S1E2 – The Badge

"How come you never flash your official MET ID anymore? I haven't seen it in ages! It's so ornate and official looking and sure to frighten the bad guys!" She laughs and flicks the tip of his nose.

He swipes at her hand but misses, her reflexes are still swifter than his, thank goodness. He grumps instead, "And THAT is exactly why I retired it, that attitude right there! First Lily, then you! All smirky and scoffy and sassy. I got no respect at all!"

"Oooo, poor baby," she chuckles softly.

He isn't quite done his grump yet but he is weakening, "Yes, I was certainly funny back then, wasn't I? But I put paid to HER and I soon whipped YOU into shape, didn't I?"

Her tender gaze drops off her face like snow off a steep roof during a Canadian Spring Thaw, "Wait, what? YOU whipped ME into shape? Did I hear that right? I think you got that a bit backwards, mister!"

He rolls towards her, settling his cheek into his palm and grins. Oh, good, a fight! We haven't had a spat in absolute ages! How I miss them. "Do you? Do you really? I don't. At any rate, I decided to just introduce myself after that. Soon, I hardly had to do even that – except with the tourists."

"Yeah," she scoffs, "the locals all learned who you were tout suite, didn't they? They had to! Some alien had fallen out of the sky and landed right in our vichyssoise!" His eyebrows quirk saucily and she growls, "Our soup! Right into our soup! Ask Dwayne, he'll tell you! Oh, the stories that swirled in town after you arrested Lily! It was madness! Things just got worse after you collared William then the Headmaster. People didn't know WHAT to think! Most of them tried to avoid you at all costs."

He smirks, "Just as well, then. As for your earlier question, I had to surrender my MET credentials when I took permanent posting here. I rather miss them, in a way. Don't get me wrong, my Sainte-Marie Warrant Card and badge is fine – but sometimes I wish it were a bit less… shiny and colourful."

She sits upright, indignant, "What? Those are our island colours!"

"Yes, but…"

"And that's our official bird, the Purple-Throated Carib!"

"Yes, but…"

"So you don't like them?"

"Yes, but… oh, is it my turn to speak? Well then, let me take the opportunity to say that I like them but I just wish they were more muted, that's all. They clash with my ties."

"Huh! You go insulting the badge and I'm gonna mute YOU!"

He grins now, bats his eyelashes, rolls onto his back, "Promise?"

After a rather long muted look of her own, she pounces and the mutual muting commences.

Several days later

She pops out for a quick errand and returns with a large brown envelope covered in stamps. She holds it out to him, "Here, special delivery all the way from old Blighty."

He sets down his newspaper and begins to unwrap it, "What is it?"

She twists in glee, "It's a memento! Dwayne finagled it with your former DCI Halliwell in London."

The envelope falls to the table and Richard is gazing down at a colour photocopy of his old MET credentials, stamped 'Seconded to Sainte-Marie, Leeward Islands, Lesser Antilles, the Caribbean'. He strokes the paper, tracing the outline of his name. So ornate, so scrolly, so dull and lifeless and boring! He sees his photo and groans, "Look at this! I look 5 years older and half-dead!"

She leans in and kisses his lightly tanned cheek, "So pale, so wan, so unhappy, not like you at all."

"No," he murmurs, "not like me at all." He heaves a huge sigh of relief and sets the photocopy down just as her hands gather up his lapels and knot into tight covetous little fists.

"I," she growls, reeling him in, "on the other hand, LOVE the new you!"

Several hours later

She stares up at the ceiling, listening to their breathing return to normal and suddenly says, "You know, now that I'm remembering our first case together, I don't think I ever properly thanked you for saving me from that homicidal butler, William."

He groans, "Didn't you? Haven't you been thanking me relentlessly ever since? Besides, it was my duty… and my pleasure… although he was the only man I ever saw able to render you speechless. Neat trick. I wish I knew how to do it."

"Yeah, he did! By trying to KILL me! That's not a neat trick, that's a bad trick. You, however, have a nice trick. You can render me speechless any time you like."

"Can I?"

"Yes, you can, and you know it."

"Perhaps, perhaps, I'll have to put it to the test later but…"

"Oh, PLEASE do! Right now?"

"Now?! God, no, I need to rest a bit. But, you know, I'll never forget what you said to William. It scorched its way right to my soul and I think I began to change that very day."

"Why? What did I say? I don't rightly remember, I was so angry, I hated him in that moment."

"I know! I was there, remember? Um, you said, 'There's a passion in your heart and, like all uptight men, when you release that passion, it's overwhelming, isn't it? Why isn't the world ordered like you'd wish it? Why doesn't it understand you? Why don't women want you? Because they don't, do they? They've never wanted you.' Those were your very words and they shafted right to my heart. You frightened me that day, frightened me badly. I mean with those words, not with the whole being strangled by the mad butler thing although that was pretty frightening too."

"I frightened you? Oh, Richard, I wasn't talking about you, not at all!"

"I know, Camille, but you COULD have, with time. I was sliding into my 40's and I was so alone, so miserable, so defeated. You have no idea. Your words shook me to my core and made me realize I had to do something, change my ways, become a better man, a better person, because now I had a reason!"

She thrills, "Was that reason me?"

"Yes, it bloody well was! Don't play coy with me, young lady. You know very well I was totally in love with you when I clocked William with that cocktail shaker. I wanted to kill the man for daring to touch you in violence when it was ME that should be touching you with… well, you know."

She laughs, "Yes, I do know, AND I remember I couldn't even get you to take off your shoes on the beach." He groans and she coos, "My seduction technique didn't work on you at all, did it?"

"Yes, it did, I just couldn't admit it. It was too soon. I'm not all sly innuendo then hop into bed, am I?"

"No," she whispers, tracing his lips with a gentle finger, "you're not."

He nods, "No, I'm not, but I held out for about an hour before I doffed my shoes, skipped down to the beach, stepped into the ocean, and…"

"I know," she laments, "I had to take you to the hospital, remember? You limped for a week!"

"And I bloody well deserved it! I tried to break out of my cage too soon and got bitten for my trouble."

"Um, sea urchins don't actually…"

"AND, not to change the subject or anything, but your seduction technique works just FINE, I'll have you know." She wriggles with pleasure, running that finger down his throat and onto his chest. He coughs and manages, "Anything you'd like to add, 'She Who Rules'?"

Her eyelids lower, her eyes gleaming in feral delight, "Just one thing. The usual."

"Me," he murmurs low, "inside, as usual," his hands slipping around her once more.

She pats his head, "The man CAN learn!" and lowers herself to bestow love's eternal kiss.

END