Task 1: The Three Ed Boys Grunt

Chapter 4

As these events unfolded, Eddy had found his way into a chamber that seemed to act as a drainage basin of sorts. In the center of the room was a small pool of sludge, slowly drains through a large pipe on the far side of the room. Several additional pipes lead into the room at floor level, each discharging murky water into the cistern at a steady rate.

Small splashes accompanied each of the small Ed boys footsteps as he explored the chamber, shining his flashlight around as he did so. The brick lined room was relatively featureless, sans the occasional running mouse, and piles of old household junk that had coalesced over years of illegal dumping: these piles including everything from used coffee mugs, to children's tricycles, and even full-size couches.

As Eddy panned his flashlight throughout the chamber, several swarms of shiny black sewer cockroaches (commonly known as oriental cockroaches) scattered upon being exposed to the beam of the flashlight.

"Jeez," said Eddy, "Lee would have a heart attack if she came down here."

The boy took a seat on a wooden crate, situated in the corner of the room, sighing as he did so.

"Well Lee," said Eddy as he gazed towards the ceiling, "This may be a wild goose chase, but at least I know I'm doing my best to help that little girl down the street. If you've taught me anything, it's that compassion and selflessness are the greatest traits for someone to have...one of the many reasons why I love you."

Eddy reached into his pocket, retrieving his cell phone as he did so. After opening up his digital photo album, he scrolled to one of his favorite pictures, a "selfie" taken by Lee of she and Eddy. The picture encompassed only their smiling faces, with their cheeks pressed together in an effort to fit into the frame.

"I can't wait to see you again," said Eddy, "I just hope your trip isn't as crazy as my night is so far."

At the conclusion of his statement, Eddy's eye was suddenly drawn to his left, in the direction of another large pile of junk. Within the vicinity of this pile, consisting of old seat cushions, bicycle wheels, and wood scraps, one particular item stood out; an old 1970's style pedestal lamp. It's round, silver base anchored a six foot long silver pole, on top of which sat a broken incandescent bulb; the bulb itself surrounded by a cylindrical, magenta shade. The base of the lamp shade was decorated with several golden tassels, providing a decorative contrast to it's dark hue.

Interestingly, despite apparently being discarded as junk, the lamp appeared to be in pristine condition. This, of course attracted the interest of the 1970's nostalgia loving Ed boy, who decided to opt for a closer look.

"Whoah baby." said Eddy as he approached the lamp with a smile, "Jackpot! An old school pedestal floor lamp, with a fringed wicker shade!"

Eddy took hold of the lamps pole, lifting it upward in an attempt to examine it's features.

"They just don't make em like they used to," said Eddy as he stroked one of the lamps tassels, "A little bit of disinfectant, and this puppy's got a spot in my room."

As Eddy began to take his leave from the drainage ditch, carrying the lamp as if he were a soldier carrying a gun, he was suddenly ambushed. To his shock and surprise, a modest sized, black and white wingtip shoe struck him in the back of the head, causing him to stumble slightly and drop the lamp to the ground.

Dazed, the small Ed boy turned to find pale, varicose vein covered figure, one very much like the ones encountered by his two best friends; this man however was rather stout, around Eddy's height, in addition to being quite skinny. His shorts were purple in color, with vertical green stripes. His shaggy grey hair hung gently over his eyes, which were currently displaying an expression of contempt. Undoubtably, his most distinguishing features were his lips; they seemed to be frozen in a perpetual state of being puckered.

"Hey, what gives?" yelled Eddy, as he picked up the shoe from the ground, briefly examining it as he turned back towards his assailant, "I don't know where the hell you come from, but in this country if we want to talk to someone we use words, not clobber them in the back of the head with a pair of cheap loafers!"

The man dashed towards Eddy, ripping the shoe out of his hand and placing it back on his foot. He then proceeded to snatch the lamp, reaching into his shorts as he did so. He soon retrieved a post-it note from the hammer space within, slapping it onto the lamp shade with an audible thud.

The individual pointed to the post-it note in an authoritative manner, drawing Eddy's attention to it's yellow surface. On the small sheet, three words were written in the cursive style, surrounded by a heart-shaped border: Sammy's.

"No way Jose," said Eddy as he snatched the lamp back from Sammy, "Finder's Keepers losers weepers! Go find your own!"

In response to Eddy's action, Sammy decided to throw a punch, hitting Eddy directly in the arm, causing him to emit a slight "ow". As he did so, he once again snatched the lamp from Eddy, and (for whatever reason) attempted to kiss the shade. However, just as he was about to touch his lips to the surface, Eddy stepped on his foot, causing him to lose grip on the pole and the lamp to fall to the ground,

As the two stout knuckle heads continued to trade blows over the vintage floor lamp, Kevin had found his way back to the ladder leading up to the surface. After spending roughly twenty minutes in the bowels of the sewers, the red-hatted boy had decided to take hold of the ladder and ascend to the street, in an attempt to gain a breath of fresh air.

"Man this is bogus," said Kevin to himself as he climbed, "How in the hell did I let these dorks talk me into this."

Upon reaching the top of the ladder, Kevin stepped off onto the asphalt surface, dusting his black shorts off as he did so. After scanning his surroundings, he took note of a small store, situated on the street corner opposite of the manhole cover.

"I'm grabbing myself a soda and waitin' the rest of this night out up here." said Kevin as proceeded to make his way towards the store.

However, the boysprogress was soon interrupted, as the sound of two amorous feminine giggles filled the air. This action prompted the boy to turn towards the opposite corner, at which point he spotted two women, (one blonde and one brunette), slowly rounding the corner, eventually disappearing from view. The two women appeared to be around twenty years old, quite attractive, and especially endowed in the "rear and dear" region as Kevin liked to put it.

"But before that soda..." said Kevin as he adopted a sly grin, " Why not check out some of the beautiful scenery this town has to offer."

Kevin snickered as he proceeded to follow the women's lead, intent on getting a closer look while simultaneously puffing his chest in an overconfident manner. However, the jocks cool, calm, and flirtatious attitude disappeared as he rounded the corner; replaced with an expression of surprise.

To the boys astonishment, the two women were not alone. The girls had taken their place alongside yet another pale, varicose vein covered individual, very similar to the three encountered by the Ed boys. In contrast to the others, this particular individual was quite large, and heavily muscled with a slight hunch in his back. His hair was cropped short in the manner of a buzzcut, so short in fact that it was impossible to ascertain it's color. Like the others, he donned a pair of loose fitting trunks, his purple in color with green diagonal stripes, providing a complete contrast to his large, yellow-colored eyes.

Kevin observed as each woman took hold one one of the mans arms in a flirty manner, staring up into his eyes as they provided compliments such as, "Oh Bing, you're so handsome," and "You're shorts are so hot." As they did so, the man known as Bing remained still, shaking his head as he stared forward with a toothy smile.

"You've got to be kiddin' me," said Kevin, "If these girls think this guy's all that, just wait till they get a piece of this hunky stud."

At the conclusion of his statement, Kevin read opted his signature cocky grin and began making his way towards the trio's position. Upon reaching speaking distance, Kevin struck a bodybuilding pose, flexing his mediocre bicep muscle as he attempted a crude pickup line.

"Hey ladies," said Kevin, "How about you ditch the spaz and try a real man out for size. I'll guarantee you..."

Kevin could not complete his sentence, for he was suddenly ambushed by the two women.

"You creep," yelled the brunette girl, "How dare you? Trying to invade our personal space!"

"Yeah," yelled the blonde woman, "How about we send you back to where you belong, loser!"

At that moment, the two woman took hold of the red headed jock, and proceeded to toss him into the air in a cartoonish fashion, sending him on a parabolic trajectory in the direction of the manhole. In an instant, the boy had found himself back down in the depths of the sewers; he came to rest in a channel of murky water, disappearing underneath it's swiftly flowing surface with an audible "plunk."

Further down stream, the eccentric Rolf had decided to take a break from his search for Julio. The tall boy had taken a seat on the concrete ledge lining the channel, submerging his legs in the water. He had removed his large red and white shoes, as well as his socks, allowing his bare feet to soak in the sewer slurry. This action seemed to illicit a sense of relaxation in the strange boy, who simply stared forward with a relaxed expression.

A few seconds passed, at which point Rolf's attention was drawn towards his right foot. The boy adopted a smile as he gazed downward.

"Hoho!" said Rolf has he lifted his foot out of the water. Much to his delight, a rather large cat fish had latched onto his leg, it's big mouth completely enclosing his foot, as well as half of his shin. The fish was brown in color, and covered in patches of the same sickly green hue characteristic of the sewage; it's fins were frayed and it's eyes were completely cloudy, a telltale indication of less-than-stellar health.

"The water is truly fouled with infestation," said Rolf, "Perhaps this thing called the city is more akin to Rolf's Old Country than the monotony of the cul-de-sac."

Rolf turned to his left.

"Tony that needs the chiropractor?" asked Rolf, "What has been yielded from the labors of your bloodshot feet?"

It became apparent that within the last twenty minutes, Rolf had managed to make a pale, rubbery humanoid friend of his own. This individual, apparently named "Tony" had taken a seat next to Rolf, following his lead by removing his wingtip shoes, and dipping his feet into the water. Like the others before him, Tony wore a pair of loose fitting shorts, although his were dark blue and peppered with red polka dots. His grey hair was styled in a single medium length ponytail. Tony' most distinguished feature was no doubt his neck; for whatever reason, the structure of his cervical vertebrae seemed to restrict motion in any other direction aside from upward, causing his face to perpetually face the tunnels ceiling.

In response to Rolfs query, Tony emitted a slight gurgling sound as he lifted his foot out of the water. Both individuals eyes widened with surprise as Kevin came into view, his mouth surrounding Tony's foot in a cartoonish fashion, much like the catfish Rolf had previously caught.

After a few seconds, Tony pried Kevin off of his leg, and proceeded to place him face up on the concrete catwalk. As Kevin stared dumbfounded in the direction of the ceiling, Rolf gazed upon him with an expression of confusion.

"Boy Kevin?" asked Rolf in a demanding tone, "What is the meaning of this tomfoolery?"

"K...Kevin...the...5th...Kevin?" asked Tony in a low pitched, wavering manner, reminiscent of a belch. He adopted an expression of concern as he rose to his feet, sliding them slowly into his shoes as he shook in a profuse manner.

A few seconds passed, at which point Kevin fully recovered, coughing slightly as he rose to his feet. He removed his hat, and after using both of his hands to ring the water out of the drenched clothing article, finally decided to reply.

"I was just trying to have a little fun," said Kevin as he placed his hat back onto his head, "Until some big doofus dork ruined it all for me."

Kevin turned towards Tony, who appeared to be having some form of anxiety attack; the bright red veins lining his neck pulsed heavily, matching the pace of his trembling thighs.

"Who's this jackass?" asked Kevin.

"The donkey you speak of is the newest acquaintance of Rolf," said Rolf, "He is called Tony, and speaks in the humble timbres of the gastrointestinal gas, a fine mark of the gentleman in the old country."

"You don't say," said Kevin in a sarcastic manner, "Come to think of it, he kind of looks like that stupid dork that blew my chance at getting a nice little peek at those hot chicks."

Kevin continued to observe Tony's eccentric antics. He seemed to be attempting to speak, as a series of small sputters emanated from his lips. Eventually, Tony was able to puff his cheeks, at which point he blurted out one long, drawn-out belch; a belch that enunciated a single word, echoing throughout the catacombs in slow dramatic fashion.

"PERRY!"

At the conclusion of his statement, Tony began hobbling down the catwalk, traveling around twenty feet before eventually disappearing into another sub-tunnel. Kevin and Rolf remained still, both quite confused regarding the display they had just witnessed.

"Rolf's mind is confused," said Rolf, "This night has been the night of the fun houses...Rolf longs to leave these decrepit pits of the latrine and return to the arms of his Sweet Babushka."

"Tell me about it," said Kevin, "This is a total waste of time."

Kevin turned and began making his way down the catwalk.

"C'mon Rolf," said Kevin, "Let's find Dork, Dorkk, and Dorky and get outta this dump."

"After you Boy Kevin," said Rolf as he turned to follow Kevin's lead.

Deeper in the tunnels, the oafish Ed continued to frolic in the sewer water with his new friend Dean, giggling happily as he did so. The two lovable fools had spent the last fifteen minutes performing small dives, backstrokes, and other aquatic maneuvers in a playful attempt to outdo each other.

In recent minutes, the duo had taken to playing a game of their own design; a slight variation of "bobbing for apples", in which the apples were replaced with an random articles of junk floating in the water. It was currently Deans turn; accordingly, the pale skinned individual had buried his head into the water as if he were ostrich, fishing around for whatever object he could find. After around five seconds, the eccentric individual emerged, cradling a car muffler between his teeth as he looked upon Ed with a grin.

Ed giggled in a dopey manner.

"My turn!" said Ed, after which he buried his head into the drink. A few moments passed, at which point Ed sprung back to the waters surface, cradling on object of his own in his large mouth.

Unfortunately, the object in question was certainly not what Ed had expected; in lieu of the metallic or plastic texture characteristic of the previous articles of junk he had collected, his newest acquisition was plush, yet rough in texture.

"Scaly..." said Ed in an absentminded and slow witted manner, his speech slightly muffled due to his mouth being full. The boy then proceeded to remove the object for examination, at which point his dopily smile transformed into an expression of distress.

In his right hand was the tapered end of what appeared to be a reptilian tail, green incolor and covered in scales. The boys eyes slowly scanned upward, following the tails as it grew ever wider, it's seven foot length terminating at the base of it's owners spinal column. As Ed continued to examine the floating creature, he took note of a very large, green, scale covered body, attached to which was the head of an extremely agitated sewer alligator.

Ed slowly released the creatures tale as he continued to stare into it's eyes with an expression of fear. As he did so, the large reptile reoriented it's body into a position such that it's head was pointed in the direction of the boy, allowing it to stare him down with an evil glare.

"Whoops," said Ed, "Sorry Mr. Crocodile."

At the conclusion of his statement, the crocodile emitted a loud roar, bearing it's razor sharp teeth as it did so. This action caused both Ed and Dean to simultaneously scream at the top of their lungs, in addition to triggering their fight-or-flight response. Ed responded by quickly swimming to shore, narrowly escaping the gator's massive closing jaws. Dean simply disappeared underwater, as the gator proceeded to give chase to the frightened Ed boy.

As these events unfolded, the "battle" between Eddy and Sammy for possession of the vintage floor lamp had left the confines of the small drainage room, and into the main tunnel. The two stout individuals continued to trade blows in a slap stick manner, playing a proverbial game of "hot potato" with the lamp as they did so.

At the current moment, Sammy was in possession of the lamp; as he turned in an attempt to make an escape, Eddy stuck his leg in front of the pale mans feet, causing him to trip and fall to the ground with an audible thud.

"Ha! Forget your glasses at home?", yelled Eddy as he reached downward, snatching the lamp from the dazed Sammy's arms, "Ya snooze ya loose pal, Eddy wins again!"

As Eddy laughed in a sarcastic manner, his attention was drawn away from Sammy by the sound of Ed's voice. The stout boy proceeded to shine his flashlight down the tunnel, at which point he spotted Ed's figure rapidly approaching. The large boy had adopted his usual running stance, his upper body leaning backward and flailing wildly as his legs propelled him down the catwalk at a rapid pace. Most importantly, Eddy took notice that his friend was not alone; the large sewer gator was directly behind him, propelling itself down the water channel as it repeatedly chomped it's jaws in an attempt to take a bite out of the oafish boy.

"Sewer Gator!" yelled Ed as he approached, "Run!"

Upon laying eyes on the large reptile, both Eddy and Sammy began emitting terror induced screams of their own. At that point, Sammy quickly rose to a standing position; using his fist, he delivered a quick strike to the top of Eddy's head in a slapstick manner, took possession of the lamp, and disappeared into the darkness of the catacombs. Eddy, now faced with a much larger problem, promptly turned and joined Ed in his escape, screaming wildly as he did so.

Further down the tunnels, Double Dee continued his search for the strange, emaciated man he had encountered earlier that night, with his only clue being a small retractable toothbrush (that appeared very much like a switch blade knife) that was inadvertently dropped during the individuals escape. A single word was carved into its surface in a crude manner, providing an indication of it's owners name: Frank.

As the meek and timid Ed boy made his way through the tunnels in a slow manner, he cautiously scanned his surroundings.

"Hello?" asked Double Dee, "Frank, is it? I highly recommend that you come with me to receive medical attention! I simply can't neglect my inherent duty to assist my fellow human being!"

At the conclusion of his statement, a slight squeak emanated from around the corner leading back into the main tunnel. Believing himself to have located Frank, Double Dee developed a slight smile and proceeded to briskly dash toward the source of the sound.

However, he was met with quite the surprise as he rounded the corner; before he had any time to react, he was plowed into by the large frame of Ed, just as a freight train would massacre a car stranded on its tracks. In an instant, Double Dee found himself being drug along by the fast moving and screaming Ed, as well as the equally fearful Eddy who followed close behind.

The screams of the Ed boys happened to attract the attention of Kevin and Rolf, who had both made their way back to the ladder leading up to the streets. They turned their attention towards the end of the tunnel, at which point they spotted their quickly approaching friends, as well as the large alligator swimming in the channel beside them.

"Quick!" yelled Eddy in a frantic manner as he approached Kevin's position, "Up the ladder!"

"Way ahead of ya dude!" yelled Kevin as he took hold of one of the ladders corroded rungs. Unfortunately, years of use and poor maintenance had finally taken its toll on the structure. Kevin's last climb had apparently caused too much stress for the rusted pipes to handle, for the structure snapped in two as Kevin rested its weight on the first rung.

"Ah shit..." yelled Kevin.

"Great job Big Chin!" yelled Eddy, "Now what do we do?!"

"Don't blame me dork!" yelled Kevin, "You're the one who volunteered us to come down here! Ever since you started getting mushy with that girl of yours, you turned into some kind of wimpy bleeding heart..."

"Um...guys." said Ed, interrupting his friends argument as he pointed done the tunnel with an expression of distress.

The boys turned to discover that the large, sixteen foot long alligator had made its way onto the cat walk. The reptile was slowly marching toward the boys, bearing it's teeth and growling as it did so.

"Well boys," said Eddy, "It was nice knowing ya!"

"I'm too young to die!" yelled Ed.

"Where's a herpetologist when you need one!" yelled Double Dee in a distressed manner, placing his hands to his face as he did so.

"Poppycock!" yelled Rolf, "Rolf refuses to back down from the scaly creature!"

At that point, Rolf took hold of a section of the broken egress ladder. Using both his hands, he held it out in front of him as he dashed towards the gator.

"Rolf's wraith has been invoked on you creature of demons!" yelled Rolf, "The Jaws of Defeat will be silenced!"

In one swift motion, Rolf jammed the small section of broken ladder into the jaws of the gator, pinning it's gaping maw open and seemingly disabling it's biting ability. However, in lieu of retreating as planned, the gator simply began to bite down, buckling the small section of pipe. Two seconds was all it took for the gators jaws to snap it in half and swallow the remains in a casual manner.

"Or not..." said Rolf in a meek intonation.

As the gator continued it's approach, the boys continued to back away, fearing the worst. Eventually, they found themselves backed to a wall, seemingly out of options for escape. All five boys emitted shrieks of the terror as the hungry gator opened it's mouth, emitting a large roar as it prepared to strike.

Just then, the alligators attention was drawn away from the boys by the sound of a war-like cry, seeming to emanate from above. To the boys great fortune, a dark figure emerged from the shadows of the sewers, jumping onto the gators back and wrapping it's arms around it's large body. The figure, despite appearing to be size of a typical teenage boy displayed phenomenal strength against the angry creature, eventually gaining the advantage against the writhing reptile. As he struggled to control the alligators "death roll", he removed a large coil of rope from the seat of his pants, threw it over the gators jaws, pulled it tight, and secured it with a secure knot, trapping the gators jaws shut. After this the boy dismounted the gator, and took hold of its tail; in an almost superhuman and cartoonish manner, he proceeded to spin the creature around as if he were executing a hammer throw, eventually tossing it further down the tunnel and into the water channel from which it came.

Upon completion of his task, the boy dusted his hands together and turned towards the boys.

"You young bucks alright?" asked the boy in a somewhat raspy voice, with inflections of a Puerto Rican accent.

The boys remained silent for a few moments, after which Double Dee decided to reply.

"Yes, everything appears to be in order," said Double Dee, "Although I must extend my gratitude, as well the same question, to yourself! Wrangling a reptile of that size is no easy task, yet you seemed to handle it with relative ease."

"Ah it's nothin fancy," said the boy, "Just another day in the sewers playa!"

The boy paused, prior to posing a question of his own.

"Speaking of which, it's not everyday I meet other people down here," said the boy, "What brings you guys to these parts?"

"We're looking for Julio!" yelled Ed.

"Yeah," said Eddy, "This girl Amanda said her brother Julio came down here to try to solve the neighborhood rat problem, and she hasn't seen him in two days. We figured we'd try to help out in anyway we can."

The boy giggled.

"Well son, I'd say you've come to the right place," said the boy.

At that point, the teenager stepped forward passing into the small column of light entering the sewers from the manhole above, allowing himself to be fully illuminated. He appeared to be around the same age as the boy of the cul-de-sac, around the height of Rolf and quite skinny. His t-shirt appeared to be somewhat oversized and was covered in various shades of brown, green, and gray, the common appearance of military camouflage. His legs were covered by a pair of blue jeans, held in place by a brown utility belt. Several accessories had been mounted on this belt, including a coil of rope, a pocket knife, and a few cans of pesticide. On his feet were a pair of brown boots. He had applied a pair of black coal stripes to his tan cheek skin. A hat covered his dark, well cropped, curly hair; it was worn backward and displayed the logo of his favorite sports team above the brim.

As he came into view, the adolescent finally decided to introduce himself.

"Julio Munoz...good to meet ya!"