The new Normandy felt empty. The long, sleek corridors were devoid of the rushing about that had always characterised the SR1 in Liara's mind. Most of the Cerberus crew was gone, along with several members of the ground team Shepard had explained. Then, the human had deposited her in the mess hall to refresh herself and disappeared off to organise their departure from Illium.
She'd put the kettle on after finding some of the tea she recognised from the SR1 - 'peppermint' - and then found herself at a loss.
Objectively, the SR2 was a beautiful vessel, scars left over from the Collector base notwithstanding, but it still felt strange. As if everything was close enough to what she remembered to be haunting.
She dumped the tea bag into a clean cup. The drive core was quiet, just a slight rumble in the deck beneath her feet.
"Liara?" A familiar voice.
She turned to find Doctor Chakwas smiling at her from the door of the medbay. She looked as calm and put together as always, dressed in a lab coat and with not a single grey hair out of place.
"Doctor Chakwas," she returned the smile.
"My dear, how many times must I tell you to call me Karin?" she stepped forward to give her a hug, which Liara gratefully returned.
"At least once more, it seems." They'd spoken often during the hunt for Saren. Chakwas had a quiet strength Liara could appreciate. "I'm surprised to see you here. I thought you were still in the Navy."
"Oh," Chakwas smiled, with a hint of mischief, "I am. I'm on furlough. Someone had to ensure Joker and Shepard looked after themselves."
Liara chuckled. "Of course."
"Just, whatever you and Shepard find on this Shadowbroker's base," Chakwas said, with the tone of one long suffering, "just don't let her fist fight anyone. She keeps dislocating her shoulder because she won't give herself time to heal."
Liara remembered the violence of Shepard's fight with Vasir and winced. "I'll...try."
"That's all I can ask," Chakwas said with wry amusement. She glanced over her shoulder as footsteps echoed and smiled warmly. "Ah, hello, Commander. How're the bruises?"
Shepard smiled slightly. It didn't quite reach her eyes. She held herself gingerly, a splotch of dark purple marring her jaw. "Sore."
"This is why we wear armour into battle."
"Lesson well and truly learned, Doc."
"We'll see about that," Chakwas said with a sly smirk.
"Jeez, Karin," Shepard smiled, more widely this time, "so little faith in me?"
"I just know how much of a magnet for trouble you are, Shepard."
Shepard rolled her eyes but let the remark go. "Mind if I borrow Liara? We need to go over the mission."
Chakwas waved a hand. "Of course."
When the doctor disappeared back into her medbay, Shepard crossed her arms and tilted her chin towards the elevator. "My cabin is probably the best place to talk."
Shepard's cabin on the SR1 had been austere, all military discipline with a handful of concessions to Shepard's individuality like the holo frame she'd kept on her desk. This cabin was a study in contrasts with its fish tank and a small, furry creature on Shepard's desk that hid at the sight of Liara.
"I wouldn't have thought you'd have pets on a starship," Liara observed as they settled onto the lounge.
"Arancino was originally just a way to piss off Lawson," Shepard admitted, "petty of me. But I've gotten attached to him." She picked up a pill bottle on the table and shook two into her hand before swallowing them.
Liara watched the fish flit across the opposite wall in flashes of colour.
Shepard's next words were quiet, "You should have told me what you were doing."
"I am not beholden to you anymore, Shepard," Liara said sharply.
"I didn't say that," Shepard crossed her arms over her chest, "but I'm trying to help you, and it's kind of hard to do that if you won't tell me what's going on. If you won't trust me."
It had nothing to do with Shepard and everything to do with two long years of trusting no one but herself. "I am not the one who doesn't trust."
"I'm here," Shepard snapped, "isn't that enough?"
"You're here because you need my resources," Liara shot back.
Something close to hurt flashed across Shepard's face, "Do you think I'm so cold as to let the Shadowbroker kill you? Let a man who helped save me die?"
Liara looked away. "I told myself that I wouldn't mind if you hated me, so long as you were alive. Living with that, however, has been more difficult than I imagined it would be."
A moment of silence passed between them with the soft hum of the Normandy's drive core wrapped around them.
"I don't hate you, Liara," Shepard said heavily, "I'm…You know me. I know you do. You know what Akuze did to me."
Shepard's memories of Akuze had given her nightmares just as surely as the Prothean prophecies of doom. Something Liara had never told her. Shepard carried too much guilt as it was.
"Yes."
"Can't you see that…" Shepard shook her head, "I'm angry and hurt, but that's not the same thing as hating you. And every time we're talked about this, you've justified it when all I really wanted was for you to be sorry."
"But I'm not," Liara burst out. How could she be? When Shepard was breathing in front of her, not bones in a cold grave? Goddess, it was difficult to reconcile the mess of broken bone and meat she'd recovered from the Shadowbroker with the woman in front of her.
"Then," Shepard said, emotion cut off like a door slamming shut, standing, "you'll have to put up with me being angry a while longer."
"Shepard…"
The human woman turned away to watch the fish darting behind the glass. Her shoulders slumped.
"I woke up," Shepard said quietly, "in a galaxy that I don't feel like I fit in anymore. Everything's the wrong shape. I'm wrong."
Something like fear trickled down Liara's spine. The Illusive Man had promised Shepard would be the way she had been, and most of the time, Liara could see it. The way she moved, talked, the confidence from two years ago. And other times, Shepard was like this.
"What do you mean?"
"I can't remember some things," Shepard admitted, "and I've done things I wouldn't have done - before. Vasir was right about one thing. I'm not a very good Spectre. Never have been. Too much of a soldier, I guess. But I knew who I was, and I was good at that, and I could be their attack dog if they needed it. Now, I don't know if the things I've been doing have been right."
"You've made the best of a very difficult situation," Liara gentled her voice, "you're not to blame for the Alliance doubting you."
Shepard let out a huff of air, "When the people who knew me best say they don't know me anymore, it doesn't do good things for a girl's identity crisis."
The glib tone in her voice fell short of humour.
It was clear who her thoughts had turned to. "Ashley-"
"I don't want to talk about Ashley," Shepard cut her off. She straightened and turned, and the commanding mask firmly back in place, "You should get some rest anyway. I doubt the Shadow Broker will make it easy for us. I made sure there's a bunk for you. There's plenty of room now most of the crew has cleared out."
Liara wanted to touch her shoulder, give her some comfort, but she knew Shepard didn't want that from her right now. She perhaps didn't want it from anyone but the woman who'd walked away from her on Horizon.
She turned to go, only to stop when Shepard spoke again.
"Why? Why go to all this effort to bring me back?"
"You are my friend," Liara said quietly, "and we need you for what is to come."
Kasumi waited until Liara T'Soni was in the elevator before she let her cloak dissipate and stepped forward to knock on Shepard's door. Harsh words between old friends didn't exactly bode well for their upcoming mission. And it wouldn't make her coming conversation with Shepard easier either.
The door slid back open. At the sight of her, Shepard ran a hand through her short black hair. "Kasumi, how can I help?"
"I was hoping we could talk."
Shepard stepped back and gestured for her to enter. The orange-red cybernetics burnt through the seams of her dark skin, raw-edged. Kasumi had her own share of cybernetics and hardly shared the idea that having some metal in you made you less human - but sometimes it was disconcerting to think of how badly injured Shepard had been that they'd had to reconstruct her face.
"What's up?"
Best to just - be out with it. "I can't do this anymore, Shep. I thought I could but when we went to go back you up yesterday…" Her hands had shaken so hard on the shuttle she'd barely been able to hold her gun. "I'm sorry."
Shepard reached over and put a warm hand on her shoulder. "Don't be."
"It feels like I'm letting you down," she admitted.
Shepard shook her head, squeezed her shoulder. "You signed up for the mission against the Collectors, despite not being a soldier. You don't owe me anything, Kasumi. There's a lot of soldiers who would've told me where to shove my suicide mission."
Relief washed over her and she pitched forward to grab Shepard in a hug. The Commander froze for a moment and then hugged her back. "Thanks for understanding, Shep."
"We're on approach."
Under her mask, Tali blinked, as instead of over the ship's intercom, Joker's announcement rang out from the elevator as he stepped out.
Shepard, encased in her dark armour and her helmet under her arm, tilted her head. Liara was standing by the shuttle, arms crossed. Tali hadn't been sure it was possible for the air between them to get even more frigid, but somehow it had been managed.
"What are you doing, Joker?" Tali asked, "Shouldn't you be flying the ship?"
Joker scowled. "EDI has it. Have you seen the scans for Hagalaz? The Shadowbroker has parked his ship in some of the worst storms I've seen. So you're gonna need the best to land you on that ship."
Tali never would have imagined the day where Joker willingly let the AI fly the ship without him.
"Appreciated, Joker," Shepard said quietly.
"Do we know what kind of forces we'll be fighting?" Any other human would likely still be in a cast, but Miranda was back in armour, her genetic modification having healed the broken arm she'd sustained on the Collector base in a matter of two weeks.
"Not really. Likely mercenary forces along the lines of what Garrus and I fought on Illium," Shepard admitted, "Light infantry with drones and lots of flashbangs."
"Lots and lots of flashbangs," Garrus agreed.
"So we're going in fuckin' blind," Jack grimaced.
"You don't have to come along," Shepard said. She'd been clear - any missions they took now, their participation wasn't expected. Tali doubted anyone would willingly stay behind now of the Normandy's
"Shut up, Shepard," she snapped back and Shepard raised a conciliatory hand.
"I believe there will be a platoon or less of mercenaries," Liara stated, "as the Shadowbroker has prioritised his privacy. The more troops he keeps on the ship, the more likely there will be a leak - not only from his soldiers, but due to the logistics required to supply them."
"I'd prefer concrete intelligence," Miranda said dryly, "but it will be what it is."
"We're landing on the hull, so full seals and magboots. Once we hit the airlock, Tali, I'll need you to get it open."
Tali nodded.
Shepard continued, "Once we get there, Bravo Team under Miranda will hold the airlock and our exfil. Alpha Team will accompany Liara and I to locate Feron and kill the Shadowbroker. Alpha Team will consist of Miranda, Tali, Zaeed, Jacob, Grunt, Reegar and Cator. Alpha Team will consist of Garrus, Jack, Mordin and Legion. Any questions?"
"What if any of the mercenaries surrender?" Jacob asked.
"They won't," Garrus muttered.
"Any wounded or prisoners will be sent to the airlock team," Shepard replied.
"If there's more than a platoon?" Miranda asked, ever practical.
"We likely get one shot at this, but I'm not going to throw your lives away. If we are getting overwhelmed, I will call for a withdrawal. Joker will stand off the hull but remain nearby." Shepard didn't look at Liara. Tali did - and saw a flash of something flash across
"Understood."
"Where's Kasumi?" Jacob's face creased into a confused frown.
"Kasumi won't be joining us," Shepard said in a tone that brooked no argument. "If there's nothing else, load up. We've got a Shadowbroker to kill."