THE CACTUS WHERE YOUR HEART SHOULD BE

[Kirishima/Bakugo, Midoriya/Uraraka (background), Angst/Comfort, Bullying, Katsuki Bakugo is Bad at Feelings, Katsuki Bakugo Swears a Lot, Parental Abuse (implied), 2123 words]

"Hey, Midoriya!"

Eijiro Kirishima had been hanging out in the lobby area of the dorms for a few hours when he saw Midoriya enter the room.

As was expected from him, even though it was the weekend, Midoriya had been out training for most of the morning. They'd recently moved up a year, now on their third semester at UA together, but the manly as hell powerhouse still went Plus Ultra.

For just a second, Midoriya looked startled, but when he saw it was Eijiro waving at him, that tension largely disappeared. "H-hey Kirishima." He was stuttering less than when they'd first met, but Midoriya still seemed anxious most of the time.

Eijiro just chalked that up to how much pressure Midoriya put on himself. It was pretty manly, but also not great for his health, which was why he and the rest of the class tried to help him relax whenever they could.

Speaking of... "Did you hear about the new Hero Museum they're opening up by Tatooin Station?"

The second Eijiro had seen a news article about it, his first thought had been how much Midoriya would love it.

Eyes lighting up, as they always did when the topic of heroes arose, Midoriya didn't sound nervous anymore. "I did! They have an entire wing dedicated to Bronze Age heroes, who usually go unnoticed compared to heroes from the Silver Age or more Modern ones, and-" He caught himself, realizing he was starting to get into a rant, and added, with less positive energy, "I really want to go, but I'm a little short on spending money..."

There was no way Eijiro was just going to let that stand! "No problem, I'll spot you for it!" It was obvious that Midoriya was about to object, so Eijiro cut him off. "Dude, you've done so much for us, you've got to let us treat you when we want to!"

He had a feeling Midoriya was still wanting to turn it down, but it looked like his love for heroes won out. "Okay. Thanks, Kirishima." He pulled out a small notebook, which looked to be his personal planner, and started mumbling. "Should we go on the opening day? No, probably too crowded, a weekday afternoon would be better. But that has the risk of..."

After a whole year of being Midoriya's close friend, Eijiro had learned it was best to leave him to ramble to himself, rather than trying to cut him off.

But when it seemed like there was a good pause in the mumbling, Eijiro did have something to ask. "Would you be okay if we turned it into a double date? You can bring Uraraka, and I can bring Bakugo!" Even though his boyfriend normally hated socializing with other couples, Eijiro knew that Bakugo was secretly nearly as big a hero nerd as Midoriya, and would jump at the chance to visit the museum.

However, it seemed he wouldn't be the issue this time.

All the excitement drained out of Midoriya's face, his eyes fell, and when he spoke, he sounded exhausted. "Thanks, Kirishima, but...I might just wait until I can afford to go by myself. My schedule's really tight right now, and trying to make it work with all four of us would be...difficult."

Then, without another word, Midoriya walked off.

Eijiro looked at his friend's back, perplexed.

He was going to have to get to the bottom of this.

For some reason, Kirishima was sulking, and even worse, he was trying to hide it.

They were in Katsuki Bakugo's room, where he was helping his boyfriend dye his hair that bright shade of red he liked so much.

This wasn't an easy process, though it went a lot smoother now that Kirishima could turn to Katsuki for help.

They had to bleach his hair, which made Kirishima's head burn like hell and took forever. It had to be done carefully, too, or else they could fuck up Kirishima's hair. And Katsuki had enough shit on his conscience, he was not putting 'ruining the best hair at UA' on there too.

Once that was done, and the color was somewhere between white and blond, Katsuki got to work applying the red dye, another eternity.

It felt even longer when his boyfriend wasn't saying shit.

There was only so much of that Katsuki could take. He wasn't one for beating around the bush.

"What's wrong?" Because he was asking his boyfriend, he didn't add a 'fucking' between the words and kept as much growling out of his tone as he could.

It took half a minute for Kirishima to say anything, so Katsuki thought it must be something he did. A strange lump of shame sat in his stomach as he assumed that. He was such a colossal fuck-up...how long was it going to be before Kirishima saw that and left him?

"I was talking to Midoriya earlier..."

Now, the shame was coming from a different source. Fucking Deku...it was hard to think about the boy who had once been Katsuki's best friend without a snarling ball of emotions bouncing through him. That had been true for ages, but since Katsuki had started to actually grow the fuck up and stop being such a piece of shit, more and more of those feelings were shame.

"There's this new hero museum opening up, and I wanted to see if Midoriya was up for a trip there. He was, but when I suggested making it a double date, he totally freaked and cancelled."

Of course he did. Why the fuck would you want to do something like that with Katsuki?

Since their fight in Ground Beta, Katsuki and Deku were...better. They'd learned to work together, to help each other become better heroes.

But that didn't erase all the shit in their past. Not even fucking close.

"This isn't the first time he's bailed like that, either, and it's always when I try to include you! Midoriya's my bro, and I know you guys used to be friends. So what if you guys used to fight a little, I'm sure you can-"

"You're wrong."

The words came out of Katsuki's throat roughly, like he'd had to choke them out through a bad cold.

Katsuki pulled his latex gloved hands away from Kirishima's head, and his boyfriend turned to look at him, confused and concerned.

Fuck...there was no getting around this, was there?

Like everyone in his class, Kirishima just fucking loved Deku. Which like...fair. When Katsuki was able to separate his hang-ups from things, even he had to admit he liked the nerd.

But it was damn clear that Kirishima had no fucking clue what their past together was like. And if...if he was going to keep being Deku's friend, and Katsuki's boyfriend, Kirishima would have to know.

Though, once he knew what Katsuki was really like, there wasn't much of a chance he'd want to keep being his boyfriend.

"We didn't 'fight a little'. I bullied him."

There was no reason for Katsuki to pretend it was anything other than that.

Kirishima blinked, then reached out a comforting hand as he said, "Babe, you're kind of harsh sometimes, but I don't think-"

"No!" Bakugo slapped Kirishima's hand away. He didn't deserve any fucking comfort. "I hurt him, a lot. I used my fucking Quirk on him, even though it's illegal as fuck and I should have been expelled. I did everything I could to make him feel worthless and I..."

Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

"...I told him to fucking kill himself."

Those weren't his exact words, but honestly who gave a shit about that? It's what he'd said.

By this point, Kirishima looked stunned. "..."

"So if Deku doesn't want to spend his free time with me? Fine. I'm not going to bitch and moan about it, and you shouldn't either."

Katsuki didn't say how much the idea of that hurt him.

How he'd begun to hope, deep in his heart, that maybe he'd get his first friend back.

That the idea of Deku, the all-loving hero who would probably give Shigaraki a hug if he thought the hand-freak needed it, would never forgive Katsuki for all the things he'd done ate away at him whenever he let himself think about it.

Because those feelings didn't fucking matter. What mattered is what he'd done, and what had come from it.

"Crap, man...I didn't know." Was that...why was there sympathy in Kirishima's eyes? "That's a lot for both of you to deal with. Have you tried talking it out with him?"

Katsuki blinked.

"Didn't...didn't you hear me?" It felt like Katsuki should have screamed it, but he couldn't find the energy for some strange reason. Instead, the question came out as a rasp. "I'm not...it's Deku who has it shitty, not me."

"Don't give me that." Kirishima's tone was as hard as his Quirk. "You hurt Midoriya. You said some terrible things. But it's obvious you don't think that was the manly thing to do, right? You know it was wrong. That's what's important."

It would be great if Katsuki could actually believe any of that. But he wasn't in the mood to argue, at least not with his boyfriend.

Instead, he admitted, "We talked. Last year, when we got into that fight after the provisional license exam."

Kirishima laughed, but there wasn't any actual humor in it. "And?" Katsuki didn't say anything. "Really, babe? You guys beat each other up and talked once? You've changed a lot since then! Does he even know you're sorry?"

It was hard for Katsuki to bite back his immediate thought of 'Of course he does!' Kirishima made a good point, even though that was frustrating as fuck. Katsuki had never actually apologized, during the fight or in the half a year since then.

"...it wouldn't matter. I can't make excuses for the shit I put him through."

That was all they were.

It didn't matter that Katsuki had been frustrated with how Deku wouldn't leave him the fuck alone.

It didn't matter that Katsuki thought the nerd had been pitying him, looking down on him.

It didn't matter that the fucked up way Katsuki had been raised led to him obsessing over strength, and looking at Deku as the symbol of weakness.

None of that changed what he'd done.

Kirishima frowned, looking at Katsuki like he wanted to thump his boyfriend for being stupid.

Fuck, if it wasn't a good look on him...

"They're not excuses. You abused Midoriya, but you're a victim too." At least he didn't say by who out loud. Bringing up the bitch was a great way to really set Katsuki off. "You've got to remember who we're talking about. Midoriya is one of the most manly people I know. If you talk to him about this stuff, if you're really honest, he'll listen."

"..."

Katsuki couldn't deny that was probably true.

"Hey."

He focused on Kirishima again, just as he was leaning in to kiss Katsuki on the lips. It wasn't a long kiss, but it was a good one. For just a second, Katsuki's stress, his fears, and his anxieties just disappeared.

How the fuck was he lucky enough to be with this guy?

"I'm proud of you. You've come a long way. And you're going to keep growing more and more manly." Then, Kirishima's goofy lovestruck grin faltered, and Katsuki realized he was looking at something.

That something being Katsuki's hair.

Something clicked.

"Did you get that fucking dye in my hair?!" Katsuki got up and ran to the full length mirror he kept near his closet, and saw that he was right, there was a splotch of red right in the front of his hair. "It's gonna be fucking orange!"

"Not if we wash it out really quick!"

Together, they did manage to (barely) salvage Katsuki's hair color. The anger had been fleeting, and Katsuki apologized for it afterwards. It was easier to apologize to Kirishima than it was with anyone else, but that didn't make it easy.

But, nothing good in life is ever easy.

Which was why Katsuki agreed to his boyfriend's dumb idea to set up a meeting just between Katsuki and Deku, where they could talk through their dumb past shit.

The idea of it made Katsuki's pores leak out way too much nitroglycerin sweat, but he wouldn't run away from the challenge.

He'd make up with Deku, as much as that was possible, and they'd go on that stupid double date idea Kirishima loved to talk about.

After everything he did for Katsuki, it was the least he could do in return.