Oop I'm back

Dnf and karlnap are coming in a few chapters I swear

TW: disordered eating, forced vomiting, body shaming, binging

Previously...

I didn't want to take pills... but if my mum thought I needed them, she was probably right. She was always right.

George's P.O.V.

I opened my eyes slowly, blinking rapidly at the bright lights boring their way into my soul. As my vision adjusted, I recognized my bedroom, the bright light being an unfortunate sunbeam snaking its way though a small crack in the blinds. I must've fallen asleep... I don't remember getting in bed, though. I frowned, memories of the night before hazy and jumbled in my mind.

All it took was a trip to the kitchen to jog my memory. I froze in the doorway, staring emotionless at the bottle on the counter, ripped packaging haphazardly settling around it. The shock I felt last night returned, a dark shadow of intrusivity taking over my mind. I was so hungry...

My body worked on autopilot, quickly devouring half of an old sandwich from the fridge, along with half a box of crackers with sliced cheese. The food was delicious, it had been so long since I had eaten and I just couldn't stop.

Before I was aware of what I was doing, I had already eaten more than I had in days, weeks even. The food sat uncomfortably in my stomach, and my belly looked... rounder. With a short gasp, I fell to my knees, shaking my head as if I could simply reverse my actions.

Reverse my actions.

I stood up, staring blankly ahead as I made a beeline for the bathroom, kneeling in front of the toilet. I had never made myself throw up before... but I had a general idea of how to do it. I quickly shoved two fingers down my throat, gagging and leaning over the bowl as my meal came back up, a sickening smell hitting my nose a second later.

Holy shit. Did I really just do that?

Shakily, I reached up to flush it down, throat burning. I went to the sink, rinsing out my mouth thoroughly, gurgling some water before spitting it out. I wasn't stupid, I knew what that was. I had messed up, big time. I couldn't let that happen again, I would just have to not eat. No food, minimal water. No binging, no purging. Simple.

Except it's really just not that easy.

It took me three days to crack. Three days without food. Three days of progress. And then, of course, I was too weak to withstand the sweet enticing thought of food.

My stomach growled loudly, obnoxiously replaying in my head. This is so stupid, I thought, getting up slowly. The second I stepped foot into the kitchen, I was toast.

Wrappers and packaging covered my kitchen, spread about haphazardly. Opened jams and jellies sat open on the counter, half eaten buttered bread tossed to the ground in a panic. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I found myself back over the toilet, again. Part of me wanted to laugh, laugh at how weak and pathetic I was.

I flushed the toilet, grimacing as I rinsed my mouth. What the fuck is my problem? It's just food.

It was just food. And yet, I couldn't handle it. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't. I glanced at my reflection in the mirror, noting my puffy skin and slightly flushed face. My stomach was bloated, which just made things worse.

I'm so fat, I thought, shaking my head miserably. I'm disgusting. Dream and Sapnap are going to hate me.

My eyes widen at the revelation. I was going to see my two best friends in a few days, looking like this.

I sat down at my computer, chewing on my hoodie string nervously. Was it too late to cancel? Before I knew what I was doing, I had started a voice chat on discord.

"Gogy, what's up?" Sapnap mumbled, sounding half asleep. I checked the time, realizing it must've been late for him.

"I- uh, sorry, nevermind-"

"George?" I froze in place. Dream was clearly just waking up, his voice sounded deeper than usual and he spoke slowly.

"Um, helloooo, earth to Gogy?" Sapnap giggled. I shook my head, focus brought back to reality.

"Um... yeah, sorry, I shouldn't of called..."

"Are you ok? Your voice sounds kinda... hoarse?" Dream mentioned. "You're not sick, are you?"

"No! No, why would I be sick?" I answer, maybe a little too quickly. Dream just chuckles softly.

"Oh, I don't know, maybe because there's a global pandemic going on?"

"I... right," I mumble. "I'm not sick, I didn't really mean to call you guys, sorry-"

"No, George, whatever it is, you can talk to us," Dream insisted, sounding awfully calm. I, on the other hand, was freaking out. He didn't know. He couldn't know.

"Speak for yourself, I'm going back to bed," Sapnap scoffed, breaking me away from my thoughts. "Feel better, George."

"I'm not-!" Sapnap left the call, leaving me frustrated while Dream just laughed quietly.

"Well, you can talk to me, George. Whatever you need, I'm here. What's up? Why'd you call?" I shook my head, breathing a bit quicker than before.

"I- no, I..." Fuck, not now... "I have to go, um bye!" I hung up without waiting for a response, immediately groaning and putting my face in my hands. Why do I have to be like this? I'm so embarrassing.

I got into bed, curling up into a tight ball. I could feel the way my stomach bunched up, making me nauseous again. This is pathetic.

Before I knew it, I was kneeled in front of the toilet, sobbing miserably as I tried to empty my stomach, again. Except this time, there just wasn't anything left to throw up, stomach acid burning my throat as it came up.

I stared at my reflection in the mirror, a weak, sobbing, puffy-faced mess. I told myself I was done, that I wouldn't do it again. I had already broken that promise twice today. But this time, I was actually going to stop. I was done, I didn't want to throw up anymore.

I ran to my kitchen, tossing food into the trash. I left a few apples and bananas, getting rid of the rest. There. Now I couldn't binge, so I wouldn't want to purge, right? All I had to do was watch myself, and there would be no problem. And when I went to Florida in a few days, I would look so pretty for Dream... and Sapnap and Karl, too.

But mostly for Dream.

yeah idk what that was, I'm tired so lets just say... you should go check out other things I've written cause y not

Oh and things will pick up soon, I have a whole crazy plot lined up for this book... things bouta go downhill so fast-