Disclaimer: All but Lyra belong to Sarah J Maas
Lyra stared at the reflection, her heart pounding madly against her chest, her nails digging into her palm so hard she smelled blood. This is what she got for leaving her room again.
She saw herself in this new face, saw her basic looks, the slope of her nose, the shape of her lips, her strawberry blonde hair. But it was... enhanced, more. Like someone had taken the ordinary parts and made it even more beautiful. Her ear were the biggest difference in shape, rising to a point that reminded her more of elves.
Her eyes though. They were wrong. All wrong.
She had brown eyes before, normal, ordinary brown eyes. So ordinary she used to wish when she was younger they were a prettier color. But now they were blue, almost white with a darker circle of blue around it. They were unnerving, terrifying. She wished more than anything for those brown eyes again.
Her scars were gone too, like someone had given her whole new skin. And her limbs were longer, her movement too graceful. Everything about it was wrong.
She dug her fingers in more, trying to ground herself, pull herself away from the foreign person staring back. It was like she was gone, replaced by someone flawless, new and unnatural. It made her want to claw at her skin, to find the person she was before. Perhaps she could find her if she went far enough-
A crack sounded and Lyra cried out as the glass of the window she had caught her reflection in shattered, the shards skidding across the marble floor around her. They glowed, like something hot had broken them and whatever had done it seemed to pulse in the air, making it vibrate and rattle her. She stared, her breath shallow. Had she-
"Lyra?!"
Mor stood behind her several feet back near the first bits of glass that lay on the floor. Her eyes grew wide at the sight and Lyra saw her eyes run over her. Checking for cuts. Lyra could see her remembering her first night here when she had broken the mirror. But that had been with her fist. She didn't... couldn't have done this.
"It just broke." She whispered, shaking as she still felt the power in the air slowly ebbing away. "I didn't..."
She shook her head, her voice cracking. She hadn't done this. She couldn't have. But then who had?
Her body was different. These people insisted they were Fae. Fine. But she drew the line at having powers of her own.
"It's okay." Mor said gently, giving her a smile she knew was meant to calm her. It reminded her of one a mother gave a tantruming child. It grated her nerves.
"I didn't do it." She insisted, anger bubbling in the pit of her stomach. When would this stop? When would she feel normal again or like she wasn't losing her mind completely? Every day it was something new. She clenched her fist again.
"I'm going to clear a path for you to walk." Mor said, keeping that calm, steady tone. Before Lyra could take in what she meant, she saw Mor hands move and the glass skittered aside, pushing back to clear a path. Lyra flinched again, feeling that small use of magic flow from Mor. "I'm sorry." Mor whispered, sadness creeping into her voice.
Lyra just shook her head, trying to focus instead on breathing, on pushing out the terror beginning to work its way up. She swept past Mor without a word, following the hallway that had led to her room. "Lyra," Mor called, her dress swishing as she followed after her.
"I'm going back to bed." Lyra bit out, hoping the blonde would leave her alone. But she kept coming, following her to the door of her room. "Please just-"
"Lyra, I understand." Mor interrupted and the words filled Lyra with a swell of anger.
"You understand?" She snapped, glaring at her. Mor didn't flinch though, didn't back down. She stood her ground, taking that anger. "I'm not the same. This body isn't mine and I feel things that don't make sense. Half the time I wonder if I'm insane."
"You were violated." Mor said, her face softening. "Your body, your entire self. I understand that. I've suffered that way."
Lyra starred, the words, there meaning sinking into her like a rock. The anger died down and guilt replaced it, making her feel sick. Because she knew that pain to, even before this body. She wrapped her arms around herself, letting out a breath.
"I know it isn't completely the same. But I want to help, Lyra. We all do." Mor continued, taking a step forward when she saw that anger die out. She laid a hand on her arm, squeezing it. The gesture made tears prick Lyra's eyes and she blinked, trying to stop them from spilling. "Please just... come to me if you need it. I will try to help."
Lyra swallowed, her throat thick as she finally met Mor's gaze. The sincerity, the kindness on her face... Lyra wondered where she pulled it from. She didn't know if she could ever get to that place.
"I'm not good at... at asking for help." She murmured. Mor let out a breathy laugh, her face breaking into a smile.
"You'll fit into this group well then." She said, her warm hand squeezing once more before it fell back to her side. "All that matters is you try."
Lyra nodded, taking another deep breath before she looked back at the bedroom door. Try. What did trying look like here? Accepting the reality that she was no longer in her world, she was in a place of magic and chaos and power?
"I broke the window, didn't I?" She whispered, so low she almost wished Mor didn't hear it.
The beautiful blonde paused, her eyes on Lyra, gauging if she could handle the truth. But Lyra, deep down, already knew.
"Yes, you did." Mor answered truthfully, watching and waiting for her reaction.
A tear slipped down her cheek and she sucked in a shaky breath. She nodded, reaching one hand to her arm and digging in the nails, the pain piercing her. She felt that urge again, to rip at her skin, to try to find a semblance of her old self underneath.
She loosened her grip on her arm, trying to steady herself. Mor watched on, a steady presence there to catch her if needed. "I don't know what to do." She admitted, another tear slipping as she looked to Mor helplessly.
"I think it would help to learn how this came to be, about this world. What brought you here." Mor said, watching her carefully. "Then you can decide what to do and where to go from there."
Lyra chewed on her lip, thinking over the suggestion. The thought of what that would entail, the answers she would get… she wasn't sure she wanted to know all those facts. The reality of what the truth was. The reality-
You never could face reality, could you?
Her own words from all those years ago echoed in her head, making her stomach churn. Her mother never could accept reality, something right in front of her. If she hid away in her room, didn't face what was now before her, she would be no better. She wouldn't be like that.
"Okay." She said, taking another deep breath and wiping the tears from her cheek.
You are stronger than this. You can do this.
"Okay."
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Lyra was waiting at the dining table when arrived on the balcony, Mor seated beside her and Cassian, his wings still bandaged and tucked into his back, sitting across from her. They chatted normally and though Mor tried to engage the female, she didn't draw much conversation from her. She seemed too nervous, concentrating on remaining there instead of bolting back to her room.
She looked up when he landed, Rhysand just behind him with Amren. Amren huffed as Rhysand set her down, her lips pursing as she headed toward the dining room. Though the tiny monster knew the only other way to come here was the thousands of steps, she always seemed resentful of having to be carried to the House. She lifted her chin as she breezed into the room, brushing her fingers through her black hair.
Lyra looked to her then, her heart picking up speed as she took in Amren for the first time since waking. Her fist clenched on the table, her nails digging into her skin. It was a nervous habit of hers, to scratch or claw at herself when things became to overwhelming for her. He resisted the urge to stop it whenever he saw it.
Amren settled herself into the chair directly across from Lyra and Azriel saw her flinch at the closeness. Azriel seated himself at Amren's other side and Rhysand took the last seat on her other. Lyra straightened when he did, looking even more nervous when she realized that the meeting was actually happening. She looked between them all, clearly hoping someone else would begin the conversation.
"Decided to stop hiding then, girl?"
Ameren's sharp voice sent a sudden, unexpected jolt of anger down his spine and he surprised both himself and the others when he let out a low snarl toward her. Amren turned her unnatural eyes on him, raising one of her black eyebrows at him. He stared back, that icy rage he so rarely let out rising in him. Amren didn't back down though, not that he had expected it.
"I guess so." Lyra said and Amren turned her gaze toward her, amusement sparking in her eyes. Lyra swallowed, seeming to appraise Amren with her own white-blue eyes. "We'll see after all of this, I suppose."
"Haven't gotten enough to eat lately, Amren?" Cassian taunted, flashing his own cocky grin to her when she glared at him.
"I seem to be the only one working and with that damned Book. It won't shut up." Amren snapped, leaning back in her chair and narrowing her eyes at him.
"She's always cranky when she's hungry." Mor whispered to Lyra, her lips twitching in amusement as Amren huffed at her. Lyra watched the exchange, though she looked mostly at Amren and Azriel could tell she was feeling the power beneath her and from the way her nails dug into her other arm, he knew what she felt was disturbing her.
"So," Rhysand spoke up before another one of them could tease Amren further. "Mor said you wished to speak."
Lyra took a deep breath when the others turned toward her, taking a moment to steel herself before she looked to Rhysand. His brother watched her, those cunning violet eyes taking her in. They hadn't interacted outside the time when she first woke up, though Mor and Azriel provided him with reports of how she was. Rhysand had been interested in the female, but between worrying about his mate and doing his own spying while Azriel was still healing, he hadn't had time to come meet with her again. Azriel wasn't sure she would have met with him anyway.
"Mor said I should listen to… to why I'm here." Lyra muttered, her fingers unclenching and flexing as she set her hand on the table. "Or what happened, I guess. You said someone called Hybern brought me here?"
"The King of Hybern." Rhysand nodded, his jaw ticking at the mention of him. "Humans used to be slaves to the Fae until 500 years ago, when they rebelled and started a war to gain their freedom. The King of Hybern was one of some Fae that fought to keep the humans subjugated. When he lost-"
"Wait, sorry." Lyra interrupted, her fingers splaying out on the table as her face scrunched in confusion. "The King… the same King that was there that night fought in a war 500 years ago?"
"Yes. We all did." Rhys said simply. Lyra's jaw clenched, her lips pursing as she processed the information. Rhysand gave her a moment to sort out the information, watching her cautiously as she struggled with it.
"You all look good for your age, I guess." She murmured, though Azriel saw her fingers tighten again. Cassian let out a surprised laugh, drawing Lyra's gaze back toward him. Mor smiled as well, relieved that the female seemed to be holding steady.
"Hybern lost the war and the humans were freed. Lands were split up and the humans were given what is known as the Continent and a sliver of land at the bottom of Prythian. A wall was eventually erected to separate them with a treaty put in place." Rhysand went on, his tan finger tapping lightly on the table. "He wishes to bring things back to how they were. He found the Cauldron, an ancient, powerful relic to tear down the wall and take back what he views is his."
"The Cauldron, it's what I came… out of?" Lyra asked, her face twisting a bit at the painful memory of emerging from it.
"Yes. Hybern posses a nasty book of spells that he used that night." Mor muttered, grimacing as she glanced at Cassian, those broken wings. His brother gave her a small smile in return and Azriel saw his fingers twitch, seeming to resist the urge to reach across the table and take her hand. Mor's face softened at the gesture before she looked back toward Lyra. "We think that he also tried to use the Cauldron to see if he could get access or passage to other worlds."
"The spell didn't seem to work quite like he wanted it too." Amren said, her smokey eyes on Lyra, assessing her again. Lyra looked back and though her breathing became a bit shallow, she held her gaze. "It seems it failed to begin with."
"We went that night with the intention of stopping him." Rhysand continued and Azriel felt the anger rumbling beneath his brother's cool exterior. Saw behind that mask he put on for Lyra, to the anger and pain their failure had cost him. "Long ago, someone made a way to neutralize the Cauldron. It was called the Book of Breathings, the thing you heard. There were two halves, that we found to translate and get the spells to stop it. We took it there that night to stop Hybern from using the Cauldron but…"
"It was a shit show." Cassian interrupted, his wings flexing slightly as though feeling that pain all over again. Rhysand's jaw ticked, but he didn't correct their brother, though he gave him an annoyed look. Cassian just shrugged.
"The spell to neutralize the Cauldron could only be done by someone Made, as Feyre was. But it… nearly killed her." Azriel said softly and Lyra glanced at him.
"My best guess," Rhysand purred, clearly still fighting the anger rumbling in him. The mention of Feyre did nothing to help it. "Is that the power released when Feyre tried the spell and when she put together the two halves of the book is, what completed the spell that drew you here."
"Feyre, she's your… wife?" Lyra asked, glancing to Rhysand and raising an eyebrow.
"My mate and High Lady." He said and Azriel saw those stars in his eyes twinkling out. Azriel could not imagine the pain his brother felt at having his beloved mate in another male's territory. In Tamlin's, who nearly killed Feyre with his neglect. Azriel himself fought the urge to find her himself, to bring her back to their home. Such a small amount of time she had been with them and yet it felt incomplete here without her. "She was once human and turned Fae a little over a year ago."
Lyra's lips pursed and Azriel saw something like sympathy cross her features. "She was changed too? Where… where is she?" Lyra asked and Azriel saw what she wanted in her eyes. Someone to connect too, who would perhaps understand. Despite the pain that flashed in his brother's eyes, he saw that too and his face softened when he answered her question.
"She is working to help us. To find out what the enemy is doing." Rhysand answered, his voice tight. The others had become just as sullen; Cassian had stilled, his fists clenched as he glared at the table, Mor closing her eyes briefly as she thought of her friend and the danger she was in and even Amren held anger in her swirling eyes. Lyra seemed to pick up on the mood, frowning but she nodded.
"So," Lyra said, clearing her throat and obviously distract herself from that hope of meeting someone like her. "Does this mean the King can get to my world? That he could go there?"
"I don't think so." Azriel answered and he saw the worry and pain simmering in her eyes at the thought. "The power it took to get you here and to change Nesta and Elain most likely drained it."
"Reports are murky, but Azriel is correct." Rhysand said, bowing his head toward his brother. Reports that Rhysand had to go and find. He felt anger bubble in his stomach. He should be out there, he should be doing his part and living up to his duties as Spymaster. But his brother had ordered him to stay until fully healed, Madja backing him up. "The King has not used it since then. And to send himself through with the amount of power it took, I don't think he would be willing to risk his own safety right now."
That seemed to comfort Lyra a bit, but she still looked worried, unsure. "If I was just an experiment to see about other words… why change me?" She asked, her eyes growing stormy at the words. He saw her fist clench again, nearly flinched when he smelled a tiny bit of blood. "Why did that Book speak to me?"
"I am sorry, but… I don't know." Rhysand said, offering a sad smile at the words. Lyra's frowned deepened, her eyes closing briefly.
"The Book is very interested in you." Amren muttered, clearly either ignoring or not noticing the pain radiating off the female. She turned toward Amren, looking disturbed by the news. "It hisses and whispers about you all the time. Calls you Lady of-"
"Life." Lyra finished, surprising Amren. Rhysand raised an eyebrow as well, watching her curiously. "That's what it said to me in the water. It said 'We will make you, Lady of Life."
"Hmmm." Amren murmured, looking thoughtful and Azriel saw her meet Rhysand's gaze. They seemed to exchange a few words. Lyra looked between them, her brow furrowing.
"What does that mean?"
"That the Book seems to have Made you." Amren said bluntly and Lyra gave her a confused look. "Turned you Fae."
"Why…" Lyra breathed, shaking her head in confusion. Anger flashed in her eyes too and Azriel felt that pulse of her power, lurking and churning. She didn't seem to notice herself, but he saw Rhysand watching her carefully now, cautious.
"Perhaps you should speak with it." Amren suggested, tilting her head as she studied Lyra. "Speak to the book and see what it says."
"No." Azriel answered, even before the words sank into Lyra. The others looked to him, surprise written on their faces. Amren watched him too, her teeth a flash of white as she gave him an amused, deadly smile. "No." He repeated, his words coming out a soft snarl.
Mor had gone still, her brow furrowing as she looked at him and then slowly to Lyra, who was watching him in confusion. He felt black, rumbling power against the cold, deadly ice that shielded his own mind, seeking a way in.
You push her too far. Azriel said when he lowered just enough for his brother to communicate with him. Lyra had barely come around to this new world, could barely seem to handle this meeting. Subjecting her to that book…
That shattered mirror flashed in his mind. The blood running down those thin arms.
It is her choice. Rhysand answered and Azriel snarled internally at him. His brother did not flinch back. He always was able to handle the anger that Azriel held in, deep within himself. Perhaps because Rhysand held something similar as well.
Her choice or some kind of experiment? Azriel challenged and he felt his brothers own rolling anger flicker through his mind. He did not back down. He could not risk the female hurting herself again.
It is her choice. Rhysand repeated, but the tone, the tenor changed. Power lined the words, command that Rhysand rarely wielded between them. Azriel's back stiffened, his fist clenching as he fought it.
"What… what is that?" Lyra asked and Azriel was pulled back to her. She stared between them, confusion in her eyes as she seemed to see that power that had passed between them. She met his gaze worriedly, seeing him struggling with the command Rhys had given and she pursed her lips, looking cautiously at Rhysand. Like she was afraid he was harming Azriel.
"If you wish to speak with the Book, you may." Rhysand said smoothly, no sign of that anger on his face or in his voice. Lyra was still watching him, looking apprehensive.
"It is your choice." Azriel bit out and his brother cast him a warning look. Mor looked pale, eyes still flitting between Lyra and him. He wasn't sure what that look on her face meant.
Lyra wrapped her arms around herself, thinking over the choice. After a moment she frowned, letting out a tired sigh. "I'll think about it." She mumbled, looking cautiously toward Rhysand. But he only dipped his head in response. Lyra leaned back against the chair, everything from this night seeming to hit her at once and she looked exhausted. Azriel was surprised she had lasted this long, and she had kept it together well enough to get this far. It soothed some of the constant worry he seemed to carry for her. And he felt relieved that she was accepting things, becoming more open to this world and them.
He still wasn't sure why. It made him bristle.
"So you plan to stop him?" Lyra asked, looking between them.
"Yes. When he comes, we will fight him. We will stand with the humans again and anyone else who needs it." Mor said, her voice thick. She still had an odd look on her face, but whatever was worrying her she had pushed down to offer comfort to the female beside her. Lyra's face softened when she looked to Mor and Azriel was surprised when she offered the blonde a tiny smile. One of his shadows hissed and he felt something like jealously churn in the pit of his stomach.
Lyra let out another tired sigh, running a hand through her hair when she looked away from Mor. The blonde laid a hand on her arm, squeezing gently. "You do not have to decide anything right now. You deserved to know why what happened to you was done and now you do. You deserve time to understand and decide what to do." Mor said softly and Lyra seemed to struggle with the words slightly but she swallowed and nodded. "Do you have anymore questions?"
"No." Lyra answered, shaking her head. "Yes. But I think if I hear anymore my head will explode."
Cassian gave a soft laugh and when she looked to him, he gave her a sly smile. "Think you handled it pretty well, considering." He said and the words seemed to offer Lyra some comfort because she relaxed slightly.
"There are worse ways." Amren said, the words holding the barest hint of kindness. "I burned an entire kingdom when I came to this world."
All of them froze, giving the tiny female mixed look of shock, disbelief and horror. She merely stared back, a cool, bored look on her face. Azriel had never heard her speak of when she had come to this world and he couldn't even think of more than perhaps three times she had voluntarily revealed information about her previous self in the centuries he had known her.
"You came from another world too?" Lyra asked, looking both shocked and slightly annoyed. Amren merely nodded, picking at one of her nails. "Where-"
"A world beyond even yours, girl." Amren answered, though the words were clipped and shut off. Closing the conversation. He could see Lyra struggling with the dismissal, fighting to ask more but Mor squeezed her arm again, shaking her head slightly. Lyra looked displeased but clamped her lips together.
"I'll ask more when I can get it all through my head." Lyra said instead, glancing again at Rhysand. "Thanks."
"Of course." Rhysand said, before dipping his head to her. "While you are here, Lyra, you are under the protection of my Court. I will do all I can to help you and you may consider this city your home while you are here. We will assist you in any way we can."
Lyra's face softened, her cheeks reddening slightly at his kind words. Azriel felt some of that anger from before towards Rhysand dissipate. "Thank you." Lyra said, giving Rhysand a meaningful look, then Mor and then toward him. He stared back, surprised that she was extending it to him.
Beautiful. His shadows sighed, whispering along his ear before they drew back. Warmth spread in his chest and he relished how his shadows quieted under the small, slight smile she offered him.
Beautiful.