A hand pressed to the transparisteel window, the forefinger tracing the outline of the sleeping woman who's head lay on the bed beside her son's. One of her hands held the boy's, the other curled around his head so that she could stroke his cheek.
"She dropped off around a half hour ago. I can hold the theatre for another hour but we really need to get him down there then or risk losing the slot. I just didn't have the heart to wake her." Lallin reported.
Han stepped back from the window. "I treated her so badly." He said, simply.
"When you discovered her history?" Lallin queried, glancing at the petite woman inside the medical suite.
Han's head shook briefly. "I knew that from the start. More or less the start at least. No, this was something I did a little over a decade ago. Doesn't matter what, not really. The only thing that matters is that it was unforgivable yet despite that, somehow she still managed to forgive me."
"You love her. Very much." Lallin observed.
"I've been overcompensating ever since. Trying to make it up to her the best way I know how. Trying to compete with the man I was thirty years ago. She deserved better than me. Winter told me that. Took me until now to realise she was right though." He said.
"Winter?" Lallin queried.
"Leia's aide. Her best friend, and adoptive sister too. She advised against us. Said I'd drag her down." He explained and stepped toward the window again. "She'd be better off without me."
"I think you underestimate yourself. In my experience any woman who chooses to forgive when forgiveness seems impossible, does so with all of her heart." Lallin said.
"Is it okay to go in?" He asked.
Lallin agreed with a gentle smile and left him to slip quietly into the suite. Han scanned the scene, noting Jorj's pitiful appearance, then moved to gently lay his hand on his wife's shoulder. Leia jolted awake, Han calming her. She rubbed her face, her attention drawn to Jorj.
"We got an hour, tops, then they're gonna need to take him. I brought you a change of clothes." He told her, sitting by her side and sliding the bag toward her. She looked down at the bag, then up at him. "It's just pants and a shirt. I figured you'd be more comfortable in them than as you are."
"This is your shirt." She said, looking in the bag.
"Looks almost as good on you." He offered. She eyed him, suspiciously. "I can watch..." He nodded toward Jorj. "You know, if you want to go change."
"Will you still be here when I come out?" She asked.
Han gave a light laugh as Leia removed her foot from the bacta bath and dried it quickly before using the en suite 'fresher to change out of her swimsuit and wrap.
The corridor looked empty; the door terribly tempting as Han took his son's tiny hand in his. "I aint goin' nowhere." He said to nobody in particular and raised Jorj's hand to his lips, kissing the boy's soft knuckles.
Leia felt cautiously optimistic as the 'fresher door cycled open. A wave of relief washed over her when she saw Han right where she had left him.
She retook her seat, smiling softly at Han. "How did you know I like to wear this shirt?" She asked.
"I can smell your perfume on it." He replied.
"You've had it like, forever." She said.
"Still fits." He pointed out.
"Well, one of us, it does." She said, wrily. His eyes met hers and for an instant she was that teenage girl with the sidebuns looking up at him.
"You came here in that thing?"
Her jibe had stung for no more than a millisecond, then they were racing against the Empire again and the comment was forgotten.
"I'll have you know I'm wearing the same pants I always wore." He reminded her.
"Most people who say that don't mean it literally." She countered.
"I'm sorry about earlier." He apologised.
"You needed a moment, I get that." She said. He draped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her to him, kissing the top of her head. Her arm snaked it's way around his waist to hold him in return.
That was her trouble, she always saw the best in people. He hadn't 'needed a moment', he'd planned on leaving. Finally. After threatening to do so more times than he could remember way back when.
"You're here now. That's what matters." She added, slipping her hand into Jorj's.
They sat like that for what felt like an age, until Han reminded her. "We need to let them do their thing."
"I know. I just don't want to let him go." She said.
With a concerted effort, she released Jorj's hand and Han buzzed for assistance while Leia leaned close to her son and whispered a reminder of how much they loved him and that they would be here waiting for him when he returned. Then he was taken away, Leia watching him until the last moment; Han watching Leia the whole time. Leia was the strongest woman he knew. Few things fazed her, her family being one of those exceptions.
After Jorj had been gone a few minutes, she smiled weakly at Han. "Fancy some caf?"
"Vending machine?" He queried with disdain.
"There's a tapcafe opposite." She said, pulling a comm unit from her pants pocket. "I got a beeper if they need us."
"Fresh caf'd be great." He agreed. "You go on ahead, get us a table. I said I'd call home soon as I had any news."
Leia studied him a moment before agreeing with a bright smile and leaving. He could tell she was wondering what he was up to. Whether he really would follow her as promised or disappear into the approaching night. Han signalled his daughter who answered with a "What?"
"How you doin'?" He asked, sarcastically.
"Where are you?" She questioned, tersely. "I called Jag, told him to take the Falcon into orbit and to stay there until I told him otherwise so I know you're not there."
"I'm at the medical centre, they're taking Jorj to theatre now. And I'm about to go buy your Mom some caf 'cos she looks like she needs some. That okay with you?" He stated.
"You let her down Dad. It's not easy to forget that, you know." Jaina pointed out.
"You don't need to remind me honey. You think I don't remember that every day I look her in the face? I see it reflected back at me in her eyes and I know, I know, she's asking herself if this is the day I let her down again. Truth is no matter how much I might sometimes wanna, I just can't do that to her. Not again." He stated.
The line went silent and Han was about to ask if Jaina was still there when she finally spoke. "I love you Daddy."
"I love you too Princess." He told her and they both closed the link.
xxxxxxxxxxxx
On returning to their son's medical suite, Leia was both delighted and fearful on seeing that Jorj was back in situ. Lallin smiled as she reported that all had gone well. Jorj appeared to be responding to his treatment within the normal parameters and confidence was high for a full recovery. She examined Leia's ankle and was doubly pleased to be able to discharge her adult patient.
"We'll monitor Jorj overnight, make sure there's no repetition of the haematoma. Then, as long as that remains clear we'll start bringing him round tomorrow." Lallin explained. "It'll be quite a slow process, we don't want to overload him, it's not like waking up from a night's sleep."
"May we stay with him?" Leia asked.
"I see no reason why not." Lallin agreed. "Alternatively, we have a family room where you can spend the night. The hospital rates are very reasonable."
Han grunted.
"You must excuse my husband, he's pretty tight when it comes to credits. Which is why he still wears the same pants he's been wearing for the past thirty years, not just the same size, the actual same pair." Leia said.
"Well, I'll leave you to decide for yourselves." Lallin laughed, then leaving them.
"They're not the actual pants Leia." Han denied.
"I know..." She smiled through pursed lips. "I just like to see that look on your face."
"You want me to go book the room?" He asked.
"I don't want to be at the house if they need us urgently." She replied.
"I'll go book the room." He said.
Leia's hand reached into Han's. "I love you." She said, simply.
His lips pressed to the flesh beneath her ear, leaving a tender kiss in their place. "I know." He whispered in her ear as he withdrew.
Leia watched him leave. Saw him turn in the direction of the reception desk. And the exit, she reminded herself. Then she turned her attention to Jorj, their precious boy who needed all of her strength right now.
"Mommy's here sweetheart. Right where she needs to be." Leia told him. She stayed, rejoined by her husband, until long after the shift changed and until Han finally persuaded her that the point of booking the room was that they actually use it.
They freshened up, taking it in turns to talk to their elder children before eventually flopping into the bed. Han's change of clothing didn't extend to sleepwear so Leia opted to remain in her skimpies while Han kept his boots close to the bed should they need to dress in a hurry.
Leia had been curled into her pillow for a few minutes when Han broke the silence. "I thought about leaving today." He said into the dark. He was lying on his back, hands propped behind his head.
Leia who had been on her side, back toward him, now rolled over to face him. "Why didn't you?" She asked.
"Couldn't do it to ya. Or to him." He replied, the dim light from beneath the door lighting his chin as it jutted toward the outside and the suite where their son lay in a medically induced coma. She heard his deep sigh. "Disappointed?" He queried.
"About you thinking of leaving? Or that you decided to stay?" She checked.
He laughed and turned to look at her through the dark. "You pick." He said.
"You're a wanderer at heart Han. To be honest, I'm surprised you stayed at all." She suggested.
"My wunderlust isn't the reason and we both know it." He pointed out.
"Maybe. But it's an underlying cause. We both know that too. We've travelled this road before Han. It's not the journey that holds you back, it's the destination." She countered.
"I'm scared Ley. I'm scared that one of these days nothing's gonna hold me back." He confessed.
"Well..." She said, a finger tracing the scar on his chin. "When that happens, it'll be because the destination holds no fear for you any more. And the journey will be smoother for that knowledge."
The both returned to their original positions, a quiet falling between them.
"What the Hell does all that mean?" Han finally asked.
xxxxxxxxxxxx
The morning brought unwelcome news. Jorj's condition had deteriorated overnight and he was being returned to theatre for more surgery. As stoic as she was, the thought of her boy enduring further procedures made Leia's heart ache. Han did his best to keep her spirits up but there was no denying, these were very worrying times.
Their wait was long and tedious, both beginning to grate on the other when their son was finally returned to his suite. Lallin was on hand to explain what had happened, how Jorj had been treated and that their expectations remained for a full recovery, in time.
Allowed to sit with their child again, Han couldn't help wonder at his wife's fortitude. "We seem to have spent half our lives doin' what we're doin' right now." He noted.
"You don't have to be here if you don't want to." She said.
"That's not what I'm saying. Just...an observation." He told her, silently berating himself. "You want some caf? 'Cos I could go opposite and get you a take out if you want." He was already on his feet and heading toward the doorway.
"Han, why didn't you leave yesterday?" She asked, turning to look up at him.
"You know why." He answered, eyes skipping between hers and the boy in the bed. She waited for him to elaborate. "Same reason I never left all those times I threatened during the Rebellion. I love you." He admitted with a sigh. "I love our kids and I love our life and I love...you."
"Not because of any misplaced sense of loyalty or honour?" She queried. "Because, you know, you've done your time if that's what you're thinking."
"Done my time?" He quoted. "You make it sound like a prison sentence!"
She continued to look up at him, big brown eyes questioning.
"Leia every time my life seems to be going good, I mess up." He said. "Working for Jabba, I stood a real chance to make some decent money. So what happens? I get boarded, I have to dump my load and there, right there in that instant, my life turns to poodoo." He moved toward her extending a hand to punctuate his point. "I get to know you, not because I want to but because you're hanging around like one of Chewie's farts, and I find I like you. Okay, so maybe I find I more than just 'like' you, so what happens? I take my eye off the ball and some bounty hunter nearly kills you. An' there, right there, my life's back in the cesspit."
"He singed a braid. Barely, at that." She pointed out.
"An inch to the left Leia an' it woulda been your brain he'd singed. Then what, huh? Then I'da had to explain to High Command how the last Princess of Alderaan died on my watch and have Luke giving me those eyes o' his for the rest of my days, that's what."
"Han..." Leia started.
"I'm just saying, right now my life seems to be going good." He told her.
"Han..." She interrupted.
"Will ya just left me finish?" He begged. "I'm scared Ley. I'm scared this is down to me an'..."
"No, Han, look!" Leia demanded.
"What?" Han queried. She had been holding Jorj's hand and every time their voices raised his fingers squeezed hers. "Well, I'll be!" Han exclaimed.
"He never did like us arguing." Leia grinned.
"You know you're right." Han nodded. "Let's do it some more."
"No, it's not fair to tease him like that." She refused. "It's a good sign though, don't you think?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I do." Han smiled and sat by her side, sliding an arm around her. "Guess the fate's are gonna have to find another way to screw with my life."
Leia leaned into her husband's embrace. "Never been compared to a Wookiee's fart before." She said, wearing a wry smile.
"Yeah. Didn't mean that quite the way it sounded." He apologised.
"You know, knowing that fart came from Chewie, it feels kinda like a compliment." She admitted, offering him her lips. He accepted them without complaint.
"Ugh! Not in front of the retard." Jaina complained as she entered the suite.
"Do not call your brother names! Jorj is 'educationally challenged', not a 'retard'." Leia growled as she raised Jorj's hand to her lips and kissed it tenderly.
"I was talking about Jacen." Jaina hooked a thumb toward her twin, following.
"Don't call that brother names either. When we're long gone he's gonna be picking out your nursing home." Han suggested.
Jacen grinned at Jaina menacingly. She disregarded the look with a curl of her lip.
"We figured you probably haven't eaten for ages so brought you some stuff from the 'cafe opposite." Jacen said, presenting them with a bag of goodies.
"I brought you both some fresh clothes and Mom's comm padd, which is flashing like a thousand messages. Oh and Winter called. Said to tell you 'it's contained'. Her words." Jaina added.
"The hospital had to get your brother's medical records from Coruscant administration. We were worried there was a chance an over-zealous reporter might spot the transmission and start asking inappropriate questions." Han explained.
"Winter to the rescue." Jacen said, swinging into a seat beside Jorj. "How's our champ doing?"
"Tiny improvement." Han answered, dismissively.
"But we'll take it. Any improvement's better than none." Leia beamed, her padd beeping for attention.
"Somebody's popular." Jaina speculated, waggling her eyebrows mischievously. "Got yourself a secret admirer?"
"If I had, it wouldn't be much of a secret would it?" Leia said, checking her messages. "It's nothing. Just my publisher."
"Again? Can't that woman take a hint!" Han blurted, grabbing his clothes.
Leia watched him from beneath her eyelashes until he was fully ensconced in the en suite 'fresher. "My publisher knows this scriptwriter who wants to adapt my books into holomovies. There's funding in place, more or less, and they even have actors lined up to play your father and me."
"Then what's his problem?" Jaina nodded toward the 'fresher.
"His problem..." Han answered, returning in fresh clothing. "Is our lives are not going to be romanticised or fictionalised for dramatic effect!"
"Your father's concerned that with the passage of time, the realism of our fight against the Empire might not be taken seriously enough in the production stage, thereby rendering his character a less pivotal, more subservient role." Leia said, politely paraphrasing Han's reaction when she had explained the proposal to him.
"A comic actor they said." Han sneered. "A respected comic actor to perform in the role of, and I quote, the Princess' Consort." He noted the smiles on his children's faces. "You may well laugh, but you're next in line for the big screen reworking. How'd you like it if they decide you should be..in dunno..a midget maybe."
Jaina burst out laughing, reassuring him. "Dad, they're not going to ridicule you. Just because this guy's a comic actor, doesn't mean he can't do straight. Look at that guy Mom moons over, Hal Something..."
"Hal Forro." Leia blushed.
"That's the guy, he's an incredible straight actor. It's his comic timing that give his performances depth and character." Jaina said, eyeing her mother. "Although Mom just likes to ogle his butt."
"That is so not true." Leia denied with a laugh.
"It still aint happening." Han reaffirmed.
"I think if it's handled sensitively it could really help people understand Mom better." Jacen mused.
"There's not a single piece of factual history that has ever been handled sensitively on a holoscreen." Han said.
"Jacen has a point. Perhaps it could help, provided it's handled the right way." Leia said, considering.
"The right way?" Han asked.
"With historical accuracy." Leia replied. "And who's better equipped to ensure that, than those who were actually there."
"You are never going to be able to negotiate an option on a holomovie." Han declared.
"I might. I can be very persuasive." Leia smiled, smugly.
"You got more chance of getting that guy..that Hal Forro fella..to make a cameo appearance than you have of getting an option." Han argued, equally smugly.
"Ooh! Do you think he would?" Leia's eyes sparkled.
"You see? You see what you've started?" Han appealed to his children.
"Well, as charming as this discussion is, we have to go." Jaina announced.
"Already?" Leia asked, exchanging kisses and hugs with her family.
"Tilly's on her own with the brood, all five of them, so we promised not to be too long." Jacen explained.
"And Jacen was too cheap to put more than a half hour on the meter." Jaina added.
"It was all the credits I had!" Jacen exclaimed.
"You couldn't maybe have thought to bring more?" Jaina was asking as they left.
Leia arched an eyebrow. "Do they remind you of anyone?" She asked.
"Yeah. Maybe we should get them to play us in your holomovie." Han replied.
"She only wants to set up a meeting. If the terms don't suit us, we can walk away." Leia explained, Han meanwhile huffed. "We've finished the house. You have your teaching at the University. It would give me a project of my own to work on." She reasoned.
"You really wanna do this, don't you?" He asked.
"I really want to hear more, then...maybe. Yeah." She answered.
Han seemed to consider. "Like I could stop you." He said, kissing her temple. "But, if you did want my support, then you got it. Unconditionally."
Leia smiled at him. She hadn't doubted that he would be her rock. He always had and she expected he always would.
"I'll go get changed. I must look a fright!" She said, rising and helping herself to the clothes Jaina had brought.
"You look beautiful." He argued. "Could maybe use a breath mint though."
Han had his ways, Leia reflected, securing the 'fresher door. Not all of them to be proud of but he certainly had his ways. When she emerged, refreshed and redressed, Han was nowhere to be seen. Her repeated calls remained unanswered.
"Looks like Daddy's gone walkabout again sweetheart. But Mommy's still here." Leia told Jorj.
Her padd beeped again. Leia rolled her eyes and reached into the bag to pull the padd out when something else caught her eye. At first glance it appeared to be an old style notebook, closer examination revealed it to be a sketch pad.
Leia flicked through the pages. There were drawings of hands, feet, flowing hair. Non-descript pictures perfecting the art of the human form.
She was about to return the book to the bag when a turn to the next page startled her. It was a sketch of Jorj. Then another. And another. Different days, different locations, same result.
Her breath caught in her throat turning a page further. It was her. Her and Han.
She was stradling his hips and, although his arm reaching up into her tangled hair disguised the swell of her breasts, it was obvious they were both naked and making love.
It wasn't the only picture. Five similar scenes graced the sketchbook's pages. Each one capturing the moment perfectly.
Leia let the book slip from her fingers.
"Jaizun." She gasped and for the second time in almost as many days, Leia fainted.