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I own nothing, Dick Wolf and NBC Universal own all SVU, and I do not own the rights to the song lyrics used.

Playing for Keeps

It seemed like this table was reserved for old and new SVU squads. Munch had finally made it back with his drink, and Cragen was with him. Elliot and Olivia both stood and hugged Don. Amanda and Sonny made their way back with the newest detective Kat Tamin. They chatted and laughed as they all took turns telling stories about Fin. For once they were all together, old and new, making a great memory. A memory they could all draw from when the world became too depraved, too hard to live in.

Lots of things happened in the last twenty-two years, and yet somehow, Elliot could make it seem like it was yesterday they were at the 1-6, making fun of Munch and his conspiracy theories, flirting with each other acting like no one else could see it.

Dinner came, and the speeches came, and the evening was a success. Elliot had taken his jacket off and rolled up his sleeves just like he always did. He glanced at Olivia, watching her rake in his newly exposed skin. Just as he thought he won that round, Olivia's napkin slipped from her lap, and she leaned over, placing her hand on his thigh to balance herself as she reached for it. He almost jumped out of his skin, and his cock twitched causing him to excuse himself under the pretense of getting another drink.

While he was at the bar, Fin came over to him.

"Hey man, congrats again, this is really something Fin." Elliot stated. "Phoebe is beautiful, and I really wish you nothing but the best."

"Thanks man. I honestly can't believe it really happened." Fin said with a laugh. "So, you and Liv?"

Elliot huffed out a laugh and said, "Well I'm trying man, but ya know…"

"It's complicated right?" Fin said, staring down Elliot. "Listen, she's come a long way from where and how she use to be. You know she's one tough cookie, just don't give up on her. We all just want her to be happy and you being back, I really think it could happen for the two of you. I know part of her still thinks she doesn't deserve anyone. She's never out right told me that, but I've known her with you and without you. Life is too short El."

"Thanks Fin. Really. I know we've had our differences in the past, but you've been here for me, and I really have you to thank for pushing me to get back into her life." He paused. "I still feel lost sometimes… you know since Kathy…" and he took a big breath, "But thanks to Liv, I've been seeing a therapist, and she's helped me. She's helped me realize what is right in front of me, and this time I'm not walking away."

"Well, I'm glad you're getting help. And I'm glad for you two. You deserve each other."

Elliot laughed, "Well don't wish us well just yet, I've still got to get her officially on board… and you know, its…"

"Complicated." They both said in unison. They both laughed, and then Elliot had the bartender pour two shots. "To partners for life, " he said and lifted his glass looking at Olivia.

"Partners for life." Fin repeated looking at his new bride. They both drank.

The DJ began playing music and called for Fin and Phoebe to make their way down for their first dance.

"That's my que." Fin said, held out his hand for Elliot, who shook it, and then headed for his bride.

By the time Elliot came back Olivia was in a discussion with Amanda about Jesse. Elliot sat back down next to her, resting his hand on the back of her chair. They all watched Fin and Phoebe dance their first dance, and he leaned closer to her said, "They look happy."

She nodded and sighed. "Yea, they do…" she said with a hit of sadness in her voice.

He placed his hand on the nape of her neck and whispered, "It can still happen… you know… happiness." He rubbed her neck lightly. She shivered at his words, wondering if he was referring to the possibility of a future happiness with him. Just as she was summoning up the courage to ask him, she caught Amanda elbowing Carisi out of the corner of her eye, and he got up and came over to her.

"Care to dance Captain?" he said, offering his hand. Elliot removed his hand from her neck, and Olivia said, "Sure!" looking at Amanda, took his hand and let him lead her out to the floor, thankful for the distraction.

As they started to dance, Carisi looked at Olivia and started to say something but then stopped. "What is it Counselor?" She said. He laughed and looked over at Amanda.

"You know this was her idea, right?"

Olivia laughed, and looked over to their table as Amanda moved over into her seat and started talking to Elliot. "Yea I figured she would try something when I wasn't too forth coming with information earlier." She smiled at Carisi, and looked over at Elliot, trying to read him.

EOEOEOEOEOEOEO

"So Stabler… Elliot, " she corrected. "I've heard a lot of things about you."

He laughed, "Some good I hope…"

She smiled, "Well mostly amazing stories from Fin, and some not so amazing, but we all have our skeletons…" she trailed off. "You're quite a legend."

His eyes squinted and curled his lips up. "Well, I just tried to do my job." He said giving her latitude to ask her questions.

There was a moment of silence between them. He watched her try to decide what she was going to say next, and not being one for patience, he decided he would just take it there himself.

"Look, I know what you're doing. But you don't know me. You don't know us." He said assuming she would know the us he was referring to.

"I know I've hurt her…" he paused, swallowing hard, feeling the weight of those ten years every time he thought about the pain he caused. "But I… it's complicated. But I just want her to be happy. I'm not going anywhere."

Amanda starred at him for a second before saying "Well that's good to know, because there isn't anything I wouldn't do for her."

"That makes two of us." He said with commitment in his voice. She must have believed him because she stood up and put her hand on his shoulder as she started to leave the table.

"Thanks for indulging me, I'm sure I'll see you around." She patted him and she left him sitting there. He let out a sigh.

He saw Olivia leaving the dance floor with her phone out. He waited a few minutes, then followed her over to the less noisy area of the hall.

"Hey, everything ok?" he asked.

"Oh, yea I was just calling Lucy to check up on Noah. Everything's good. He doesn't want to go to bed, but what else is new." She laughed knowing he gets it. They stood there for a second, just looking at each other. Olivia broke the stare, feeling heat creep up into her cheeks from being held captive by Elliot for too long. They both saw a flash to their right and saw a photo booth, and guest exiting laughing at their photos.

"Hey…" he said, pulling her by the arm to the booth. "We should have something to remember this by."

The seat was barley big enough for the both of them. She had to almost sit on his lap. He put his arm around her waist and pulled her as close to him as he could, with in reason of course. She was tucked into him and secretly loving every moment of it. She couldn't help the smile spreading across her face. She felt like a kid again, meeting her crush at the mall and taking pictures that she would put a heart around and hang them on her bed post.

"Ok.." he said reading the instructions, "So we hit the button and there's ten seconds in between each picture, and four pictures taken. Ready?" he asked, tightening his grip on her hip a little.

"Sure, "she said, "But what are we doing? Silly? Serious?"

He laughed, and said "Um... serious, then silly." He said. So, they readied themselves, and Elliot hit the button. The first picture was serious detective faces. Their game faces. Then, as the ten seconds clicked by for the second picture, Olivia stuck her tongue out and Elliot made a screaming face. He decided to catch her off guard for the next one and grabbed her legs by her knees and pulled them over his lap, making her slip a little, but knowing he still had her by her waist so she wouldn't fall. The picture snapped with a surprised look on Olivia's face, and Elliot laughing as he tried to keep her balanced. And the last one snapped as they came down from their laughter, and they were just looking at each other, both smiling, and yet there was something more meaningful behind it. For the first time she let him see something he'd only seen once before, under life and death circumstances. But this time no one had a gun to his head, or a knife to her throat. And he just couldn't help himself. It came out before he could stop it.

"I love you…"

Her breath hitched, and he felt her tremble in his arms. Her eyes dropped and she put her legs down, took a big breath and exited the booth.

He ran his hands down his face and stood up, determined not to let his big mouth ruin this. He grabbed the two photo strips the booth printed out and put them in his pocket. As he exited the booth, he readied himself to apologize for saying those words again to her and blindsiding her, but she stopped him.

"Liv, I'm…"

"Don't…" She shook her head "It's ok… come on, I think they are getting ready to cut the cake." She started walking back towards the party, and he followed.

Ok he thought, so now she's just going to pretend like I never said it. He wasn't sure if he was more irritated or hurt by how she just brushed off this moment with him. Survival he thought. She still doesn't believe it. He's now told her he loves her twice, and told her he meant it, and still she's resisting. Holding her feelings back. He knew her too well not to know her M.O. He was going to have to keep trying to convince her, to show her, it was different this time. It was real, and he was ready.

On her way back to their table, she was waiting for him to stop her. She was waiting for him to raise his voice and demand she talk to him. She waited for him to grab her by the elbow to turn her around and face him. Talk to him about why she brushed him off, getting angrier by the second. But by the time she got to their table, he hadn't blow up, or said anything for that matter. He just pulled her chair out and sat down with her. She looked at him, questioning his silence. He just softly smiled back. She registered the hurt behind his eyes.

EOEOEOEOEOEOEO

The cake was cut, and desert was served. Elliot seemed to be back in his good mood laughing and talking with everyone at their table. His arm kept making its way across the back of her chair and touching the skin on her back. He was leaving warm trails down her spine. The DJ started the music back up and people moved to the dance floor.

He placed his hand on her shoulder and leaned in and said, "Would you like to dance?" She turned and looked at him.

"Come on Liv, I don't bite too hard…" he said, and she blushed. "Plus, it will save you from having to dance with Munch." He said chuckling. She laughed and rolled her eyes.

"Ok, but I bite back." She said. She stood up and Elliot whispered to her, "I'm counting on it…" sending shivers down her spine.

They walked out to the dance floor, and she felt like everyone was staring at them. There were other people dancing, but she suddenly felt vulnerable. He took her hand in his and placed the other around her waist and pulled her close. She swallowed looking around at the other guests. Her name on his lips brought her back.

"Liv…"

Her eyes met his and she was lost. Lost in the deep blue ocean that was Elliot Stabler. She didn't need to search for things he was trying to convey to her, because they were all at the surface. Need, want, lust, desire… and more than any of the others, love and trust.

He put their intertwined hands on his chest, and she instinctively slid her hand further around his neck. She had to break their eye contact because the weight of it, the weight of what she saw, what it meant was starting to crush her. She closed her eyes and willed herself to breath. Then she heard the lyrics to the song they were dancing to.

Red lights

Stop signs

I still see your face

In the white cars

Front yards

Can't drive past the places

We use to

Go to

'Cause I still fucking love you, babe

She felt tears prick at her eyes. She gripped him like if she didn't, he might not be real and slip away. Like any second the veil would be lifted, and she'd wake up alone. Her stomach tightened and a rush of nausea washed over her. This song was overpowering her thoughts. Reminding her of those years without him. Reminding her of the pain.

Sidewalks

We crossed

I still hear your voice

In the traffic

We're laughing

Over all the noise

God, I'm so blue

Know we're through

But I still fucking love you, babe

He felt her tense and hold her breath. Almost like she was trying to hold herself together. He felt her, just for a second, rest her head against his cheek, and then turn her head away.

I know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one

And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone

Guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me

'Cause you said forever now I drive alone past your street

Yeah, you said forever now I drive alone past your street

The past was rushing into her mind, and it was overwhelming. She needed to breath and not to be in front of all these people. She dropped hand and moved from their embrace. She risked looking at him before she said, "I need some air…" and she turned and almost ran out of the hall.

He saw the tears in her eyes as she ran from him and he felt the pain instantly. He knew he should probably give her some space, but he didn't want to. That's all they had for ten years was space. Space because he couldn't deal with his own feelings. He couldn't admit to himself or her or anyone his own truth. It took Kathy's murder, months of PTSD, and a therapist to push him over that edge. And now he was ready. Ready to play for keeps but he didn't even think about how this was going to be for her.

One of his biggest regrets was he never thought about how anything he did or said affected her until after. His mind went straight back to Gitano. He blamed her for his choices and in anger pushed her away, only to realize with help from Huang that she didn't make him do anything. It was his choice to pick her over a victim and the why sliced his soul down to the bone. She did the same later in that case and it scrapped them both raw.

It was in the abandoned military building she first let him see her love for him. A love so raw and real there was no way she could take that shot because the thought of living without him would kill her. He knew it. He saw it in her eyes, and with what he thought was his last breaths he conveyed the same emotion back to her in that silent communication they had. She had let her guard down and been vulnerable.

But now it was different. He already told her he loved her and that he meant it and blurted it out again an hour ago. But that wasn't how it should have been said the first time, or the next time. She deserved more than his lack of impulse control. He needed to fix this. Fix this before she shut him out for self-preservation. The same defense tactics she used time and time again to keep from losing parts of herself when he'd been willing to take from her and give nothing in return.

He ran back to the table and grabbed his jacket and took off out the door. He looked to the left once outside and then to the right. She was walking away from the building down the sidewalk, arms wrapped around her waist.

"LIV…" he shouted. "OLIVIA! Wait!" he ran to her. She stopped but didn't turn around. She heard his footsteps slowing and she whipped around, tears running down her face.

"What are we doing Elliot?" she sobbed, unable to control it any longer. "This whole night… I… we…" she huffed out a breath, "Elliot…" she said, looking at him, tears running down her cheeks.

"Olivia…" he paused, taking a breath, knowing what he was about to say could send her running, but hoping it would be into his arms.

"I love you. I'm… in love with you Olivia." He waited a few seconds looking into her eyes for any sense of hesitation. "I've been in love with you for… forever…" and he took a deep breath at his confession as he ran his hand down his face, tears now coming. He was far more affected by saying those words out loud than he thought he would be. It was his truth. A truth he'd known since the first few months they had been partners. He spent so many years living in denial, and angry with himself that he was so weak. Weak because he was married and fell in love with another woman, and weak because he couldn't summon up the strength to do anything about it.

"Elliot…" she managed to push out, still spiraling from the declaration he just made. "I don't think you know what you're saying…"

His eyes snapped up to her, and his whole face changed. He felt anger start to bubble up inside him.

"Liv, don't… don't do this." He said harshly. "Don't turn this into something it's not. I'm not lost anymore. I'm not some fragile victim. I'm telling you I love you, I'm in love with you. Don't tell me I don't know what I'm saying just because you're scared to let yourself feel what I know you feel for me. I'm tired of denying everything between us." He was almost shouting at her now. "No more excuses Liv. Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me you don't want this too…" he said a little softer, but still with certainty, motioning between them.

He looked at her during this moment, holding her gaze, daring her to say something. Anything. She was stuck frozen there on the street. Everything she'd ever wanted to hear from him, he was saying. It was so overwhelming her brain was having trouble connecting to her motor functions.

After a few more seconds passed he shook his head and looked down at the sidewalk, and when he looked back up, she could see the damage her silence had done. He was right. She was afraid. Afraid, and anxious, and exhilarated and a thousand other emotions her brain couldn't catalog at the moment. One thought finally made it through the rollercoaster her brain was on… she wanted this. She wanted him. She loved him. Loves him. What was she doing? She needed to say something before he walked away from her.

He couldn't take the silence anymore, and the faint notion that maybe she didn't want him made him feel sick to his stomach. He didn't want to lose it in front of her, feeling the tears brimming in his eyes again, he turned and started to walk away, and then he heard something he hadn't heard in ten years. Something he use to hear a hundred times a day.

"EL!" she yelled, breathless, "Please…" she begged. She knew hearing her call him El for the first time since he came back into her life would tell him all he needed to know. It was all she could manage to get out of her mouth.

He whipped around, searching frantically for her eyes, seeing what he wanted to see, needed to see. It took a second before he was barreling his way straight to her.

He grabbed her by the arm, and his other hand went to the back of her head, hauling her up to his body, crushing his lips to hers.