Chapter 4

My mission was clear in my mind as soon as the sirens were revealed to the room. I need to find Janie. I need to protect my sister. This remains clear in my mind as I run in the direction of my family's tent. I am tempted to leave the 'roads' in an effort to take a shortcut, but I know that trying to trudge through unpacked snow will make the short journey unnecessarily long and arduous. The moon shines brightly; due to my adrenaline, it is akin to a spotlight. My path is illuminated, yet my steps land with surety and I know I could make it there blind. My feet move faster than my mind and I do not process much of what I see. Everything flies by in a blur, as I imagine my goal.

Earlier, the shapeshifters were the only ones able to hear the faint wail of a warning horn. Now, every tower is alerted and responding. My senses are overwhelmed by my intense awareness of the moon's glow, the stinging of my exposed skin, the pain in my chest with every inhale, and by the trumpets and quiet cries that ring throughout the encampment. The sounds of people attempting to comfort loved ones with whispers seems deafening. My body longs to stop. Heat from my rapid exhalation gives unsatisfying miliseconds of relief for my cold bitten face. In my mind, I can see the tent and know from my mental map of the camp, that I am so close. I slow as it comes into view, premature relief washing over me. I will Janie to be in there. I attempt to quicken my pace again but my body refuses so I force a jog. My brain knows that I have only ran a quarter mile, two minutes at maximum. Yet, my legs and lungs would argue that I just sprinted a 10k.

Howls rip through the night and are met with muffled screams. At the startling sound I instinctively duck down with my hands at my ears. This noise is too close. It sounds right outside the walls that surround the tribe. My thoughts jerk to Paul. I pray as I continue in a crouched scurry. Let Janie be in the tent. Keep Dad safe. Keep Paul safe. Please don't let us die.

Janie squeaks as I aggressively enter the tent. She and Sarah are almost unnoticeable in the corner. The green cots are laid on their sides and form a fort of sorts with our metal bathtub. The wood slab that Dad and Sarah sleep on is laid across the top to unclose them. Yet, by the fireglow, I can see hands gripping the top edge of the cot positioned in the front. I rush to them, "Janie? It's me."

They push the front cot so that I can climb into the penetrable hiding place. I am embraced by my sister's arms in the dark. After adjusting into the space, Janie leans back against me and I wrap her in a hug from behind. The cat is on her lap and I stroke it briefly. Sarah sits closely, her knee presses into my leg. She touches my shoulder assuringly, "We just have to wait it out." Her voice is steady but laced with anxiety. It is all we can do. Sit and wait for the pack to return. Wait for the battle to end and for them all to come back. Some injuries are expected. Hopefully, everyone will return with their lives. Ideally, we can stay, though that hope is likely futile.

Once an attack occurs, the frequency and number of attackers increases. Our current threat is unknown to me, but all of the beasts are deadly. A few years after the freeze, giant grotesque monsters that vaguely resembled animals began appearing. Not every animal had changed, of course, and we had no idea why any had. The existence of these creatures was a mystery. Conspiracy theories swirled. One, is that the animals in the vicinity of the abandoned nuclear power plants were attracted by the heat and upon prolonged exposure to radioactive materials were mutated. While possibly a childish theory, it reminded me of the old cartoons based off of Dad's favorite comic books and thus was my favorite. Another possibility is that it was an accelerated act of evolution. Definitely not as exciting.

In truth, the origins of the beasts mean little to me. What matters is surviving them. Thankfully, when the beasts started to appear, my family had already sought asylum with the Quileutes and had the protection of the shapeshifters and the Cullens. To survive the first few years of a literal ice age, and suffer from the enviromental hazards, only to be threatened by a mutated bear or a flesh crazed horse sized deer without the protection of the pack, would have been too much to endure. Not many things made much sense anymore. Mutated creatures terrorizing us, vampires and shapeshifters being real; my life feels like a fever dream at times.

Fury flickers in my chest. Here I am sitting in a canvas tent that can be sliced by a simple kitchen knife with enough effort and forced applied, hiding between cots that offer even less protection, all topped off by an inch of wood. I have blood residue on my skin and sweat trapped in my clothes. The moisture is causing a chill. Guilt stabs my stomach and I become angrier with myself thinking of the incredible meal I just ate that Janie did not get to participate in. What did she eat tonight? Will it be her last? My entire body is alight with self-loathing and pity. I feel like the little girl freaking out all those years ago. I feel helpless and small, and that infuriates me. Why am I here? What are we doing? Will life ever be normal? Just as we were truly settling in, splurging a little and breathing easier, this happens? Will we ever live and not just survive? What kind of life is this?

Just an hour ago I was smiling and feeling giddiness, just to end up here, feeling this way. My fury fizzles and I am left only with shame and sadness. The screams that had been building becomes a ball in my throat. I painfully swallow and breath deeply to try to make it subside. Think of the good things.

We are being protected.

Janie is here with me. So is Sarah.

If the pack keeps the fight away from the camp, then Dad should be safe.

I had a really nice meal.

I will get to bathe again tomorrow.

I am alive.

The lump is gone but my eyes prick with tears. I hold Janie closer to myself and blink rapidly in the dark. My breaths remain deep. Slowly I slide my hand into Sarah's. She accepts it eagerly. Her grip is tight; she is seeking comfort just like the rest of us. I wonder in the dark if she is imagining my hand as her own daughter's, the one she had lost. A pang strikes my heart for her.

We all stay this way for what seems like hours. Squeezed into this uncomfortable space; in silence. Janie begins to snore softly on my lap and my eyes weigh heavy. Exhaustion overtakes me suddenly and I find myself dreaming between blinks. I close my eyes and see Paul walk in, without a scratch on him, only to open my eyes to the dark. Next it is my dad. Then my mom. The waves of sleep continue and I fight with myself to remain in reality.

The cot I was leaning on moves and I jerk from my sleep disoriented. Wildly I lift my hands to fight. Dad is before me and light peeks in from outside. He places a strong hand on my arm and looks intently in my eyes. Realization dawns on me and exhaustion and relief bulldoze me. He crouches down and while still on my knees I hug him tightly. He smells of smoke and the cold. My tears return and I do not have the strength to fight them this time. At some point he releases me partially to let my younger sister into the embrace. I pull back to look at his face and his eyes are on Sarah's. He breaks their stare to meet my gaze. His eyes show his love. For me, for Janie, and for Sarah. I smile tightly, wipe my face, and pull away simultaneously. My intention is recognized and Sarah replaces me in his arms.

It is over. Through the tent flap I can see the sun peeking over the wall. The soft orange glow fills the sky and the tent. The world is still frozen and the sun's heat is not yet intense enough to feel, but I close my eyes and use my memory to imagine its warmth on my face. I focus on it and it is nearly the same. Another good thing:

Mornings.

I am replacing this chapter with a few tweaks. A few details have been added, but I mostly just wanted to fix a few gramatical errors. If there are any left, I apologize. I really appreciate the reviews and look forward to reading more. Thank you.