Thank you to ITryToFly for reading over my chapters, and suggesting edits etc. Feel better soon! There's a very small theatre reference in here - blink twice and you may miss it. :)

It's been almost 2 months since I had the pleasure of meeting Rafael Barba. He's an extremely complicated person, and on the best of days it doesn't even have anything to do with his work. That in and of itself is incredibly intense. There was a time where I had to decide between law school and art… and well, I suppose we all know where I finally decided. I even went so far as to take the admission test, just to see how I would do. I love the idea of the back and forth banter, trying to outdo the 'other guy' and the satisfaction of a victory in the Courtroom. But against the advice of everyone in my family and 172 on my LSATs, I chose Art History. I knew it would be the career where I would have the most enjoyment and subsequently, have less of a student loan to pay… which is always a good thing. Rafael and I don't have a lot of time to spend together with our conflicting schedules, but we've always managed to meet for coffee around lunchtime or shortly after, just to say hello and find out how each other's' day is going. The last couple of weeks however, we haven't been able to have our usual coffee after lunch I hate to call it a date, and it's frustrating. It had truly become the highlight of my day and for some mysterious reason, the reason for that anticipation is gone. Today is my normal clothing half day at work for this week and after crunching numbers from the weekend and updating the website with our newest exhibition viewing hours, I close my computer, turn off my office lights and head out into the gallery, my spring coat on and ready to protect me from the rain. I see my trusted assistant Adam doing a quick walk through before we open for the afternoon, his focus solely on making sure the art looks perfect. He must have heard me zipping up my jacket and he looks at me with a broad smile on his face and blonde curls bouncing around his forehead.

"Hey, Lil. You heading out?"

I nod my head as I bundle up and put my ear bud in.

"Yeah, my half day. Can't you tell?"

I gesture at my appearance.

"Lillian, you look great. Jeans are definitely your casual look."

I smile at Adam.

"Thanks, my friend."

"You gonna call a cab or take the subway?"

I shake my head.

"Not going right home. I think I'm gonna go for a walk into the park."

"There's a system out there right now, girl. At least tell me you have an umbrella."

I smile at my friend and assistant's concern.

"I appreciate it but I actually like walking in the rain, it helps me think. I've been out of sorts lately I know, and have some things to figure out. I'm hoping it will help – the crisp fresh air and some cleansing rain."

He smiles.

"Well, if you need me I'm a call away. Just give me some time so I can tell Brian that I have a girl crisis and he'll let me go. Grab yourself a coffee so you don't get cold."

"Very good idea, thanks for that. Have a good one."

I step outside the quiet stillness of the gallery to the insanity and noise of downtown Manhattan. I pop a few doors down and grab coffee to go then head towards the subway, hoping that it will lead me to the place I love to go to think – no matter the weather. I can go here and be anonymous, I can be here and not be that girl who runs that little gallery downtown. I can go here and completely be myself and not have to worry about what anyone else thinks. Before I know it I'm at the 72nd street station, so I get off the train and head up to ground level. It's still raining, but not as bad as it was before, which is nice. It looks like the sun may try and peak out from behind the dark clouds as well, which would be very lovely. I cross over Central Park West and pass through Strawberry Fields, taking a moment as I always do here to quietly remember John Lennon. As I cross over the Imagine mosaic to walk the pedestrian paths, I hear my phone beep in my ear. Not expecting any calls from anyone other than work, I answer it without looking.

"Hello."

"Hola."

Well damn. I sigh and I think he picked up on it.

"I guess you don't really want to talk to me, do you?"

"Did I ever say that to you Rafael?"

"No."

"Then please don't put words in my mouth."

"Lillian, what's wrong?"

"I'm just at the park, taking some time to think."

"Like the park outside? It's raining out."

I shake my head at him tho he obviously can't see me do it.

"Do you know of any parks in Manhattan that are inside? An excellent observation from inside your office by the way. Did you know that raindrops are actually wet too?"

He pauses then very quietly speaks.

"Are you ok?"

I really don't want to have this discussion on the phone with him so I choose not to respond. I stop walking and lean against the lamp post so I can take a breath. I'm not winded, but I'm anxious and I need to breathe.

"I'm coming over. Where are you?"

"Rafael…"

"Lillian, I'm coming to see you. Tell me where you are."

"I'd just.."

"Lillian, I'm going to find out where you are with or without your help. Just tell me where you are and we can talk about whatever this is. Please."

It was the 'please' that got me.

"I'm heading to Bethesda Terrace. It's my place."

"I'll be there soon and I'll find you. Don't leave, ok?"

I can't help but start to cry.

"Ok."

I press my ear piece to end the call, wipe my eyes and keep walking towards my destination. I see the fountain in the distance, beautiful in stature and overflowing with water from its pipes as well as the sky. I'm drenched now, so it doesn't bother me to lean against the stone fence, watching the water and trying to see some kind of pattern in the way it falls. I'm lost in my own world of unending scattered thoughts. So lost in fact that I don't hear him coming, but I smell the distinctive fragrance of one of his favorite colognes, and as a result, it's one of mine – it's intoxicating. No doubt he has brought with him a cup of fresh coffee, it's just what he does. I smile and lower my head, knowing he would do this little thing for me just to keep me warm. He approaches from behind me, as quiet as a mouse and he rests the coffee cup beside me. My voice is quiet and raspy as I speak.

"Thank you."

I take it in my hands and realize at this moment how cold I actually am. It's Spring, but it's definitely not warm. Cool cleansing rain is lovely for a short time but I can feel the chill starting.

"Would you like me to stay?"

He sounds hurt, very unsure of himself which is very much unlike him. I nod my head in response and without turning to him I hold my hand out for him, showing him that I need him here. He comes around and leans himself against the stone wall, just beside me to my left. We lean there together in silence, every so often taking a sip of our coffees or exhaling a sigh. In one of those sighs I can't hold it back any more and the tears start flowing. He reaches his arm around me and brings me close to him, my head resting on his shoulder as my tears flow. Kissing the top of my head he quietly whispers.

"What can I do?"

I take a deep breath and truthfully respond.

"I don't know."

He moves his lips from the top of my head and slowly stands. It looks as though he's going to leave when I stop him.

"Rafi."

He looks at me and for the first time in almost two weeks I look at his face. He looks worn and almost broken in front of me. Put together for certain, but I don't see the spark in his eyes.

"If I ask you to do something for me, would you promise to do your best to do it?"

He smiles.

"Anything."

I motion to him and he comes directly in front of me, wrapping his arms around me as I lower my head and cry onto his shoulder. It's at this moment I think I feel him doing the same. After a moment of being completely vulnerable known only to each other I look up at him.

"I know you love to talk and more than anything I love hearing your voice. For now, I just need you to listen. It'll probably come out wrong and I'm sorry if something that I might say upsets you but if you want to know what's in my head and my heart I just need you to listen. Ok?"

He smiles a little as he nods his head.

"Absolutely."

I sigh, my arms still wrapped as tightly around him as I can have them as I look directly into his eyes.

"Rafael, you are cocky, proud, dryly sarcastic as the day is long and slightly egotistical with respect to your work, well, take out the slightly part of that maybe."

He smiles and nods his head in agreement.

"You're also kind, honest, generous, patient and personally - in complete antithesis of pride, you're one of the most humble people I know. You are a truly good man Rafael Barba and I am honored to know you."

He lowers his head a little, showing his humility. I smile and take a deep breath. It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap.

"I was attracted to you the moment you walked in my gallery the night that we met at the fundraiser. I see every person who walks in the front door and the first time I saw you I got nervous. I was jittery all night, but having the job I have I had to put on a brave face and act the part, despite my stomach turning in knots from all the butterflies."

His light brown eyes look directly at mine as I smile, recalling exactly how I felt when I first met him.

"When we stayed all night at the deli and I had my incredible Cuban… sandwich as we talked about everything I couldn't have imagined a better end to an already amazing evening. Your work, my work, where we had both come from in our lives, where we were going, where we hoped to be and you would think that after spending all night in an uncomfortable booth in a deli that I would be exhausted but I wasn't. I was wide awake in more ways than one. We both have insane careers that require cancelling plans at the last minute, making plans even more on the fly than that and I understood that from day one."

The drops of rain are still gently falling down over us, and I try and blink them away. It doesn't quite work, so his right hand comes up to brush away the little bits of my hair that are now attached to my face, and he tucks them gently behind my ear. He runs his thumb gently across my forehead, moving the raindrops away as I take a deep breath.

"Over the next six weeks even though we didn't get a lot of time together we would meet for coffee when we could, just to be able to see each other and find out how our days were going. I slept so well every night knowing that when I woke in the morning, before I even opened my eyes, there would be a text message from you. I have them all saved, just so you know. On more than one occasion you managed to creep into my subconscious as I slept, too. Other than on the cheek or on my head we haven't kissed but I could never imagine how reality could possibly top the dream."

He smiles and his eyes sparkle. God how I've missed that.

"Then two weeks ago everything seemed to come to a crashing halt. There were no more messages, no emails, no afternoon coffee. I tried to reach you but I had no luck. I assumed that I had done something to offend you so I didn't make the attempt any more. I thought, in my reasoning and excessive over analyzing that you had decided that you wanted to be friends and that was all. I'll admit that it broke my heart. It was tough, but I'd rather have you in my life as a friend than not at all."

The rain continues to come down, but now it's mixed with my tears. I know he can see that the tears have started, so he holds my face in his hands, running his thumb across my tear-soaked cheeks as I speak quietly, my gaze not directly on him.

"So last week I proverbially walked away. I had to protect myself from the hurt and I had to try and mend my heart from a break that I had apparently caused to myself from a situation that I had dreamed and imagined. I had to make some effort to get over thinking that we had a chance at more than friendship and that this was what was best."

I've come this far so there's no turning back now. I look directly into his eyes.

"Then today, just when I thought I'd made a slight bit of progress you came back. You came back into my life on the very day I was going to make a more conscious effort to move on. I was even looking at different galleries that might need me. Rafi I know that you are an inherently private person because of your work and I absolutely respect and understand that. I would never want to be the obstacle that gets in the way of you doing the job that you do so very wonderfully and passionately."

When he speaks in Spanish it sounds like music. I know my grasp of the language is nowhere near as fluid as his, but I make a valiant attempt.

"Entonces, si vale la pena, ya terminé y me estoy cayendo. Rápidamente. Di la palabra y si me quieres, soy tuyo."

And now… I wait.

For mere seconds that feel like an eternity.

TBC...

Feedback is lovely - like having your tears wiped away