4 - Thaw
A/N - I decided to slow things down a little bit for this chapter. If you haven't already picked it up, I am very plot-driven and sometimes have trouble conveying the super emotional aspects of the story, so this chapter was a HUGE challenge (hence why it took so long to write). I hope it worked out!
The next few days swept by with bouts of sunshine and sprinkles of rain. Hermione observed as the Weasleys made great strides in their recovery and grief, and her heart warmed at the sight of Ron and George flying around on their broomsticks again during the day. Sometimes Harry and Ginny joined them, but Hermione often caught them abandoning their broomsticks and sneaking off to the orchard alone. They just seemed so natural together and Hermione felt a great sense of admiration for her two best friends.
But watching them also kindled some unwanted jealousy. While Harry and Ginny saw no reason to take things slow, Hermione and Ron still floated inside a very delicate bubble. The passion and love she exhibited during the Battle of Hogwarts still burned inside her, but her hesitation to disrupt this bubble stopped her from initiating all the bold moves she daydreamed about since that first kiss. They walked on eggshells around each other, afraid of triggering a forsaken argument or challenging conversation. She worried about his grief over Fred, and he also seemed to worry about her well-being since the news at St. Mungos. They avoided talking about her parents or the looming meeting with the Ministry adviser. But he watched her while she read and she watched him as he played quidditch with his brothers or chess with Harry, and those quiet moments reminded her of life in simpler times...and gave her hope that maybe they'd be able to nurture their relationship eventually. For the time being, that was enough.
Harry, on the other hand, took over the role as the authoritative decision-maker. His eagerness to set the world straight again did not go unnoticed by Hermione, who, for the first time in her life, was perfectly content with taking a more relaxed approach to their setbacks of the past few weeks.
"It's burnout," Ginny suggested when Hermione expressed her concerns for her uncharacteristically lacking motivation. "Decision-fatigue is real, Hermione...you all deserve a break. Harry's just having a hard time seeing that. He's shouldered with all this guilt and assumes that he's responsible for solving everything. And all this pressure from the press and the Ministry to reveal this huge story isn't really helping with the guilt complex."
Of course, this all made sense. While Hermione and Ron contributed greatly to the end of the war, they did not bear the legacy of "The Chosen One" or experience the weight of the Wizarding World on their shoulders. It was so typical of Harry to seek out more problems to fix because it was just a habit at this point. But they lived in a more patient and tolerant world now. Time moved slower, and Hermione severed her ties with meticulous planning. Harry would adjust eventually.
"And I'll tell him to stop bringing up depositions and your parents at every possible second," Ginny added. "If you haven't noticed, he listens to me."
They were walking through the muggle village in Ottery St Catchpole while Ginny chatted away. She had insisted on Hermione joining her for a trip to the grocery store, and they both enjoyed each other's company as they escaped the hampering of the Burrow's kitchen. Ginny always acted as a sister-figure to Hermione, and for this afternoon, her ramblings about Harry made life almost feel normal again.
"But enough about him," Ginny rounded on Hermione again. "How long has your hand been twitching like that?"
"What?" Hermione was startled as she followed Ginny's eyes down to her right hand which was jerking involuntarily at her side. "Oh, that's been happening on and off for a while now, with my nervous system being all messed up. I can usually get it under control...it's fine."
"Look, I'm really sorry about everything that happened to you," Ginny said. "I noticed that something seemed off the past few weeks...you've been pretty restless in your sleep and waking up at the crack of dawn. But I didn't want to pry...just know that I'm here if you ever need to talk or anything."
"Thanks, Gin," Hermione replied. She loved how Ginny, unlike the boys, showed her support while respecting her boundaries.
They arrived at the local supermarket and Hermione helped Ginny load fresh produce and other staples into their bags. Mrs. Weasley sent them with a very long list of items to buy, as she was now feeding eleven people for three meals a day. And, of course, she made quite the abundance of food in an attempt to help Harry, Ron, and Hermione gain back the weight they lost while on the run. The three of them put up with this coddling as they knew it comforted Mrs. Weasley.
"And I should probably pick up some feminine products also," Ginny said casually. "Fleur and I seem to be synched up...what about you?"
"Oh, I don't need anything. I haven't had my period in a while. Hopefully it does eventually come back, but...I guess my body is just a pretty hostile environment right now."
"It will come back...Mum's cooking might do the trick," Ginny suggested. Hermione shrugged, but she knew the magnitude of her problems would not be fixed solely with weight gain.
They finished the shopping and decided to walk the long route back to the Burrow, levitating the grocery bags ahead of them. Along the way, they picked and ate apples off the trees lining the dirt path. The late-May sun beat down upon them, and Ginny occupied their conversation (to Hermione's amusement) with details of her latest picnic date with Harry.
"And I think it's time that you and Ron go on a proper date too," she declared.
"Yes," Hermione said, "But I just can't bring myself to ask him. He's still...you know...and I'm not quite myself either right now. There's just too much going on."
"The war's over, Hermione. What happened, happened...and we can't change that. But you're in love! The two children who faced so much darkness in their lifetime have finally found joy...it's a miracle! And we both know that Ron is too much of a chicken to take the initiative himself, but I believe in you."
Hermione laughed and stared at Ginny in bewilderment. When did the innocent little redhead that asked Hermione for relationship advice get so wise?
"What?" Ginny giggled.
"Nothing...I just hate to admit that you're right. Who would've thought that you'd ever be giving me dating advice?"
"So you'll do it then?!" Ginny asked eagerly.
Hermione rolled her eyes and sighed: "Yes, I'll ask him on a date."
The rest of the walk back to the Burrow passed quickly with Ginny chattering away about what they would do and what Hermione would wear. A million thoughts flew through Hermione's head, some serious and others hopeful, but Ginny clearly had full faith in them...so Hermione let down her guard and indulged in what could be. Her hand was no longer twitching.
...
Later that afternoon, they were preparing for Andromeda to come by with Teddy. From what Ginny told her, Hermione learned that Andromeda had not left her house since the battle, so Mrs. Weasley amplified her hospitality efforts and they spent most of the day cooking and cleaning. Hermione watched Harry closely for signs of emotion towards meeting his godson, but just deduced guilt and hesitation. Hermione understood, of course, that Teddy would remind them of Remus and Tonks and everything they lost. But then she looked back on that day at Shell Cottage when Remus barged in and announced Teddy's birth, and she couldn't help feeling the joy and hope that came with youth again. Teddy reminded her why they sacrificed so much, and prompted her to focus on the future.
Just as Hermione started setting the table, she discerned a gentle knock on the front door and Mrs. Weasley scurrying to answer it. She overheard polite greetings and a newborn's high-pitched wailing as she walked towards the entryway with Harry and the other Weasleys. She initially had all eyes for Teddy, who's cries quickly stopped after seeing Harry smiling down at him. Hermione's heart warmed at the sight, but her blood went cold when she caught a glimpse of the person holding him.
She flinched violently and backed out of the entryway in shock, running into Ron, who seemed to mirror her panic. It was only after several deep breaths that she chanced a glance towards the door. Andromeda Tonks looked back at her in confusion, not Bellatrix Lestrange, but the resemblance was uncanny. Teddy started wailing again.
Mrs. Weasley invited Andromeda into the sitting room where she placed Teddy into Harry's arms. Although Andromeda seemed to keep a curious eye on Hermione, she didn't ask any questions. Ron gently nudged Hermione onto the couch as she was still trembling and sat down beside her; they exchanged knowing looks. Hermione tried to shift her focus to the newborn baby sleeping in Harry's arms.
The little tufts of hair on his head seemed to be turning steadily darker and more untidy, mimicking Harry's, and he fell asleep quickly with reflexive smiles still etched on his face. Harry looked much more content than Hermione had seen him in a long time and she noticed Ginny watching him in affection. Even Ron held him for a little while. But despite Teddy's cuteness, Hermione still felt uneasy for the rest of the afternoon and found it very difficult to sit still.
Clearly she was not doing a good job of hiding her distress because after dinner, once Harry was feeding Teddy, Andromeda invited Hermione for a walk outside around the garden. She was reluctant at first and shared an anguished look with Ron, but eventually shrugged and agreed...her body was stiff and dying to move around anyway.
"I hope I didn't frighten you too much earlier," Andromeda said once they stepped out into the orchard. "I know I look an awful lot like her...unfortunately."
"No, I - I'm sorry," Hermione stuttered. "Obviously you're nothing like her. It was an overreaction."
"That's what everyone says, but I was a psychiatric healer at St. Mungos before I retired last year, so I know post-traumatic stress when I see it. I can only assume that something happened." Her eyes lingered on the faint scar across Hermione's neck as she said this.
"Right." While Hermione was getting better at maintaining her patience lately, she was not about to accept unsolicited advice from the sister of a crazed sociopath. "Look, I hardly even know you and...this is really not any of your business."
Andromeda looked momentarily hurt and Hermione started to apologize, but Andromeda interrupted her: "I think there's just a part of me that still feels responsible for all the evil she did," she sighed. "I know she was deranged and there was nothing I could have done about that, but we were practically inseparable as children, and I could've been a better influence...or at least attempted to stop her when she made all the bad decisions she did."
Hermione remained silent. As much as Andromeda had observed her, Hermione picked up a lot too. Andromeda lost almost everything during the war: her husband, daughter, son-in-law. The family she had created for herself was gone...and the family she left was dead or potentially on their way to Azkaban. And she was left alone to pick up the pieces and bear the legacy of their evil.
"You know, I saw in the Prophet that Ollivander's opened his wand shop again...if you wanted to get a new one," Andromeda continued, eyeing the gnarled walnut wand sticking out of Hermione's pocket.
Hermione nodded. "I would never blame you for what she did," she eventually blurted out. "And I appreciate your concern...I really do. Teddy's in good hands."
"Yes, he is," Andromeda sighed, looking back towards the Burrow where Harry could be seen feeding Teddy through one of the kitchen windows.
…...
"What'd Andromeda want?" Ron asked Hermione once Andromeda and Teddy left the Burrow a few hours later; they were standing alone on the porch.
"Just wanted to make sure I'm okay. She's pretty observant and used to be a psychiatric healer, but I suppose I really was a mess earlier…"
"It's not your fault."
"Well it's not her fault either!" Hermione huffed. "I hate this! I hate that she's the only thing I think about sometimes!"
"I know."
And Hermione knew that he was being genuine. He lost Fred and that trauma consumed his mind too.
"I need to get a new wand," Hermione said to break up the silence.
"Let's make it a date...something else to think about." Ron seemed to surprise himself in the act of saying this and quickly added, "Only - only if you want to."
"When?" Hermione felt blood rushing to her cheeks. "Because I do want to."
"Tomorrow, after our meeting with the Ministry adviser. We'll go for lunch in Diagon Alley and then we can both get new wands." He sounded like he had been preparing this response for weeks.
Hermione nodded, but then slapped him playfully on the arm. "I was supposed to ask you on a date! Ginny and I talked about it this morning...she'll be beside herself when she hears that you did it yourself!"
"Well, I'm sorry that I beat you to it." And then he kissed her and Hermione guessed that he probably wasn't sorry at all.