It was dark in the undercarriage of Azula's war ship. Mai, Ty Lee, and Azula sat next to each other in a semi-circle discussing their next moves long into the night. A few days into the trip, and Mai felt more alive than she had in years. Being with Ty Lee and Azula felt right somehow. The three of them looked exhausted from chasing the Avatar and the evasive, exiled Prince Zuko, but they were getting closer. It was invigorating to be doing something that was worthwhile.
Azula rolled her neck, popping it in several places, shaking the tiredness out of her sore joints. "Don't worry about it Ty Lee," She sighed, continuing a previous conversation. "Zuko will come back eventually. It's not like he and Uncle could survive in the wild that long."
Mai raised an eyebrow. This conversation was a recurring one. Every time the group got close to the fugitive prince, Azula would rant about her control over her older brother.
Azula sighed dramatically. "Those world is a dangerous place and they couldn't even choose the right path. Pathetic." Azula sat idly picking at her nails.
"I could give my brother everything, but he won't believe me. I don't blame him, but still. He will pay for not choosing me over our dear uncle. " Azula bore a hole in the ground, letting it smolder under her gaze. "It won't happen next time." Azula picked at a scratch on the table with her long nails.
Mai shared a look with Ty Lee, both of them choosing not to mention the dangerous tendencies of their best friend.
"Because while they are still out there, I can't return home!" Azula suddenly barked, making Ty Lee jump in her seat.
"What do you mean you can't-" Ty Lee whimpered.
"My father knows I will be the one to capture the Avatar, and he told me he believes in me. He told me I need to beat my brother. Father wants both of us home, but with Zuzu he could care less if he comes back dead or alive," Azula snarled, her hands tightening into fists. "I recieved the same mission as my brother, but this time I will succeed! I'm not banished and I didn't have to get burned for this honor, either. I have all the forces I need to bring down the Avatar and the rest of the Earth Kingdom!" Azula exclaimed, panting with the effort of her fury.
Mai paused spinning her chosen stiletto and studied Azula carefully, watching her struggle to breath in.
"I will bring them both home, in whatever way they come," Azula snarled. "My brother doesn't deserve my father's honor-I DO!" From somewhere, Azula pulled out a knife and threw it onto the wooden table, leaving a long wrinkle in the fabric of it. All of a sudden her temper disappeared and she looked cooly from one friend to another. "The Avatar is near, and with him will come my brother I am sure of it. But he will be too wimpy to fight me, just like he was to my father. Only I will get the honor of bringing the Avatar home. It will be a simple feat."
Mai licked her lips carefully and threw her stiletto into the table, alongside Azula's. "We'll be with you the whole way, 'Zula."
"Yeah, of course we will!" Ty Lee exclaimed in agreement.
Azula scoffed. "Of course you will. I would expect nothing less."
Ty Lee suddenly leaned over the table, lowering her voice. "Azula...what really happened to Zuko and your father? I heard Zuko tried to burn his father? Didn't you see the Agni Kai? What really happened."
Azula got a funny look on her face. A smile crept out and she had this maniacal look on her face that she only got occasionally. "Oh I was there, and Zuko didn't have the guts to even think about burning my father." She tossed one of her side bangs to the side. "Zuko fought my father in the Agni Kai, but he could not keep up and he burnt himself in his haste to defend himself. I would have done better," she sneered. "Maybe I will have a chance when we get home eventually. The fire nation needs a strong Fire Lord to succeed my father and no banished prince will do."
Mai inclined her head and Ty Lee vocalized her agreement.
Mai jolted up in her bed, waking herself from her sleep. Her bedsheets pooled around her waist as she squinted into the darkness and reached out blindly for some kind of candle or something to give her some light. It was completely dark in her room and the only thing she could hear was the water around the ship slightly rocking her room back and forth. Mai felt like something was wrong. Even though no sound was made, Mai felt like she could feel someone screaming; someone near. Mai lit her candle and rolled out of bed apprehensively. Barely bothering to put a robe on top of her night clothes, Mai stumbled out of bed and hurried out of her room, in search of the silent screaming. She had no idea where it was coming from, but Mai didn't think she could go to sleep before investigating.
The ship was eerily silent as Mai crept down the hallway, trying to contain the feeling of someone asking for help and zeroing in on it. Mai did not really believe in auras or anything spiritual, but right now, in her sleepy state, logic was the last thing on her mind.
Mai found her way down sloping hallways almost blindly. Suddenly, Mai halted in front of Zuko's bedchamber, and the sounds stopped momentarily. She stood there for a few moments, listening, but she could hear nothing. Mai hesitated, almost turning back towards her room when she heard it again. Inside Zuko's room, she could hear whimpers and silent screams through the steel of the door. Mai knocked, calling out to Zuko, but nobody answered. She tried again and even tried to turn the door handle, but it wouldn't budge. The screams increased in volume and Mai made a split second decision. Mai kicked the door open, blades sliding between her fingers ready for any attack she might be met with. Mai was expecting at least several assassins or someone trying to suffocate Zuko by the sounds coming from his room, but instead she found a sweaty Zuko tied up in his sheets gasping for air as he slept. He was wrapped up in a nightmare as his head thrashed from side to side. There were tear streaks down his cheeks and his hands were balled up in his sheets at his side. Mai paused at the threshold of the door. She quickly slid her blades back into her sleeves and she hurried over to Zuko's bedside.
"Zuko?" she called out quietly, not quite sure what to do.
"No," Zuko murmured, twisting away from her voice.
Mai lay a cool hand on his forehead and tried to push away some of his sweaty hair. She pulled at his wrapped blankets and tried to pull him from his cocoon, but Zuko pulled back whispering something like "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," over and over again.
Mai put her hands against his shoulders and shook them, attempting to wake him. She chanted his name over and over again to try and rouse him. He strained against her grip. Mai sat next to him tentatively, but wasn't sure how to wake him since shaking him wasn't working. Mai's hands traveled up towards the back of his neck and she brushed the ends of his hair that curled at the base of his neck. Mai instinctively brushed the hair away from his face trying to soothe him the best she could. It was something she had seen the late Lady Ursa do a few times in their childhood. She brushed his bangs tentatively away from his forehead, and Zuko slowly started to stop shaking and he fell limp in her grip. Mai's eyes widened, listening intently for his breathing. Zuko's eyes burst open and grasped Mai's hands with a terrifyingly tight grip. He glanced around the room in a sudden urgency until his gaze rested on hers. It was almost as if he couldn't see her. He went still in her grasp and looked at her like he had seen a ghost. Mai stayed still, too fearful that moving even slightly would spook him.
The room was silent save for their breathing. Mai's fingers twitched slightly, brushing against the back of Zuko's neck where they still lay, and Zuko let out a soft breath of relief. He slumped in her arms again, but he remained awake. He blinked and when he looked at her again, Mai knew that he had returned from the land of his nightmares.
"What's wrong? What...What are you doing here?" Zuko asked softly, shaking his head, trying to shake away the fogginess that still clung to his sleep-addled brain. He looked around his room, confused, before a look of understanding dawned on his face. At least he didn't look like he was one second away from breaking away from her in fear.
Mai pulled her hands away from his scalp carefully, settling for touching his arm briefly before returning her hands to her lap. "I heard you down the hall, and I just came to check on you...and you just seemed to be having a bad nightmare…" Mai trailed off and looked at her lap pensively.
Zuko swallowed loudly, being the only sound in the room besides the waves hitting the sides of the boat softly. "It wasn't that bad…" Zuko said cautiously.
Mai looked up at him with a hard look. "You're sweating," she stated bluntly. Zuko's eyes widened and Mai bit the inside of her cheek. She closed her eyes and tried to lower her shield intentionally. "I mean, you looked stressed." She looked into his eyes earnestly. "Are you alright?" She lay her hand gently on the edge of the mattress, letting him take the next step to where he felt comfortable.
Zuko gave her a weary look. His eyes looked tired beyond his years and he looked lost within the ginormous bed. Zuko pushed back his sweaty hair, exposing his forehead briefly. His hand fell back into his lap and it twitched as Zuko glanced up at her again. Mai realized that the boy in front of her had seen war, hunger, and pain. There was no way this boy would ever be the same, not after his banishment. Mai suddenly remembered the evening when her mother had brought the news of the banished prince to the dinner table. It was stated as a fact, but looking at Zuko, Mai understood that there was more to his banishment than had been known to the public. Zuko was stronger; stronger from the growth of something Mai did not know of. Zuko was hardened, but then again she was not the naive little girl she once was either. The war had forced them to grow up.
Zuko coughed and resettled himself. He inched just the slightest bit closer to Mai, but he still wouldn't meet her gaze as readily. "Um...yeah I'm alright. I've had this dream a lot so it doesn't bother me anymore." Zuko shuffled around, rearranging his sheets to occupy his hands.
Mai's brows furrowed, but she didn't outwardly display her frustration at his answer. "You've had this dream before?"
Zuko nodded wordlessly.
Opening and closing her mouth multiple times, Mai tried to formulate a plan. She was not good at this at all. Ty Lee was usually the one to do the comforting around the small group of friends and Mai had really only comforted her little brother, who was barely three years old. A three year old just wants food, sleep, or a hug if they are whiney, but Mai wasn't sure if these three ideas would apply to this situation. They had had dinner earlier, so Mai was pretty sure Zuko wasn't hungry. Mai decided that Zuko would probably not appreciate her invading his space, so a hug was out. However, sleep was not an option because Mai knew he probably would not fall asleep any time soon because of the nightmare. Mai was stumped. She tried to recall what Ty Lee would do in this situation. Mai wracked her brain until she remembered a few months ago when Ty Lee tried to comfort her when she could not sleep during their long travel to find the Avatar only a few months earlier. Ty Lee had asked her to talk about the dream and leave it in the open so it could leave her mind and she could peacefully go to sleep. Mai mentally shrugged and decided to try to use the tactic. She resettled herself carefully, rearranging her sleeping gown while wrapping her arms around herself, suddenly cold. "Um...do you want to talk about it?" she asked in an undertone.
Zuko gave her a weird look, but didn't outwardly refuse her. He did not answer right away, but he seemed to consider her offer. He rested the forefinger of his right hand against his bottom lip while the rest of his fingers curled into a loose fist as he got lost in thought. Mai patiently waited. Zuko shifted from his position on his bed so that he was sitting up, his face nearing hers for a split second. Mai's gaze drifted down to his lips for a moment before she wrenched them back to his eyes. She shook herself mentally, realizing the little sleep she had in her system.
"I've had this dream many times, but I guess... it is a dream about the Agni Kai," Zuko replied finally. He did not specify which Agni Kai, but both of them knew to which he was referring.
Zuko's hand played absentmindedly with the tips of Mai's fingers. "All I see in my dream is the floor of the formal Agni Kai hall...I take off the ceremonial shawl before I turn around…. When I turn around I either see a faceless person or... the Avatar,..my-the FireLord... but this time...I saw my-I saw-mo..." Zuko paused, stopping himself by biting his lip, unable to finish his thought. "Whoever the person is, they never talk...but I can feel my face burning as my dream turns to darkness or weird blurs. It always feels like I'm falling..."
"You kept saying you were sorry," Mai murmured. Zuko jumped, almost like he forgot she was there. She intertwined their fingers loosely, giving his palm a small squeeze. "Why?"
Zuko rubbed the back of his neck with his other hand. "I don't know, really. I don't remember saying anything…"
"How often do you have these dreams?"
"Not every night, but every once in a while…" Zuko shrugged. "I get them more regularly when I am closer to the Fire Nation."
Silence hung in the air. Again, Mai floundered as to what to do. This was not her forte at all. She was used to being able to handle a situation, but being her in Zuko's room, sitting on his bed, Mai was not sure where to proceed. She had done what Ty Lee usually did, and yet it still felt like Zuko was nervous and scared. She was not used to seeing him like this. He was strong, angry, and proud, not sad and lost.
"Well I guess I should go back to bed," Zuko announced.
Mai's head shot up, but covered her surprise by smoothing her features. She got up from the bed, adjusting the sleeves of her nightgown again, wishing she had her knives with her so she could have something for her fingers to play with. "Of course. I'll leave then…" Mai retracted her hand and didn't meet his eyes as she drifted towards the door. Zuko reached out after her, grabbing on to her fingertips.
"Thank you," he said earnestly. "For trying to cheer me up...I uh, appreciate it." Zuko was looking away from her when Mai looked back at him, but she could see how his cheeks were tinted with red and little sparks flew around his head. Mai indulged herself in a small smile.
"That's what friends do...right?" Mai stared back at Zuko. She felt her breath hitch as she saw him tilt his head up at her, his eyes wide and his lips slightly curved in a grateful smile. The room was bathed in a bright light, produced by the small little sparks flying around Zuko's head. She saw Zuko's gaze dip to her lips, and Mai subconsciously licked them.
Zuko suddenly coughed, and brought his gaze back up. He rubbed the back of his neck yet again, blood rising to his cheeks. "Yeah...friends. It's good to have friends again," he murmured.
Mai directed her private smile towards him. "Try to get some sleep...Zuko."
He nodded. "You too. See you tomorrow for practice?"
Mai nodded jerkily before turning and leaving the room, and before her heart could get ahead of her head.
Mai walked briskly back to her room to try to go to sleep, but she found herself caught up in the details of Zuko's nightmares as she mulled his words over in her head. Mai did not know how to comprehend his fears. She had only heard stories of what happened four years ago, and none of them seemed like they were the truth. Azula portrayed Zuko as weak and barely in control of his fire. Zuko, on the other hand, described the fateful day as his fault, but did not describe burning himself. The pain was placed upon him by others instead of self-inflicted. Mai didn't know what to make of the discrepancy.
Mai tossed and turned in her bed. She growled as she turned over for what felt like the fiftieth time. She grabbed her candle again and lit it before stepping out of her room once again. Mai needed answers, and there was only one person on this ship that would tell her the truth. Ironically, he was the only traitor on the ship.
"Let me through," Mai demanded in a stern voice, pushing the hood of her deep purple cloak back from her head. She had found her way down to the deepest part of the ship to visit the one person she needed to see. Mai glared at the guard, waiting for him to notice her presence. Her face was as cold as steel and she tried to harness a strong aura around herself so she would not have to deal with the monotonousness of the guards on the ship. They usually obeyed her, but it always helped to scare them just a little bit into helping her, but nothing as harmful as Azula's tactics.
The guard at the base of the stairs jumped up in surprise and frowned at her. "You are not allowed through, Lady," he stammered, puffing out his chest.
Mai rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, letting the cloak billow out behind her. "That's fine, but I will have to let Princess Azula know that you refused to let me through."
The guard stumbled away from the doorway, recognizing her at last, and quickly unlocked the door to let her through. "Oh forgive me! Lady Mai. Of course you may pass. Excuse my impudence." He bowed as Mai passed through the doorway. His hand gripped her forearm as he gave her a pleading look. "Please don't mention this to her highness."
"I won't if you won't," was all Mai said as she walked deeper into the hull of the ship, far below the deck and away from any guards. Mai smirked to herself, happy with her work. She may not have bending, but she had more control than most people believed.
The prison cells of the vast ship were almost completely empty. Not many prisoners were brought back alive from the fall of Ba Sing Se. The long hallway of cages ended as Mai came upon a sturdy door with the largest prison cell hidden behind it. Thankfully no guards were protecting this particular door, making it easy to push the door open and step inside without anyone bothering to notice her. Mai lifted her candle, letting the light spread across the space in front of her.
The light flooded the room, casting shadows across the room while illuminating the old man on the ground in front of her. His beard and hair was scraggly hanging around his face. He was slumped facing towards the front of the cell. He met her gaze levelly, not at all surprised to see her there. "It's nice of you to visit me, young Lady Mai," Prince Iroh whispered, his voice was raw like he had not had to drink water in several days.
"I thought you could do with a visitor." Mai settled herself on the floor in front of the retired general, trying to appear like the dirt on the rusty metal floor did not bother her. "I came to ask you about something."
The corner of Iroh's mouth tilted up. "You were always good at getting straight to the point, young Mai. It seems like you have not aged a day," he said kindly. "I'm afraid I am not in the mood to share my knowledge, right now, however. You will have to excuse my great age. It is very late in the night for an old man like me to be awake."
Mai pursed her lips. "What happened to Zuko?" Mai blurted out with a slight hesitation.
Iroh looked at Mai with a sad expression and did not speak for several minutes. For a second time that night, Mai sat patiently for an explanation. Uncle Iroh sighed. "I do not like speaking too much of Prince Zuko's past, but I am afraid it is not as long ago as I wish it were." Iroh took another beat of silence, taking time to look at the bars of his cell. "Prince Zuko had a hard time as a child, and even harder since his banishment. He has not had people he could put trust in. When he did, he did not know how to trust." Iroh raked a hand through his scraggly hair before settling his hands over his stomach. "Prince Zuko was banished under the terms that he had disgraced his family and dishonored his family in the war room and in an Agni Kai. Prince Zuko could not return to his land until he found and captured the Avatar. He was given a small ship and a crew of poor sailors and old, disgraced officers."
"What happened in the war room...and the hall of the Agni Kai?" Mai asked. She knew the subject had to be painful as Iroh's face scrunched up before he settled his face in a blithe expression. His reflexes were becoming slow on this ship. He hid his emotions much slower than he used to. Mai suppressed a shiver at the idea of being stuck in this cell for as long as he had. She shook herself, reminding herself that he was a traitor. He deserved to be down here. He only mattered now to her because he had information.
Iroh's mouth pinched together as he met Mai's eyes for the first time during their conversation. "He spoke out of turn during a war meeting. He spoke out against a general who declared that they would use fresh troops as bait during the battle at Ba Sing Se-"
"That's suicide," Mai blurted out, surprised at the information so much so that she did not filter her thoughts.
General Iroh nodded grimly. "It was. Speaking out against a general means speaking out against the Firelord." Iroh nodded at Mai's widened eyes. "I was there," he murmured. "The general declared an Agni Kai against Prince Zuko and Prince Zuko accepted."
Iroh took a break and swallowed. He made a pained expression. "Do you perhaps have water on your person, Lady Mai?"
Mai shook her head, but made to get up. "I can get you some." It did not take Mai long before she came back with a flask of water. She handled it carefully to the old man and he guzzled it down.
"Where was I," Iroh mused, handing back the flask of water. "The Agni Kai," he said forebodingly. "Zuko accepted the Agni Kai with the general, however what he did not know was that because he spoke out against the general, he spoke out against the Firelord."
Mai remained silent, listening intently. This was so far in line with what Azula told her, but she wondered when it would stray.
Iroh shook his head. " Prince Zuko did not find out, however, until he was turned around on the day of the Agni Kai and was met with his father. Prince Zuko begged for forgiveness, getting on his knees and he told his father he would not fight him." Iroh grew quiet. "I had to look away as a terrible firelight filled the room." There was a pause. "Zuko could not open his eyes for a week. As soon as he woke, his father declared him banished and sent him on a mission to find the Avatar."
Mai shook her head, not being able to comprehend everything. "So that's why Zuko's dream has someone-" Mai paused in thought. Her head shook with the impact of the story. "Are you sure that is what happened? Azula said-"
"You don't think Azula lies?" Iroh asked, crossing his arms across his stomach. "If you already know everything, why ask? If all is known, what is there to gain? Did my niece send you?"
Mai let out a deep sigh. "No. I am here of my volition." Mai let the silence between them lengthen. She spent the time staring at Iroh while listening to the deep creaks in the boat. "Zuko can't see out of his left eye."
Iroh raised his eyebrows in slight surprise. "I'm surprised he told you that." Iroh settled his face. "I, myself, found out on my own."
"Is this what really happened?" Mai questioned after a few beats of silence.
"Ask Prince Zuko"
"He told me about his nightmare of the day, but it sounds too terrible to be real. He won't tell me what he really sees."
Iroh shrugged. "What makes you think he should?"
"Because he's coming back home. He trusts me. He's safe now, I don't know. I don't think he even knows what he sees in those dreams. It's like he doesn't want to believe it." Mai paused. "Why did you tell me all of this? You could have just remained silent." There was a beat and she narrowed her eyes. "Is it the truth?"
Uncle Iroh gave Mai a calculating look, and did not say anything for several seconds. Finally he took a measured breath in. "Can I ask you something?" he said, stalling. "What reasons should he believe that here is his true home? Do you think that he believes those reasons? Should he?" Iroh paused again. "Did you know that when Zuko spoke out against innocent soldiers, that were to be sent in to die for the good of the country, he was right? Did you know that when he spoke out of "turn" it was because he knew what was right, Mai? Did you know that Prince Zuko could have left with the Avatar, but chose to come home? Is that the wrong choice? How many innocent lives are being lost every hour? What is the truth anymore when our nation is forcing a war on millions of other peoples and claiming it to be our divine right? What is the truth you believe, Lady Mai? What is the truth that Zuko should believe? You know the boy. Would he ever speak out against his father unless it was truly something terrible?"
"He's changed."
"But so have you," Iroh countered.
"I had to," Mai murmured.
Iroh nodded in confirmation. "We all had to change."
She stared Iroh down, looking for hints in his expression. "Why did you do it?" she said, alluding to the reason he sat behind bars.
"Prince Zuko always wanted to come home." Iroh explained. "I missed home as well, but where this boat is heading is no home that I know." Iroh broke Mai's eye contact and he stared up, as if the spirits could hear him. "Prince Zuko is a very complex young man, and I do not think many people fully understand him, and I do not think even he understands himself at times. I think he has a long road ahead of him that will need guiding, and... unfortunately I cannot help him this time."
"But everything will be back to normal," Mai pointed out. "What guidance does he need when his dad will welcome him back and things can go back to normal?"
"What is normal anymore?" Iroh glanced at Mai.
Mai stared at him blankly. "We are at war, General Iroh. It is as normal as we can get."
"But will the war ever end? What will it look like then?"
Mai caught Iroh's gaze again and she felt something click on in her brain. She understood him, and it scared her.
Mai huffed and stood up, suddenly. "I am, unfortunately, not in charge of what happens during the war; I am just along for the ride. I shouldn't be coming to a traitor for advice." Mai brushed off the imaginary dust on her robes. "Thanks anyway for your 'help'." She turned her back on the former general and started to walk away when his voice called out after her.
"That burn was no accident. His father gave it to him."
That made Mai pause.
"I was there at the Agni Kai. I know you weren't, young Mai, but you must believe me. When Prince Zuko faced his father he begged for forgiveness, as I said earlier...He begged for forgiveness on his knees and apologized over and over and yet his father saw fit to end the Agni Kai by maiming his own son's face with the fire from his fist."
Mai turned around, her eyes wavering slightly as she met the pained expression of the man before her.
"I was the one to treat the wounds when Prince Zuko was banished. I trained him. I was the first to notice he couldn't see me when I came from his left. I trained him so he would be less afraid." Iroh shook his head. "He shouldn't be afraid in the first place. You need to understand, young Mai, that that burn scar was not a mistake. It was an intentional act by another."
"Why are you telling me this?" Mai repeated her question from earlier in a quiet voice, almost scared of her own emotions bleeding through her well kept mask.
"I thought you should know that Prince Zuko is not someone who has simply had a hard life or an unlucky life. If you want to be one of the stepping stones to help him stand on his own you must understand where he comes from." Iroh sighed and shuffled, slowly turning himself around so his back was to her, however he paused in his turn to look back at her over his shoulder. "The White Lotus tile opens wide to those who know her secrets," he murmured just for her ears to hear before he dismissed her with his silent manner.
Mai gave Iroh a confused look, unsure of how to react. She wanted to ask him more questions, but he would not be answering anymore of her questions this late into the night. Mai left, walking up several stairs to make her way back to her quarters. Mai carefully locked the door behind her and settled herself in a chair that was adjacent to a small port window. Through it shined a barely lit moon, but the little light that was offered helped in calming Mai's thoughts.
Who to trust? The traitor who was kept in the prison of the ship, or her childhood friend who held power over everyone around her? The prince or his uncle; the prince or his sister? Mai dug her nails into the palms of her hands and chewed at her bottom lip. Nothing was making sense and every night spent with a member of the royal family only confused matters more. Mai had no idea anymore who lied and who was telling the truth. Who would benefit from the truth? Who would benefit from a little white lie? Mai had heard so many versions of Zuko's banishment that she had no idea what actually happened. But in a way, she did. She had a feeling that the one traitor on the ship was telling the truth. His story reflected the visions of Zuko's nightmare, unlike the rest of the gossip she had heard. However, the truth was more horrifying than the lies she had been told.
Mai groaned again and let the back of her head hit the top of the seat. She stared up at the ceiling, glaring at it. Soon enough, sleep came to claim her, and her worries disappeared by morning.