A/N: The title is from "Heart Like A Wheel", written by Anna McGarrigle for Linda Ronstadt's album of the same name. It appeared in the Corrs' fifth studio album, "Home"
Robin is back.
Connor's ex-girlfriend is back and they planned on getting together. It hurts. Her heart is definitely shattered.
Ava is in her apartment thinking about the encounter with Robin. She is back. She remembers vividly that day when Connor asked her to cover for him so that he could follow Robin to Minneapolis. That was a year ago. He was so determined to get her back. He was so in love with her. He is still in love with her. She realises it now because not once did he tell her he loves her. She was his girl. His girl he basically asked not to date anyone. His girl who he didn't want to leave so he stayed at Gaffney.
That is what she is to him: his girl. Nothing more, nothing less. Ah yes. She is also the one who has most of the guys wrapped around her finger at charity events because she could make them take out their cheque books and donate to the hospital. It's not because she has them bowing to her; it's her determination to help their department and the hospital that made them do it. Without anything in return.
But apparently not Cornelius Rhodes.
She sips orange juice as she reviews her surgical notes - juice is the only drink she can have at the moment because of the damn ART. The nausea it causes is unbearable and she is finding it challenging to acclimate. She turns the page on her notepad. A police officer with a kid had died on the table this morning. She heard about the attack on the fair – a white guy mad at the coloured so he tried to kill them. She felt for the child, Andre. His father was the only person he had and he is gone. She remembers an incident from home where she saw a lot of bodies dead on the ground. It was a bus collision and the medics were putting the dead side by side. There were children, too. That was when she decided she wants to be a doctor. She will be a doctor. She wants to help people. Even when a family friend almost robbed the dream from her. Just like the elder Rhodes took Connor away from her.
She realises that her hands are shaking so she goes to the bathroom. She nearly picks up the razor blade but remembers what Robin had said. She is there for her mother who has cancer. She considers for a moment what she is about to do. If Robin is here for her mother's treatment, she may go back to Minneapolis. Eventually. She and Connor may not able to be back into each other's arms. They may not have a chance at all. She looks at herself in the mirror and berates herself.
What the hell is she thinking? Connor isn't hers anymore and he doesn't, never, loved her. He loves Robin. He volunteered to take care of her when she was sick. But not Ava. To him, Ava is the one who seduced his despicable father for money, for him not to leave Chicago. Ava is the one who will do anything to keep him tethered to her.
Ava wipes away tears that started falling and lifts her shirt up. She cuts a line just below her ribcage and feels the satisfying sting that she now considers her friend. She does it a couple more times. That's it for now.
Tomorrow is another day.