Chapter 4

QUINN POV
Jesus...this is worse than she imagined. I mean heroin? Our badass Latina who could spit out an insulting monologue in a snap...almost died from heroin. It was a lot for me to register considering I was still getting over the first shock of her heartbreaking self-harm habit. My face had to have seemed absolutely terrified. I had so many questions. She could obviously tell, "ask me anything Q, I can see it all over your face, you have questions."

I didn't know where to start...was it accidental or on purpose? When did this all start? How did she find help to get clean? Where was she when it happened? Who got her to a hospital? Why didn't she reach out to us? Why is she working in a bar if she's an addict? Is she still in therapy? So yeah I had questions...but I had to get something off my chest first so I took a deep breath in and looked her in the eyes and spoke softly to avoid the sob that is itching to come out, "I have more questions than you can possibly imagine. You just need to know that I am so fucking grateful that you are here alive with me right now."

I grabbed her hand that was still messing with my bracelet and laced my fingers through hers. I looked at her but she dropped her head and was looking at the bed. I brought my free hand to her chin and lifted it so that her glimmering eyes met mine.

"Santana I need you to look at me when I say this because I need to know you hear me. It's killing me to know that you have been fighting this without your friends by your side. If I had known about the OD, I would have jumped on the first flight to wherever the hell you were, no questions asked, no judgement. You are worth fighting for. Your life is worth living Santana. I know all of this, I can only hope you do too."

A few moments of silence passed while she took in what is said.

"I haven't told you yet, but I'm really glad you showed up today." Santana went back to her previous position of laying her head on my chest and wrapping her arm around my stomach. I held her close and traced my fingers up and down the length of her arm. God she was absolutely stunning...I found myself being completely content to relax with my long lost best friend in my arms for a while

We had apparently fallen asleep because my eyes flickered open and the bedside lamp was still on and a warm weight was still on my torso. Our legs managed to become entangled during our slumber, and I couldn't help but notice that Santana's hand was resting under my top on my bare stomach. I felt goose bumps appear on my arms at the softness of her touch. She had to be able to hear and feel my heart rate accelerating, considering her head was right there. I tried to breath my way through my feelings, but I was overwhelmed with the tanned goddess laying in my arms.

"I can practically feel you tensing up Q, even in my sleep. What's on your mind?" Santana's voice startled me out of the fantasy I was about to immerse myself in. I looked over at the clock on the nightstand and saw that it was almost 2 in the morning.

"It's been a while since we've had a slumber party San" I replied in a teasing tone to hopefully avoid having to admit what I was really thinking about the brunette in my bed.

Santana stirred out of her position and sat up. She popped her neck a few times before getting off the bed and heading to the bathroom. She was still not wearing a shirt from when I made her strip it a few hours before, and I had to stop myself from staring. I feel like I am catching up for 5 years without her and that if I take my eyes off her, she will just be gone. Especially after her confession to me earlier, I'm pretty sure I'm going to be worrying about my best friend every second of the day for the rest of my life.

I collapsed back onto the bed and throw my arms over my face. What am I even doing? I'm totally crushing on her. This is definitely not what she needs in her life right now. She just needs a friend. I can't be selfish with her anymore, I did that enough in high school. Just as I decided that I was going to play it cool and focus on just being there for her, she comes out of the restroom. She climbs onto the foot of the bed and made her way in my direction. She grabs my arms and pulls me into a sitting position, climbs on top of me and pulls me into a tight embrace. Her arms are around my neck and back and her body is flush up against mine. Even her legs wrapped around my hips and held me in place.

She softly whispers into my ear, "Thank you Quinn. For being here. I see a light at the end of the tunnel already." That's when I lace my arms around her waist and pull her into me even tighter. I never want to let her go, not ever again.

SANTANA POV

I meant what I was saying, I did see a light. Except my light wasn't symbolic like she was probably thinking; she was my light. I haven't felt real joy or love for anybody in years. But being here with her and having her squeeze me like she never wants to let go; this is life changing. I could do this with Quinn forever. It was almost magical how her just being here could change how I see myself. I had gone to the bathroom when we woke up in the middle of the night. I looked at myself in the mirror and for the first time, I didn't hate what I saw. I smiled. I had someone in the room next to me that still loved me despite my years of running and my detrimental mistakes. Her presence alone gave me a new perspective on my life and how I wanted to live it. I never would have thought that Quinn would be exactly what I need to heal. That's when I walked out of the bathroom and basically attacked the blonde with a bear hug.

We stayed in this position for a while. I was the first one to move, because I was worried that I was making Quinn uncomfortable by straddling her in this way. So I veered off of my best friend and sat on the bed next to her, knees still touching hers slightly. She reached up and pulled a piece of my hair back behind my ear causing me to look up and meet her eyes. I felt my skin flush a little bit at the eye contact.

"San are you ready to talk about anything else? We could call it a night seeing as it's really late, but since we are up and you seem to already have some energy back…."

She was right, I felt alive again. I realized in that moment how much time I have wasted feeling sorry for myself. It really does matter who you surround yourself with. I surrounded myself with well, nobody. That was my own fault.

"Honestly Q, you being here has really made me see what a fucking idiot I have been. I probably would've kicked all my bad habits a long time ago if I would've just put my trust in my friends from the beginning."

Quinn grabbed my hand and traced my knuckles with her free hand. It was yet another oddly gentle and loving gesture that I wouldn't have expected from Quinn. Something is seriously different about his girl and I can't place it. "Well there's no point in regretting all that now. How can I help you here and now?"

"You're doing it. You're here. I'm not alone for the first time."

"I'm serious Santana. The issues you're dealing with are serious and I can't on good conscious take it lightly. There has to be something more." She lifts my hand that she's still holding and kisses the back of it. What is going on with her?

"I'm serious too Q, your presence has rejuvenated me. I actually feel lighter already. I wish you could stay forever."

"Well, why can't I? I graduated, I haven't found a job yet. I have nothing tying me anywhere…so I could move here with you. We could be roommates! It could be fun, and you would never have to be alone again."

I cannot believe that she just offered to move to New York and basically take care of me. This is such a weird day. It's like every prayer or wish I've made is coming true today. I couldn't help but imagine what living with Quinn would be like. How many vicious slaps are we going to feed each other? "You're joking right? You want to live with me, the same bitch who called you tubbers and had multiple slap wars and bitch fights with?"

That got the exact reaction I wanted from Quinn, I missed hearing her laugh. It was so cute. "That was a long time ago Santana. Besides, now that I know how much you were going through back then, I really don't blame you for being such a raging bitch. It's not like you knew any better coping methods. Plus, you were hiding who you were to everyone, so I know that all of that was just you needing to be seen as tough. It was your security blanket, and I'm sorry I didn't see that earlier."

I really didn't want anybody I love to feel guilty and blame themselves about my situation. I really did do it all to myself. I have become a class A expert at closing myself off from the people that I loved; what can I say, I thought they were better off without me. "no don't apologize, you have nothing to be sorry for. I have nobody to blame but myself." I turn and collapse on my back with my head facing the foot of the bed. Quinn keeps body contact with me the entire time. I can't help but crave a little more of it.

Quinn matches my movements a few seconds later and twists onto her back on the bed next to me. Out of the corner of my eye I see her turn her head and look me up and down and I have to focus on my breathing to calm my pulse. I finally turn and meet her gaze. I watch Quinn think about her next words carefully; she always has worn her heart on her face. She gave a shy smirk and broke eye contact for a second. "Sorry for staring S, I've just imagined what this moment would be like countless times and I feel like I shouldn't be as happy as I am to be here with you."

"What do you mean?" I turn on my side and rest my head in the crook of my elbow to face her. She once again, mirrors me and looks up at me and I swear I melted in her eyes right there. I felt a pit in my stomach forming as I brace myself for her answer.

"I don't know. I mean a couple things I guess. I feel selfish being this happy when you have so much weighing you down. You just don't deserve it." She pauses, but I can definitely tell that she wants to say something else. I give her a glance telling her it is okay to continue. "And two, I shouldn't be feeling so happy to have the excruciating desire to kiss my long lost best friend."

I would normally have a witty retort but I couldn't seem to think of anything. Maybe I was right, the vibes she's been putting off all night has suggested she's anything but straight. Could it be true? Damn now I really regret staying away for this long. I guess I took too long to reply because Quinn sat up and hugged her knees into her chest. "We can forget I said that, how's that sound?"

I'm the biggest idiot in the world if I don't oblige her wish. I move over to sit in front of her, but Quinn's insecurity is getting the best of her, "No seriously this is totally not what you need right now, it's too confusing. Can we please just forget that I—" I couldn't let her keep talking and thinking that I didn't want her so fucking bad right now. I cupped the side of her neck and moved in and kissed her gently. I swear to god I saw stars. I was so intoxicated by how incredible her lips felt, who the hell needed booze and pills when Quinn Fabray's lips exist? She was surprised at first but I could tell she felt it too because she was the one who scooted herself closer to me and brought her hand up to run it through my hair. I decide to pull back quickly to tease her a bit, "Sorry Q I had to shut you up there." But shit if I had known she wasn't going to let me pull her back in for another heavenly kiss, I wouldn't have bothered.

QUINN'S POV

Holy shit. I have no words for this. I knew from the second I saw her earlier tonight that the connection we always had was still there. We just aren't the same immature teenagers anymore. It's different now, we don't have to one up each other or fight to keep our secrets. We can just feel. And oh man am I feeling things alright. When she pulled back from the kiss to make a remark, I snapped back to reality. I had to compose myself, but she leaned back in for more. As much as I wanted it, I couldn't. "Santana wait." She gave me a disappointing pout that turned to confusion. "I'm sorry I know I'm putting off so many mixed signals. I just feel the need to lay it all out there right now. Could be because I sometimes talk when I'm nervous, but I still think we have to talk about this because that, well, fuck it's just that doing what we are doing has the potential to change everything. In more ways than one." I could feel my anxiety building, and Santana could obviously tell because she grabs one of my hands into hers and squeezes, her other one resting on my thigh. She somehow knows that I have to get this out, so she doesn't interrupt. She lets me gather myself and I continue. "a lot has changed since you've been gone. Turns out I prefer sex with women." I laugh a bit through the words as I say them. "I can't tell yet if this," I point back and forth between the two of us, "is only happening because we are both vulnerable and we missed each other….but that kiss…that was—"

"exactly what I've been imagining since I saw you at Cheerios camp that first summer."

Did Santana Lopez just admit her a hidden decade long crush on me? My eyes widened as I looked at her again.

"but what about…?"

"Brittany? I only started that after I was sure you weren't an option. Since we are being completely honest and laying it all out on the table…" she locked eyes with me in that moment, "Your existence is literally what made me realize I was gay. Do you even know how breathtakingly beautiful you are Quinn?"

One thing that's changed about me since high school is that I'm much worse about taking compliments. I've gotten good at avoiding talking about myself. The only way I know how to respond to Santana's admission is to smile, blush and shy away, "We haven't talked about Brittany yet. You know, she never told us the details of what happened between you two. It has been the best kept secret of the Glee Club."

I saw Santana roll her eyes. "You're telling me that you want to talk about my ex-girlfriend when I'm sitting here telling you that I have been secretly pining over you ever since I had A cup boobs???" I couldn't help but laugh remembering the fight in the hallway we had when I told Sue about her "summer surgery" aka boob job.

She has a point. But I've also never been this nervous to be around Santana before. My body is telling me to jump the woman in front of me, but my mind is telling me not too. She has enough emotional damage she has to deal with without adding me to the mix. I mean how can we be sure this was a real connection we were feeling?

"Okay you're right I don't want to hear about that yet. Eventually, yes." I have to tell Santana what I'm thinking, but I don't want to insult her and have her think that I don't want her. I want this so bad it hurts. "But seriously, do you actually think this is going to be helpful for your situation? I feel like there are a lot more steps in your healing process to cross off the list before becoming romantically involved with your high school frenemy."

I watched her soak in what I was saying, quickly though because she had her response ready, "Before you showed up, my situation was hanging on by its last thread. I have officially gone over 8 hours without contemplating ending my life for the first time in way too fucking long. That's because of you, Q. listen to me, tonight I fell asleep in the arms of the woman of my dreams. That's what I know I feel about us."

I look down at where our hands are intertwined and she's rubbing her thumb slowly back and forth on my burning skin. I couldn't help but laugh at the situation we are in. "What is so funny Q?"

I look up at her still chuckling a bit, "We went from slapping each other, to not speaking for 5 years, to making out only hours after our reunion. We are weird." It did get a laugh out of Santana, along with a little bit of an eye roll.

"God it feels good to laugh again, especially with you." That's when she leans back into me slowly and my stomach twists in anticipation for our lips to meet again. When they do, all of my doubts about this wash away. I was kissing Santana Lopez and I am loving every second of it.

She expertly guides us under the covers and pulls me in close. I put my hands around her still bare waist and I feel her shiver against my touch. Up until this point the kiss was slow and steady, but Santana lightly began to flick her tongue against my bottom lip begging for permission to enter. I gladly parted my lips and accepted her tongue into mine. I have never felt this euphoric in my entire life. She brought her hands from the nape in my neck down to my stomach where the hem of my shirt ends. All I could think about was how her bare body would feel against mine. But she doesn't move to take off my shirt, she just lets herself feel my bare skin under my shirt like she just needed the human contact. She breaks the kiss momentarily to trace soft trails of kisses and licks on my neck and behind my ear, causing me to moan a little bit. She whispers into my ear, "this feels so good you have no idea, but we can't go any further, I'm out of practice." That's when she pulls away and meets my eyes again. I stared at her plump lips, craving more. "besides, my gut is telling me to take it slow with you." She kisses the tip of my nose and pulls me into her so that I'm lying on her chest this time and she has her arms around me.

"San, if we are going to do this can you promise me something?"

"Anything."

"I want you to call me or get my attention immediately when you are feeling your worst. I want to be the person you can trust to keep you from relapsing; with drugs, alcohol, self-harm, whatever. I don't think I would ever forgive myself if something happened to you on my watch."

SANTANA POV

It may take some getting used too. I don't think she quite understands how often those urges come up for me. "I can promise you that, but I can't promise that I won't end up annoying the hell out of you. I deal with those compulsions pretty much every second." That was a hard thing to admit.

Quinn looked up at me, "can you crave me instead?" Her husky voice sends a chill all the way down my spine. Now that is something I could definitely do. That sentence caused my insides to stir and my underwear to dampen slightly. I couldn't tell her that I haven't had real meaningful sex since Brittany. Yeah I know, doesn't sound like me at all. I was the one who compared myself to a lizard needed something warm underneath me to digest my food. Depression kicked me in the ass though. After my overdose, all my energy went to getting myself up for work. If I missed a shift, they called my therapist. It was the only way to keep myself accountable. I needed it to be that way in order to motivate myself to push through the day. I couldn't do it on my own, and I had to get creative while I was alone. Now I'm not alone, and I can't help but wonder how this is going to change things. I really hope the happiness I'm feeling now never fades.

"You say that like I haven't already been craving you for most of the last ten years."

Then Quinn kisses me. She kisses ME. This is a surreal experience that has only happened in the comfort of my dreams and fantasies. Painkiller highs were incredible, but it was nothing compared to this. I can't even remember feeling this deeply when Brittany kissed me. This is completely new territory. Once we started, we couldn't stop. It's like we were just so entranced in the moment that all we wanted to do was savor the way our lips melted so perfectly together. We kissed gently and lovingly for what could have been minutes or hours, taking small breathers to look into the others eyes or trail a few kisses elsewhere. I had to remind myself that this was actually happening a few times, and I couldn't help but just feel happy. We didn't need to go any further than this. This was all we needed tonight, comfort and closeness.

I assume this is how we eventually fell asleep, because next thing I know, sunlight is flooding through the half shut curtains. Quinn was already awake next to me and I was scared she was going to want to take it all back. That was only a brief concern because I saw her face light up with a shy yet adorable smile when she saw I was awake. "Good morning S," She says softly as she places a peck on my lips. "did you sleep okay?"

"Never better, I guess I have you to thank for that." I move to kiss her again.

"mhh feelings mutual" We share an intimate glance and we each let out soft smiles. We had just woken up and we already can't keep our hands off each other. I had this insane craving to just touch her soft skin. To lightly graze her arms and stomach and back; it just felt so good being close to her. After several minutes of silent body exploration, she decides it was time to get up and start the day. Some things never change! "so, I'm sorry to break the mood in the room, but what are your plans for the day? Seems to me like we have some things to figure out." She gives me a playful wink. If only she knew what that did to my body…

"Well funny because it would have been my weekend off, but seeing as you yanked me out of work yesterday, I may have to go in and make it up to him!"

"Not a chance. You underestimate me Lopez. Cyrus, is it? Anyways he said to tell you that he will see you on Monday. So if work is all that was keeping you away from me this weekend, problem solved." She once again gave me a knowing smile and kissed my lips before running off to the restroom and shutting the door and starting the shower. So many things are happening in such little time that I barely have time to process. Who am I kidding, this is Quinn Fabray I'm talking about. There is nothing to process; I've wanted this for years. If she wants it too, I will not let myself pass this up and I sure as hell will not ruin it by doing anything stupid. If Quinn Fabray wants ME despite everything she knows and has learned about me, I'm damn well going to make sure to be the best thing that ever happened to her. She thought prom queen was all she ever wanted? Well now she's my queen, and the thought of that makes me giddy with excitement. Last night was the beginning of the rest of my life.