Romancing the Ambergris
Chapter 3:
Even without faces, the two U-boats seemed to be staring down each other. The hagfishes that were carrying S.S Joe seemed to be itching for their master to give them an order.
"Sloppy…Joe?" The girl with the beret asked. "Who's he?"
"A criminal who's been terrorizing our city for years." Andy clarified, scowling.
"Terrorizing!" Sloppy Joe's voice echoed thru the radio. "I'm just trying to have a good time. It's just that our city is full of party poppers that doesn't want to let me have my fun but that will soon change. You see, there's always been two problems with my stinkbombs. They either get disabled by those mean Grossologits or their stench dissipates."
"Grossologists? That sounds familiar for some reason." Paige said, placing a finger to her chin.
Andy's shoulders slumped. 'Man, we really don't get much appreciation. I guess since all we deal with is gross stuff, people just sees us as glorified sanitation workers.'
"Once I get my hands on the ambergris thou I'll create my biggest, smelliest stinkbomb to date and explode it above Ringworm City." Sloppy Joe continued, his voice growing increasingly more excited. "The stench will last for centuries."
Andy was about to give the grimy criminal a rebuttal when Paige spoke up. "That ambergris is mine you low-life trash! I'm going to use it for my perfume and I won't let you get your greasy hands on it! You hear me! I ALWAYS GET WHAT I WANT SO YOU BETTER GO BACK TO DUMPSTER DIVING YOU STINKIN' HOBO!"
Sloppy Joe's teeth were gritting and his left eye twitched in pain from girl's voice stabbing him thru his ears. "Are-are you a banshee?" He asked fearfully.
"No, I'm Paige Logan and this egghead I have with me is Andy Stefanuik, the inventor of the acne-ray and national gaming champion. With him on our side you stand no chance to find the ambergris before we do." The millionaire daughter spoke thru his radio.
"Um, Paige…" Andy nervously said, hoping to deescalate the situation, "maybe you shouldn't-
"So, you don't have my ambergris. In that case I guess we're in a race to see who can find it first and since I'm such a rotten player, I going to give myself a little head start." Sloppy Joe mused before pushing a button on the control board in front of him.
A garbage can looking canon was lowered down from S.S Joe's hull and fired what appeared to be a massive black plastic bag. It collided sharply with the front of Paige II, ripped apart and smeared the U-boat with tons of putrid fish waste and fish heads.
"Eeeeeeew!" All three girls squealed in unison.
"That's a lot of dead fish but it doesn't seem to have hurt the ship in anyway." Andy exclaimed, looking over his instruments.
Sloppy Joe's laugher crackled thru the radio system. "It's not the dead ones you ought to be worried about." He then raised his voice. "Haggard, Mildred, sick 'em!"
The two hagfishes easily slipped thru their harnesses and charged at Paige II. Their elongated bodies looped around the ship as they worked themselves into a feeding frenzy, coating it in a thick layer of slime in the process.
Vicky hang onto her beret wearing friend who herself was staggering as the ship trembled each time the sea monsters' fat heads or tail flukes smacked against the ship. "Ah!" With a shriek, beret girl lost her balance and fell on top of her diadem wearing friend, smushing her head with her endowments.
'Oh god…' Vicky thought, blushing immensely.
Sloppy Joe's chuckles once again crackled thru the radio. "I came across these cuties while taking a bath in Ringworm's contaminated lake. I came there for the sludge, they came for the dead fish. I felt a certain kinship to these slimy scavengers so I tamed them by feeding them rotten meat. Aren't they adorable?'
The giant hagfishes swam underneath and around one another before departing, leaving Paige II encompassed inside a massive sheet of slime. Weighed down by all this mucus, Andy's submarine started sinking towards the bottom.
"Andy, do something!" Paige shouted at him.
"I'm trying to but all this slime is interfering with my instruments."
Paige II hit the bottom with a soft thud, casting up a cloud of sand particles.
Seeing this, Sloppy Joe took off his pirate hat and gave an elegant bow (even thou no one could see him). "Remember this day, land crabs as the day all your hopes were dashed by me, the scurvies of sea dogs. The foulest of seafarers. Captain Sloppy Joe!" He laughed maniacally as the hagfishes returned to their harnesses and swiftly carried his U-boat away.
"Andy, he's going to take my ambergris!" Paige exclaimed as she grabbed the chubby teenager by his shirt and started shaking him. "Do something!"
'Wow, we're not even a couple yet and she's already busting my balls like we're married.' Andy thought. 'It makes me wonder how Ty's doing on his Valentine's date.'
At Naomi's Foster home…
Sweat rolled down Naomi's forehead, her skin flushed from the hot steams that was flowing out of the hot pans in front of her, one to her right filled with pasta and one to her left filled with Marinara sauce.
"I'm almost done and Ty should be here any minute now. This has to be perfect." The bespectacled girl told herself, glancing at the clock on the wall.
She was lucky to get the house to herself for once. Her oldest brother Jeffro had already moved out of the house and gotten himself an apartment while her other two brothers, Jeff and Jeffrey were out on dates with their girlfriends. Her foster parents were a different matter but eventually her mother had taken the hint and brought her father with her on a fishing trip.
"Once Ty get a taste of this he'll admit I am the Valentine master or something. Mwahahaha." Naomi mused with a mock evil laugh.
*Ding**Dong**Ding*
Upon hearing the cheerful tune of the bell, Naomi practically danced to the door and opened it.
Her boyfriend greeted her with his traditional flashy smile. "Happy Va-
Ty barely got a word out before Naomi practically threw herself at him, locking her arms around him and kissing him fervidly. Ty wasted no time reciprocating the kiss. The two broke off their heated make-out session and stared affectionately into one another's eyes.
"Don't fill up on Ty-cake already, honey. We're supposed to have dinner."
Naomi rolled her eyes with a bemused smile. Ty's sense of humour was something she loved about him, no matter how cringey it could be. "You came just in time. Dinner's just about ready."
Ty sniffed the air. "Mm, smells good. What are we having?" He asked as he took off his jacket and hung it up on a coat hanger, he brought his backpack with him thou as he followed his girlfriend into the kitchen.
"Pasta and marinara sauce. Oh, and meatballs."
"Marinara sauce?" Ty peaked up like a chipmunk that's spotted a predator. "Isn't there onions in that?"
Naomi smiled ever so sweetly as she tilted her head a little. It was touching how attentive her boyfriend was to her needs. "Don't worry, I found this Italian recipe. No onions."
With his worries settled, Ty sat down by the table and Naomi served him a plate of pasta and meatballs before pouring that red sauce on top of it.
As the couple ate their dinner they talked about anything and everything. They discussed schoolwork, Ty's upcoming robot competition and Naomi's new capoeira training. They also speculated whether or not Abby and Chester would hook up on their non-date and had a chuckle at how badly Andy must be doing in his attempts to court Paige.
As she watched Ty slurp up some pasta, Naomi couldn't help but wonder if she hadn't placed their plates too far apart. Her cheeks reddened as she fantasized about that one famous pasta scene from that one Disney movie but instead of a rascally schnauzer and an innocent cocker spaniel, it was hers and her boyfriend's lips that finally met at the centre of a pasta string. She decided not to think about it more and kept eating in silence.
"Oh man, that was so good." Ty exclaimed once he'd finished his plate, patting his stomach in satisfaction.
"I hope you're not too full, Ty. I've prepared dessert." Naomi said as she gracefully took their now empty plates off the table.
Ty blinked. "Dessert? Does that mean that you made…"
"Yep." Naomi said as she brought a sheet covered tray and a bottle of maple syrup to the table. "Rice crispy treats." She declared as she removed the sheet, uncovering seven large white squares.
At first Ty smiled at the sight, this wasn't the first time he'd been served his girlfriend's homemade crispy treats which he considered better than any he could find at any bakery but then his smile faded. "Oh, I wish you'd told me earlier."
Naomi blinked. "I thought it be a fun surprise."
"Yeah but you see, I also made dessert." Ty clarified before walking over to pick up his backpack from which he brought out a flat cardboard box. He undid it, revealing what appeared to be a chocolate covered cheesecake.
Naomi looked at the pastry with scepticism. "It looks delicious Ty but…I'm allergic to chocolate." She was pretty surprised her boyfriend would forget that since he was usually so aware of her allergies.
Ty merely grinned. "I know. I used the recipe for chocolate frosted cheesecake but I replaced the chocolate with nougat."
"Nougat." Naomi parroted, mouth salivating.
Ty sat back down in his chair. "So what are we having? Nougat frosted cheesecake or rice crispy treats?"
Naomi clutched her chin in contemplation. "Let's make a game out of it." She said and sat down, pulling the cheesecake towards her. "You'll eat my rice crispy treats and I'll your cheesecake. Whoever brought the tastier dessert wins."
"Still eager to be Valentine Master, are you." Ty mused with a chuckle. "Okay, I'll begin since I don't think I can resist your treats any longer."
Naomi giggled.
Ty grabbed one of the rice crispy treats and took a hefty bite out of it. "Perfect as always, sweetie. Okay, now you taste what I brought."
With a spoon Naomi scooped up some of the cheesecake, making sure she got an equal amount of frosting and cake before sliding into her mouth. She chewed it slowly, letting her taste buds absorb the flavour. Once her brain had caught up with what her tongue was feeling, her eyes got wider and watery as her irises shrunk, her thighs involuntarily started rubbing against each another as her vocal cords produced tiny little m-sounds. Then her head slumped onto the table.
"Ni, are you okay?" Ty asked concerned, worried she might've had an allergic reaction after all.
"You win again, it's the best thing I've ever tasted." The bespectacled girl sighed, Ty couldn't tell if it was in defeat or in gratefulness.
Never the less, the spikey haired teenager grinned. "When are you gonna realize it, Naomi. When it comes to pleasing you, I've gotten everything down to an exact science." He punctuated his declaration with a victorious bite of the rice crispy treat.
Inside Paige II at the bottom of the Ocean…
Andy pushed the lever forward and the submarine's machinery roared like an angry beast until screeching to a halt. The plump teenager pulled the lever back before once again thrusting it forward and the same guttural sound came from the back of the ship. "I can't get it to move. The ship works fine but it's too weighed down by all that goo."
"Weighed down?" The girl with the beret squinted. "I thought the problem was that we were caught cause it was so sticky."
"Actually, even thou it might look it, hagfish slime is actually not sticky." Andy replied and pushed a button on his control board, activating one of the monitors which showed photos taken by an electronic microscope, photos that matched Andy's explanation. "You see, hagfish slime is made out of threads of proteins with water absorbing mucus fastened in-between them. The more water the mucus absorbs the further these proteins expand and the heavier the slime gets."
Paige hummed and clutched her chin, remembering how easy it was for Andy to cast the slime off of her earlier. "So it's a bit like falling into the pool with your clothes on. The clothes gets wet and heavy."
"And hopefully see thru." Andy whispered to himself with a mischievous smirk. Suddenly, his eyes dilated in realization. "Wait! I got an idea."
Flashback!
Yesterday, in the Gaglab…
"Andy, where's Lance Boil's old sub and what is that monstrosity?" A rather vexed LabRat asked. "Is this another villainous death machine you've taken from the Gross Vault?"
"No, no, this is Lance's old submarine. I decided to turn it into a transformer like I did with the GRS-1. You know, give it a bit of my personal flare." Andy replied.
"When would you ever need to transform a perfectly functioning sub into…that?" LabRat asked, aggressively gesturing to the machine.
The brunette taped his chin. "Um, I don't know but it looks cool."
LabRat facepalmed.
End Flashback!
"Look and behold, ladies when style and substance synergize." Andy proclaimed and pushed a button that said CONVERT. The machinery of Paige II started humming and shaking.
The outer shell of the submarine started to transform. The rudder became horizontal and wider until it resembled a large tailfin. Two large paddles folded out of the ship's undercarriage by its tail end. The front sides unfurled and disjointed, becoming huge lobster-like claws. Finally, a dome covered the front of the submarine and the square windows were replaced by a pair of round ones that resembled compound eyes. With the transformation now complete, Paige II now looked like a colossal, mechanical sea scorpion.
"Wha-what did you do with the boat?" Vicky asked confused.
Andy pressed a button and a blueprint of the old ship model next to its now transformed form popped up on one of the monitor screens. "I transformed it."
"Into a lobster?" Vicky asked puzzled.
"No, not a lobster. A sea scorpion, a marine arthropod from the Silurian period." Andy explained. Then, a pair of metallic gloves, silvery with glowing green wires was lowered down from the ceiling. "Paige, steer the claws for me, will you." Andy exclaimed.
Paige was about to reprimand him for bossing her around but at this point she was too desperate to get off the sea floor that she simple did as he said. Hesitantly, she stuck her hands inside the gloves. "What do I do now?"
"Look at the screen." Andy said and Paige looked at the monitor screen right in front of her, showing her the slime flailing around the ship. "Pretend like your reaching for the slime and rip it apart."
The queen bee snarled in disgust but decided not to complain. With the electronic gloves she reached towards the screen and she saw the claws of the submarine reach for the slime as well. As the girl squeezed her fingers, the giant claws clamped down on the sheet of goo and when she stretched out her arms, those mechanical claws tore the slime to shreds. "Whoa!"
"Good job, Paige, Now, take easy on the-
"I got this, Andy!" Paige cut him off before proceeding to use the ship's claws to cut, rip and dismembering the mucus around them, all while laughing like a maniac.
"I think having command of a giant robot has made Paige into even more of a control freak." Vicky whispered to Andy, sounding genuinely scared.
After Paige had done even more damage to the slime sheet, Andy once again pushed the lever and with one powerful stroke of the tail flipper, Paige II whipped up a cloud of sand and leaving a crater underneath it as it took off into the open ocean.
"We're free girls." Andy announced to everyone's cheers.
"Now we can finally go home." Vicky chirped but her cheerful attitude was cut short by her leader's angry glare.
"We're not going anywhere before we've found my ambergris." Paige exclaimed before turning her attention to the sole male aboard. "Isn't that right, Andy?"
"Honestly, I don't know, Paige. The whale carcass was not where I thought it would be and Sloppy Joe is probably on his way to find it considering how sensitive the hagfish's sense of smell is." Andy admitted and lowered his head in defeat. Despite what Paige thought, Andy wasn't just depressed cause he couldn't give her a Valentine's gift. 'If Sloppy Joe actually manages to find ambergris, he'll be able to render Ringworm City unliveable for decades. Maybe it's time I call Ty and the others for help but they know just as little as me as to where Joe is or where he's going.' He grit his teeth in despair. 'Damn it! I'm the only one who knows that our town is in danger yet I am so pathetic I can't even do anything about it.'
"Hey Andy." Beret girl's voice brought him out of his stupor and he looked at her. "While you, Paige and Vicky was diving outside I happened to look at your calculations." The auburn blonde said as she flickered the little notepad in her hand.
Andy blinked. "You read my notes. Why?"
The beret wearing girl shrugged. "I just saw it lying about. If you wanted to keep it private you should have placed it were no one could see it. Anyway, I noticed some mistakes and took the time to fix 'em." She held up the page with Andy's calculations to his face, the blue ink scribbles now crossed over by what he could only guess was pink lipstick.
He snatched the notepad and started reading, mumbling to himself as he did. *mumble* *mumble* "I guess I didn't consider leap years." *mumble**mumble* "Take the stormy spring weather under consideration." *mumble**mumble* He then slowly looked up at the girl with the beret. "This-this could be accurate."
"Of course it's accurate." The girl stated in a smug tone.
"What are you math geeks on about?" Paige asked impatiently.
"What's-her-name corrected my calculations as to where the sperm whale is. So now we know where to actually find it." Andy explained.
"What's-her-name? You mean you don't know who I am?" Beret girl asked offended.
Andy sheepishly scratched the back of his head while nervously smiling. "Sorry. I've never learned your name."
The girl with the beret sighed. "It's Tammy. Tammy Creed. Seriously, we've gone to the same school for years and you're my BFF's number one stalker."
'Like she remembers everyone's names. Also, I'm not a stalker.' The brunette thought while rolling his eyes but for the sake of peace he decided not to voice his opinion. "Alright, now when we have a better idea as to where the whale carcass is all we have to do is get there before Sloppy Joe does." He exclaimed as he sat down and fed in the new coordinates into Paige II's computer. The submarine changed direction and started propelling itself thru the murky waters with the mighty tailfluke.
While Paige was happy to once again be aiming for the ambergris and the other girls were happy for her good mood, Andy was still contemplating on whether or not he should call for backup.
'Hey Andy, this is your rationale talking. Now when you know where Sloppy Joe's going you should definitely call LabRat and ask him to assemble the team. You know you're going to need their help.'
'Don't listen to him, Andy! I am your libido and I'm saying that if you bring the team into this they'll ruin your chances with Paige. Tammy and Vicky are distracting enough.'
'Don't think like that, Andy. You know that Sloppy Joe's going to wherever that whale is. That means that you're going to cross path with him. To ensure everyone's safety you should call in the others.'
'Hey Rationale, do you see this knife? Well, in a few seconds you won't cause I'll be running it thru your guts if you don't shut up!'
'Okay, okay, I'll be quiet. Just chill out, man.'
'That's right, wussy. Now listen Andy, you are going to find that ambergris and defeat that villain all on your own. That will surely impress Paige. Remember, you are the Pussinator.'
"Pussinator, oh-yeah." Andy whispered to himself but was heard by the other none-the-less.
Paige stared at him like he'd grown an extra head. "Andy…what are you talking about?"
"Huh?" Andy blinked confused before turning to his crush. "Oh, nothing. Just a nickname I've been thinking of for myself."
Now it was Paige's turn to blink. "Okaaaaay…Vicky, switch place with me."
And so, Paige II now in the shape of a horrifying sea creature continued even further out to sea, with a new destination in sight.
At Naomi's foster home…
Naomi and her boyfriend was in her room, sitting at the edge of her bed and watching TV. She had her arms wrapped around Ty's bicep while blissfully resting her head against his shoulder. "Now, it's on. Its starting, Ty!" The girl exclaimed as she suddenly got giddy, almost bouncing on the bed had it on been for the grip she had on her boyfriend's arm.
"This is Top Teen TV!" A female announcer proclaimed as a logo of the aforementioned program flew past the screen before zooming in on the show host, an attractive blonde in her mid-twenties. "We're back with our Valentine Special where we read out loud love letters sent to us from viewers who just can't shut up about their significant others."
'I can't tell if this woman is jibbing or is genuinely jealous.' Ty thought.
"Our next one comes from Naomi Collin's who wants to wish her boyfriend Ty Archer a happy Valentine." The screen changed to some text which Ty recognized as Naomi's handwriting along with a picture of a pair of winged hearts. "She writes, Ty, I love you more than life itself and I hope you and will be together for many years to come. How lovely. Our next letter's from-
Naomi turned the TV to mute before turning to her spikey haired boyfriend. "So, what you think, Ty?"
Ty replied by softly kissing her cheek. "It was really sweet, honey. Thank you."
"That's good. I wanted to show you that I love you enough to shout it out to the entire world." Naomi said as she snaked her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. Ty stroked her hair and pressed back to deepen the kiss before they separated.
"And now I want to show you something." The raven haired heartthrob exclaimed before picking up his laptop and opening it up on his lap. Naomi leaned over to see the screen better. A video recording started playing, one were five good looking teenage boys smiled at the camera. All of them wore matching but distinct jackets with poker game patterns (spades, clovers, hearts etc.) and four of them carried musical instruments.
Naomi gasped upon recognizing them and grasped the laptop, placing it in her lap. "Is that Five Of A Kind Guys?"
Ty leaned back and tilted his head with a pleased smirk. "Yep."
"Ty, my bro, Ace here, hope ya' got a Happy Valentine's Day with that one special someone of yours." The one boy without an instrument in the video greeted. "Yo, we'll never forget how you saved our lives last year from that crazy opera singer, man. You're our hero."
Naomi blinked. "Crazy opera singer? Wait, you know them? You know Five Of A Kind Guys?"
"Yeah, Basso Profondo tried to hijack their concert a year ago and I intertwined."
"I have to say, when we asked you if there was anything we could do to repay you and you answered you wanted a song dedicated to your girl, it really touched us." The boy in the video continued, crossing his hands over his chest. He then grabbed a mike and took a few steps back. "And it inspired us to write this song. Naomi, this is dedicated to you." The singer exchanged glances with his fellow band members. "Ready guys? One, two, three, four…"
The drummer started slamming, the two guitar players started riffing and the keyboardist started tapping to create a rather catchy beat before Ace the singer started singing.
"I'll tell yah' baut a girl I hold all too dear.
She's the girl who always knows what's up. With me.
Her smile is a smile that's as sweet as sweet can beeeeeeeeeeee.
Yeah.
She is my, my Naomi.
With me she's never lonely.
She is my, my Naomi.
My one and also only.
I said, She's my, my Naomi.
With her I'm never gloomy.
We used to keep silent and let our faces speak
but now we can finally express how we truly feel.
I've been a monster, a lover, a deadbeat and a hero
but you've always stayed when I needed you.
How I was blessed to be the My in My, my Sweet Naomi. My, my Naomi…"
The aforementioned girl remained silent even after the song had ended. She just stared out into nothingness, no emotion readable on her face.
"Wasn't that great, Naomi?" Ty asked as he carefully removed the laptop off her lap. "I mean, it was really cool by Ace to find the time to record-
Ty was unable to say anything else before Naomi tackled him to the bed, cupping his cheeks and pressing her lips against his. Once she ended the kiss she gazed into his eyes. "I just can't win against you, can I?"
Ty smirked and placed a hand on the back of her head, gently stroking her hair. "As far as I see it, we're both winners."
Author's Note:
So I've recently gotten sick. No words yet whether it's COVID19 or just a common cold but regardless I don't feel so good. That as well as all the schoolwork I've had to do has kept me from doing much of anything else, hence the big delay of this chapter.
The biggest hurdle of this chapter was definitely the exchange between Andy and Sloppy Joe. I don't think I've ever written a scene that changes perspective between two characters in two different locations, communicate over a radio. I didn't know if adding scene-transitions would make the scene more or less confusing. In the end I went it so people can tell when we're inside Paige II and when we're inside SS Joe.
It was always planned that Andy's submarine would transform, it has sort of become his special ability but I had a hard time deciding on what it would turn into. At first I considered a lobster, giving it a lot of crushability but not much speed. Then I considered a squid, making it quicker but somewhat lacking in weaponry but then I thought of the perfect sea creature, Pterygotus, the giant sea scorpion. I admit, this does make it look a lot like the Leviathan in Disney's Atlantis the Lost Empire but to be honest, I had completely forgotten that movie even existed till a few days ago.
In this chapter I reveal the name of Paige's friend with the beret, Tammy Creed (although I did accidentally use it in a previous chapter, whoops). Like with Vicky Summers her last name is taken from an X-Men character, in this case its Sabretooth (aka Victor Creed). Just like how Vicky is an idiot savant with expertise on marine mammals, Tammy is an idiot savant with some pretty wicked math skills.
The idea of Naomi living in a foster home along with her adopted brothers mainly came from a headcanon post on the Grossology amino by Kaylen Tropes but it fit so perfectly with what I had planned for her character so I decided to use it. Let's just say, there's more to that sweet little girl than meets the eye.
Disappointed there haven't been any more Abby & Chester content since chapter 1? Don't worry, they'll be back in the next chapter.
As always any feedback you can give me is greatly appreciated (seriously, you guys have been pretty quiet lately and I want to know what you think).
Stay safe and take care, my fellow Grossologists.