Now

It's amazing how there are times you can feel nothing. See nothing. Everything is just blank, silent, and dark. Your mind screams at you for something familiar and tangible, like you're reaching in the distance for anything that makes sense. But your hands are seemingly tied down and unable to move. Your mind screams at you, begging and pleading for anything at all.

In the distance I could hear screaming and shouting. At first, I was sure it was me, but my senses felt off. My mind and body felt heavy, my soul felt like it was splintering, but why? Who was yelling and why did I feel so cold?

"Bella!" I could hear someone yelling at me, begging me awake, to move or do anything. I tried. I swear I did but how can you make yourself do anything when all you feel is nothing.

" Bella, please! Wake up!" Again, the shouting was getting closer and closer. The voice familiar, one that I knew well. My face felt wet and heavy. Something was dripping down its side. My eyes fluttering open and closed but seeing nothing. "Please. Bella," the voice sounds broken, like it's sobbing. "Wake up. please you can't leave me. Think about Avery. Please, come back."

I felt my eyes move open at the sound of his voice, at hearing my daughter's name. What did he mean come back? Where had I gone? Why did my head feel like it was exploding? I suddenly felt so much pain in my body and it was riveting after not feeling anything. The pain in my head was blinding and my right leg felt like it was crushed against the seat in front of me. My mid-section was pure agony and I felt something dripping down my face. My breathing felt stuttered but became faster, harsher and it hurt with every single ounce of breath that entered my body and left.

"Bells?"

Edward. That's Edward 's voice. I would know it anywhere. I force my eyes completely open and it's disorienting. Everything seems so bright at first when I open them that I instantly shut them before trying again. I can hear Edward 's voice soothing me to help me, but I don't understand what's happening. I open my eyes again and the brightness clears. My vision is still obscured but I see the car and it's like one of those moments you hear about in tv or movies. Everything comes rushing back to me all at once.

Avery baking cookies. Jacob coming home. Going to my dad's. Seeing Edward for the first time in months. Going shopping. Heading to dinner. And then.. The truck, there was a truck that didn't stop.

"Oh my God!" I yell, my head swiveling until I see Edward in front of me. I start coughing violently and it's like all the sudden, everything is crystal clear.

Edward is still in the driver's seat, his upper body twisted slightly to look at me. His arm is reached behind the seats, gripping my hand, trying to soothe me from the panic building in my chest. His head is cover in blood on the left side, a deep cut formed from his eyebrow leading back into his hair.

"Are you ok?" Edward asks me and I look down at my body. My shirt is splattered with blood and I reach my hand up, feeling my head. My fingers return bloody, bright red. Gasping, I look at my leg which is twisted slightly, and pressed between the seat in front of me and my door. I try to speak but my mouth is frozen. I can't form the words. The car is a mess. Windows shattered, my door bent in, pushing against my body painfully.

My eyes widen and I go to shift my gaze to look at Jacob, my body feeling numb.

"No! Don't!" Edward screams and I jump back looking at him. "Please Bella.. don't." He's gripping my hand, his tone and voice serious.

"What? Why?" I say, everything in me begging to move. Pleading with me to search out Jacob and see if he's okay. The truck looked like it was barreling towards me, on my side. Surely, I took the brunt of the hit? If I'm okay, then he must be!

"Don't look, Bella."

"But.." I start, unable to form anymore words.

" Bella, please just look at me. Are you ok? What hurts? Your head is bleeding." His eyes are searching over me, checking my injuries.

"My... My leg. I think it's broken. And my ribs, they hurt a lot." I whimpered, feeling tears spring in my eyes. I look up at him again, "Are you ok?"

"Yeah.. My face is cut, and I think my left arm might be broken or fractured but I'm okay. Plus, it's not my batting arm." He tries to make me smile during everything happening. But I see him blow out a breath and his eyes shift towards the passenger side and he grimaces slightly.

"Edward?" His eyes swiftly look back at me and I notice tears pooling in them. He swallows heavily, like he's trying to push back the emotion. "Is Jacob unconscious?" It's the only logical thing in my brain at this point. That must be why he's not speaking to me or checking on me.

"Bella.."

He's stalling. I've known Edward Cullen long enough to know when he's trying to hide something from me.

"Edward, why can't I look?" My voice is wobbling. I feel sick and, in the distance, I hear the sirens of an ambulance quickly approaching. Edward 's face is ashen, filled with emotion and the grip on my hand is getting tighter. "Is he ok? You're scaring me."

"Bella, just breathe, okay? We're going to be fine. The ambulance is almost here and we're going to get to the hospital and get you checked out, ok?" I'm hyperventilating at this point. My vision hazy.

"Edward!" I scream. It should be simple to take my eyes away from him and look to where my husband is sitting, but why can't I make myself do it? I'm terrified of what I will see.

"Sir, ma'am we're going to get you out. You've been in an accident but we're going to get you all checked out, ok?" I see an EMT approaching next to Edward 's window, and my best friend turns around and shakes his head.

"Her first." He says with finality.

"Sir, we're go-"

"No!" He shouts. "Her first. I won't let you touch me until you get her out first." His voice was heavy with anger and emotion. The man nods his head and moves over to my side. He shouted something to his partner, and I see fireman rushing towards us.

"Ma'am can you hear me?" I nod. "What's your name?"

"Bella Swan."

"Okay Bella, my name is Ian. Can you tell me where it hurts most?" He was working through his pack, grabbing a light to check my eyes for concussion.

"Um my ribs and leg I think."

"Okay, we're going to get this door lifted off before we can get you out. It's going to be loud, but it won't hurt you alright?" I nodded as he placed a neck brace gently around my neck, stabilizing me.

My eyes shift to Edward, who's being looked at by Ian's partner. They were speaking in hushed whispers but as soon as he heard the jaws of life tool being used, he quickly turned around to face me. He grabbed my hand again, and I, having not even realized he had let go squeezed it with all I could. Tears were pouring out of my eyes rapidly.

"Shh, it's alright Bells." He said soothingly to me, his thumb running over my bleeding and already bruised knuckles.

Soon, but not near soon enough, the door was removed and there were so many people flittering around to pull me safely out of the car. A stretcher was pulled to the side but before they could pull me out, I stopped them.

"Wait!" I shouted. "Why is no one checking on Jacob?" I ask, looking into the eyes of the EMT's. I looked to Edward, but he was also being extracted at the same time. No one spoke and their eyes avoided mine.

"Ma'am, we need to get you to the hospital." Ian said kindly.

"No!" I screamed at him. "I need you to check on my husband! I'm not going anywhere!" I was getting belligerent. Swatting their hands away in anger.

"Bella my name is Tracy, I'm Ian's captain and partner. You have lost a lot of blood and we need to get you to the hospital. The longer we wait, the more dangerous it is for you." The woman behind Ian was speaking to me but I didn't care. There was no amount of kindness that would take away my fear and worry. They had placed a tarp over the passenger side when using the jaws of life tool. They told me it was to protect the front passengers. Were they lying?

They began working to remove me from the car again but the tears and agony I was feeling right now wouldn't stop. I wanted to see Jacob, to check on him, to know he was okay. I wanted to hear him tell me I was going to be okay, not Edward. I wanted him to wrap his arms around me and tell me to stop being paranoid. Before they could fully pull me from the car, I made the worst mistake I could have ever made in my life.

I reached my arm forward, and with all my might yanked the tarp down.

"Bella, NO!" I heard Edward scream at me, but I couldn't look at him or talk.

My eyes never left the side of the vehicle. They never looked at the EMT's who were yelling at each other to move faster. And they never looked at Edward who was sobbing in the front seat. My eyes remained on the passenger seat.

My eyes remained on the lifeless ones of my husband. My Jacob was gone.

Authors Note:

I'm unsure why I feel the need to make people cry but here it is! Thank you so much for reading and please don't forget to comment, favorite and maybe follow for more updates!