CHAPTER 4
I waved goodbye to Jake from the front porch as he walked off into the woods. I immediately went inside and called Alice, who picked up before it had a chance to get through a full ring. While I waited for her I started cleaning up the kitchen. Since I had been in such a hurry to see Jake I hadn't done it this morning.
Alice knocked for appearances sake and then skipped into the room as soon as I opened my mouth to tell her to come in.
"Ugh, it smells rather wolfy in here, Bella. Though I'm glad nothing bad happened to you there." She looked me up and down. "Not a scratch on you," she declared. I turned around so she wouldn't see me roll my eyes.
"Yes, everything was fine," I replied as I finished the dishes and turned again to face her. "And the wolves know about Victoria now too. Apparently they've chased her away a few times already."
Alice nodded. "Carlisle wants to try to meet with them when he gets here."
"Tomorrow night?" I was looking forward to seeing him and Esme. Emmett too, with his giant bear hugs and always laughing at something. Rosalie would probably just avoid me again like before but I still missed her in a way.
"Yes, around dinner time. We can say we're doing one more thing in Seattle and Jasper and I want to have dinner with you in Port Angeles before we go home." Her face went blank and then nodded. "Yes, that works," she confirmed.
"Sounds good, I can manage it if you do the talking like always," I said. I was still a bad liar and all last summer when the Cullens wanted me to do something Charlie might object to. I just let Alice do the talking and lay on her vampire charms while I smiled and nodded in the right places.
"Of course!" She stated, "Charlie still likes me. But speaking of that, Edward will be here a little earlier than the others tomorrow. Before you're done with school." She looked at me carefully like she wasn't sure of my reaction.
I froze. "I don't know what I'm going to say to him, Alice." What if he just told me he didn't want me again?
"But you love each other. You just need to talk and it will work out."
I gaped at her, completely stunned. How could she believe that it could work out? Did she not know how he felt about me now? My blood went cold. I leaned against the counter and instinctively held myself together as I somehow managed to say the words that had haunted me for so long.
"He left, he doesn't love me," I whispered and shook my head. "He said he doesn't want me. I was just a distraction and he'll easily find another. Just because he feels responsible for stopping Victoria doesn't mean he won't just leave as soon as she's gone." I pulled my arms even tighter around the hole in my chest and tried to keep my breathing steady.
"Oh," Alice gasped, "I didn't know what he said to you when we left. He wouldn't tell us." She grabbed me in a tight hug. "He does love you, Bella, trust me. He made us leave because he thought you would be safer without us, I swear that's the only reason. Everything he told you that day was a lie. He's been just as miserable as you the past few months."
I closed my eyes and let my head droop against her shoulder as she held me.
"I want to believe you," I finally whispered. I had no idea what was real anymore.
"I know, and I know this will be hard for both of you for a little while longer." She released me from the hug and looked me in the eyes before continuing. "But you can work it out. And no one else in the family is going to agree to leave you like this again. Carlisle and Esme are absolutely firm about that."
I smiled a little at the thought of my second family wanting to stay with me. It made it a little easier knowing they at least wouldn't disappear again so suddenly. I still wasn't sure what to believe about Edward; him wanting to work it out with me seemed too good to be true. She repeated what she had said yesterday about wanting to protect me and that he lied to me. Why would he do that? And everything he told me that day was a lie? What else had he lied about? I was quickly giving myself a headache.
Before I could ask Alice my questions, Charlie walked in the door and we had to drop the conversation. She explained the same thing I told him last night and he definitely couldn't stay mad at her for long. She cheerfully distracted him during dinner by chattering about made up stories of things in LA and colleges she's thinking about. All the while my mind and heart both twisted into knots trying to decide what to do about seeing Edward tomorrow. Alice saying he lied to me played on a loop in my head.
Finally Charlie went to the living room to watch TV so that Alice and I could escape upstairs to my room. I flopped across my bed with my legs dangling over the side and covered my face with my arms. I felt Alice sit down next to me. Neither of us said anything for a while. She just let me think some more.
I wanted to see Edward again so badly but I had no idea what would happen when I did. I was still in love with him and my heart hurt more when I remembered Alice saying he was just as bad as I was. I think that's what I was most hung up on. He said he had distractions and that he would move on when he wasn't doing any of that. I at least wanted to make sure he was okay, even if he did decide to leave me again.
And if what Alice told me was true then he left due to some misguided notion to protect me. Would he only stay until Victoria was gone and I was safe again? The thought was almost too much to bear. Yet I also knew I couldn't just let go of the fact that he did all this without talking to me about it and chose to lie to me instead.
"I have no idea what I'm going to do," I finally moaned.
"I can see that," Alice said. "You're going to have to go with whatever comes to you in the moment." She tried to console me a little more. "It will take time but just remember that you still love each other and it will work out. I've seen it, honest."
Funny she would choose that word. "Honesty is going to be the main problem, I think." I took one arm away to look at her. "Since you insist that he lied to me, anyway."
"He did, Bella, you'll see." She pulled my other arm and made me sit up. "Now, can I play with your hair a little? Oh nevermind, let's find you an outfit for tomorrow that will make you look and feel amazing. You'll need the confidence." She patted my cheek and got up to rifle through my belongings. The way she thought about clothes still baffled me a little.
She had been at it about ten minutes when she declared it time for her to go say goodbye to Charlie, take her car home, and then come back through my window. The same routine he had followed before leaving. I walked her down to the door and then went back upstairs to take my nightly shower. When I got back to my room Alice was continuing as if she hadn't been interrupted at all. I think she was reorganizing my entire wardrobe into outfits now. She answered my other questions about the treaty which was pretty much what I already knew. And then I just sat on my bed quietly watching her and worrying about what would happen tomorrow.
When Charlie went to bed Jasper's head popped up in my window. "Evening, ladies." He smiled as he came inside. His eyes were even lighter gold than they were yesterday. He must be hunting extra to be around me.
"Hi Jasper," I said and Alice ceased her reorganization efforts to give him a quick kiss. I looked away from their display of affection.
"We won't stay much longer tonight Bella, you have school." Alice assured me.
"A few wolves are nearby too." Jasper explained. "I assume they are protecting you from Victoria as well."
I nodded. "I told them when I saw Jake today." Great, now I also had to worry about Jake staying safe from Victoria while he was running around in the woods all night.
"You're not going to sleep well feeling like this Bella, what's wrong?" Jasper asked.
"Edward," Alice answered for me.
"Ah, I'm sorry. Again." Jasper said with a frown.
"No. You're not to blame for this, Jasper." I shook my head fervently. I needed him to understand this. "Edward is the one who decided to leave and then he lied to me to do it. It was an accident. There are many other things we could blame for that night if you want. Like me for getting the papercut. Even the stupid wrapping paper for cutting me. Or Edward and Alice for throwing the whole party that I did not want in the first place." That last point kind of slipped out before I could stop it.
Alice gasped and covered her mouth. "I'm so sorry," she whimpered and buried her face in Jasper's chest. He rubbed her arms to comfort her.
"Alice." I sighed, feeling horrible that she was upset now too. "That's exactly what I mean. It was an accident. You didn't even see it beforehand. It's not like I decided to give myself a papercut. Something bad happened, many things led up to it and we can't pinpoint one exact thing to blame. We just have to try to move on and work it out like you've been saying."
"You're right, of course. I just never even thought of it that way, and I'm really sorry I pushed it on you so hard." She let Jasper go and came to hug me.
"You're just never allowed to throw me a party again," I teased. "Unless I explicitly ask for it." She laughed a little at that and squeezed me a little tighter.
"Thank you again Bella," Jasper said warmly. "And just so you know, the rest of us are not going to leave you again. Our family was not the same without you. No matter what happens between you and Edward, we're staying here."
Alice nodded quickly against my shoulder. "We won't let him do that to you again. I'm on your side until he stops being so stupid."
I looked at both of them and saw nothing but sincerity. "Thank you," I whispered, "that helps." It did. I felt a little better about talking with Edward, especially knowing Alice was backing me up. I just had to get through school tomorrow first and see what happened.
"I could help you fall asleep again, if you want," Jasper suggested, obviously still sensing my emotional conflicts. "We could stay if you have nightmares too."
That would be boring for them and Jasper certainly would be uncomfortable around me for so long. I sighed and shook my head. "You shouldn't have to stay. But I guess I wouldn't mind some help right now." My mind and heart were still at war over Edward and I could use all the help I could get.
"Can I come back to help you get ready for school?" Alice asked hopefully. She still looked a little upset.
"I guess so," I replied, knowing it would make her feel better. "But you're not waking me up any earlier than normal."
"Deal." She finally smiled at me again.
I smiled back and finally crawled under my covers and let Jasper use his power to make me feel warm and sleepy enough to ignore everything for at least a few hours. My nightmares didn't wake me until much later than usual that night.
A/N This story is beta-read by russianred88 and LittleCreatureLaughing on AO3 (go read their stories they're great!) and a couple other friends who do not have accounts here for me to credit but I am grateful to them anyway.
The next chapter brings the return of Edward! I truly started writing their reunion first but then Alice and Jake wouldn't shut up so now he doesn't come in until Chapter 5 which is just how the cookie crumbled I guess. Oh well.