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How did it come to this?

Here he was, drinking alone on the dorm's roof, staring into the starless sky.

So alone.

Like the moon. The moon looked pretty lonely up there without any stars shining. Guess he'd have to change his name to Izuku Moondoriya.

...

God that was terrible. If he could be bothered to stand up, he'd throw himself off the building.

Why did he think drinking would fix the situation? He was depressed as shit whenever he got drunk. If only he could be more like Kaminari; the guy was a fucking riot when he got wasted.

Instead he was the lonely, sad, lonely drinker.

He could've been resting his head on some quality thighs if it wasn't for the crazy psycho slut hot on his ass.

As soon as he found her, he was going to slap the shit out of her.

Wait, that sounded a little misogynistic. Smacking women was notoriously considered a bad idea.

Correction: he was going to PUNCH the shit out of her.

Much better.

Unless she was Mirko of course. He'd offer up a kidney for her to sit on his face.

In fact, that might not be such a bad idea. How much were kidneys selling for these days? For enough money from the black market, he could scrounge up enough to pay Mirko to use his face as a chair.

Pulling out his phone to google the question, he unlocked it to find himself faced with Momo's momos.

Man they were big.

Whatever he said previously about breasts being for cavemen was a lie - a real man could appreciate every part of a woman's body.

Thighs just took priority over everything else.

It was basic math. Thighs were nearest to the ass, which was a close second in terms of women's features, meaning you could end up with a two-for-one package by thirsting over them.

Great. Now he was drunk, lonely AND horny.

Could he get away with beating his meat up here? The nighttime air felt pretty soothing, and he'd always be willing to try anything once...

No, public indecency was a crime.

Not to mention he'd never hear the end of it if Kacchan found him here with his dick in his right hand and an empty bottle of wine in his left.

Wait, where would he hold the phone?

Oh right - between the thighs. The solution to every problem.

Backtracking, he realised something.

Damn, he cleared a whole bottle already? Between the hangover and the muscle pain, waking up in the morning was going to be the single most painful experience in his life.

It probably wasn't the best idea to do this on a school night.

Fuck it - he was too far gone at this point. Might as well crack open another. Any problems tomorrow were an issue for Deku the hero student.

Right now, he was Izuku the lonely drunk, and Izuku was going to enjoy himself doing what he did best - being a lonely drunk.

Grabbing the second bottle of wine, he popped it open and took a swig.

What was Momo doing right now?

Probably getting off on his notes. That woman had serious issues. And serious thighs.

Hell, the pair he could see to the side of him were pretty great too. Slightly less defined than Momo's, but they had a little more meat.

Ha - to think he was hallucinating a black-haired Ochako lookalike in PJs standing to the side, with incredible legs to boot. Mina drank some wild alcohol if it could induce visions.

Grabbing the empty bottle near him, he lightly threw it at fake-chako, watching as she dodged, allowing it to sail past her and fall off the roof.

Huh - that was weird.

"Hey hot stuff, you real or am I tripping out?"

The girl in question jolted as if surprised at being called out.

"Mm." She nodded in response, her expression remaining unchanged.

What do you know? Guess the girl wasn't some sort of hallucination.

Or ghost.

He would've definitely taken a swan dive off the roof if it was a ghost.

Well, she proved she was real, and she didn't seem like she was leaving anytime soon. He might as well introduce himself.

"The name's Izuku Moondoriya, the saddest sack of shit in class 1-A." He announced, offering the open bottle to the girl. "Here to hop on the pain train?"

The girl seemed to consider this for a few seconds, before laying down next to him and taking a sip.

"Yui Kodai. Plainest girl in 1-B."

She was in 1-B? Yikes, he completely forgot she existed. He refused to believe his thigh-vision missed such an amazing pair. Where the hell was she hiding away all this time?

Not that he was going to voice those concerns. Drunk he may be, but an idiot he was not. He could somewhat relate to her after all, and being told she was completely forgotten would've been a major kick to the groin.

"You know, I'm pretty plain too." He offered, grabbing the bottle from her hand and taking a few gulps. "Sucks to be us, right?"

"Mm."

Not much of a talker, was she? She seemed like good enough company regardless. Hell, he could get used to this.

A couple of minutes of exchanging the bottle passed in silence until Yui broke it.

"Why are you drinking alone up here?"

"I'm not." He replied simply.

Yui turned her head to face Izuku. "Mm?"

"I'm not drinking alone. You're here getting wasted with me, aren't you?"

There was a beat of silence.

"Mm. I guess you're right." She replied stoically, grabbing the bottle from his hands. "Why are you up here in the first place?"

"Ha, you wouldn't believe me if I told you." He chuckled humourlessly. "It's a crazy situation."

"Try me."

"Well." He began, taking back the bottle and having a drink. "Some psycho bitch has been sending notes to this girl I'm seeing, and because of that, I'm metaphorically stuck here with my dick in my hand instead of in her."

Was he being a bit too open to a complete stranger?

Yes, but alcohol go brr.

"Mm. What a shame."

She certainly didn't sound very remorseful. Then again, all her sentences thus far were monotonous as hell.

He didn't care though; he wasn't done venting.

"I know, right? I had the perfect night planned out! After an intense session of training, I'd sneak over to her room and find myself in heaven. If it wasn't for that insensitive crazy bitch, I could've been getting it on with momma Momo!"

"...what was that last part?"

He hoped that was the alcohol talking, else he'd be forced to admit he had major problems.

"Nothing." He hastily corrected.

"So what would you do if you found this person?"

"I dunno, punch them?" He questioned, punching his fist in the air above him. "Hell, All Might punches his problems away and he seems to be doing just fine."

Aside from the stomach hole. And quirklessness. And crippling lack of romance in his life.

He was beginning to think mimicking All Might would sooner put him in a grave before fixing his problems.

Hearing Yui's breath hitch, he turned his head to find her cheeks flushed, with that same stoic expression.

Was she already tipsy?

"Mm~what else?"

"Who knows?" He replied, hearing another sharp exhale from the girl. "I guess it's just one of those things I wouldn't know for sure until I actually come face to face with her."

"So you could do anything?"

"Yep."

"Like pushing her to the ground."

"Mhm."

"Like forcing her to apologise."

"An apology would be nice I suppose" He mused.

"Like grabbing her by the neck and ravaging her slutty relationship-ruining body?"

"Uh hu—excuse me?"

Izuku quickly whipped his head to the side, catching Yui staring at him while panting heavily with her cheeks a bright crimson.

Yet that stoic look on her face still remained.

He guessed she was a pretty hard person to get a read on, but this situation was impossible to misunderstand.

Why couldn't his life be simple?

Izuku sighed in exasperation. "Yui, are you the stalker?"

"...mm." She nodded, her gaze still firmly locked onto him. "Are you gonna punish me?"

He was beginning to get the feeling that would do more harm than good for him.

Frankly, he didn't really want to be playing therapist while his mind was swimming in alcohol, but he needed answers.

"Not to be rude, but I don't think I've engaged in a single conversation with you before today."

"That's correct."

"So why exactly are you so obsessed with me?"

Yui took a few seconds to form her words, but eventually answered. "After a joint training exercise a few weeks ago, the girls were talking about the boys in 1-A, so your name was naturally brought up. All the other girls thought you were cute."

Oh? This sounded promising.

Were they also impressed by his heroic spirit, toned body and drive to succeed?

"However, most of them quickly dismissed you as boyfriend material because you're awkward, nerdy, plain and a bit on the shorter side."

Back into depresso mode.

Taking a few gulps of the wine, he voiced his thoughts. "Your class is full of cold, malicious bitches."

Not exactly what he was planning to say, but like he mentioned before - alcohol go brr.

"Mm. Though they're not entirely wrong."

"Which raises the question; why are you so obsessed with me?"

"After they called you plain, I thought we were the same, so I followed you, and I realised you were strong."

"It's the hero course - we're all strong in our own right."

Izuku caught sight of her rubbing her legs together.

"Mm. But you're-hnng~physically strong."

Was he some sort of freak magnet? Between Momo and Yui, he honestly didn't know which one of them was better—

Worse.

He meant worse.

"You see," she continued, staring intensely into Izuku's eyes. "We're both pretty plain, so I share some kinship with you. I also like...strong men, meaning that we're perfect for each other. I deserve to belong with you."

There's the yandere explanation he was looking for.

"So how'd you find out about Momo?"

"That's simple - my room is directly across from hers, and our class dorms are near eachother. Her curtains weren't closed."

"So you saw us and got jealous of her?"

"Jealous?" Izuku noted her expression changing from flushed indifference to disgust. "She's not worthy of being with you. How dare she push you down and take charge? She should be completely at your mercy, pinned down by your hard muscles and vulnerable for you to claim with your throbbing—"

"Alrighty, let's stop right there."

Partly because she was beginning to sound more aroused as she continued, and mostly because the description was beginning to turn him on too.

Thankfully, he had a solution to this that would emancipate him from any form of responsibility and fix his blue balls.

"We're taking this to Momo."

As he sat by the kitchen counter slurping cold soba, Shoto was beginning to become ever more thankful towards Midoriya.

As it turned out, when Ochako was sad, she immediately resorted to stress cooking, meaning he got to enjoy a limitless supply at the very low cost of listening to her vent.

"—and I mean, what kind of stupid name is Midoriya? It literally means green! Stupid green playboy asshole!"

"Yes, Midoriya's certainly the worst."

He was lying out of his ass of course - Midoriya was his saint and he'd happily lay down his life for him.

Hell, he had him up on the same pedestal as cold soba.

Unfortunately for him though, this cold soba was far from ordinary.

"And can you believe Yaomomo? What a traitor! Everyone knew I called dibs on him, and she just HAD to make a move on him." Ochako vented, quickly throwing another batch of soba into a bowl and moving onto the next.

Was all of this even going to fit in the fridge?

He supposed not; that only meant he had to consume as much as he could tonight, physical consequences be damned.

"I agree, Yaoyorozu's a thieving witch." He agreed, quickly stacking his now empty bowl on the growing pile on the side before grabbing a full one, cooling it with his quirk and continuing his slurping.

"I mean, what do they even have in common? So what if they're both smart, have strong quirks, attractive and with bodies to match? I've been in Deku's corner from day one!"

"Mhm."

Shoto noticed her sigh, before throwing the noodles in the bowl and taking a seat next to him to eat. "Well, that's all the ingredients used up."

Time to use some of that ol' Todoroki charm.

"You've made a sufficient amount. You'd make an excellent wife someday." Shoto assured.

To his surprise, she merely laughed.

"Thanks Todoroki, but if that was the case, Deku wouldn't have ran off with Yaomomo instead of me." She mused solemnly before turning to face him. "You're a great friend - thanks for sticking around to cheer me up."

A great friend? Perfect! One step closer to husband, and then limitless soba.

If only he knew about the fabled friend zone.

"Anyway, I should be off." Ochako said as she slurped the last of the noodles. "I don't suppose you mind doing the dishes? All the ranting has tuckered me out."

"No, I don't mind in the slightest. Have a good night."

As she left, Shoto dug out his phone to tie up a loose end.

He needed to spend every spare moment by her side, and going on a hunt for some stalker during his lunch breaks wouldn't help.

Swallowing his pride, he opened his father's contact and found himself faced with hundreds of unopened messages.

[Me] : Father, I require a favour.

[SpermDonor] : SHOTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

He was beginning to regret this already.

"So yeah, that's the situation mamayozu."

"You know, your mind's far less attractive while drunk."

"And you're a lot less attractive without your hair down."

Yui simply looked between the two arguing parties from her seat on the bed until she was addressed.

"And you! What's your problem with me?"

Oh there were a lot of problems. The main one being that she completely wasted her Izuku's talents.

He was clearly born to be a natural alpha, and this bimbo was tarnishing his name by using him as some sort of basic beta bitch.

Her flawless face, killer figure and perfect quirk also got on her nerves.

She had all of that yet she still insisted on taking Yui's soulmate? People could be so greedy sometimes.

"I'm perfect for Izuku." She stated stoically. "You're attractive and popular, is it so hard for you to find someone else?"

"I'm certain I could find someone else, but none of them would compare to Izuku."

Guess they could agree on that much.

"In that case, the only possible solution is that you share." Izuku spoke sagely, approaching the bed.

Was this it? Was he finally succumbing to his primal urges and about to ravage her?

Yui hoped so - she wasn't sure she could take this much teasing.

At that moment, she felt the weight of his body press down on her.

Holy shit this was it!

Unable to control herself, she hooked her legs around him and pulled him in tightly, drawing closer to his ear in order to whisper.

"This is what we were born for Izuku - I want you to choke me while pumping my whorish womb full of your thick, virile—"

"He's unconscious." Momo interjected. "It was probably all the alcohol."

For the first time that night, Yui couldn't contain herself and shrieked in lust-enhanced fury.

Bakugo wasn't completely sure why the hell she even messaged him all those months back, but he wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

He had some vengeance to enact.

[Icyhot's Crazy Sister] : Hello! Bakugo, right? I saw you at the sports festival fighting my brother in the final! I don't suppose you'd like to meet up sometime?

[Icyhot's Crazy Sister] : Hey again! It's been a week since I last messaged you, but you haven't replied. I even made sure this was the right number. Are you ignoring me? Please get back to me, I'll make it worth while!

[Icyhot's Crazy Sister] : Yo Bakugo! I heard you were just kidnapped by some villains. Want to meet up for some comfort?

These types of questions continued in the same manner until the most recent one, which was from 2 days ago.

Honestly, he didn't know why she was so obsessed with him. He was volatile, prickly and completely unapproachable, meaning any girls that he hooked up with had some MAJOR submissive tendencies.

The only logical conclusion he came to was that she must've been a sub with a death wish, considering she was judging him based on the sports festival.

Hell, even he could admit they weren't his proudest moments, but anyone who could find something attractive about ferocity on that scale was a serious freak.

It was for that exact reason why he didn't respond to her.

Well, that and the fact that Endeavour was her father.

Prideful he may be, but even he wasn't reckless enough to stick his dick anywhere near that man's family. He had the highest number of criminal casualties when performing his arrests, and he wasn't about to get his nuts burned off for fucking his daughter.

Until today.

He was willing to risk anything for that icyhot bastard to go all out against him.

And if Endeavour burned his genitals off?

He always hated kids anyway; living without them wouldn't be too much of a loss.

[Me] : Yo, down to fuck or what?

Immediately after sending the message, he realised he may have made a slight error.

He was ignoring this woman for months on end - from his experiences with girls, even the most depraved had some sense of self worth. There was no telling how badly she would blow up after seeing a message as blunt as—

[Icyhot's Crazy Sister] : Yes! Meet me at this hotel!

[Icyhot's Crazy Sister] : ( )

[Icyhot's Crazy Sister] : Room 301 - I've got the bill!

Right, he almost forgot - serious freak.

Bakugo was about to enter the room before stopping to check himself over one last time.

Phone? Check.

Drip? Double check. Unlike Deku, he actually had some sense of fashion. His clothes had some variation of "Die, fuckers!" as opposed to pussy shit like "Shirt" or "Jacket".

Condoms? Triple check. No way was he about to fuck himself into the Todoroki family.

Once knocking on the door, it opened to reveal a young white-haired woman with red streaks in her hair.

He wasn't all that surprised that she was attractive - anyone related to that damn pretty boy was guaranteed to have good genes.

"Hey! Glad you made it. I'm Fuyumi." She introduced warmly. "Wanna come in? I had some tea prepared since it's a little chilly out there."

Huh.

He half-expected a stoic kuudere after seeing her brother, but this was an improvement.

"No, I ain't really into all the talking shit. You wanna get railed or not?"

He noticed her cheeks flush, and her posture straighten as she answered.

"Mhm! Completely understand." She stated, before looking to the side shyly. "It's my first time though, so could we maybe ease into it a little?"

"Hah? How the fuck are you a virgin? You're hot as hell!" He asked in bewilderment.

This put a small wrench in his plan.

He thought he could record himself fucking her, send it to frozone and piss him off enough to use his damn flames.

If she was a virgin though? He was gonna be spending all his effort coasting her through the session.

Ah well - it was too late now. He'd just record next time.

Before she could splitter out a response, he spoke up once more. "Fuck it, don't care. I won't break you or some shit if that's what you're worried about."

Pushing through the door, he grabbed her by the waist and picked her up, placing her on the bed after closing the door behind him.

"You wanna be on the bottom, yeah?" Bakugo asked.

Honestly, the question was just a courtesy. She was bright red from being picked up and thrown down, so he already had his answer.

"Mhm."

"Got anything you're into? This shit's easier if you're actually turned on."

Fuyumi pondered for a few seconds, looking thoughtful before finally opening up.

"Can you, umm, maybe talk down to me?"

"And say what?"

"Right! Just call me a failure, mistake, all that jazz." She replied bashfully. "Is that okay?"

God dammit Deku was rubbing off on him.

Along with his propensity for attracting weird ass girls, he ended up stuck with dealing with the classic Todoroki family drama.

Then, a thought occurred to him.

"Oi, don't tell me you hit me up because you think I'm like your old man." He turned to face her, only to be met with the back of her head.

Fucks sake.

He really didn't want to be compared to that second rate loser.

"Screw you, I'm out." He huffed out, standing up to leave. "Go find some other guy to have sex with, I ain't interested in being an outlet for your daddy issues."

Once he was out of the door, he felt like punching Icyhot.

Hard.

This was undisputedly his fault.

If he didn't spew his classic protagonist backstory at the sports festival, he wouldn't have overheard, and could've been fucking his sister without feeling equated to that weakling Endeavour.

Number 1 hero meant jack shit when you received it by default. The pussy automatically lost to All Might decades ago, when he started that quirk factory he calls a family.

And the worst part of it all?

He wasn't even getting his damn fire fight out of this shitty situation!

As he began walking out of the hotel, an idea struck him.

According to his phone messages with Fuyumi, he asked if she wanted to fuck, and she said yes before sending a hotel room.

All he needed to do was take a few screenshots of his thirsty ass sister's messages, and Icyhot would blow up.

Maybe this day wasn't such a waste after all.

His phone chimed, and he pulled it out to reveal a new message.

[Icyhot's Crazy Sister] : Hey, sorry about all of that. You probably didn't want my first time to be thinking about my father right?

What? No!

He couldn't give any less shits about her first time!

Jesus Christ he hated this damn family. Did Endeavour have cursed sperm or something?Next thing he knew, one of his kids would be a psycho villain.

If he could time travel, the first thing he'd do is soak that bastard's balls in sweat and blow him to kingdom come.

Just as he was going to respond, he received yet another message.

[Icyhot's Crazy Sister] : You're really kind under all the roughness. I'd love to meet up again sometime.

Hang on - having that in the screenshot would make it look like he laid some serious pipe.

That was totally the only reason he was smiling on his way back to the dorms.

When Izuku woke up, he felt completely refreshed, without an ounce of discomfort.

Meaning something was very wrong.

Between the sparring and alcohol, a movement as minor as blinking should've caused him excruciating pain.

He was also fairly certain he didn't fall asleep standing in a hazy black room. Or next to a tall, black haired woman.

The last thing he remembered was everything going black as he was about to get it on.

Was it possible he got lucky with Yui? Or Momo?

...or both?

Whatever took place, it must've led him here, next to this bombshell.

Did Yui get bigger? Was this her quirk?

If so, goddamn did he hope he managed to hit it. Those legs were incredible.

"You really should work on that muttering." The woman smirked.

Hold up - Yui didn't smirk.

"The name's Nana Shimura. Toshinori must've mentioned me." She introduced, offering a smile and a hand to shake.

All Might did mention her - he very clearly stated she was killed by All For One.

Meaning she was dead. And talking to him.

Was she also...floating?

A dead lady was floating next to him.

There was no refuting this - she was a ghost. So Izuku performed the most natural action that came to mind.

He screamed.

Differences to note regarding divergences from canon (just so things don't get too confusing):

-Izuku didn't experience the vestige dream before the joint training arc, meaning zero discoveries were made regarding OFA during his fight against Shinso's team.

-The two hero classes have engaged in joint training a few times since then.

-The Endeavour agency arc has yet to take place. You'll see what happens with those internships soon enough.

Best girl Kodai has finally entered the scene! I promise that any depravity you've witnessed thus far is nothing compared to Yui's appetite.

Stay tuned for the next chapter!