For a long moment, everyone in the kitchen makes uncomfortable eye contact with each other. The kettle whistles, breaking the silence. Perry pours himself some tea, but nobody moves to say or sign anything.
Finally, Perryborg puts an incredulous voice to what they're all thinking. "What do you mean, that's all?"
And, the teacher asks, how is a time machine going to help us get back to our own dimensions?
"I can explain. Think of dimensions like a bunch of marbles, right?" Heinz pulls a handful of marbles out of the pocket of his lab coat, setting them on the table.
Perry briefly wonders where the heck the marbles came from (they certainly weren't there before), before deciding that it really isn't important.
"Usually," Heinz continues, "they're all scattered around. About every five hundred years, they align, so that they're all almost touching, and that's how we were able to travel between."
He pushes a few of the marbles around so they collide. "But when they do touch, weird things happen. Usually, living things from one dimension pop over into the next. It's how that weird giant floating baby head, you know the one, ended up in this dimension."
Weirdly enough, that makes sense.
So all of our dimensions collided, the teacher signs, understanding dawning on everyone's faces, and we ended up in this dimension.
The other Perry laughs. What are the odds of that?
This is Danville, Perry signs. Weirder things have happened.
The platypus taps his watch. "Right," Heinz says, "the time machine. So it would take a lot of power to send you all back through dimensional space to your home dimensions. Probably more power than the entire Tri-State Area's power grid, ten times over."
Perry's eyes go wide. He remembers having to use (nearly) the amount of one power grid to retrieve Heinz at the end of their last dimensional adventure. Ten times over- that's a lot of power.
"Good news is, there's a way to cut down on all that power. Bad news, well, that's where the time travel comes in."
So we have to travel back to when the dimensions were all closer, and use your old -inator? The other Perry guesses.
"Well…no. There's more to it than that."
Perry sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. Of course it isn't going to be that simple.
"What, we've still got twenty chapters left. Besides, if we run into our past selves, we completely cease to exist. So, y'know, there's that."
Around the table, eyes go wide. Oh. Completely ceasing to exist would be a Very Bad Thing.
"Anyway," Heinz says, as if he didn't just completely drop that bombshell. "Another thing that's created when multiple dimensions collide at once is an artifact. Something really cool, and powerful, like the Holy Grail. I don't know if that's actually one of them, but it might be. Who knows. And these artifacts are going to, together with you guys, act like a sort of a magnet. Which means the dimensions are going to get super close, then I can zap you all back home without completely draining every circuit in the entire Tri-State Area."
He pauses. "Actually, that would have been a really good evil scheme. I should write that one down."
Perry narrows his eyes.
"Don't worry," Heinz says, smiling reassuringly, "it's not like I'll actually do it."
The other Perry looks up from the table. Wait- why not?
"Oh, you know, it creates so much paperwork for Perry, since I've gone good now."
A strange, unplaceable expression comes over the other Perry's face. Gone...good? What?
"Um, yeah? Or at least, neutral, it's not like I've joined OWCA or anything."
Although Heinz being an OWCA agent would certainly be entertaining, it also doesn't exactly seem like something that suits him. No, Perry's glad to see him inventing and creating without the need to make it evil.
The other Perry stares at the table. Huh. Well, go on then.
"That's kinda it. We have to build a time machine and go get artifacts out of the past, there should be three of them, so we can come back and send you all back to your home dimensions."
Do we know when we have to go back to? Perry asks.
"Um...no. If I had to guess, it would probably be within a few years of the dimensions colliding, in the past and the future. But we might also have to go into a really weird time, too. Like the seventies."
So we'll have to figure it out. Perry shrugs. At least we have an idea of what to do, right?
"Right. That's way better than where we were last night." Heinz claps his hands and stands up. "Now, who wants to build a time machine?"
As it turns out, building a time machine is...well, it's exactly as hard as it sounds. Inventing things that break the laws of physics is something done on a daily basis in Danville- but this is on another level. Time travel! It's something generally regarded as impossible.
But the concept of impossible has never been something that Heinz has cared about. So, they do their best to figure out how to build a time machine.
Heinz has drawn up a rough blueprint, and is now figuratively neck-deep in circuit boards.
Meanwhile, the platypus has been tasked with determining the time and vague location of the artifacts (being how he's the only Perry who's any good at math). Perryborg and the fedora-less Perry help Heinz build the thing, or at least run tests. Lots of tests.
Which leaves Perry and the teacher to find some sort of "enclosed vessel, about the size of a small closet" to put the actual time machine into.
That part turns out to be easier said than done. Phone booths and police boxes are definite articles of the past, and as such are nearly impossible to find. Cars are rather cliche, porta potties are nasty, and bus stops aren't enclosed and are also city property. (Not that Perry would be unwilling to steal a bus stop.)
So they wander around downtown Danville, looking for some sort of inspiration.
So, Perry asks in an attempt to make conversation, there's a pandemic going on in your dimension?
The teacher sighs, nodding. It's been a very weird year and a half in my dimension. Let me tell you- teaching online completely sucks.
Perry winces. It really would, wouldn't it. There have been the occasional required OWCA seminars held through video conferences- those are enough of a pain as it is. And going through that every day, with high school students?
Everything's just been so messed up, the teacher continues, it's hard to think of anything that hasn't been affected. In a way, it's nice to go to a dimension that isn't affected, just for a little while.
I bet. In that case, it's probably best to change the subject. Briefly, he racks his brain for something that would be better to talk about. Have you and your Heinz gotten married yet?
The teacher nods, smiling broadly. A little over two years ago, in June.
And he proposed, if I remember correctly?
He did. The teacher smiles knowingly. Let me guess, you're planning on asking soon?
Perry's face goes warm, and he nods, a small smile spreading across his face almost unconsciously.
My advice is to make it special, but don't worry about making it perfect.
Perry nods. He's well aware of the fact that everything that involves Heinz is going to go haywire in some way.
Like this latest adventure. Time travel, huh? Here's hoping they don't get stuck in the past, or at least stuck permanently.
After nearly an hour of pointless wandering with absolutely no progress, they finally decide to give up the search.
I can't think of anything, the teacher signs. Can you?
Perry shakes his head. Nothing. Maybe we should go back and ask the others if they have any ideas.
They pass by an appliance store on their way back to the Doofenshmirtz Not-Evil, Inc building, where a display full of refrigerators is in the window.
Perry does a double take. Wait a minute. A refrigerator! That's it! Enclosed, about the size of a small closet, and since there's an unused one in the basement of the Doofenshmirtz Not-Evil, Inc building, they don't even have to steal one.
He elbows the teacher, relaying that idea to him. (Never has he ever been this excited- or heck, even excited at all about a fridge. Then again, it's been a strange day.)
Fortunately, the refrigerator in the basement is exactly what they've been looking for.
Unfortunately, it's just a bit too big to fit in the elevator, so they're left attempting to get a refrigerator up from the basement, and forty flights of stairs up to the lab.
In the end, after ten solid minutes of looking at the refrigerator and cursing at it, Perry remembers that Heinz did in fact build an -inator to do exactly this (metal is heavy, who knew?), and the refrigerator is taken up to the lab.
And they're just in time, too. The others have just finished the innards of the time machine, and it takes almost no time at all to install them in the refrigerator.
So who's going where? The teacher asks, then pauses. I mean, when. Jeez, this is confusing.
"I know, right?" Heinz says, putting the final touches on the time machine and setting down his tools. "There's five of you, and you're all the same person, and now there's time travel too."
I feel sorry for whoever writes this down in the future, other Perry signs.
Perry nods. They'd have to be crazy to attempt to record something like this. And anybody trying to read that? Good luck.
"Anyway. I think we should send you-" he points at Perryborg "-and you-" he points to the platypus "to the future, since you'll probably blend in better there than anywhere else. What with the metal arms and being a sentient platypus, and all."
Perryborg and the platypus look at each other, then nod. The platypus holds out a thumbs-up.
"Perry and I will go to 1969, since we have to build an actual rocket and go to the moon. Which means you two are going to the past- 1952, right?"
The platypus makes a switching motion with his fingers.
"Right, right. 1592. My bad."
The teacher shrugs. Sounds good to me. As long as we don't catch the black plague.
"Meet back here...oh, let's say an hour from now. That should give us enough of a buffer zone, in case anything goes wrong and anybody has to come into this timeline for anything. Does everybody remember the rules?"
Everyone nods. No meeting yourself, Perry signs.
-try not to influence any significant historical events- the other Perry adds. (They must have come up with more time travel rules while he and the teacher were out finding the refrigerator.)
"-and no matter what, don't forget where you left the time machine," Perryborg finishes.
"Alright. You two-" Heinz gestures towards Perryborg and the platypus "-go first."
They step into the time machine, and with just a zap, they're gone. Either it worked or it didn't- but either way, they sure aren't here and now anymore.
The teacher and the other Perry get in next (it's rather amusing to see both of them squished to fit), and with another soft zap, all the other Perrys have been sent around in time. Heinz opens the door of the refrigerator and takes Perry's hand.
"Ready, love?"
Perry takes a deep breath and nods. Ready to travel back in time and go to the literal moon? He's about as ready as he'll ever be.
"Here we go."