Fandom: Gravitation / グラビテーション
Title: Creating Infinity.
Pairing: Ryuichi x Tatsuha
Rating: PG-13
Description: (sequel to "Things don't last forever.") Tatsuha receives a surprise on White Day that he never expected to get.
Disclaimer: Murakami Maki-sama and Sony own Gravitation. I'm just a rabid fan who loves it.
Creating Infinity.
by Miyamoto Yui
Chapter 4 – No wonder you sing about the light.
While driving, Ryuichi fidgets and opens the glove compartment. He peruses through my CDs and starts to chuckle to himself. It's already music to my ears.
"Most of these are mine," he states, amused and flattered.
"I do have some others artists in that stack." I cough.
"Hmm…Imai Miki…Dream…Buck Tick…Globe…Zard…Last Alliance…That is quite a range you have there." He nods his head in approval.
Those are my set of third copies. No way are the first press ones getting a scratch!
Raising the volume as my favorite part in his concert comes up on the radio, I automatically start to sing along. I temporarily forget who is with me as he smirks, taking one of the CDs and puts the rest back.
"You're doing the version from the Kiss Me Ragged Tour."
"Hands down, that's my favorite performance."
"Oh?"
"There was a part in your video where you got sick. Everyone said you were crazy and that you shouldn't even perform and then you said, 'Right now, I need them more than they need me.' You didn't say anything else and sang as if there was nothing wrong. I already loved this song because you perform with the guitar. You rarely do that even on PVs. I mean, Noriko played synthesizer while Tohma went pure grand piano. It was already a unique piece by changing your usual roles…
"But even if the video was fixed for more 'appeal', I felt your sincerity. That part really touched me. So even though it was my favorite of alllll the Nittle Grasper songs, it's even more special in my repertoire of your songs."
At about the last stanza, he starts to sing the last lines. But when I close my mouth to listen, he shakes his head and tells me to sing it together.
"Come and hit me harder, Rain!
Take me with all you've got!
I'll shout out to you (Please, let me never escape you)
To love me more than you already do, (I've nothing else to lose)
Embrace me (Never leave me alone)
until I disappear (You're my last hope)
into you… (Only you. Yes, you.)"
It's different to sing with him. The lyrics take up a life all on their own…
I feel like I've touched a part of eternity.
When the song ends, he changes the CD and sings in a different genre from his own: Pop. This impromptu cover feels amazing. His soothing voice relaxes me, but turns me on-AHHH~! This is too much to handle and I haven't had my second cup of coffee yet! Not that I'm not already stimulated…
My whole brain's rewiring to his frequency and I can't turn my body off! Get yourself together, Tatsuha~!
I'm trying hard to concentrate on the road, but his voice licks my ear canal at the same time it heats up my heart, percolating until I can taste it on my lips.
The things you do to me…
"You don't, you really don't know
all the things I purposely hide from you,
but listen carefully.
I pretend to smile
while dying
because I know my truths
can only be realized with you.
Ah~, if you only knew
'bout all my thoughts of you,
Day, Night, in between,
how much I long to be with you?
My voice resounding in your soul,
don't you know?
Just how can I extend seconds
into Infinity?"
Carried away, I'm about to grab his chin, but at that very second, he abruptly stops and makes a squeal ranging between excitement and glee as we pass by the Philosopher's Road. There's actually a part I really want to go by and before I can point it out, he shouts out, "Stop! I wanna touch that!"
I park as close as I can and he rushes with me in tow. For someone fifteen years older than me, he sure does keep fit because I'm the one panting when he takes several pictures of two bears on a bench. One is big with a light green, kimono-patterned shirt and guitar leaning its head on the smaller one wearing a shiny ballerina skirt.
"I want to hug them, but then I'd move them and the shop owner might get mad at us for disrupting their display."
Squatting down, he pokes their chubby noses and bellies. He then looks at me with that irresistible, guileless expression.
And before I know it, I lean forward to kiss the top of his head. He winces and I wait for his reaction. All he does is blink at me, dumbfounded.
"What was that for?"
"Nothing. I just felt like it."
"Sure, you just felt like it, my ass," I could already hear my worldly older brother mouthing off in my mind.
We go back to the car but I'm tickled by the fact that he'd pinpointed what I wanted to show him. Because of the guitar, I always thought of him whenever I passed by here.
Oh yes, of course, god would somehow know that kind of thing, right?
But when I'm about to start the engine while he's pulling the cord of his seatbelt, he leans over to kiss my cheek as if it's the most natural thing to do. I glance over at him and he's buckling himself in, now shyly avoiding my gaze. Then he puts his hand over his mouth, looking out the window.
*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/
There is a place I absolutely want him to experience. Amidst the gathering at the long stalks above us, I bring him to a very quiet place a little beyond that.
Everyone knows the bamboo grove, but few go into the house at the end of the lane. I bring him through the entrance, and as expected, there aren't a lot of people at the Okochi Sanso Villa.
It's strange that it's very similar to my house, but I couldn't bring him to the ocean. When he peers around, he keeps patting the plants and greenery with gusto as well as skittering along the trail to take pictures of everything that catches his eye. Contrary to his persona, he really is much more subdued than anyone imagines.
We walk towards the back and there is a cliff overlooking rocks. I stop, take a deep breath, and look around even though I've seen it a million times. My mind is always refreshed whenever I come into this space.
"Kyoto's known for so many things, but I guess, I still like the places where only a few people go to."
"Treasures, huh?"
"Yeah, I think it's like that." I nod.
He closes his eyes and enjoys the atmosphere, listening to the wind along with the quietude. For a few minutes, we're completely alone with no one walking up the path.
"My dad brought us here when he had time to spare. There's really nothing for children to do but hike around the trail, but I always liked this spot because it reminds me that no matter where you go or what you do, you're practically nothing next to nature. My brother and sister like different parts of this villa, but this is the spot I love the best.
"The mountain is dark and high, but the light striking it is extraordinary. I don't know how to describe it, but I feel like this place embraces me whenever I come. So now that I'm older, I come here by myself when I can't travel too far from home. But it's enough. Of course, I'm listening to your voice while I'm here." I shake my head and laugh. "Okay, so technically, I'm not alone."
Ryuichi watches the cliff but his eyes slowly rove around and without me saying anything more, I think he understands what I mean.
When we're heading back down, there's a sign to be careful on the way up to one of the buildings. It's a place to silently reflect, but there's a room to write on a thin piece of calligraphy paper. Since I always come, I automatically start picking up the brush as soon as I take off my shoes at the entrance. Right next to me, Ryuichi writes something too, but it seems to be in English.
On the way out and back to the car, even though I'm interested about what he wrote, I don't ask. And similarly, he doesn't ask about mine.
*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/
We're only a few stops away from Kyoto Station and the commotion of tourist areas.
Even though I'm cutting it close, I drive us down to Takeda, but along the way, we buy some sandwiches. We reach Koeda Bridge, the spot of one of the battles of the Boshin War and where a river used to run.
I lay out two pieces of furoshiki that I keep in the car for times like this. He places his head on my lap and I stop rummaging through my bag to look down into his face as he looks up at mine.
You've changed since that time at the beach. I really wonder what happened since you're not holding back at all, the complete opposite of what happened three years ago.
But whatever it is, I've already made up my mind.
"I'm stealing you from the world if you keep on doing things like this," I joke, taking a sip of my bottled ryokucha tea.
He's speechless as he pulls my head down with both of his hands on my cheeks.
I can't see his expression as he says, "You say it like you mean it."
"I meant everything I said in those books, if that's what you'll refer to."
He takes a deep breath.
"Now, I'm really curious about what Tohma hasn't told me about you."
"You can ask me, but I'm more worried about what you'll think after you find out."
The worry starts to tremble from my chest and I inhale slowly at the confession that wasn't meant to be one.
"I'm sure it'll be okay." He pulls me lower and runs his fingers up and down my neck, whispering in a low octave, "I'd be more concerned about what happens to you once I accept it."
Covering my ear with his hand, I think he's going to say more, but instead, his tongue runs up the inside of my ear.
Even though I think I'm long past the days of blushing like a virgin, my whole face flames up.
When he lets go, he gazes at the sky as I prepare our lunch, but as soon as I announce that I'm done, I see he's closed his eyes. He's fallen fast asleep.
I drink all of my tea and eat only a few bites of my ebi katsu sandwich, not wanting to get any crumbs on him.
After a while, I know I have to go back (both home and reality), but I can't wake him up. He seems to be completely exhausted because there's no response when I lightly shake him.
But all the more, I wish I could keep this moment in a bottle somewhere for safekeeping.
It's the perfect time to attack him, but…he looks so relaxed. This is the first time I think I've ever seen him unguarded.
Sighing, I poke his cheek and then run my finger down his nose. He sneezes.
I want to reach out for him, but even with that incident with Shuichi, I can't do it. Faced with the real thing, I know even my lack of inhibitions have reached their limits. Or rather, when it doesn't involve him, I'm perfectly fine.
Maybe because I know there's nothing at stake…
For many years, I slept around, but wasn't attached to anyone at all.
No one but him.
There was never any room for anyone else. I don't know if it's even healthy to want someone or something this much, but even if my whole family knew, they weren't really aware about the extent. In that sense, I was more secretive than my brother because I couldn't, didn't, and wouldn't voluntarily explain what I truly felt about Nittle Grasper's main singer.
A voice that became an image which transformed to something else altogether. I'd been mesmerized for most of my life, but can this deep admiration really be called 'love' in the first place? I wonder if I can even fall for anyone else after this…if there will ever be such a time and if I'll allow myself to. Fan that I may be, I'm not scared of changing my image of him, but that he'll see how much I've obsessed over him and tell me how 'sick' I am to my face, as many people have told me before.
But most of all, I'll be breaking the one thing that's inspired me for so long.
I never grew tired of seeing him, of learning about him or listening to his music. I'll never grow out of it…
Because the more I look at him now, I'm certain I won't.
I touch his fingers and he clutches onto my hand, murmuring in his sleep.
Somehow, he understands about my novels. Is that a foothold into his heart? But that isn't enough to tip the scale my way because we're still unbalanced for one another.
Looking at my watch, I see our time is up.
I end up carrying him to the car and buckling him in.
At home, I set up his bedding in the middle of the den so that he can look out into the garden. For some reason, I think a place with lots of sunshine is where he should be. And when I lay him there as he's sleeping heavily, it fits him perfectly.
Before I go, I put my hands on either side of his shoulders to take one last look at his sleeping face: The gelled bangs flying to one side, the tranquil expression with a slightly open mouth, the sunrays embracing every part of him…
No wonder you sing about the light. You're in love with one another.
/"Who's that, Mika Nee-chan?"
"That's Ryuichi. The one you've been singing with all this time."
"He's…he's really pretty." I blink, not really understanding what I'm reacting to because I'm too little to know yet, but my heart's already thumping hard while looking at this person with really long hair and clear eyes under the golden afternoon sky.
She then points at the clean-cut blond with a long cross earring coming down almost to his shoulder. While smiling with giddiness, she introduces, "And that's Tohma."
I notice my sister's neon pink fingernail matches the girl she's pointing to on the screen hovering over a transparent keyboard. She's a cute, pink rose haired girl with a vinyl red skirt and black and white gloves. "And she's Noriko."]
When she faces my profile, I'm still staring at the television, open-mouthed and wonderstruck.
"This is Nittle Grasper."
We watch this concert three times that night because I start to get upset whenever it gets to the end. But Nee-chan doesn't seem to mind as she runs her fingers through my hair, waiting for me to fall asleep as she always does, even if it's between her homework./
Even when I stand up, I can't stop staring. The long-haired Ryuichi's face superimposes upon this current one, only he looks much more calm and tranquil.
Somehow, you look like your place should be here. Or is it what I hope it to be?
Without another second to spare, I rush out the door.
Tsuzuku… / To be continued…
4/16/2021 11:27:52 PM – Los Angeles
4/17/2021 3:27:52 PM – Tokyo