"Can we talk?" Derek watched as Addison's face turned emotionless, indicating how she was really feeling so much right now. He felt her grip on his arm tighten and it comforted him that his presence can provide her comfort.

"No…" Addison was about to turn around when Pete spoke again.

"You owe me, Addison." That snapped something inside Derek. He did not know he could feel this much rage inside him, but seeing how the man—Pete—did not have an ounce of regret on his face made him see red.

"She owes you?!" Derek spat out, making the man spare him a look. He could not believe the audacity of the man, and the images of Addison crying continued flashing through his mind.

In a flash, Pete Wilder was down on the floor of the Seattle Grace lobby.

Only, it wasn't because of Derek's growing rage.

"God, I've been wanting to do that since L.A." Derek watched his best friend in shock yet satisfaction at the same time. Mark Sloan shook his hand to shake out the pain. Judging by how Pete Wilder fell with a thud, even eliciting gasps from a few of the people in the lobby, Mark really packed a punch.

"Mark!" Derek watched as Addison rushed over to Pete, who was standing up, yet seemingly choosing to retaliate by glaring at Mark. It felt like a betrayal when he saw how near Addison's face was to the man.

"He was asking for it!" Mark exclaimed.

Addison stood close to Pete, the two people invading the other's personal space, making Derek feel acid in his stomach. That was how close they were to each other just a few minutes ago.

"Everyone involved, in my office." Derek sighed at Richard's voice.

"Addison—"

"No talking." Addison snapped as she cleaned Pete's cut on his upper cheek. They were in her office, and she made Pete uncomfortably sit on her table despite the perfectly good couch she had by the door.

"But…"

"I said I don't want to talk… Pete." Saying his name sent stabbing pains on her heart, making her want to double over. It was one thing to see him, but it was another thing to be touching him. It was as if she could snap anytime, as the horrible feeling of losing all the progress she made is slowly settling in by the minute.

"We will be leaving the day after tomorrow—"

"We?" Addison asked breathlessly, stomach churning at the thoughts of who could "we" possibly refer to. She felt his hand rub her upper arm soothingly, making her place the clamp on her table loudly.

"Why are you here?" She asked, hating how weak her voice sounded. She was trying so hard not to show how his presence and timing were affecting her. But she knows it was useless, as he was one of the few people who could see through her and she hates that because she desperately wants to not be seen and get away from it all.

And as troubled as her mind was, one thing was clear to her: she wants to find Derek and let him hug her and shield her away from all of the pain Pete was bringing with him.

But that wouldn't happen in a million years because she's a Montgomery.

"I miss you." The sincerity in Pete's voice made Addison step back, as being physically close to him and his stupid leather jacket felt like torture.

"You don't," Addison stated, staring at him with jaw clenched. She wanted to slap the smirk and amusement in his eyes, something that she wished she didn't miss, didn't long for after leaving L.A.

It took her back to her first day in Oceanside, when he was just an arrogant stranger she barely knew.

"Oh, so now you also get to dictate how I feel?" Addison saw it the minute he stopped talking, how his mind was replaying her last words to him.

"Pete—"

"You walked out from me, Addison. You walked out from me and Lucas. You made the decision for the both of us and let me guess, the people here don't know that, do they?" Addison could tell that he was getting worked up, as the tension in his body and his wild eyes were so familiar.

The last time she saw that was when she was switching in between ORs, trying to save both Violet and Lucas at the same time.

"It was obviously the right decision. You're married to her now." She found out about the wedding through a slip of tongue from Amelia, who found out through Charlotte. And the minute she heard it, she went straight to Joe's, attempted to drink herself to oblivion, only, Derek took her home.

Derek took her home.

"I had no choice. You made the choice for me and Lucas the moment you left—" He cut himself off the moment he saw Addison's raised eyebrow. "I was ready to push through with what we had. After the custody battle, after every mess Violet and I made, you were our rock, Addison. Then, you just said goodbye and disappeared, making the decision for all of us."

Maybe that was the trigger Addison had been waiting for, hearing someone explicitly tell her that she did something wrong too. Make all her guilt and regret and doubts resurface. That it wasn't all on Pete. She deserves a part of the blame too.

"Don't you dare–what was I supposed to do, Pete?! Hope? Hope that someday, I could just forget that you still love Violet? Hope that we could be this happy family, except that whenever we'd go to the practice, I'd have to share you and Lucas with her? Hope that Lucas would see me as his mother instead of his real mom who's constantly there, fighting for him? In no worlds will I win against that, and you know it."

They were silent for a moment, only, Addison would not speak because she felt like she was suffocating because of the walls of her office and the memories she was rehashing in her head.

"Do you know that Lucas looks for you? Everyday? The first month you were gone, he kept crying. No matter what we did, he just cried. Then when we were at Sam's, you know what he did? He pointed at your house and didn't stop asking for you until Violet gave in and went to your backdoor to show our 1-year old that the house was empty and you weren't there." Addison held back a sob, heart breaking over what Pete was telling her.

"You may not have given birth to Lucas but you took care of him for months. You were there for his firsts and he got comfortable with you. He kept looking for you. But you decided you couldn't deal with the pain anymore so you just disappeared. As much as I don't want to say this, I understand why you had to go, Addison. But Lucas doesn't so just… keep that in mind before you scream at me how it's all unfair for you."

Addison sat down on the couch and sobbed while apologizing, soaking in all of Pete's words. She kept seeing Lucas and missing his smile and the memories of the three of them inside her house kept playing back, making her want to lash out in pain.

Pete crouched in front of her and gently removed her hands from her face. He wiped her tears softly, but only more poured out. Addison felt helpless as she stared at his soft gaze, taking in the lines on his face and the growing bruise on his cheek.

"Violet has a conference later today and tomorrow, we fly out the day after next. Lucas and I went with her because we knew you'd be here and… have dinner with us tonight?" She shook her head against his hand, the pain she's feeling made her justify prolonging her guilt for being selfish.

"I can't, Pete."

"No Violet. Just the three of us." The offer was so tempting. She was out of words while regarding him cautiously. "She'll be okay with it. But we both have to talk to you before we go back."

She felt relief, not because of a Violet-free dinner, but because Pete's last words implied how he wasn't going to tell her to go back to L.A. with them.

Because she's afraid she might with just one word from him.

Derek watched through the window of Addison's office, with Amelia beside him. He watched as Pete Wilder comforted Addison and he can't help but think that that should be him.

"I saw her with his baby, the day we first met in L.A. I've seen Addie slip and screw up many times but when I saw her with Lucas, with me thinking he was her kid, it felt right, you know? It was as if I knew immediately that she could never screw that up… being a mom. It's like, she was meant to do it or something."

"She wasn't ready… when we were together she told me she wasn't ready to have a baby," Derek said quietly, staring at the two people, with Pete in front of Addison.

"Maybe it was for the best. You two were so focused on your careers… I mean, both of you wouldn't be the world-class surgeons you are now if you both took a pause, right? It was for the best, Derek," Amelia stated, a fact Derek refused to admit.

"Was it really?" He could only feel one thing: regret. He couldn't stop thinking of what-ifs. What if they tried to have a baby? What if they were still together? What if he stayed in New York and fought for their relationship?

Yet those what-ifs entailed a lot of sacrifices he now can't seem to imagine giving up. He did love Meredith, as she did save him from the box he was trapped in with Addison… and Mark. She was his fresh air… only now he longs to be trapped inside the box with Addison again. Somehow this time, he was certain that if he would ever need to breathe in the fresh air, he would take her out with him.

Regret filled his mind as he reflected on where he and Addison stand now: a divorced couple, with him admitting that he loves her still. By just watching the other side of the window, he knew Addison loving him back as much as he does is nowhere near possible. And even if they do work out, Addison had low chances of getting pregnant.

The image of a cheerful little girl with Addison's smile and laugh got blurry and blurry until she faded away.

Right when Pete Wilder left Addison's office, a car wreck-filled the ER, consuming Derek and Addison's time, making them narrowly miss each other in the sea of gurneys, blood, and hallway runs.

It was past 6 in the evening and he had a 30-minute break he managed to snag from his tight schedule, so he went to Addison's office.

He shouldn't have.

Through the window, he could see that Pete was back, and Addison was out of her scrubs, cleaned up, ready to end her shift. Only, there was an addition to the room, a toddler Addison was carrying. They were the perfect image of mother-and-son and Amelia was right, Addison being a mother suited her best.

He had never seen her smile like that.

"You and Dr. Samuel Bennett are eerily alike." Derek unwillingly pried his eyes away from the painful scene playing on the other side of the window.

"What?" He asked Bailey, who was clutching a chart close to her, also watching her friend.

"You both like to watch your life play out in front of you," She deadpanned, making him frown in an attempt to understand what she was talking about. Before he could ask more, she walked to Addison's office, joining the "happy family".

When he caught Addison's eye through the window, he knew he couldn't take it any longer so he walked away, dragging his heavy heart with him.

They sat in silence, or as silent as the surroundings can be in Joe's. Derek downed another glass of scotch, grabbing Joe's attention for a refill.

"You ever wonder… how we'd be right now if I hadn't got shot and you didn't lose the baby?" Derek asked, without looking at Meredith.

"We would be happy… we would still be together," Meredith whispered, playing with the now empty shot glass in front of her.

"So long as L.A. works out for Addison, though. Everything would be messier if you didn't get shot, I didn't miscarry, and Addison still comes back here. Because then, you would realize you're still in love with her. Yet, you're tied up with me and the baby, and knowing our history… let's just say the words 'adultery' and 'affair' would be involved." With that, Meredith took another shot.

"You've wondered about this a lot, huh?" He just received an adorable smile and he smiled back, humming under his breath.

"Addison told me what happened in L.A. I thought I understood what she was feeling… but it's different when I see it first hand," He said quietly, looking at the scotch Joe handed to him. He kept replaying Addison's smile inside his head, the first genuine one he's seen ever since she moved back. If she was that happy a while ago, she must have been over the moon when everything wasn't falling apart in L.A.

He would kill to see that smile again.

"Well, I thought I knew what I was doing—letting you go, but it was still… painful when I heard you tell her you didn't stop loving her." Derek's neck almost snapped when he looked at Meredith. "Yeah, Lexie and I were a couple of steps away when you said that in the lobby. You two tend to not notice anyone around you when you're together. And honestly? Even though it hurt hearing you say those words to another woman, it was the wake-up call I needed."

"I'm sorry," Derek said, not knowing what else to say.

"It's… over. Anyway, Cristina's here. Have to go." He gave her a brief smile focused on his drink again, his thoughts circling around Meredith and Addison. It was a pattern similar to the pre-divorce period with Addison, yet this time, the scale was tipping on the opposite side.

"And Derek?" He set down the scotch he was about to drink and looked back at Meredith. "The man was wearing a ring. I'd say you have more chances with her than what you're expecting."

He watched her walk over to her friends. He wished he could at least tell her that he would do everything the same way if he were given the chance—choose her again back when he did, but he couldn't because he was sure he would not.

He would make one step different: he would have tried harder to make that happy little girl with Addison's smile come true.