Hello, everyone! And welcome back to Tales of Smash!
Sorry this chapter took a while to come out―I had a lot of real life difficulties to deal with.
Now before I begin, I have a little something to say. I may eventually begin remaking chapter one to this story because the more I read it, the more I'm disappointed with it. I wanted to mostly make it a beginning chapter that helps establish some relationships between some of the fighters and helps welcome readers to what to expect (even though I kinda did that). But I found a lot of dumb things when reading it, and a lot of missed opportunities (such as including R.O.B.), and some unneeded bits. Overall, I may or may not end up remaking it in the future, but for now, who knows.
Anyways, enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Super Smash Bros. That belongs to Masahiro Sakurai and Nintendo
Chapter 4: Bad Luck Breegull
"Can you explain to me why we're out here again?" Kazooie asked her dear friend Banjo.
The two animal buddies were planted on a bench in the Smash Mansion's backyard garden. It was a fairly visited spot to sit back and relaxing and let all those worrying thoughts flow away from your mind.
Except if you're someone like Ganondorf―then you're the one causing those worrying thoughts.
"So we could relax, Kazooie," Banjo sweetly answered his friend. "I heard that staying outside near some nature is the best way to become less aggressive to others."
Kazooie raised a brow. "Less aggressive? Since when are you ever aggressive to anyone besides that ol' Grunty hag?"
"Not me, Kazooie. I mean you,"
"What?! When have I ever been aggressive to anyone here?"
"You swore Mr. Game & Watch out earlier just because he ate the last slice of bread,"
"...Fair point. But it's not like it's gonna happen again,"
"Hey, guys!" A new voice piped in. It came from a rushing Pit who happened to be holding something in both of his hands. "Look! I found this little duckling on the porch. Isn't he the cutes-"
"DO YOU #%^&$*# MIND?! I WAS HAVING A COVERSATION WITH MY FRIEND HERE, BUT OF COURSE YOU HAD TO COME IN AND RUIN IT! WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THOSE WINGS AND BUZZ OFF BEFORE I RIP THEM OF YA AND SELL EM' ON THE MARKET!"
The bird' sudden enragement made the angel boy turn a ghostly white before turning on his heel and speeding away, keeping a tight hold of the lost duckling.
After her abrupt seething, she turned to her best friend, who stared at her with a deadpan face.
"What?"
Later that night, all the residents were gathered around the dining room table having freshly delivered chinese food. It was a lazy Friday night, so no one was really in the mood to cook.
And Master Hand's bank account was looking a little rough at the moment from the amount of things he ordered.
But the most surprising thing out of all of this was the high stack of wrapped fortune cookies on the table. Each order apparently came with one, though it was basically a tradition amongst them to gather them all up and read them after.
A weird one, but still a tradition.
Once nearly everyone was done with their meal, Master Hand teleported into the room before speaking. "Alright, everyone. Now that you're all done eating, how about we begin with the fortune cookies?"
'Um, Master Hand, could you explain to us why we do this every time?" Fox asked.
"Don't ask questions you aren't prepared to handle the answers to..."
"...Huh?"
"Anyways! How about we start this thing?" With a quick snap, the giant hand picked a singular cookie out of the bunch. "How about you go first, Mario."
Mario was usually his first pick, so the plumber wasn't surprised by the hand's choice. He took the cookie, cracked it open, and out came the small leaf of paper inside.
He took it up and began to read. "You will stumble-a into the happiness of your-a life once you least expect-a it," he read aloud. "Huh, wonder what-a that means."
"If that's not the cheesiest thing I've heard in my life, I don't know what is," spoke Wario. "Then again, there was cheese stuck in my ear once."
"Why don't you read one, Wario," Master Hand handed the hardened sweet to the biker. "It better be something to do with owing me my money..." he whispered that last part sinisterly.
The dirty scoundrel took the cookie and broke it open with a sly grin. The leaf of paper stuck inside fell out, to which the biker began to read.
"Patience is a valuable virtue―and with that patience, comes success," he thoroughly read. "...Forget what I said earlier."
Master Hand let out a disappointed sigh. "Pit?"
"I'll take one," the angel boy accepted the offer. He took the cookie and broke it open, but there was one problem. "Wait, I never learned how to read."
"...Oh yeah, I forgot about that," Master Hand picked a couple more cookies out the stack. "Banjo? Kazooie?"
"I'll read one," spoke Banjo as he took the fortuned desert.
"Whatever, I guess I'll take one too," spoke Kazooie from the vicinity of Banjo's backpack, taking one as well. "It's not like these things come true anyway."
Both animal buddies broke open their selected fortune cookies, the paper inside slipping out into their hands.
With a quick "Ahem," Banjo began to read. "Soon, your greatest problem in life will not be your future, but your friend's greatest problem in life," the bear read word for word. "My friend's greatest problem in life? What could that mean?"
Kazooie rolled her eyes before she began to read her paper. "You shall receive horrid misfortune from the words and actions you've caused upon your peers. You will not be spared from the consequences of your mistakes..."
The entire room was dead silent as soon as the bird was done reading. A few questionable fortunes came up from time to time, but this one took the cake at being the absolute weirdest one yet.
Though Kazooie took this uncomfortably lightly.
"Pffffffff! You guys actually believe these things?" she laughed hysterically. "This sounds like something ripped from some emo kid's diary. Or some stupid fanfiction on the internet."
"I don't know, Kazooie, that sounded pretty believable," spoke Chrom.
"That's what they all say, toots," Kazooie tossed the paper behind her. "Besides, what's gonna happen? I'm gonna get bad luck or something? Pssssh! Bad luck is just a myth to scare ya."
"I got bad luck for opening an umbrella indoors before," spoke Shulk.
"Good for you, pretty boy. You do that all the time,"
"...Not everytime,"
"Well, all I know is that ain't no way I'm gettin' any of that anytime soon,"
Boy oh boy―was she gonna regret her words.
The next morning started as any usual morning in the inhabitants of the Smash Mansion. Most people woke up, got their breakfast, and went on doing their normal activities.
One of those people happened to be Kazooie. The Breegull usually sat in the back of Banjo's backpack, though this time she decided to walk out on her own.
She made her way into the kitchen to grab herself a quick bite to eat. Using her right wing, she tugged on the fridge's handle.
But there was one problem―it wouldn't budge.
"What the-?" Kazooie questioned as she pulled it harder. She tried again and again and again, but the door wouldn't dare to open.
She used both her wings this time and pulled with all her might, although her strength ended up causing the entire fridge to shake. What she didn't notice, however, was the jar of pickles on top.
"C'mon you stupid thing!" she grunted, pulling more aggressive. But before she knew it, the jar of pickles fell off the top―the lid flinging off as well―and landed right on top of the bird's head, its size only capable of trapping her eyes inside. "Oh c'mon! Who keeps a jar of pickles on top of a fridge?!"
"My pickle collection!" Morton Koopa Jr.'s voice piped in.
Well that answered her question.
Kazooie's day might've not began in the best way, but she wasn't gonna let one minor pickle jar ruin it for her. After getting unstuck from the jar, she decided it was a nice enough day to sunbathe.
After grabbing a pair a shades and a lawn chair, the Breegull sat outside under the beaming sun with a cool breeze ruffling her feathers.
"Ahhhh, this is nice..." She relaxed in her spot as the sun did its job.
You'd expect nothing out of the ordinary to happen next, right? It was a bright, sunny day where the air felt like you could easily wrap up in it for a quick nap. Nothing wrong could simultaneously happen in a matter of seconds, right?
Well, you'd be wrong.
Just as the bird was getting comfortable, a singular small gray cloud had slid in front of her, blocking her view from the sun.
"Huh?" she questioned aloud.
A within the next second, it rained a storm upon the bird, completely drenching her feathers, as well as her mood.
"Just great..." she grunted before sitting up.
And then she was struck by a bolt of lightning, unsurprisingly.
So what if her day began more horribly than expected? That wasn't enough to stop her just yet―even if she was struck by a literal lightning.
The Breegull eventually found herself within the vicinity of the hot tub within the spa room, soaking her feathers against the warm water.
"Gee, I sure haven't felt this good like the time I got that massage from that handsome man... Or was it some elderly woman?" she said, though she decided to ignore it as she sunk her body just a teeny bit more into the water.
It felt nice―no pickles, no lightning bolts, nothing but a calm atmosphere...
That was until a strong breeze cracked through the opened window behind the hot tub. It was directed towards the dial placed on the corner of the tub, which was currently set to a warm temperature. It didn't stay that way, however, because as soon as the wind hit the dial, it turned from warm to smoking hot.
Something boiling caught in Kazooie's nostrils. "What's that smell?" she sniffed.
It didn't take long before she found out that the source of the boiling was actually her own body. Upon realization, the bird immediately rocketed out of the water like a firework and crashed her head through the ceiling with a loud bang.
Her head ended up getting stuck in the hallway, although she didn't really know because all she saw was a flock of stars zoom around her in a daze.
"What is going on today?" Kazooie deeply questioned as she walked through the mansion's varied halls. "First the pickles, then the lightning, then I almost get turned into cooked chicken―what next? I'm gonna get hit with a baseball in the back of my head?!"
And just like that, a baseball ended up knocking against the back of her head, weirdly.
"It's almost like that fortune cookie I read last night was true... Pffffft! As if," It didn't take long before Kazooie ended up bumping into someone, which happened to be Mario.
"Oops! Sorry, Kazooie, I didn't-a see you there," Mario stretched out a hand to the bird.
"It's fine, Mario," Kazooie shockingly didn't burst out into anger upon falling over as she took the plumber's hand. "Where are you going to?"
"I need to get ready for my date tonight with Peach," the plumber answered. "Me and her are going down to The Roost for a little while."
"...You didn't happen to stumble into her when you least expected it, right?"
"Yes, actually-a. It was just-a like the fortune cookie-a said," Mario then took a look at the clock on the wall. "I better-a be going now. It-a was nice talking to-a you." He then walked away.
Kazooie was partially confused at the very moment. Could the fortune cookie she read be the cause of her sudden bad luck?
"There's no way that fortune cookie gave me bad luck," she spoke, beyond baffled. "It's just a myth. No way fortune cookies actually do what they say."
She was eventually interrupted by the sound of a motorcycle racing down the hall with a very ecstatic Wario riding it.
"Ha ha ha! I finally won the lottery! I'm rich! I'm rich! I'm rich!" the biker loudly cheered as he zoomed past Kazooie, causing her to cough from the dust he left behind.
Kazooie was now more than partially confused. She was completely befuddled.
"This can't be happening... Fortunes can't be real..."
"Hey, everyone! I think I learned how to read!" Pit's voice echoed throughout the mansion.
Kazooie gasped. "Those fortunes are real! That must mean that the fortune I read last night gave me bad luck!" The Breegull frantically began to run around in circles like she's seen a murder occur. "I can't live my life without bad luck following me everywhere! What am I gonna do?!"
Her question was answered as a hand placed down on her shoulder. She glanced over, only to be met with her lifelong friend, Banjo.
"I'm guessing you need some help?" The bear generously asked his closest friend.
"...How did you know?" Kazooie asked through her worries.
"I was standing right next to you the whole time, Kazooie. But don't worry anymore, because I'm your friend. And as your friend, my greatest problem in life right now is your greatest problem," Banjo's dedication to helping his friends was quite admirable to say the least.
"...What did you say again? I wasn't listening,"
"Step one to getting rid of your bad luck: putting salt on your shoulder," Banjo began, holding a clear salt shaker.
"Salt?" Kazooie was bewildered at her friend's choice of helping. "How is salt supposed to help me lose bad luck exactly?"
"Apparently it's a culture around the world, so its our best option," Banjo sprinkled a teeny pinch of salt on the Breegull's right feathery shoulder. And he really did sprinkle teeny pinches.
"I can't believe you actually think this'll work," Kazooie mumbled.
"Relax, Kazooie. I'm pretty sure it'll work... Is it working?"
Kazooie shrugged, leading to some of the salt falling. "Might as well test it," The Breegull decided to walk down the hall cautiously, her eyes darting all sides at once. Though she was deeply surprised to find out nothing horrible had happened yet. "Hey! I think it's workinggggggggggggggggg!" She spoke a little too soon, as she happened to slip on a banana peel and fly out a nearby opened window, crashing into the ground with a bang.
Banjo thought the salt was supposed to work, but he came to a sudden realization. "Oooooooooh... I think I was supposed to put the salt on her left shoulder..." he registered.
"I think I fractured my sternum..." Kazooie weakly groaned from outside.
"Ok, I get the salt didn't work out, but I have another idea," Banjo said as both he and Kazooie stood outside in the grassy field.
"And that is?" Kazooie asked with a raised brow.
Banjo plucked something from the ground. "A four-leaf clover!" He presented it to his friend.
"...Really?"
"Yep! These things are the definition of good luck―plus you might find a pot of gold if you're really lucky, so get searching!"
Kazooie rolled her eyes at the bear beliefs but complied anyways. She walked along the green field as her gaze searched from left to right to no avail of finding the specific clover.
"This is hopeless," she mumbled under her breath. Although something amongst the field caught her eye in the next second. She went to see what sat in the grass, and was met with a lonely football. "What's a football doing all the way out here?"
Her answer, unfortunately, came in an instant.
"Hut, hut, hike!" a familiar yet deep voice came within the Breegull's earshot.
She turned around to find a rushing King K. Rool tearing the ground as he ferociously clawed his way to her. And without a moment to pass, he accidentally kicked the bird instead of the ball, launching Kazooie into the air to the point where she was all but a dot among the clouds.
"Oops..." King K. Rool said.
"Ok! I get the other steps didn't work, but I'm pretty sure this one will," Banjo attempted to brighten his best friend's sour mood.
"Banjo, none of this is working," Kazooie admitted truthfully to her dear friend. "At this rate I'm gonna be roasted bird by the end of the day."
"But we have to keep trying! Please, Kazooie? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?" Banjo gave his friend the typical puppy eyes.
Kazooie couldn't handle it when her friend have her those eyes. "Alright, fine. What did you have in mind?"
"Well, you know how there's multiple things to give a person bad luck? I thought that maybe if you do the things that gives a person bad luck, your bad luck would go away!" The bear then presented his friend to the supplies laid in front of them: a ladder, a small mirror, and a closed umbrella.
"...Uh-huh," Kazooie gave the items a perplexed look. "And you're sure this is gonna work?"
"I'm positive!"
Kazooie sighed. "Alright then," The Breegull strode her way over to the props.
Cautious at first, she grabbed the umbrella first before sliding it open. Next, she stepped under the ladder, if a little difficult from the umbrella she held. Lastly, she picked up the small mirror before, with brute force, threw it against the floor as it shattered into pieces.
Both animal friends eyes darted from left to right, expecting some sort of unfortunate event to occur. Although, surprisingly, nothing happened.
"Hey! I think it worked!" Banjo exclaimed with joy.
And then Kazooie was struck by lightning.
"Nevermind," he deadpanned.
After another batch of failed attempts, Banjo and Kazooie decided to simply reside themselves on the living room couch, both of them completely defeated from their work.
"Well, we tried everything," Banjo spoke somberly. "But nothing just seems to work."
Kazooie let out a deep sigh. "I guess this is it," she began. "I guess it's time for the rest of my life to be a bad luck haven with nothing able to help me. Might as well say goodbye to each of my feathers: goodbye, Marco. Goodbye, Carl. Goodbye, Alexis."
"...Gee, if only we had some fortune cookies right about now, but I don't see that happening anytime soon,"
Just then, an imaginary lightbulb flashed above Kazooie's head.
"That's it!" she exclaimed, jolting from her seat.
"What's it?" Banjo asked.
"I need to read a fortune cookie! That'll help me get rid of this bad luck!"
"Uh, Kazooie? You do know getting a specific fortune from a fortune cookie is next to impossible, right?"
"It beats my life turning into a war zone at least!"
"How are you even gonna get some? Miss Min Min is cooking tonight, and I'm pretty sure Master Hand won't buy any,"
"Oh, don't worry, Banjo. I have my ways..."
"You need me to do what again?" Master Hand asked, confusion apparent in his voice.
"I need you to buy me around seven hundred fortune cookies because I have some really bad luck right now and I seriously need to read a fortune cookie before I eventually turn into cooked chicken by the end of the month," Kazooie quickly explained, panting as she stopped.
Master Hand remained silent upon the Breegull's speech, yet he let a few quiet snickers escape him.
"Kazooie, I like to treat everyone in this mansion equally―unless you're Wario," the giant hand began. "But I am not spending my money on fortune cookies of all things just for your benefit―bad luck or not."
"But Master Hand! Please! I need this all bad luck to go away!"
"Sorry, Kazooie, but I have a lot of debt to take care of right now. Why don't you go ask Mario? I'm sure he has a lot of money on him,"
"But he's down at The Roost with Peach!"
"And how is that my problem?"
Kazooie stared at the hand with a face of bewilderment, though that soon formed into disappointment. "Ugh...! Fine," Kazooie began to make her way to the office doors, but a sly smirk formed on her beak. "Ya know, Master Hand, I've been thinking that you need a well-deserved break from the amount of work you do to keep up satisfied around here."
This pecked Master Hand's interest. "...I'm listening," he said.
The dining room at the very moment was fairly empty. Only a group consisting of Samus, Villager, Corrin, and Snake sat at the end of the abnormally long table playing a game of chess.
"Hmmmmm... Do you have any fours?" asked Corrin.
"Corrin, we're playing chess today, not cards," Samus told the dragon prince.
"Oh, right..."
Their game, however, was suddenly interrupted as Kazooie barged into the room with a large crate filled to the brim with fortune cookies in her wings before slamming it down onto the table with a bang as if a shotgun went off.
"I didn't know we were having chinese again tonight," Snake commented, though he was pretty much incorrect.
Kazooie huffed every breath out of her as she leaned against the crate, sweat dripping down her feathers. "Why couldn't this have come inside a box...? Guess they're really trying to make me lose my wings."
As Kazooie began to dig through the contents of the crate, Banjo happened to walk into the room. "Hey, did a gun go off in he-" His attention was then taken away by the contents that stood on the table. "...Kazooie? Um, where did all these fortune cookies come from?"
"Oh, these? I bribed Master Hand into buying them for me if I did something for him," Kazooie answered her friend. "It's actually pretty easy to ask him for stuff."
"What did he ask you to do?"
"Clean his car,"
"...But he doesn't have a car..."
Both animals looked at each other with bewildering yet thought provoking expressions, though neither wanted to think about it anymore.
"Whatever! At least I finally have what'll help me get rid of this bad luck―and it has a little something to do with this," Kazooie cracked a smirk as she held up a singular fortune cookie before snapping it in half, the small leaf of paper inside gently falling in front of her.
"Now what do we have here?" The Breegull took the piece of paper before she began to read. "The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese... Is this foreshadowing something I don't know about?"
"It's a saying, Kazooie," Banjo told.
"Well whatever it is, it's not what I'm looking for," She tossed the paper behind her. "Welp, one fortune down, another six hundred ninety-nine to go."
"Wait how many?"
Kazooie ignored her friend as she took out another cookie before snapping it open like the last. "The fortune you seek is in another cookie... Better be good," She tossed the fortune behind before dipping in to take another, hoping that the previous was in this one. "The greatest danger could be your stupidity... Gee, thanks a lot."
"Ya know, Kazooie, maybe I could help you with some of those fortunes," Banjo insisted to help the Breegull.
"Nuh-uh," she simply responded. "If I want to get the right fortune, I gotta do it myself."
Banjo didn't really know what else to say but give his dear friend a simple shrug. "Suit yourself,"
"Thank you," Kazooie then read the next fortune. "You will receive a fortune..."
"This is gonna take a while,"
And that it did.
New fortune? A waste.
Another new fortune? A waste.
Yet another new fortune? A waste.
Not a single fortune had managed to see no end in Kazooie's stream of endless bad luck. It was either a dumb fortune, or a really dumb fortune.
Kazooie kept blazing through each fortune to the point where she didn't see her fellow residents gather around the dining table, eat, then leave back to their own activates. It grew to a point where her feathers became ruffled like wild, both from her speed and her obsession with finding the fortune.
Yet, she couldn't find it.
Kazooie, completely burned out, took another fortune from the crate. "When in anger, sing the alphabet..." She stared at the paper in disappointment before tossing it behind her. She took a look in the crate and was met with absolutely nothing but crumbs and dust―she had completely finished them.
The Breegull looked inside, her emotion formed into a look of distraught. She slammed her head onto the table with a thud and stared into space, all of the hope she had once built escaping her.
"I can't believe this..." she whispered, sorrow filled in her tone. "I read every fortune there was...and I still don't have anything to get rid of this bad luck..." She shut her eyes before repeatedly banging her head―or beak―against the table.
However, she had forgotten the fact that her best friend Banjo stood right beside her. He felt sorry for her, but this was what she sorta deserved for being rude to almost everybody in this entire mansion.
Wario was a different story.
But something caught the corner of Banjo's eye. It was a completely untouched fortune cookie that possibly fell out the crate.
He picked up the cookie before sliding it in front of her vision. "Why don't you open this one, Kazooie," he said.
Kazooie stopped her beak banging and viewed the unopened cookie. Excited at first, that soon turned into misery.
"It's probably another stupid fortune again..." The Breegull groggily snapped the cookie in half before taking the paper inside. And thus, she began to read it. "You may have not fully learned the error of your ways, but your attempts to rid the foul misfortune that has followed you is admirable. Your misfortune has been lifted..." Kazooie had to take a second look at the fortune again. The Breegull was shocked, and not in an electric way. "Is... Is my bad luck gone?"
"Well, if you had a fortune to give you bad luck, I think it's safe to say that you don't have it anymore," Banjo said. "Even though that did sound like something from some weird fanfiction."
Kazooie, on the other hand, was filled with utter glee. "I did it! I finally don't have bad luck anymore! Ha ha ha ha!" The Breegull jumped into the pile of both fortunes and cookies she created, making a fortune cookie angel, even if it was hard to tell.
Banjo smiled at his friend's joy. "All in a day's work," The bear rubbed his hands together with a cheerful grin.
"Ya know, I think I learned a valuable lesson today," Kazooie said as she stood from her fortune cookie angel.
"Is it being nicer to others unless you deal with the consequences?"
"Nope! It's for no more chinese food!" Kazooie then made her way out through the dining room exit, but she peaked back in a second later. "Seriously, that stuff has a lot of calories―it's not good for ya." She then made her leave.
But Banjo couldn't help but facepalm. "Yeesh..." he groaned, though something seemed to pop up in his mind all of a sudden. "Why would Master Hand need a car anyway?"
Hope you enjoyed another chapter of Tales of Smash!
This chapter overall felt like a chore to get through, but I hope you enjoyed it anyways!
Now before I take my leave, I kinda wanna clarify some things. 1). I've decided to locate the Smash Mansion on top of a small area near Smashville rather than some unknown place, which is why Mario mentions The Roost. 2). Every fighter's world is combined into one in my variation of the Smash universe (i.e. the Mushroom Kingdom, Hyrule, DK Island, Green Hill Zone, etc.). 3). There is a ton of Wario slander in this story so far, but that shall change soon... 4). Lastly, can someone please explain to me how the idea of the Smash Mansion even came to be?
Anyway, until next time!