Content warning: mentions of death

I didn't get much sleep that night. Restlessness and anxiety ate away at me slowly but surely. Every time I tried to put my head down and drift off, I could just think of the future, or what would happen in the future. Cass was always quick to reassure me that they were trying to find a place for me, but where did that place even lie? Would it really be best? Living with family hadn't been the best for me, so my reservations were high and I was on edge.

Thinking about the past wasn't much better.

Usually when I couldn't sleep, I'd stay up braiding my hair into the early hours of the morning but now I didn't even have that luxury.

Eventually, my restlessness became too much to bear. My bare feet padded softly across the carpeted floor. I remembered passing a kitchen on the way in. The corridor light was dimly lit so thankfully I didn't trip on anything as I found my way through the kitchen doorway. Sighing, I plopped myself at the kitchen counter, pouring myself a glass of water. The clock told me it was just after 2am. My fingertips tingled at the feeling of the smooth marble beneath them. I sighed heavily as the cool water made its way down my throat.

"Couldn't sleep?"

I nearly jumped out of my skin when I turned to see Tadashi standing in the doorway. "Yeah, sorry… did I wake you?"

He shook his head, taking a seat next to me. "I couldn't sleep either. It's just one of those nights I guess. I like to be awake when the rest of the world is asleep. It's more peaceful that way." His eyes were focused on the kitchen window, staring out at the starry sky above. "I'm really sorry about GoGo by the way. She can be a bit… intrusive."

I sat there twiddling my thumbs, shifting in my seat. "I don't mind people knowing about me. It's nice being able to talk to someone after all this time. I just… I don't want to make you guys uncomfortable."

"You didn't. That's what friends are for, we're here to listen."

"I've never had friends. The closest I got was someone in an online chat room before my aunt put a parental lock on my computer."

"Well then, I'm honoured to claim the position as your first friend." He gave me a smile which was both goofy and sincere.

"Thanks."

We sat in silence for a while, our minds occupied with our own grievances.

"Tadashi?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I ask you a kinda personal question?"

"Shoot."

"How old were you when your…" my voice trailed off. I suddenly wished I could backtrack. Maybe I was sticking my nose where I shouldn't be sticking it. "Sorry, I shouldn't ha-"

"Hiro was 3, I was 7." He didn't even hesitate. "It was a car crash. And a bad one, too. We were supposed to go with them to visit a family friend, but Hiro had a stomach ache so Aunt Cass stayed back with him, and I didn't want him to feel left out so I didn't go either." Tadashi paused, running a hand through his hair.

"It was maybe an hour or so later when she got the call. Hiro was in the bathroom at the time and I'm thankful he didn't see what I did." His eyes lowered, fixed on the counter. "We were here, at this very spot. I was sitting here, doing a colouring book. She was a few feet away, making herself a mug of coffee. Maybe that's why I'm not a huge fan of coffee now, the smell just brings back the memories.

I heard her pick up the phone. She said 'hello?... yes, this is her… an accident?... Well, are they alright?…'. My eyes wandered upwards but I wish I had just kept my head down like any other kid. I watched as the colour drained from her face and she let out a strangled sob. Her hand flew over her mouth and her legs gave out below her, making her sink to the ground.

I remember getting up, walking over to her. I didn't understand what was wrong, why she was upset. It was only when I nudged her shoulder that her eyes focused back on me, as if she had forgotten I was there. They were brimming with tears and she told me to go to my room, to not come out until she told me to. I was so scared I didn't even bother to question anything, I just ran. When she found me and Hiro later, her eyes were red from crying.

Hiro was too young to really understand anything. All he knew was that mommy and daddy weren't coming home and that was it. Aunt Cass, on the other hand, got hit really hard. She was my mom's sister, and even as a kid I could tell her death destroyed her. The two of them were always close, from when they were kids up until Mom's death. The happy-go-lucky person you see now was gone for ages. She tried to keep a strong face for us, taking the legal role of our guardian. She already lived with us but moved into our parents' bedroom, her room becoming the spare, where you're sleeping now. Even then, I knew something was different. The second we left the room, her face would drop, her shoulders would slump. As soon as she thought we couldn't see her, her brave front cracked.

As for me, I mean I was upset, yeah. But I was a kid. I didn't know what to do with that sadness and that grief. The one thing I did know is that losing her sibling destroyed my aunt and I didn't want the same thing to happen to Hiro. We only have each other now and when our parents can't be there for him, I make sure I always am."

I looked over to him and his eyes met mine. I saw tears prick at the corners of his. "Hiro is really lucky to have a brother like you."

"I've grown up with the mindset of if life screws you over one way, it will award you in another. Life took my parents, but gave me a brother who I wouldn't trade for anything. Who I can look after and who looks after me. Suffering can be redemptive."

"I love that analogy."

"Which is why I think after everything you've been through, goodness will find its way back into your life. It can only go up from here, right?"

I brushed a stray bit of hair behind my ear. "I guess so."

He studied my face. "Something's bothering you."

"How could I not be?" A dry chuckle escaped me. "I'm just worried about what will happen to me. Cass said they're going to try to find my family but I don't know if that's what I want. I mean, Aunt Gothel was terrible. What if my father has another sibling they send me to live with who's just as bad?"

Tadashi sat back in his chair. "If there's one thing I know about my aunt, she's the kindest and most caring person out there. The foster care system has a bad reputation of just dumping kids places but she's not like that. She's different. I mean, you've seen how she is. Determined, kind, strong-willed. She's going to do whatever she can for you. If you have family out there, a safe family environment, then she'll make sure you're settled. If not, she'll probably foster you until you come of age. We've had kids stay with us for years before, it's not too uncommon."

"But would that be too much trouble?" I asked anxiously.

He shrugged. "It's her job. And Hiro and I don't mind. It's like having another sibling, an addition to the family."

"You really see me as a sibling?" The surprise in my voice was impossible to ignore.

"Of course! I know this is all new for you but you're doing a great job. I can talk to you just like any other person."

"Do you think there's a chance my mother's alive?" The question left my mouth before I could stop myself. I'm lucky Tadashi was so chill with my questions like Cass was. Any other person might have kicked me to the streets by then.

He hesitated for a while, considering what to say. "I guess so. It's a possibility. I mean, there's nothing to suggest otherwise."

"I don't know what I would even say to her."

Tadashi gave me a pat on the back. "There's no use worrying over it now. You don't know anything for sure. But when the time does come, if it does, you can ask me for help if you need. Even if you do move out, I'll always be your honorary brother."

His words plucked at my heart strings and I couldn't stop myself from letting a sob out. He turned to me in surprise and then that thing happened when you try not to cry and that just makes you cry more. "I'm sorry... I'm a mess… I just… you're so nice... Cass is so nice... Hiro is so nice.. I just didn't realise… how much of the world… I was missing… until now…"

Tadashi wrapped an arm around me, pulling me against him. I snuggled myself closer, as if being close to him would let me hide my ugly crying face from the rest of the world. "You've had a tough life. You have the right to be a mess. Trust me, I've had moments when I've felt everything around me was crumbling. It gets better. Crying helps."

We sat in silence as he let me collect myself, my pitiful sniffles echoing throughout the kitchen. His hand stroked my hair in a way that comforted me. I felt safe with him. When I finally calmed down, we didn't move. I could feel the rise and fall of his chest as I leaned against him, could hear his steady breathing. My eyelids felt heavier and heavier and before I knew it, my world was dark.

XXX

Someone was nudging at my shoulder.

"Rapunzel? Time to get up."

Cass' voice rang in my ears.

"Wh-what?" I asked tiredly, slowly rising and rubbing the sleep from my eyes. Cass was standing before me in a stunning nightgown which had my attention pretty quickly. "How did I get-"

Cass spoke quickly. "It's just after 8. You should get ready and have some breakfast. The boys will be at school today so I'm afraid you have to come into work with me. You can bring some art things in case you get bored. Though, we may need some information from you depending on how the police's investigation has progressed." I guess this was her morning rush, and it seemed as if I wasn't the only one who overslept as she yelled for Hiro before she was even out of my room.

She left me to get ready, and I'm gonna be honest, at the time I had no idea how I got there. The last thing I remembered was the talk with… oh.

"Morning, Rapunzel," Tadashi chirps as I made my way through the kitchen doorway, sitting myself opposite him at the table. In the centre of us sat a plate covered in the most delicious looking pastries, practically golden in the morning light. "Did you sleep okay?"

"I did. Did you…"

"You fell asleep. I couldn't just leave you there so I carried you to your room. Hope you don't mind."

"Oh. No, sorry, I just hope it wasn't too much trouble for you."

"Don't mention it. I liked our talk." He gave me a sincere smile.

"Thank you."

"Come on, kiddos, eat up. We have to be out of the house in the next half hour if we don't wanna be late!" Cass chorused, leading in a half awake Hiro by the shoulders and sitting him down next to me. I helped myself to one of the golden jewels and tucked in, savouring it's buttery taste, admiring the honeycomb like structure of the pastry within. "Holy moly this is the best thing I've ever had."

"Have you never had a croissant before?" Hiro asked curiously. I just shook my head, unable to speak due to how good it was.

"I'm glad you like it," Cass beamed. "It was my sister's recipe."

I couldn't think of anymore to say, not after what Tadashi had told me the night before, about Cass and her sister. Instead, I kept my head down, tucking into the mountain of deliciousness and tried not to make a fool of myself.

"So, Aunt Cass, Rapunzel is going into the office with you today?" Tadashi asked, breaking the silence.

She nods, "yup. We'll be there the whole day. You guys may need to make your own way home from school. I was thinking tomorrow night we could do a movie night? Are you boys free? I can make homemade popcorn, we can bring pillows and blankets into the den, it'll be fun!" Tadashi and Hiro agreed and they then turned to me for some reason, as if I was somehow the final decider. Taking a breath, I spoke.

"Sounds fantastic."

XXX

Cass' office was located in a building connected to the police station. It seemed to me that she really worked with kids of all ages, and I was clearly on the older end of the spectrum. Her walls were dotted with colourful artworks done in crayon, coloured pencils, markers, acrylic, water colours, the works. All of them were clearly done by kids much younger than me. There was a large toy box in the corner of her room, which sat next to a small plastic slide and a huge bean bag chair. The smooth sound of jazz music drifted through the air, Cass' preferred genre.

She had told me to make myself comfortable and that she would be out for a bit at a meeting, leaving me alone in the foreign room. I bundled myself in my oversized sweater, walking the perimeter of the room and investigating each drawing. There was one in crayon that caught my attention. Two girls were featured, a short one labelled "me" and a tall one named "Nani", the "n"s the wrong way round. Two angels floated above them labelled "mommy" and "daddy" in a near illegible scrawl. There was a blue blob pictured next to them which looked almost like a dog but not quite, and it was labelled "stitch". What I assumed was Cass' neater handwriting lined the bottom right corner of the page, thin black ink curving to form the words "Lilo (6)". It tugged at my heartstrings to think that someone so young was left without parents, alone in the world. At least for me there was still a chance my mother's alive. Though, the person I assumed was her sister was drawn quite tall, making me think their age difference was considerable. I wondered how they were doing, whether Nani took good care of Lilo like Tadashi watched after Hiro.

There were more drawings, too many to look at each in detail. Everything melded together, shades of red, yellows, blues, greens, purples, pinks forming a symphony of colours which clouded my vision to the point where I had to step away and focus on something else.

A tall bookcase was the only indication that Cass worked with kids closer to my age. TItles that were more familiar to me lined the shelves. The Hunger Games, Twilight, Percy Jackson, Harry Potter, the names printed on their spines glittered back at me.

I sat myself down at the desk Cass had set up for me, facing hers which was empty for the time being. Coloured pencils were my choice of medium that day, and I got out my cheap 12 piece Faber Castell set along with a piece of drawing block, A3 sized. I didn't want my drawing to make Cass uncomfortable. Although he denied it, I'm sure my charcoal piece freaks Tadashi out to this day. Instead, I settled on drawing Pascal from memory, working to find the right shade of green, perfecting the shadows.

"Sorry I'm late, that meeting took longer than expected."

I turned to see Cass enter the door, followed by Officer Judy Hopps. "Hello, Rapunzel. How are you holding up?" the taller woman questioned.

For some reason, there was a tightness in my chest. I guess I still had to work on my socialising. At least I had warmed up to Hiro, Tadashi and Cass. Others, I wasn't sure yet. Unsurprisingly, my silence unsettled her, and she shot Cass a questioning look.

"It's literally her second day outside of that wretched apartment, Judy. GIve her a movement?" Even when she was annoyed, Cass was always polite and courteous, but that didn't stop me from feeling awkward.

"I'm okay," I blurted out, flipping my drawing over to hide it from her. Yes, she was part of the police force, but my art was for my eyes and my eyes alone. And the Hamadas.

"I'll only be here a short while," she continued, offering me a sympathetic smile. "I just wanted to tell you that the autopsy showed your aunt suffered a heart failure."

"Oh."

"There was nothing that could have been done." An uncomfortable silence befell upon us.

"There is a funeral service 2 days from now. Between now and then, there is a wake ongoing. Cass has all the details."

I shuffled and fidgeted in my seat, avoiding eye contact with her. "Is there any news on my mom?"

She shook her head sadly. I bet she wished she could have given me a different answer. "Not yet. But we'll keep digging. Gothel was a secretive person. No neighbours knew anything about her past, just that she showed up and spoke to no one else. Many of them didn't even know about you. I suspect that any information she has that could be of use will be well hidden, but we're still looking." I gave her a nod, mumbling my thanks before she left the room.

"Still getting used to people, huh?" Cass asked, putting a hand on my shoulder. I just nodded meekly, my eyes fixed on a spot on the ground not too far away.

"Am I being unfair? I was so open to trusting you and Tadashi and Hiro and even some of their friends, but with strangers I freeze up. It… doesn't feel right."

She took her seat opposite me, tucking a finger under my chin and forcing me to look at her. "Rapunzel, I want you to remember that you haven't been interacting normally with people for over 16 years of your life. It will take you time to trust people again, and while I'm glad you've grown to trust me and my family so quickly, I do not want you putting pressure on yourself to exceed your own social boundaries. Trust will come back naturally but in its own time. You can't rush this stuff, or it will just exhaust you." She watched me as I wordlessly turned my drawing over again, picking up my yellow pencil. "Is that your toy chameleon?"

"Yup," I perked up a little. "His name is Pascal. Apparently he was a gift from my mom. I don't remember Aunt Gothel explicitly telling me that, so I guess my dad did when I was really young and it stuck."

Cass inspected the drawing as I continued to work into it. "It looks just like him," she praised. "You're an incredibly talented artist."

I just shrugged her off. "I guess I've had a lot of practise. It was a good way to fill time while I was stuck inside all day." We stayed silent for a while.

"Rapunzel…"

"Yes?"

"I know we've discussed this briefly, about… the funeral."

"I don't want to go," I said firmly, gripping my pencil a little tighter. "Ding dong, the witch is dead, and that's that."

"You're still upset and that's understandable. But going to these things is a way for you to get closure. Having these emotions stuck inside you isn't good. I've lost some very important people in my life and getting closure is crucial to moving on."

"I don't miss her. Isn't that already moving on?"

"That woman was awful to you and has done terrible things. Getting closure will allow you to move past all that. I'm not asking you to forgive her, heck, I'm not even asking for you to grieve her. I'm just saying that the quicker you release these emotions, the better you'll feel and the faster you'll be able to go on with the rest of your life without these feelings weighing you down." She could sense my hesitation so added something else to her offer. "You don't need to go for the funeral. Just the wake. We could go tomorrow if you'd like. There'll likely be less people and you won't be obligated to stay for a certain amount of time."

Emotions fought and battled inside me. On the one hand, I didn't want to ever set eyes on that woman again after everything she'd put me though. On the other, Cass seemed adamant that this was best for me, and maybe she was right. "WIll you guys come with me?" I finally asked. She nodded in a heartbeat.

"Of course."

A/N - Hello dear reader! I sincerely hope you're enjoying the story so far. Writing it has definitely been a form of escapism for me. There will be some darker moments like Rapunzel's conversation with Tadashi sprinkled throughout, and I will try to put content warnings at the beginning of each chapter when appropriate. Let me know if you guys find this useful/helpful. Don't worry, there will also be moments of lighthearted fun! Also, disclaimer but I have no idea how the American foster care system works so I'm just making it up as I go. Let me know what you think and until next chapter, stay safe and wear a mask x