Chapter 4

Harry sat in the chair, arms crossed against his chest, glaring at them. He wasn't glaring at anyone in particular. No one had spoken since Harry had told them he wished he'd died with his parents. He wished he hadn't said that. It was a profoundly personal thought, and no one in this room had a right to it.

The first person to break the silence was Snape.

"Mr. Potter," he began, in a voice that Harry had never heard him use before. It seemed almost human. "None of this is your fault. I should not have said those things to you. I am sure you realize that I was … playing a part."

"Right," Harry spat the word at him with as much hatred and derision as he could muster. He glared at Snape, leaning forward across the table as if the two of them were the only people in the room. "You played your part very well, didn't you? You made my life miserable every day for four years. You made fun of my friends and me. You failed me for perfectly good potions, yelled at me so that I'd mess up if it looked like I wasn't going to, and filled my homework with insults instead of corrections. You were playing a part? You were just getting revenge on my father!"

"That is not …"

"Oh please, do you think I'm stupid," Harry scoffed. "You've complained about my father and compared me to him since I started Hogwarts. Well, guess what? I'm not him! I don't remember him. I have only one memory of my parents, and that's my mother begging Voldemort to spare my life."

Harry stared into Snape's ashen face. He hadn't meant to say that. He looked down, realizing that his hands were trembling. He knew he had to reign it in or risk accidental magic blasting the room apart.

"So, yeah," Harry said quietly. "I don't know if I'm like my father or not. But based on everything you've said, I doubt it."

There was silence for a few beats, and then Snape spoke.

"You are not."

He sighed. Then leaned forward to make sure that Harry was looking him in the eye. At first, Harry avoided him, not wanting this conversation. He had pushed it, though, so he allowed himself to be drawn in.

"I said you are not like him, Harry, but I meant that you do not have those aspects that I derided you for," Snape clarified. "You have positive traits from both of your parents. You also have other traits. It would be fair to say, and I think some of the others here would agree to me, that you have your mother's temper."

Despite not wanting to give in, Harry could not help but feel a small smile creep in at that statement. No one ever compared him to his mother except to say that he had her eyes. Even to have her temper made him feel closer to her.

"You are neither of your parents, Harry," Snape went on, "and as you are your own person, you have faults and positive attributes of your own as they did. I am not the person to speak to about your father's positive nature, but your mother was a wonderful person."

"And you hated my father?" Harry asked darkly.

There was no response from the dark-haired professor until he finally relented into Harry's stare to say, "We were not friendly. That does not excuse my behavior toward you. The situation was complicated then, as it is now. You know that I was a spy and that my position at Hogwarts has required a certain cover. I will acknowledge taking it further than it needed to go in your case. I regret that. You do not have to accept my apology, but you have it."

Harry stared at him. It was an apology from Snape, which he never expected in a million years. If Voldemort came offering a truce, he would have been near as surprised. Harry just nodded sharply. He wasn't sure what to say.

"Well," Dumbledore offered, "I am sure that was somewhat cathartic, Harry."

He beamed at Harry, who glowered back.

"We do have a problem, though. The Ministry will want to take custody of Harry as soon as possible. If Fudge is not already machinating for himself or an agent to become Harry's guardian, he will be soon," Dumbledore looked at Harry, "and time is of the essence."

"Fudge?" Harry spat. "No way in Hell."

"Yes," Dumbledore continued, not really commenting on Harry's outburst. "So, we are gathered here because there are not many options open to us. Harry, you summarized the situation fairly succinctly."

"No one wants me," Harry said darkly.

"No, Harry," Hagrid cried.

Harry looked over at the man. He'd almost forgotten he was here. He looked at his friend sadly. There was no way Hagrid could be his guardian. He wasn't sure why the man was here. Hagrid was an adult by definition only. He wasn't a fully trained wizard and usually acted more like a child.

"I have two proposals," Dumbledore continued. "Since you are nearly fifteen, your input will be considered—"

"Input," Harry interrupted. "Meaning again, you are making decisions about my life without letting me choose?

The room went quiet.

"Harry—"

"Input is not a choice, Dumbledore," Harry growled.

"Mr. Potter," Snape inserted. "This process will continue more quickly, and we will all be more amenable if you would behave toward Professor Dumbledore with more respect."

Harry eyed him coolly. "He should have my respect, then, for moving me around like a chess piece for my entire life and never having respect for me?"

"He does that to all of us," Snape said. "You get used to it."

Harry supposed that in Snape's way, that was a joke. He even saw the corners of Professor McGonagall's mouth go up slightly. As little as Harry was inclined to agree to take things lightly at a time like this, he had to agree that Snape had a point. Harry had no choice.

"Fine."

Harry slumped back in his chair with his shoulders slumped and his arms crossed. He knew that his body language was indicating a complete lack of compliance. It was the best he could do. They would continue to manipulate his life for him.

Dumbledore nodded as if Harry had just agreed with him completely. "As I said, we must move quickly. The first option is to solidify my guardianship. I have acted as Harry's magical guardian since his parents died. For various reasons, I cannot be involved in his day-to-day life during the school year and often during vacations. Minerva will serve as his proxy guardian during the school year, much as she does now. During vacations, that charge will go to various individuals here, but never for more than a week or two for his safety."

There were nods around the room. Harry looked down, seething. They were washing their hands of him. If there was an option worse than the Dursleys, Dumbledore seemed to have found it. Before, he had been the burden of people who had wished he didn't exist. Now, for the remainder of his childhood, he basically wouldn't. He would be passed from adult to adult like unwanted luggage.

He realized Dumbledore was still talking. "The advantage of this plan is in unpredictably and secrecy. No one will ever know where Mr. Potter is, and it will be harder to get to him." He looked over at Harry, who was currently trying to think of which hexes he could get away with. He was technically already expelled, so it made little difference what else he did this summer. "There are disadvantages."

"Oh, really?"

Harry shot up, unable to hold it in any longer. "I see none. This is what you wanted all along, isn't it? Complete control of me! You can do whatever you want with me. You can stick me down some deep dark hole, and no one would know. Especially since YOU would never be the one taking care of me. That doesn't matter, does it? I've been taking care of myself since I was three years old. You won't even LOOK AT ME. Go ahead, you GIT! Do you think I care? What can you do that you haven't already done? You have ruined my entire life. Keep going!"

Harry was shaking. He had realized that at some point while he was yelling. Not only was he shaking, but the room was shaking. The cupboards on the wall in front of him looked ready to release from their hinges. Several glasses shattered on the table. Torches blew out. Harry closed his eyes and clenched his fists. He didn't care.

"Enough!"

From somewhere inside the haze that was inside Harry's head, the voice penetrated. He could feel two cold hands touching his and murmuring. He couldn't hear what the voice was saying. Still, there was something soothing enough about it that the anger dissipated, and with it the storm of accidental magic that had laid waste to the room. When he opened his eyes, he was only slightly surprised to find them staring into those of Severus Snape.

"Take a deep breath."

Harry obeyed. He wasn't sure when he had stopped really breathing, but it felt good to breathe again. He listened as Snape continued to murmur to him, inches from his face. For once, he didn't find the man's presence imposing or hostile. It was just soothing. Minutes later, when Harry was calm, he heard Snape speak a little more sternly.

"Sit down."

Harry obeyed, sitting on shaky legs. He kept his head down. Despite his anger, he was embarrassed at the loss of control.

"The disadvantage," Dumbledore continued, as if there had been no interruption, "is that Harry has had no stability or caring influence in his life up to this point. I deeply regret this. I take the blame for it as well. Shuffling him from one temporary guardian to another in the name of security will only increase this burden on him."

The older wizard looked around the room, and Harry took advantage of the pause to look up. He expected to see judgment or pity. There was nothing Harry hated more than pity, and he didn't think he could stand it at that moment. Instead, the faces of those around him seemed to hold only sadness. Harry allowed himself to feel it too. Part of him wanted to get past the anger, but it was buried deep inside.

"Harry needs safety and stability," Dumbledore stated. "Which of us can grant him that?"

With a defiant and cautious look up, Harry reviewed the faces of those gathered. Minerva McGonagall was looking into her teacup with such capitulation that Harry couldn't look at her. Remus had his hand on the side of his face and just looked defeated. Sirius's expression was almost unreadable, but it was a mix of frustration and anger that Harry felt too. Molly Weasley was one of the few that looked right back at Harry, and there was no pity in her response—only fondness. Moody—the real Moody—looked resolute, although Harry had no idea what he had made his mind up for. Hagrid was blubbering into his handkerchief again, and Harry couldn't look at him. He didn't look at Dumbledore either. Instead, his gaze fell on Snape, still standing beside him. Snape raised an eyebrow but otherwise was unreadable.

"None of them want me," Harry said flatly.

"Are you so sure of that, Mr. Potter?" Snape asked quietly from beside him.

"You?" Harry gawked. "Why in Merlin's name would you take me in?"

"Why wouldn't I?" Snape countered.

Harry felt his stomach fill with ice as he realized things had been heading to this inevitable conclusion from the beginning. Snape had been acting as his guardian from the moment he got here; he just hadn't recognized it for what it was.

"Severus is the most likely choice," Dumbledore told the assembled. "He knows Voldemort and the Death Eaters better than anyone else. He also has the strongest wards next to the blood wards. He is the heir to an old family and has a manor house with ancient wards that is unplottable. We can use an heir ritual for him to adopt Harry. If that is done quickly, there will be no way for the Minister to undo it."

"Wait, what?" Harry asked.

Dumbledore ignored him and continued. "The spell is not technically legal. However, it is not technically illegal. It is an old ritual used mainly by pureblood heads of old families dying out and do not have heirs. It is, in fact, so rare that it is not on the books anywhere. We need to move quickly. If we don't, Fudge will name someone with deep pockets as Harry's guardian."

"Deep pockets?" Harry said. "Who? Malfoy?"

"It's possible?" Snape said.

"Is this how you're doing it then?" Harry snapped. "Blackmailing me into this?"

"No, Harry," Dumbledore said sadly, almost tiredly. "I have been very frank with you." He looked around the room. "With all of you. "These are the options we have. Should you choose, we will conduct the ritual tonight."

With that dismissal, people began leaving. Hagrid gave Harry a big, watery hug that nearly crushed him and was the first to go. Almost as if it was agreed, the others soon followed until no one was in the room except for Harry and Snape.

"Is this what you really want?" Harry asked him.

"Honestly, Harry, I would not have offered if I was not going to take it seriously," Snape told him in a tone that, for once, seemed void of any ill-will.

"But …why?"

"I take it you need a little more information?" Snape seemed almost amused.

"Yeah, kinda, I guess," Harry said.

"I am sure you are aware that I have been a part of your life since you started Hogwarts," Snape said, giving Harry a piercing look, "and not because I wanted to make you miserable."

"Meaning you took a little bit too much interest in me for a teacher, yeah, of course, I did," Harry said. "I just thought it was because you didn't like me."

"That was … I know that was not the approach I should have taken." Snape sighed. He waved his hand, and a tea service appeared. He gestured to it, indicating for Harry to help himself to milk and sugar, then pulled a chair out and sat down. "I was protecting myself. It's not an excuse, mind you, just an explanation. Your presence was painful. You reminded me of your mother from the very moment you walked in." At Harry's surprised look, he chuckled. "Oh, I know, you do look like him. But you carry yourself like her. You act like her. The expression on your face is more often hers than his. I could not hear it." He sighed.

"Why?" Harry asked, sipping the tea black.

"She was my friend when we were younger, from the time we were nine years old or so."

Harry could not help the expression of surprise he knew was on his face. That Snape and his mother had known each other for that long was unfathomable. That they had been friends was amazing.

"I suppose I was in love with her, Harry, but it was a child's love mostly," Snape gave him a critical, almost desperate look. "We parted ways, badly, in our fifth year."

When he saw Harry start to ask the question, he raised a hand to stop him. "It is not something I will tell you now, Harry. I do not wish to discuss it. Later, I will discuss the complicated relationship between myself, Black, Lupin, your father, and your mother. You will have to accept that for now."

Harry nodded. His head was spinning. He had already gotten more information in the past five minutes than he had ever known, and it made certain events from his third year make so much more sense. He looked at Snape critically.

"I am sure that Black and Lupin will tell you whatever you want to ask," Snape agreed with a smirk as if reading Harry's thoughts.

"But what about Sirius? I mean, he's okay with …" Harry looked at his hands, unable to finish the thought.

"Black and I have come to an arrangement," Snape said bluntly. "For this to work, he has to be in your life. I have made that plain to him. He will need to behave maturely. Lupin has agreed to act as a … moderating influence." Snape cocked his head. "I am afraid that will have to be the best I can tell you for now. Some of this is personal and private. Black and I are going to stay out of one another's way."

"Really," Harry said, shocked.

"Yes, really."

"As in, you will never talk to each other," Harry asked with a grin, "or as in, you will invite him over for Christmas Eve dinner?"

"The latter, I suppose," Snape said wryly. "If you prefer."

Harry stared at Snape in shock. He was beginning to wonder if the person he was talking to was really his Potions professor or if someone in Polyjuice was sitting across from him. He gulped at that possibility.

"How long have we been in this room, Mr. Potter?"

"Huh?"

"How long?"

Harry started. "How did you know what I was thinking?"

"Your face gave you away. When I am training you in defense, we are going to have to work on some tactics in subterfuge as well," Snape's smirk had returned. "We have been in this room well over an hour, and I can assure you that I am me. Furthermore, you do not know who I am. Not in the slightest. The persona you have come to know is an act perfected over the years for your benefit and the benefit of others. If you were to ask students in other years, they would describe a slightly different persona."

"Wow," Harry said. "That must be exhausting. What will you do now?"

"Things are going to be difficult. I can no longer be a spy. You are already Target Number One. The question will remain, now, whether you will become Target Number Two or remain Target Number One," Snape's tone was deadly serious.

"You're Target Number Two now?" Harry asked.

"Not yet," Snape said. "I will be as soon as He becomes aware."

"If I agree," Harry said.

Snape nodded. "You have that choice. You may ask me any questions until tonight."

"And you'll answer them?"

"Did I say that? Snape raised an eyebrow.

Harry laughed. He was beginning to like this Snape. They both stood up.

"No, Sir, I guess you didn't."

Snape walked up the stairs, leaving Harry alone in Sirius's destroyed kitchen. He had a decision to make.