#chapter4. She's safe
In Gryffindor's bright and warm common room, students scattered in small groups.
Ginny was doing her homework with her classmates while Ron and Harry were playing chess. Lavender and Parvati were talking about making up while Neville and Dean were excited with stuffs they bought from Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes. Everyone seemed happy except Hermione, sitting on one threadbare cushiony chair, next to a pile of books and her snoozing ginger cat, sunk in thoughts.
"Mione?" After trading looks with Harry, Ron nudged his girlfriend to get her attention.
Crookshanks woke up with a start and instantly fled away with a mew.
Hermione almost shot straight up for his nudge, as for that moment, a sudden short but sharp pain raiding her heart, twisting her body stiffly. She tilted away from him slightly as soon as she could and tried her best not to cry out when overreaction would just make matters worse.
"Hum?"
Couldn't tell it was the groan out of pain or just the response for being called.
Whatever, Ron chose the later one.
"I know I must be disturbing, but anyway, I'm gonna ask you for one more time." Said Ron.
Both afraid and confused, Hermione straightened her back stiffly.
"Yes?"
"Er —" Ron boggled at her sudden solemn expression for one second but soon pressed on. "I just want to ask — well. Are you seriously okay? You look like very exhausted, and you've been staring in the distance blankly for more than half an hour." He gave her a worried look.
That long? Merlin, time flew so fast.
Hermione attempted to ease her boyfriend. "I'm good, Ron. I'm just … thinking."
Thinking about varieties of things, including why she would suffer a lot from her boyfriend's touch while others' would not. Yes. Harry's touch did no hurt, neither Ginny and others'. Only Ron, who should be the most qualified person to touch her in the world. How ridiculous it was.
Her words didn't seem to work, Ron still looking uneasy.
"Yes, I can tell that. You are always thinking. It's just …" he paused to pick the right adjectives, "well, too long and too often." After heaving a soft sigh, he said, "Mione, I'm very concerned about you."
He really did, and Hermione could saw clearly from his eyes. But knowing it would just make her feel much worse.
Feeling as if being punched heavily on the face which she deserved, Hermione flinched from his caring eyes. Heart sank to the bottom.
The greatest solicitude demonstrated by this lovely redhead had never failed to console her, especially this summer in burrow after her memory loss.
But Merlin, how could she only feel miserable now? The guilt of treachery in her heart almost drowned her. She could barely breath beside him.
Lips pursed tightly into a row, Hermione fetched a book about touch up to her chest, showing it to Ron and forcing a smile.
"You see — it's just a new project I'm working on, something regarding to touch. I've run into a dilemma, and that's why I always do the thinking — But, actually, it not a bit deal."
Well, maybe a big deal to her, but as she knew, it would never a big deal to boys.
As expected, Ron relieved with sag of shoulders, gave book one glance before jerking at her face again, and said with a bright grin. "Oh! that's great!"
As soon as he saw Hermione lifting one eyebrow and heard Harry's laugh, he realized that his words were too ambiguous. In no time, he blushed and shook his hands to Hermione quickly.
"No,no- I didn't mean that- I mean it is great that-"
"I know," Hermione cut him off in one true smile, which had been lost for a whole week. She stretched her hand to his shoulder to calm him, but stopped and changed the way to her own hair, considering the pain from touch. Ignoring the sense of loss, she repeated, "I know what you mean, Ron. Don't worry."
"Oh, good, that's really great." Ron scratched his face in red, made a pause and said, "I know you're obsessed with studying, but try not to push yourself too hard, okay? Lavender told me you stayed up very late these days. I don't suggest you to do that. You've been hurt terribly this summer, and you need to take care of yourself."
"Wait — " Hermione asked in surprise, "Lavender?"
"Ron, come back to chess! I've been waiting you for so —" Harry suddenly cut in, and was soon cut off under Hermione's stare, " — long…" he murmured his last word in no voice with eyes floating. "Well… it seems like that I can still wait for another while … you two go on, go on."
Hermione sniffed angrily.
Giving Harry one not much sincerely pitiful glance, Ron nodded in amusement. "Yes. She said that she could help me take care of you. Mercy Merlin, I never knew she's that kind!"
"Hmm, believe me, Ron —" said Hermione with narrowed eyes. "Me, either." Shaking her head, she smiled and continued, "but never mind, I will thank her later. Go back to your chess, Harry is waiting."
After giving her another grin, Ron left her alone.
Hermione looked at his back, holding her book, sunk into thoughts, again.
It was not like that she had never considered about confessing Ron everything happened that night, but as the truth was, she could not and would never do given to the identity of her partner.
Ron had explained his absence of that time, that it was Professor Snape who commanded his return when he arrived at their reserved classroom in the first place. In other words, there was no way for her to give out her affair without revealing Snape.
Bottom lip was bit unconsciously while she thinking about that man.
It had been a week since their confrontation in the dungeon. No expelling, no detention, even no more points from Gryffindor for that stuff. Her breakdown, fortunately, earned her enough time to put herself together before further explanation, which was quite out of her expectation according to his consistent mean style.
She still remembered their conversation.
"For twenty years of teaching I can assure you, there has been enough gryffindors weeping in my office, never get used to it." He said impatiently with arms crossed his chest. "You've been crying for a century. When can you stop tormenting me and give me your reason?"
Viewing his gloomy face, she realized that it was her last chance, no more time wasting would be tolerated. So after trying her best to stop sobbing and wiping her tears, she explained.
"I, I can't find those, those ingredients in students' storage… I have, run out of measures." She faltered while trying to see his emotions, which failed at his passionless and pallid face. With no way to go, she could only continue in plea, "I really, really need them… and I can't wait… time is of essential." Thinking about his accusing of impudence, she added, "Sir."
He leaned forward with narrowed stern eyes and tight thin red lips, which was the only bright color in his face, and stared at her through the shadow of his two curtains of hair, for a very long time, as if there was something dirty on her face, making Hermione highly nervous. Not until she lowing her head down involuntarily, he gave his reaction.
"Then, you decided to steal from me." He finished the story coldly.
Steal.
Incompetent in identifying his mood, she winced at the word he chose, but soon clenched her fists, braced her up, jerked at his face and defended herself.
"Not stealing, sir — I will pay for them. It's just a," she bit her lips, "a trade."
"A trade?" Repeated Professor Snape in one raised voice, as one of his brows lifted up in taunt. "A trade that I might be totally blank with?"
He chuckled as if being amused, "Tut! Nice try, Miss Granger! How pity it is that I never know you are a good story teller. Now I'm rather interested in what other excuses you can come up with. Do allow me."
Getting his derision, although she had guessed that he would not easily believe it, Hermione still blushed in embarrassment.
"I am not trying to fool you, sir. It's just …" She stammered before reordering her words. "What I'm telling you is definitely true. Of course, I know I shouldn't sneak into your office, which is too much out of line. I do apologize — But professor, I dare to make the vow that I would never and ever steal anything from here. You can have my words."
She plucked up her courage and looked into his eyes directly to show her sincerity, which made her almost drowned there.
There was a time her thoughts wandered miles away and she thought about the Great Lake, similarly mysterious and elusive.
In response, Professor Snape sniffed, "as if you didn't."
Seriously, Hermione was almost stunned by his words.
Gasping, widening her swollen eyes, she denied in great shock and disbelief, "No way!" No sooner than asking in disturbance and worry, "well … did I?"
Did she ever steal his ingredients before? Really? When? Why?
There was a reason for her indetermination, that part of her memories were lost and tangled after being attacked by Antonin Dolohov in Department of Mysteries this June, contributing to her decision of sending her parents away.
Most luckily, her knowledge didn't put her away.
Professor Snape was also aware of that. He waved his hand in dismissal, "Leave it alone." Leaving her no time to keep asking, he tilted his chiseled jaw to the ingredients on the floor, "So, what are all those for?"
What were the potions ingredients for? Hermione wrinkled her face. What kind of strange question it was?
"To make the potion, sir." Of course. Otherwise, what else could they do? The only thing she needed now was Contraceptive Potion.
Then, he frowned and ordered in his unique baritone voice. "Shake your head."
"Pardon?" The change of their topic was so sharp that she was thrown into complete confusion.
"Just do it." He commanded.
Although puzzled, she grudgingly did what he told. After finishing, she asked, "Sir?"
"Have tears in your mind been all shaken off?"
"……"
In Hermione's opinion, if she didn't misunderstand, his words equalled to that she was out of her mind. Typical ridicule of Snape style. Her mouth opened in shock.
What on earth did she earn this derision?
Before she could gather any anger of being teased, he huffed. "'To make the potion'? Do you really think that's the answer I want to get, Miss Granger? Or am I supposed to give you another century for you to reorganize your thoughts?"
Hermione understood. He wanted the Potion's name.
But as the question was, would he be rattled after hearing the potion used for contraception and thinking of the mistake they made last night? Would it be too shameful for her to bring that potion's name in front of her teacher? Could she bear that? …
Her own emotions were too complicated to identify. She blinked at him for a few times and said flatly, "I know what you're asking for, sir. And actually, Professor, I think you know the answer."
"How the hell can I know?" He growled.
Because you should.
Merlin, is this man really that obtuse? Maybe she has to remind him.
"Well," she took a quick breath, "it's for avoiding."
After a period of silence, words squeezed from his teeth. "Avoiding for what?"
He was definitely on the verge of losing his temper.
But how could he still fail in thinking of it? Was this a trick intended in insulting her?
Hermione fidgeted, took another long breath in discomfort, swang her gaze away to the essays on his desk and bleated him the most important hint, "the night…"
The impact of these words was unimaginable, bringing her enormous shame and humiliation.
Her body rocked back and forth in dizziness; heart pounded as hard as thunders; breathing almost stopped; and face kept turning red and white.
It was not easy for her to bring up their affair. No, it's insufferable.
She closed her eyes tightly and dared not to see his expression.
Despite few memories of the night were left, shagging this man, one teacher she failed to get along with, and talking about it, was far more than she could bear in itself, not to mention she could still recall his thin but robust body, the feeling of being in his arms and …
No, stop thinking further!
She sucked in the cold air and trembled uncontrollably.
However, although she had been in a mess, what gave rise to the top moment of mixed emotions of her whole day was his next response.
"What night?"
He scowled and asked in downright confusion as if he totally had no idea of what she was taking about.
Hermione sighed before getting up and heading to the library with her stack of books. "I need to do one more research in library. Before I go, Ron, I have read your essay of Nonverbal Spells this noon. There are several parts you need to fix with, you know, parts which were underlined — And stop snickering, Harry. You too — Don't forget to send to me for another check before tomorrow's D.A.D.A class. I'll see you in the hall, boys."
As she leaving, thoughts were still revolving around Professor Snape.
It was not just 'as if'. He did forget all the matters between them, in her judgement.
Not insult, not threat, just oblivion.
She was right that time. Something bad must had happened to Professor Snape, maybe drug or curse. She didn't know. She also did not know whether to remind him or not, cause she was afraid that person who did this to him might hurt him again, which would be pretty dangerous if he knew nothing at all.
The only thing she knew was that something bad had happened to her, too.
Not only the pain from Ron's touch, but also some intermittent headache and weird dreams. Yes, very weird dreams. She had been investigating recently in different ways at her limited leisure (as one sixth grade student, she had loads of homework and reading to do). Unfortunately, none of them was effective.
She was also thinking about turning to Madam Pomfrey for help if things were not getting better. Well, after all, she didn't want to put herself in danger for fear of losing her reputation or something. As Terentius said, "where there is life, there is hope".
But anyway, from her perspective, his forgetting was not exactly a bad thing. After all, he had no use to get her rid of school in case of being involved in a scandal. As the only one who remembered their ever excessive intimacy, she was quite relieved and safe in the near future.
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For some reason, I failed in logging in these days...
Anyway, thank you for following my story, you are the best！（）