezekiel. "Hi, Konoko," the woman stated. "I realize this is short notice, but do you mind babysitting one of the kids today? The rest of us are... kind of busy, to put it mildly."

Immediately Konoko pieced together who the woman was. She didn't carry herself the same way Ambush/Amber did, but she was obviously associated with the Harrisons. Add to that the mental waves that told her she was speaking to a Pokémon, not a true humanoid... "Shiver," she greeted her. "Fully solid illusion. Nice work."

The disguised Mismagius smiled at the praise. "Thanks. So, about that job offer...?"

I don't have anything pressing to do, and I haven't spent much time around their youngest... "Sure. Come on i-"

"HUGS!"

As soon as Konoko agreed, Ezekiel launched himself at her in a flying tackle-hug. The 'Vampevoir', as Callista liked to call her, staggered backwards a step but was able to stay upright. "Oof... wow, you're getting big." She directed her next words to Shiver as she put him down. "Real energetic, isn't he?"

Shiver sagged a little. "Every day like you wouldn't believe. Like I said, we're going to be pretty busy today, so we don't have much time to look after him. So if you could babysit him until about... seven this evening, that would be awesome."

"Until seven, huh? What's going on today?"

Shiver winced. "That's going to take a while to explain. May I come in?"

/-/-/-/-/-/-/

"...And that's about it."

Konoko sipped from a cup of coffee as she finished processing everything she'd been told. So, a wedding between the truly depraved and the ex-villainess-to-be. I can see why they're behaving this way. "Out of curiosity, did Echo's investigations turn up anything?"

"Only enough to put the bozos away for decades, and Maddy away for the rest of his sorry existence times infinity." Shiver downed the remainder of a glass of fruit punch. "It looks like the bulk of his employees either don't know who they're truly working for, feel that they have no choice, or have blinded themselves to the truth for the sake of their next paycheck. It would be nice to notify them all at once, but Callista's going to be occupied too. And unlike her, our boss doesn't have the benefit of being data incarnate, so we don't have their contact information or access to Maddy's e-mail accounts. We're going to have to go about things the slow way."

Maybe... or maybe not. Konoko nodded. "I see. ...Well, I never received an invitation, but since you brought Zeke on by I don't mind too much. He's much more entertaining anyway." She regarded Ezekiel, who was fully hooked on the handheld Oregon Trail game she had lent him, with a fond smile. "Our families don't see each other too much anymore. Maybe I should invite your bunch over for dinner sometime."

Shiver stood up. "I won't say no to that, but in the meantime I've got a job to do. I'll be by to grab Ezekiel at seven."

"Fair deal. I'll send Ambush the bill," Konoko agreed impishly.

Shiver's smile was full of teeth as she caught on. "Boy, will she be surprised," she giggled, turning transparent. Waving good-bye, she turned and phased through the walls, leaving the Estate behind.

...

Konoko stared out at nothing for a few minutes before deciding. Nothing wrong with expediting the process, and maybe this will get her out of the house for a little bit too. She's been complaining that things have been boring lately. Raising her voice, she called out: "Ritsu? Ritsu, could you come in here, please? We have a visitor."

Konoko's third-youngest daughter (second-youngest, technically) was fairly normal in appearance. Between her pigtailed brown hair, two pronounced front teeth, thin glasses and tool belt, there didn't seem to be anything truly unusual about her. But as with the rest of the family, there was no shortage of strangeness. The fact that she was a were-rabbit was just the tip of the iceberg.

Ezekiel perked up when Ritsu entered the room, all grins. "Hi, squirrel rabbit! How you've been-whoa!"

Konoko caught Ezekiel in a telekinetic grip before he could give Ritsu the same tackle-hug that she'd received, much to the girl's obvious relief. "Thanks, Mom. I needed that," Ritsu admitted. "His greetings are a little too enthusiastic... what was all that talking I heard about, though? Anything to do with why he's here?"

"You could say that." Konoko gave her a shortened version of the story she'd received from Shiver. "I'll need to call Ambush and let him know, but he should be alright with a certain someone helping him ruin Mr. Maddhouse's day, wouldn't you say?"

It took a moment for what she was being asked to do to sink in, but once it did, the fit of mad laughter Ritsu experienced would have done Washu Hakubi proud. Ezekiel joining in just made it sound ridiculous, however.

/-/-/-/-/-/

Time: 10:10a.m.
Location: Circe's Manor, Claire de Loon's quarters

(BGM - Passport . Mid - MU100 + DX Arrange, on YouTube by Dave Harris)

"...I see. So that's it, then. Thanks for notifying me, Mrs. Hasano. Tell Miss Ritsu I said 'thank you' for her work. ...Yes, I realize that you aren't technically 'married' anymore, but as far as I'm concerned your husband is alive, and that's good enough for me. ...Trust me, I thoroughly understand. I know how those kids are. Thanks again."

Claire shut off her smartphone and set it aside. "That looks to be everything that needed done," she said to open air. "Here's hoping that everything gets settled without it dragging on."

"Just about everything's in place," Callista stated, voice a bit muffled. She was somewhere in Claire's walk-in closet getting dressed, and to avoid anyone walking in on her by accident she'd temporarily fused the door with the wall. "I'll be present as a guest, of course. Zapana's replaced Maddhouse's disc jockey for the reception on short notice... the less said about the poor idiot when they found him, the better. Aldonza's handling the catering... nice job setting that one up, by the way. Ambush is ready and waiting to 'erase' any evidence of the marriage, plus trigger a mass resignation... I'll need to save some of that wedding cake for the Hasanos later. Ellen's the organist... where she learned to play the organ, I'll never know..."

"According to her, her 8th-grade music teacher was apparently a harsh taskmaster," Claire clarified, sweatdropping. "Just between you and me, I think she was trying hard not to swear when describing him."

"...Right. Anyway, both Missy and Viridi are waiting in the wings with their forces, and their respective lieutenants are going to hit all of Marc's corporate offices after the wedding gets under way. Primary targets will be all communications satellites and cell phone towers in the vicinity of the recreation center... we can always pay to get them replaced later." Fabric shuffled around a little. "I've always thought it was stupid not to keep a landline phone around as a backup."

"You're nervous, aren't you?"

Beat. "What gave it away?"

"You're rambling," Claire stated, "in part about things I've known for at least two weeks and in part about things that are fresh in my memory regardless. You don't need to invoke 'as you know' with me, Miss Callista."

"This is the first wedding I've been to since the early-to-mid 1990s," Callista growled. "I have every right to be nervous... and why in Muffinville do you have most of this stuff in here when you wear the exact same outfit every single day? Seriously, I'm seeing a copy of that for each day of the month!"

"Most of those other dresses are gifts that were given to me by my friends for various occasions, and I've just never gotten around to wearing them," Claire explained. "A few others were given to me by certain individuals who didn't realize that I didn't swing their way, and I didn't have the heart to throw them away. And there should be a pink number in there sent to me by an actual male suitor who tried to woo me last year."

"I'm not see-oh. There it is." Callista had an amused sort of disbelief in her voice. "Why is it ripped to shreds?"

Claire allowed herself to become indignant. "Because he was trying to lure me away from Lady Circe's service, of course, and whenever someone tries to court me I have that posted outside this room as a warning. If I had to choose between being a mere servant and being a trophy wife, you'd know which one I would pick."

Callista snorted softly. "He sounds like a real winner, huh?"

"He had some of the same viewpoints that Marc does about women, albeit not to the same degree. But to his credit, he gave up the chase gracefully when he decided I wasn't worth pursuing. Truthfully, I can't imagine Marc doing the same for Lady Circe even if things were tactfully explained to him."

"Yeah, I can't imagine Circe stooped over a stove cooking dinner for him," Callista cracked, channeling her inner Groucho Marx, "if only because I can't see the stove."

"Don't insult her, please. And don't misunderstand me either, mother," Claire said, shaking her head but deciding that Callista was under more stress than she first thought. It was hardly the first time one or both of them had insulted the other when something was eating at them, after all. "It's not the 'stay in the kitchen' viewpoint I took offense to. I enjoy housework immensely, and working here at the Manor is simply that scaled up by a hundred. No, it's what Ambush meant by Marc 'treating women like flash drives' that has me so nettled."

Even through the sealed door, the air seemed chillier. "Brrr... tell me about it. Feels like my scars are trying to tear me to pieces just hearing it."

Callista hadn't always been... well, Callista. Previously she'd been Curtis Wildcat, a male human turned mutant felinoid. A few months after arriving at the more hectic ends of the multiverse, he'd made a wish-of sorts-on a magic crystal left behind by a temporarily deceased goddess, regaining his humanity. The cost of this wish was a permanent gender-swap with a side order of manic bargain-hunting, turning Curtis into the self-proclaimed Shopping Queen she was now.

Some months later, while in another universe on a mission for Raleigh, Callista was physically assaulted in a Cracker Barrel restroom by an escaped convict. Only her purse, a powerful shape-shifting weapon with its own security system, prevented her from being raped in addition to that. The encounter left her with scars both within and without that never fully healed, which in turn gave her three things: a zero-tolerance policy regarding perverts and sexual predators, a very dim view of romance in general (and exposed skin in particular), and a self-enforced vow of celibacy.

Since Claire possessed a decent chunk of Callista's memories (though without the scars), Ambush had made the entire situation personal for them both by notifying them of Marc's habits. The sense of justice that lingered in their hearts refused to put up with the present circumstances any longer.

"Claire?" Callista nervously continued, the closet door becoming unsealed. "I need a second opinion on this. Are you decent?"

"Haven't started getting ready yet, Miss Callista," said Claire. "I'm just waiting on you."

"Don't feel that you have to wait on my account. This is an important day for you too, remember?"

A quietly annoyed sigh. "Just step out of the closet and let me see what you picked, alright? I don't have all morning to banter back and forth about this."

"Fine, fine," the manic shopper acquiesced, opening the door and stepping back into the bedroom.

On first glance, she'd made her choices well. In keeping with Callista's standards of modesty, the sapphire-blue dress was conservatively cut and showed off nothing, going clear down to the top of her feet. Decorative buttons in the criss-crossing shape of her personal logo were pinned to both shoulders, and her low-heeled shoes glimmered in the light. Her ever-present purse, being permanently bonded to her being, was still on her shoulder. A topaz ring rested on one finger, and tiny little diamond earrings cut in the shape of a cat's face completed the ensemble. A few gray hairs could be spotted in her brown locks here and there, if only because she felt like reflecting her true age a little today.

Claire frowned. "You're wearing your jeans beneath all that, aren't you?"

"You used to be me," Callista reminded her, feeling a bit cantankerous. "What do you think?"

"I'm thinking your paranoia's going to give everything away." The maid gestured at her appearance in the mirror. "It's not easy to find if you're not looking for it, but if you are then your default ensemble's pretty obvious. At least try to hide the signs so that no one thinks you're expecting to fight?"

Callista sighed but complied, placing one hand on her dress's left shoulder. "Menu. Edit parameters. Save," she intoned, less for her sake than to make what she was doing a bit clearer-

Reality shifted around her, temporarily obscuring her from sight in a cloud of zeroes and ones. When they faded, any and all signs that her casual clothes were beneath her dress were gone. They were still there, of course, but at the same time they weren't. It was as paradoxically simple as it was complex.

Claire smiled. "That's better. You're looking just fine." She glanced up at her clock. "If that's everything, I need to assist Lady Circe and then get ready myself."

"Do what you have to do," Callista stated as she turned to leave. "See you at ground zero?"

Claire's smile gained a dangerous edge. Her voice and hair stayed the same, but it was clear to Callista that her darker side had taken control, something she couldn't help but grin at. "Oh, you'd better believe it."

Callista grinned in return, started to open the door...

...then paused as something Claire had said earlier finally sank in, her jaw falling open. "Wait a second. Did you call me 'mother' a few minutes ago?"

Claire smiled playfully and waved good-bye, not saying anything.

/-/-/-/-/

Time: 2:43p.m.
Location: North Maddhouse Recreation Center #2

A human-sized dinosaur with a laser cannon on its head landed in a parking space sized just right for it. Missy, who'd traded in her blue suit for a purple one (complete with a paisley dress tie), dismounted from it and patted the side of its neck. "Stay here until it's time to go," she instructed the lizard. "If you see anyone suspicious heading your way, you're welcome to blast them. ...Y'know what? Blast them anyway. Making them jump never hurt anyone... other than them, of course."

The raptor nodded, turning to growl at an onlooker who had gotten too close. Paying it no mind, Missy made a face at the limousine that was parked next to it and headed on into the building.

The recreation center was on the large-ish side to accomodate as many as possible. There was no less than eight conference rooms, one reserved for the wedding and two more for the reception, and all of them were capable of seating hundreds. There were basketball and tennis courts, batting cages, an ice skating rink large enough for hockey games, several rooms loaded with exercise equipment, a few saunas, and even rooms filled with dartboards, billiards and assorted gaming tables. Had Missy been anyone else, she would've wanted to obtain a membership here in order to use all of its facilities to the fullest.

It's almost a shame that this place is going to be razed by the end of the day, Missy thought with a twisted grin. But only almost. She spied the guestbook posted near the door to Conference Room #1 and made a beeline for it, shoving aside a hapless guest that was too slow to get out of the way. A lot of these I can get anytime I want. Why should I go to those places when I can make the places come to me?

Come to think of it, that doesn't sound like a bad idea...

/-/-/-/-/

"...So I walk up to the guy and tell him, 'I'm not playing your games until you tell me what the matter is'. Everyone listening just about falls over like it was the funniest thing they ever heard."

Aldonza's laughter could be heard everywhere in the room, making Zapana shake her head in annoyance. The two of them were in the rec-center's kitchen facilities, Zapana just to hang out and Aldonza to whip up a feast worthy of a reception. The fox blurred around the kitchen, utilizing no less than thirty recipes at once, counting desserts. The average human would've needed an entire staff and hours more time to accomplish what she was doing, but to a Kittenoan packing superspeed, it was as easy and quick as fixing a sandwich.

Zapana for her part stayed out of the way, easily keeping track of her friend's progress. "So orphaned jokes aside, how are things going with you? They buying your act so far?"

"So far, so good," Aldonza confirmed. "Everyone on Marc's side of things believes I'm a bog-standard Violet airhead who just happens to be really good at cooking. I'm still amazed that they're not more observant. I mean, it's not like I haven't trashed massive swathes of landscaping in our fights before."

"People can be remarkably short-sighted sometimes." Zapana glanced about the kitchen for any sign of alcohol, then slouched in disappointment when there was none to be seen. Her ears twitched. "And speaking of remarkably..."

Aldonza got the hint and slowed herself down to the point that anyone could follow along with her actions. Ten seconds later, the groom himself poked his head into the kitchen.

Marc Maddhouse was just as ugly as advertised, though much of that was due more to scarring and long-healed burns than weight or genetics. His hair was nicely combed and his tuxedo was in order, but those were the only really 'nice' things about him. His attitude when he spoke could be best described as 'smarmy'. "I'm just double-checking to make sure all the food's going to be ready, chef. Will you be finished on time for the reception, or am I going to have to order 'take-out'?"

Aldonza nodded, smiled, and flashed him the 'OK' gesture. Satisfied, he left the kitchen to take his place before the ceremony could begin.

...

Zapana gave her best friend an odd look as soon as she determined that Marc was out of range. "Weren't you the one who told me that gesture's considered obscene in Spain?"

"Not my fault if he's never seen 'The Pod People'," Aldonza said, waving a hand dismissively as she blurred back out of visibility.

Zapana snorted quietly, but left the kitchen without issue to attend to her music equipment and trusting that Aldonza would stick to her role for now. When it came time to party, she wanted to be ready.

/-/-/-/-/

I feel like a Chihuahua surrounded by Rottweilers and Dobermans.

After she sat down to wait for the ceremony to commence, Callista took her time to survey the room. The vast majority of the guests were with the groom's camp, and almost startlingly, around ninety percent of that number were male. The remaining ten percent gave every indication to her telepathy that they had been transformed into girls against their will and continued to hold a grudge, looking as if they could bite through metal. At a guess, Marc hand-picked the ones who would love nothing more than to do away with Muffinville's 'change' slogan. It's hardly fair to the city's male residents who don't care one way or the other what form they have, but these people have no regard for their opinions. Earth only wishes it could meet this sort of extreme.

On the bride's side, Amber had her family with her aside from her husband, Ezekiel, and Echo. The bulk of the guests were members of Circe's staff who approved of the wedding from the get-go, though Callista also recognized a short and muscular, four-armed gray-haired lady from her side-job as a PFL competitor. She noticed that Missy was sitting nearest to the door, glowering at anyone who dared stare at her for too long. Things seemed about right.

...Though she dearly hoped Missy didn't start yelling "Death to the fuku!" at any point. Really wish I knew what she was thinking when she picked that suit in particular. Even when Himitsu isn't around anymore, he's still driving people insane.

"Callista Wilson-Metallium?"

The shopfreak looked up and to her left to regard the stone-faced guest that addressed her. "Yes, sir?"

The guest glanced from side to side, then lowered his voice until it was almost inaudible. "Don't tell anyone, but I'm a closet fan of yours. Sign something for me after the wedding?"

Callista nodded minutely, just enough for him to catch it. Outwardly the man scowled on his way back to his seat, but it didn't take much to sense his happiness or the reasons for it. Much as I hate having fans chase after me, this might actually turn out to be a boon.

With nothing to do for another five minutes or so, her thoughts continued to wander. Unlike her home Earth, Muffinville didn't have any specific standards for weddings. Pretty much anything would do, as long as it looked official, and the standards of those getting married either sunk or rose to match depending on their circumstances. Callista allotted Doris Sturm some points for talking Marc and Circe into having this instead of going the 'Vegas' route and, not having seen any sign of the gyroid since she'd arrived, made a note to save a portion of the wedding cake for her as well.

First one I've been to since my oldest sister got married in 1994, she mused. I wasn't even invited to Aldonza's wedding, but then again that was a Kittenoa affair, so I didn't mind.

-"The first one I've been to, period,"- Kaoru commented. -"I didn't know they were so... grandiose."-

I was going to say 'ostentatious', but yeah. 'Grandiose' works. How are the Copycats faring? Depending on how things go, I might need the Dark one's help today.

-"They're both ready and waiting. They just need the proper conditions."- Kaoru whistled. -"Maddhouse sure has a way of uniting enemies, doesn't he?"-

Deep in Callista's subconscious, the darker facets of her personality given physical form paced and growled. -"Well, duh!"- she uttered menacingly. -"I hate Maddhouse more than I hate Bright Eyes over here. I wouldn't miss this for the universe!"-

Her lighter side, by contrast, stood still with her arms folded. Her voice was much calmer and borderline melodious. -"I won't say I hate him. Let's just call it a severe dislike. You know the drill: reach the appropriate state of mind, and we'll help you."-

That's all the confirmation I need, you two. Thanks. Callista noticed Ellen enter the room from a side door, and heard the crowd settling down. Stay frosty, y'all. Looks like we're ready.

...

Ellen was... remarkably sharp. Her dress was a very light purple, almost white, and on first glance appeared to be made of overlapping metallic scales that reflected the room's lighting every which way. Lavender eyeliner and hexagon-shaped amethyst earrings decorated her face appropriately. The only thing throwing off her appearance was a bandage around her upper arm, lightly stained a dark red and looking as if she'd sustained a recent injury there.

Glad she's taking things seriously. That high-octane control over paper she has is pretty creepy, but unless Maddhouse has higher connections than we thought, no one in his pocket can harm her.

Ellen took a moment to bow to the guests as if she were a concert pianist, getting raised eyebrows from most of them, then seated herself before the organ someone had hauled in. Wringing her hands and taking a deep breath, she settled down and began to play.

Most of those in the room did double-takes. Her mother-whom Callista noticed was decked out in a pearl necklace, a knee-length black dress and opera gloves that made her look dignified, plus a feather boa that didn't-hustled over to the organ. "Look, I know we all hate the man," Amber snarled in a tone that was inaudible to all but the first few rows, "but I don't think the Funeral March is what we need to hear. We need something more upbeat!"

Ellen regarded her mother for a few seconds before complying. "Try to find a middle range," Amber interrupted before she got too far in. "'Happy Organ' is a little too upbeat."

Ellen sighed softly. "...I can't have any fun," she murmured, shifting melodies and tempos even as a few of those in attendance chuckled. The song that she finally settled on was a rendition of Pachelbel's Canon in D, and Amber finally stalked back to her seat, muttering about 'uppity stoic teenagers' under her breath.

(BGM - Canon in D Major by Pachelbel, for pipe organ)

With that bit of levity out of the way, the procession finally began.

...

Events proceeded as normal, with a few outliers.

Marc went down the aisle first, with his best man not too far behind. Callista immediately had to shut down her telepathy temporarily, as the thoughts she was registering from Maddhouse were making her want to retch. The slight burning she could feel from her scars told her that she'd acted almost too late, and it took most of her willpower not to shift to her hybrid form and scream in anger.

And in addition to that, he seems a little bit too familiar...!

For some reason she hadn't detected anything from the best man himself, immediately making her wary of him. She pegged him as someone to watch out for as events continued apace.

...

When Viridi took her turn walking down the aisle, scattering flowers as she went, it was with a surprising amount of dignity. It made sense to Callista, since as the Goddess of Nature she was supposed to be able to show manners when the situation called for it. This was a veneer, of course, but a good one.

As Viridi passed, one of the flowers she tossed 'accidentally' landed on Callista's shoulder. They traded brief but meaningful looks as they passed, Viridi disguising hers with a sneer before continuing on her way. Shrugging, Calli placed the flower in her hair; to almost anyone it would seem like a bit of whimsy, but what they wouldn't know is that it had a purpose of its own.

...

Claire seemed... exceedingly outside of her element when she passed by, sweat on her brow and her face red. Callista wasn't sure if it had anything to do with the turquoise get-up she was in, given that her fairly wide maid's uniform was synonymous with her, or if she was just very nervous about what she knew was coming. Take it easy there, girl, she transmitted. Don't let things get to you. We're all here.

This seemed to ease a bit of her stress, though not all of it. Claire's walk was a little less stiff, which Calli took as a victory. The rest of the bridesmaids continued their course, unknowing of what just happened.

...

When it came Circe's turn to walk down the aisle, Callista silently approved of the wedding dress she was in. Given that it had been Claire who chose it, it made sense that it would be significantly more modest than what was on the market in Muffinville these days. I don't even need my Censors for this, she thought. Nice.

Though she did wonder at the statement Claire and Maxine (Madison, she forcefully reminded herself) had been trying to make by giving her the 'Princess Leia' hairstyle. ...Well, whatever. Not my problem.

...

Finally, Ellen's performance came to a graceful end. She stood up, gave the audience another bow-which actually garnered a light round of applause that time-and nodded at the priest, who had taken his post at the podium while the procession was ongoing. With nothing more to do, she sat down in a seat Amber had saved for her nearest to the wall.

The priest himself seemed nearly skeletal, was dressed in black, had short spiky hair and a slight reddish tint to his eyes. To Callista's eyes, he had no sense of humor and seemed completely unmoved by Ellen's antics. Just to make sure he wasn't going to be a problem, she took a moment to check his mind; satisfied with what she found, she relaxed a fraction and clasped her hands together.

Seemingly happy to get this under way, the priest began his speech. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to..."

...

With no obvious effort exerted despite the distance between them, Callista mentally connected herself to Phosphora and Bahija. Showtime, folks. Let's begin.

The confirmation phrase? the both of them asked.

The flower in Callista's hair glowed softly, providing proof that she had the authority to issue orders on Viridi's behalf. And since Bahija was an obsessive masochist when it came to her, they knew she would go along with it anyway... though the tone of voice Callista used when giving the code phrase still made them shiver in fear.

Pecking Order.

/-/-/-/

Author's Notes

I have to wonder if the people who act (or acted, depending on how far into the future you're reading this) incredibly stubborn in regards to Covid-related health guidelines ever bothered to read up on the Spanish Flu. I imagine they probably didn't; after all, those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it, as the saying goes.

Raise your hand if you knew that handheld Oregon Trail games were a thing. A couple years ago, I certainly didn't.

The topaz ring Callista was wearing is actually a fully-functioning taser. In later chapters I forgot she had it, though it wouldn't have really done much against Marc.

It was winter, and the weather was cold. Missy was riding a dinosaur around. I blame the laser cannon on its head.

The North Maddhouse Recreation Center #2 is very loosely based on a similar establishment I visited multiple times while I was growing up. Due to me living halfway across the country I haven't been there since 2005-06 or thereabouts, so my memory as to what the place looked like is incredibly murky. I remember the conference rooms on the west side since that was where all the events I attended (receptions and such) were located, but that's it.

The obscene gesture (if you're outside the USA) and "Pod People" both refer to one of Mystery Science Theater 3000's early episodes. Search around a bit for more info if you're curious.

Yes, I used a DBZA reference. Moving on.