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Reid arrived back at the BAU two weeks later looking tanned and reasonably content, talking excitedly about whatever it was he'd been doing until Morgan shut him down, clearly uninterested.
Spencer tried the others too but they too refused to listen and Spencer stood there uncertainty as if reconsidering returning to the BAU. He made no attempt to approach Hotch or to talk about anything not work related, going to Gideon rather than Hotch for everything that he could, and treating Hotch strictly like a junior agent would treat a unit chief not responsible for their direct supervision.
Hotch wanted to pull him aside and remind him that he worked with profilers, and that it was a good thing that they hadn't wanted to listen to whatever story he'd made up to explain his absence, and to check that the young man was coping as well as he appeared to be but Reid made it very clear that he didn't want to talk to him.
Having Reid back in the office was stressful but Hotch had to admit to himself that even with the young man avoiding all personal contact with him and seeing the occasional sadness in his expression when he forgot or was too tired to mask it, he somehow felt better to have Reid there where he could see him and know he was alive and well. He also had to admit that the young agent's emotional resilience and ability to cut himself off from his personal situation hurt him a little even though he was grateful that their situation wasn't affecting the team. It also hurt more than a little that Reid never approached him directly anymore, every report idea or interaction while in the office went through Gideon and even in the field he turned to talk to whoever else was present or called Gideon on the phone and did his best to never be alone in the room with Hotch.
Several weeks later Aaron thought things had reached a new normal, it wasn't ideal but he could live with it and Reid hadn't applied for a transfer or approached him demanding more so he supposed that the younger agent was coping well enough.
Hotch walked into the cafeteria to quickly grab a sandwich between meetings when he heard a couple of agents heckling Reid. He stopped just out of sight, unsure whether the young genius would welcome his assistance. Their relationship had remained quite strained since his revelation.
The two men were jeering at Reid for still being on probation with the FBI.
"No I'm not," Reid argued confidently.
"Then why haven't they ordered you a nameplate for your desk?" One asked reasonably.
"Trust us Reid. That means your days with the BAU are numbered and no other departments are willing to take you. Do yourself a favour and pack your things and leave before you have to face the humiliation of being publicly sacked," the second said trying to sound sympathetic.
Reid flushed and turned to leave the cafeteria without eating. Once he was out of earshot, Hotch confronted the two agents, both of who had applied for the position on the BAU and been declined as they did not have the qualifications or the skill at profiling before Gideon brought Reid onto the team and glared at them both.
"I ought to write you both up for harassment. You can rest assured gentlemen that Special Agent Reid is a valued member of the BAU and the reason he didn't get a nameplate when his probationary period was over was that he was already being considered for early promotion from Agent to Special Agent and is now being considered for promotion to SSA. I have to fend off transfer requests from a dozen different departments who want Reid's skills an genius every week. You can also be very sure that the BAU will never have room for any agent who backstabs or bullies colleagues behind their backs and cannot work well with other agents or law enforcement personnel who have a different personality type than their own," Hotch said sternly. He considered buying Reid some lunch but sadly decided that the gesture wouldn't be appreciated coming from him, and he couldn't even guarantee Reid would want to eat anything he'd brought him. Not to mention he didn't want to draw the rest of the team's attention to the two of them that way.
Two days later Spencer arrived to find a nameplate with his name on it sitting in prominent place on his desk. He smiled and looked around to see if anyone was watching to see his reaction, surprised to see Hotch leaning on the railing looking down with a guilty expression on his face.
Spencer looked down and started to work on the consults on his desk. Half an hour later he picked up the file he was reading and moved to the stairs as if he was going to ask for a second opinion.
"I take it you heard about the confrontation I had in the cafeteria the other day," Spencer said to Hotch.
"I overheard the conversation and I apologise that my oversight caused you distress," Hotch replied.
"You mean that you're sorry that your personal issues led to me being disrespected by other agents and made me less effective at my job, potentially harming my career and making it more difficult for me to transfer to another team," Spencer replied bitterly. He was well aware that Hotch was doing everything he could to prevent Haley from learning Spencer's name, and he didn't blame the older agent though it hurt even more to be passed over for someone that Hotch couldn't even be fully open and honest with. The problem was that Hotch's behaviour, as well as constantly reminding Spencer how it felt to be rejected by his soul mate it was stopping Spencer from feeling like he was an integrated part of the team. He felt like he couldn't join in with any team outings that Haley was likely to attend and the only times he was sure she wouldn't was when the team went out the night after finishing a case while they were waiting for the plane to be ready to bring them home or when they went clubbing which he hated. He went anyway but most of the time he ended up leaving early and alone after Morgan, Brannon, JJ and Garcia found other people to dance with.
"You're wrong Reid, I do not want you to transfer out of the BAU, you are becoming a valued member of the team and the work you do is well above the level expected of an employee of your experience," Hotch said sincerely.
Aaron watched his subordinate leave, upset that something as small as providing a nameplate for his desk, something that was usually celebrated by new agents could hurt the young man so much because he hadn't done the right thing and given it to him back when he'd earned it, when it would've been welcomed with smiles and congratulations from the team instead of the awkwardness that occurred today. Back months before Reid had even known the reason Hotch didn't want Haley to know his name. He remembered his own internal excitement and feeling of belonging he felt receiving his first nameplate and felt guilty for denying Reid that experience.
The next day he noticed that instead of being prominently displayed like most other new agent's name plates it had been pushed to the side so you'd have to walk directly behind his desk to read it. Hotch appreciated the consideration but was even more ashamed that he'd denied the young man such a basic symbol of belonging for so little reason when he should have trusted that Reid would've understood the problem of having his name plate in view of the path Haley would take when she visited Aaron.
-o0o-
Three months later towards the end of the day Spencer made an effort to try to talk to Hotch about something not BAU related for the first time since the night he'd found out they were soul mates. Aaron looked up anxiously, worried that Reid was going to ask for a transfer out of the unit and wondering how he would cope not knowing when he would see him again.
"Hotch there's an article being published today that I think you should have a heads up about. It's a report about a project I worked on before coming to the BAU and went back to help finish a few months ago. They included my name and a captioned photo of the team that worked on the project. I'm sorry I didn't realise that they were going to, or I would've warned you earlier. The photo is recent and I'm fairly recognisable in it. I don't want you to be blindsided if Haley has seen it," Spencer said trying to sound apologetic about the inconvenience to Hotch, instead of sounding justifiably proud of the article, which he was.
"I wouldn't worry Reid, Haley doesn't read scientific publications," Hotch said dismissively.
"It was in the 'Los Angeles Times' the 'Houston Chronicle' and was picked up by 'USA Today'," Spencer replied bitingly, before turning and leaving.
He didn't see Hotch look up in shock and was gone before the unit chief could stop him and ask about the article or the project he'd been involved in that garnered that much media attention and the younger man refused to engage the unit chief in any conversation as he finished his day and packed up and left.
Hotch couldn't resist stopping on his way home and purchasing a copy of the paper 'USA Today', sitting in a coffee shop to look through it and read the article. Dr Spencer Reid was prominently featured and Hotch recognised him in the picture. He could tell from Reid's haircut that the photograph was probably taken during the time the younger agent had taken off after Hotch had told him that they were soul mates. It hit Hotch in the gut that his soul mate could look so handsome, relaxed and happy away from him so soon after being told they were soulmates, while he had been feeling almost sick with fear that Reid would send in his resignation and just disappear. He was also upset that Reid hadn't looked like that while he was around since his revelation. It took Hotch a while before he calmed down enough to read that Reid had been part of the team that had put together the two Mars Exploration Rovers that had won the contract to be used by the next NASA expedition to Mars, before leaving the paper on the table as he walked out. They didn't subscribe to 'USA Today' and Haley wasn't particularly interested in astronomy or space exploration so there was a good chance she wouldn't see the article unless the story was picked up by one of the broadcast news networks she occasionally watched.
Inwardly he was very impressed and proud of the work Reid had done, not to mention extremely grateful that he'd chosen to return to the BAU after finishing the project, he was sure that the young agent had been inundated with job offers and other interesting projects after such a huge success. He was also regretful that he'd been so dismissive with the younger man. He realised that this was the project he'd tried to tell the team about when he returned from the leave he'd taken after Hotch told him they were soul mates and was saddened that none of the team had listened long enough to realise that he wasn't just babbling about science but that this was a really big deal for him. He wondered whether it was this incident as well as the soul mate issue that had led to Reid withdrawing socially from the team as much as he had.
-o0o-
Spencer was still so annoyed by Hotch's dismissal of his warning and the article he'd been featured in when he arrived home that he emailed a couple of academic colleagues about projects they'd asked him to join that he'd previously intended to decline, explaining why his time was limited and he might be unavailable for days at a time without notice but if they still wanted him on the project he was interested. He figured if Hotch was going to be that dismissive about the risk of Haley seeing his work he wasn't going to care about the exposure these high profile projects might give him, and he wanted things to concentrate on outside the BAU.
Surprisingly, (well, surprisingly to him, he would've been shocked to find out it wouldn't have surprised anyone else who knew of his academic brilliance and ability to problem solve) most of the project co-ordinators were thrilled that he was interested and were prepared to deal with the fact that he would be unable to be contacted or return calls while his team were away on a case. Reid's speed of thinking and processing information and broad range of knowledge and experience meant that he could potentially contribute as much in a few hours a week as many of the more junior members would working on a project full time. So Spencer filled all his off duty hours and weekends working on projects, taking extra days off when needed. The Bureau were pleased to let him have the time, aware that having such a high profile genius as an agent was more than worth the extra time off without pay to allow him to remain involved in outside interests. They hoped it would prevent him from being lured away from them full time if they gave him the leeway to work on outside projects as well.
-o0o-
Elle had been on the BAU for four cases before she asked Morgan and JJ what was going on between Hotch and Reid. At first she hadn't been surprised that the Unit Chief had little patience for what she saw as the probationary agent's over-eagerness to impress and rambling about only semi-relevant facts during the case, but the avoidance between them was more than that and definitely went both ways which didn't fit her original profile of the situation. She'd puzzled over it but couldn't find an explanation that made sense so she almost reluctantly asked her new colleagues for the dirt on the situation.
"What do you mean? There's nothing going on between them," Morgan replied.
"I never see Reid go into Hotch's office, everyone else goes in to ask advice or get stuff signed off but Reid never does, and Hotch never stops by his desk for anything either," Elle said.
"Hotch doesn't supervise Reid because Gideon is Reid's mentor due to the fact that he was the one who found him and convinced him to join the FBI," Morgan said. "It's normal that Reid looks to Gideon for mentoring and leadership."
"It's more than that. Can't you see that Reid and Hotch don't get along, they put up a decent front in front of other people but they seem to avoid looking at each other and barely talk to each other about anything unless it's case related and even then there's a tension between them that neither of them shows when talking to anyone else on the team. I've never seen them paired together on assignments or room allocations which is odd, and has to be Hotch's decision. Did Hotch protest his inclusion on the team?" Elle asked.
"Before he met him, sure, but then we all did. We'd only heard about his degrees and we were expecting this fifty year old academic having a midlife crisis," JJ admitted, laughing.
Elle laughed.
"We all had concerns at first, Reid had so many physical waivers in his file it was like having a consultant rather than an agent on the team. But Hotch was the one that ended Reid's probation early and put him up for promotion to SSA early as well, if he hadn't wanted him on the team he wouldn't still be here. Reid has more than proved his value to the team," Morgan said.
"So what's going on with the two of them? You can cut the tension between them with a knife," Elle said.
"Are you sure you're not imagining things or blowing a small issue out of proportion?" JJ asked.
"They don't ever room together," Elle pointed out.
"Well no, Spence always shares with Gideon," JJ replied off handed, as if that were obvious and nothing to do with Hotch and Reid.
"But even the few cases Reid came on during Gideon's sabbatical, he roomed with me and Hotch was by himself," Morgan said thoughtfully.
"But he's the unit chief, isn't it normal that if anyone gets to room by himself it would be the chief?" JJ asked.
"No not necessarily, it's not like Hotch to set himself above the rest of us like that, I know he has more paperwork than us, even during a case and he has the right to make that choice but he never did before. We used to have take turns who got to room on their own and who shared with Craddock who used to wake us up talking in his sleep," Morgan replied.
"Elle's right, something is up. Have you ever noticed that both of them almost never come out with us if they know the other is coming and that they always check before they agree?" Penelope asked.
"Who backs out?" Elle asked.
"I don't know, I think it depends on who we ask first. Bossman doesn't agree to go out with us very often anyway, he wants to get back to Haley and my Buttercream says he has homework or a meeting to collaborate on a paper or project," Garcia replied.
Elle nodded as if that made perfect sense to her. "I was surprised that he was an agent once I realised who he was. I expected he'd be working for NASA or some private company making millions," she said.
"What do you mean when you realised who he was?" Morgan asked.
"I'd been on the team a couple of weeks and I saw him smiling, really genuinely smiling and he looked familiar in a way he hadn't before, so I googled him. He was on the team that designed and built the Mars Exploration Rovers that they're sending into space next month to attempt explore Mars. There was a picture of the design team in 'USA Today'. He looked so relaxed and happy in the photograph that I didn't recognise him when I met him on the case," Elle explained.
"I don't know whether I'm more worried that he did something so amazing and didn't tell us or that you said that you barely recognised him because he looked happy in the picture," JJ said sadly.
Well this isn't exactly a job where people can go around grinning in happiness, and with his memory it must be hard to let the dark things go, and maybe he worked on the Mars robots before he joined the team," Elle replied.
"He used to smile though, not in front of victims or when it was inappropriate but that first year he was here he was happy, but it's been a long time. I never noticed before now, I wonder what changed," JJ said sadly.
"It could be losing the team in Boston? He was here before that, wasn't he?" Morgan asked.
"Yes he was, luckily he was off doing something else that week or we might have lost him too. But he stopped smiling a while before that now I think about it," JJ replied.
"How long ago was this?" Morgan asked as they followed Garcia back to get lair so she could look it up. "This is the haircut he had after I joined the BAU, and I remember him buying that shirt," Garcia said. "Why didn't he tell us?"
JJ remembered when he'd taken leave in the first year after joining the BAU and come back all excited and babbling about some technological breakthrough. "Oh! I think tried to, and we wouldn't listen," she exclaimed sadly.
"Remember when he came back from his first leave so excited about something and babbling about it until we walked away or shut him up. That's when he stopped coming out with us whenever we invited him and it's about the same time he stopped smiling like that around us. The picture looks to have been taken about then."
She gestured to the newspaper picture.
"We did it?" Garcia asked horrified.
"It can't just have been that we didn't listen to him ramble on about something, he's always rambling and he doesn't seem to mind when we don't have time to listen," Morgan tried to reassure his baby girl.
"He rambled more back then though," JJ noted.
"A lot more, he never knew when to stop," Morgan agreed.
"Well what else happened back then?" Elle asked.
"He went on leave quite suddenly, we were surprised to hear that he'd joined a development project and wasn't ill," JJ recalled.
"Yeah he didn't say anything at all about it before he left on the Friday. That isn't like him, but a project like that would be weeks in the organising, not to mention getting the leave approved he had to have known," Morgan said frowning.
"That was the first project he did since starting at the BAU, since then he takes time off every three or four months for something or other that he doesn't talk about. I thought he was doing something for Homeland," Penelope said.
"He might be," JJ said. "Surely, he can't always be doing amazing things like this."
"What are you discussing so seriously?" Hotch asked.
"Where Reid goes when he's not here," Morgan replied at the same time as Garcia said, "Why my baby G-man doesn't smile anymore."
"What do you mean he doesn't smile? I've seen him smile," Hotch asked frowning. He knew it was true that Reid seemed very serious, professional and focussed on his work when he was around, but he hadn't realised that he was like that with the rest of the team all the time.
"Not like that," Penelope said brandishing the printout of the article Elle had shown them at him.
He took it and looked at it sadly. She was right, he hadn't seen Reid smile like that since about ten minutes before he'd told him they were soul mates. "It would look very inappropriate to be grinning like that at a crime scene or reading files or killers," Hotch made excuses.
"But he doesn't smile like that when he comes out with us either, not that he comes very often anymore either he always makes excuses. He's not happy anymore," Garcia said.
"Do you think that he wants to leave the BAU?" Morgan asked.
"He'd have job offers from all over the place if he did. I know white collar, cryptography and more that a dozen other departments and agencies declare their interest at least every six months," Hotch replied, trying to hide the pain in his chest the thought of Reid leaving caused.
"And he'd have offers from NSA, Homeland and probably every other Agency in DC not to mention NASA and every major think tank, college and university across the country, offers that no doubt pay a lot more than the Bureau. He's not here because he needs to be," Elle added.
Aaron nodded, trying to keep his face impassive so nobody noticed how much the thought of Reid leaving or even transferring somewhere he wouldn't be able to see him nearly every day hurt. He wondered if that's why Spencer stayed because as hard as it was for him to see Hotch and remember he'd been rejected it would hurt more not to see him.
A/N: Thank you to all those who reviewed followed or favourited this story for your support.
Stay safe everyone.