Chapter 4

Kate had both left New York with uncertainty and brought it back with her, and though for reasons that did shift in their import across her brief stay in D.C., it was nonetheless added weight on her shoulders where it wasn't needed, and all for a job she hadn't been offered, not officially at least. Not yet.

Despite a recurring twinge of nerves each time her phone rang, or Gates requested a moment alone over the next few days, she resumed her NYPD business as normally as she could, while the boys continued to ride her about where she went off to and why she did so without a word.

In fact, they made a game out of it, posing absurd and comical theories, one even more so than the next, and then presenting them to her to confirm or deny. She refused to do either, of course. Sure, they could have their fun, but she could also have hers.

To say nothing of the fact that she still hadn't figured out how she was going to tell them if push did end up coming to shove.

Most unlike him-a self-professed proponent of the absurd and comical-Rick opted out of play, at least when Kate was around, except for one go of it when he chimed in with an offhand "Not telling you guys anything at all is better than her lying about it," which she caught, and clearly.

And try as she might to squeeze and pound the remark into a it-didn't-mean-anything box, it seemed obvious that her catching it was precisely as he intended. Either way, the words stuck and had hung over her every interaction with him since like a storm cloud.

Kate left the precinct on the earlier side mid-week, after having to push a planned dinner date with her father due to her time away and then his conflicting schedule, but they were finally set to meet that night at a restaurant somewhere between the 12th and his office.

"You look tired, Dad," she told Jim, lingering in the hug she needed more than she realized.

"My daughter hasn't seen the old man in almost a month and the first thing she does is insult him?" He teased with love. "I'm fine, Katie. Like yours, sometimes my days are too long. Sit." He pulled the chair out for her and returned to his, granted himself a minute to take her in. "So, if I'm tired, what does that make you? How many cases does that captain of yours have you working?"

It was true, Kate had looked better, slept better, eaten better, but she was managing.

"I guess we're a pair of Becketts, huh?" she said with a smile. "I'm happy to see you, Dad. And I'm starving. I had about ten minutes at work today to try and shove down a sandwich."

Jim inched the small plate of bread on the table closer to her, pleased to watch as she dove in.

"Speaking of work, you need to fill me in on this trip of yours to D.C. It sounded like it was going to be pretty exciting, whatever it was."

"Yeah, it was, I guess. I mean, it was different. Not bad different, just…do you, um, do you remember the case of mine from a couple of years ago when that FBI agent came in to help? She showed up out of the blue with an army of people and all this fancy equipment and practically took over the precinct?"

He leaned forward some in his chair. "You mean the case of yours where that serial killer blew up your apartment with you in it? Does your father remember that case?"

Kate tossed him a look equivalent to sticking out her tongue, swallowed a good bite of bread, and continued.

"Well, that FBI agent, Jordan Shaw, left the Bureau and leads her own team now. They're based in D.C. and work with the Marshals Service on fugitive cases, mostly. It turns out there are a couple of spots open on that team right now and she invited me to interview for one of them. Like it was before, just out of the blue."

"That is exciting, Katie. Why do you make it sound like it was such a surprise she invited you? Catching bad guys is what you do best, and she had a chance to see that firsthand, right? How did it go?"

"I haven't heard anything about an official decision yet, but I think we left things on a positive note." She paused in thought, drew her eyes down. "I don't know, Dad. I don't know if this is what I want right now or even in the future. I don't know if I should just take the job if they offer it because odds are an opportunity like this won't ever come around again. There's a lot I have to think about, a lot of other-"

"You mean Rick," Jim cut in, and her eyes came back up. "I do know a thing or two about work and love and love and work, Katie. How does he feel about the idea? I know you trust him, and he's been there, been important support for you."

Kate had never used the word love about Rick around her father, but, of course, secrets weren't always divulged by words alone. As a truth-finder by profession, she recognized the silent cracks through which they found light, no matter the will of the holder to keep them in the shadows.

"Dad…" She tried to keep emotion at bay, but the battle was swift and unsuccessful.

Rick had been there. If only she knew where he'd gone.

xxxx

It was Jordan's number that lit up Kate's phone as the week drew to an end. She knew it by its simple designation, by the abbreviated "JS" she'd assigned it in an effort to avoid having to answer any potential questions should it be spotted by curious eyes before she was certain of her course.

"Sorry, I have to take this, you guys," she told Javi, Kevin, and Rick, all of whom were gathered around her desk, the four running a timeline on their latest case. "Keep going. I'll be back."

Rick's eyes followed her every step as she walked off, made her way to the stairwell, and ducked inside. To his frustration, the habit of years wasn't one easily broken, even with the determination he attributed himself, which was, thus far, short on return.

It'd never been easy. Wanting something that was so close and yet just out of reach never was, but he'd come to learn that the hell of that stretch was nothing compared to having to pretend like he no longer wanted what remained on the other side.

"Whatever the hell you two got goin' on has to end, bro," Javi said once Kate was gone, coming out with it after holding it in for too long. "For all of us. It's like walking on friggin' eggshells every day around here."

"Yeah, what's the deal, Castle?" Kevin chimed in, as though he had it lined up and ready for when his partner finally fired off the starter pistol. "You guys haven't felt like you guys for weeks. It's freaky."

Rick flipped his wrist, glanced at his watch. "Well, what do you know. Looks like it's none-of-your-business o'clock."

Kevin snickered and paid the price with a glare.

"That's some BS right there, bro." Javi's tone rounded a sharp corner. "You're in here, Beckett's in here, and me and Ryan are in here. All of us, together. That makes it all our business, and I'm telling you it's not right. This ain't high school. Figure your shit out."

When he walked away, Kevin went in with a lighter touch.

"Whatever it is, you and Beckett can work it out, right? It can't be so bad. I mean, you're still here, mostly. Javi's just looking out for her. They've always had their thing."

"It's fine, Ryan. Just leave it. What time did Weston say he left the firm that night?" Kevin humored him, gave him the time. "There have to be cameras in the lobby and everywhere else. There are dozens of businesses in that building."

"Yeah, we-" he started to say when Kate returned.

She dropped her phone on the desk, stepped up to their murder board.

"We should be able to pull something from lobby cams to confirm when Weston left the office that night. No way that building doesn't have them all over the place," she said and looked back over her shoulder at the pair. "Ryan, find out who owns the real estate. See how long they keep the footage. If they have it and won't give us access, we'll need a warrant."

It was written all over his face. Kevin couldn't hide the pleasure he took in the like thinking of the two, in how they were still in sync, given the weeks of palpable tension between them.

"Got it," he acknowledged before heading for his desk, and while Kate's eyes returned to the board, to the present, her mind drifted to the future.

xxxx

There was a certain look that passed between Kate and her captain when the latter left the precinct that evening, and Kate just couldn't shake it.

Gates knew what Kate hadn't yet revealed. That was evident. It was in her eyes, in her posture, in the undertone of pride beneath the firmness of her words. She knew the job in D.C. was Kate's if she wanted it, and that the toughest part of it all lay ahead.

Kate sat at her desk and watched two of the men she'd come to trust most in the world as they yukked it up across the bullpen. They were so different from one another, so unique in their own characters, and yet their bond was a force, mighty and magical. Their partnership mirrored hers and Rick's in that way, she sometimes thought.

"Hey, you guys feel like getting out of here, maybe going for a beer?"

Javi swiveled in his chair. "I'm definitely down for that. Check out the Haunt?" Straight off the name he read her hesitation and tried to put her at ease. "He said he had plans out or something."

Rick was quite specific about what it was he had but sharing it would've served no good end.

"Jenny's actually cooking for me tonight, so I have to pass," Kevin said. "You guys go. I'll catch the next one."

"Yeah, unless it's bath night or whatever," Javi needled.

Kevin popped his chin. "Jealous much?" he commented under his breath and dove back into his paperwork.

Kate asked for five and made a trip to the restroom.

"Castle said he had a date, didn't he?" Although she was long from earshot, Kevin talked at nearly a whisper.

"You think Beckett needs to know that? Shit's bad enough already. I figure, why not hit up his place and score a free cop round or two. That's the least he owes us for being such a jackass lately."

"Maybe she'll talk to you about what's going on so we can try and help get things back to normal. I said something to Castle earlier but he basically blew me off."

Kate reappeared and Javi got up. "You better not have made it worse," he razzed and got a sneer. "I already said what I had to say. There's nothing else I can do about it."

xxxx

Kate scanned the entire room for Rick, first thing, first step through the door. She knew what Javi had said. She knew he wouldn't be there, but that didn't matter. Instinct was instinct.

Javi went straight to the bar and returned with a bottle for each. Kate raised her freebie to the bartender in thanks, drank some down. The time had come. Push had come to shove.

"Good idea, coming out," Javi said. "It's been a long time. Even better when it's someone else's dime."

"Espo, I need to tell you something." Kate wasted no time because she had no time to waste. "I wanted to tell you and Ryan together, but it doesn't matter, I guess."

"Yeah, what's up?"

"I've, um, I've been offered a job, Jav. I found out today that it's mine if I want it." His expression read confused more than anything, to no surprise. "It's not a job with the NYPD."

"What're you talking about? What job?"

As she was saying it, Kate thought about how she was going to have to have this same discussion again and again, and though things often became easier the more one did them, she didn't imagine this would be one of them.

"Those couple days I was out, I was down in D.C. You remember Jordan Shaw from the Bureau?" She went on when he gave a nod. "She asked if I wanted to come down, talk about maybe joining the team she's leading. She's an even bigger deal now, Espo. She left the FBI and runs this whole thing. It's really impressive."

Javi took a minute, let the news land as best it was going to coming out of left field, tapped the neck of his bottle against hers.

"Good for you, girl. It was only a matter of time," he told her, and it wasn't any part hollow. "You deserve it, so why does it feel like there's a 'but' on the end of that?"

Kate swallowed to clear her throat. "Because I don't know what to do. If someone had told me that Shaw would be calling me about a job like this, I probably wouldn't have believed them. It's just all so much so sudden."

"Yeah, and you've dealt with that more than most ever will. Only now there's a good thing on the other side. What, you think you're so important me and Ryan can't catch dirtbags without your help?" That coaxed a smile out of her. "Is this why things blew up? Why you and Castle are…whatever?"

"No," she said, and it felt good to be certain about at least one thing. She repeated the same when he asked if Rick even knew anything about it. That didn't feel good.

"You know he'd tell you to go. Even if it ripped him apart, he'd tell you to take it. Knowing Castle, he'd probably try to take credit for all of it after."

Kate responded before she thought.

"Well, I guess if Nikki Heat didn't exist, that lunatic couldn't have come after her, and Shaw and I would never have met, so…"

Javi grabbed her beer, slid it his way, out of her reach.

"You're hammered. I'm cutting you off. You're starting to think like him, so you should definitely go, get away from Castle before it's too late." Kate pushed out a laugh, one that quickly faded. "It's already too late, right?" he said more than asked, and he could see she understood. "Does he know it?"

For all the armor she wore over it, her heart couldn't have felt more exposed.

"I don't know. I'm not sure it matters anymore."

"Come on, you really believe that? 'Cause I sure as hell don't." He shook his head, exasperated. "I swear, I never met two people worse at pretending nothing's going on. What the hell are both of you waiting for? Four years for what?"

"It's…complicated, Espo." She'd delivered that same line so many times-to others, to herself-even she knew it was starting to sound rehearsed. "And now there's this job, and what if I take it? We won't even be in the same city."

Javi pushed his chair back and stood. "Yeah, there'll always be something, some other job, some other city. Know why? Life. I'm going to get another one," he said and went back to the bar.