Every morning when she woke up, she smiled. Janet hadn't left. Janet loved her too. The confidence she acquired travelled with her to the work place, where she now carried the hallmark of legend. No more dependable Sergeant Grieve; she was the cop who flipped Felix Murphy, and those around her were in awe. What surprised her most was how much she enjoyed the status. Her real motivation didn't matter. All people wanted to know was how she did it, and how it felt to be the one who made it in time, got the shot away, made sure the perpetrator would see justice. Cops could live out a whole career and not see that kind of action, never mind have the presence of mind to deal with it effectively in the moment. By the end of that first week back she was approached by two of her seniors who insisted she put herself forward for the relevant exams, confirmed that she was already being considered for promotion. The one cop in the department who personified modesty and self-possession was finally on her way up, and everyone was delighted for her.

She felt herself thrive. It was what had been missing in the years before Janet. Bianca was the kind of person who was so determined to be content with her lot in life, that she could never admit that it was sometimes good to feel hungry, it was ok to want more. Watching Janet's drive and determination hadn't just been intoxicating, a small part of it transferred to her by osmosis. She couldn't wait for the days during the week where she could bestow her love and affection on the person who was behind the gifts life seemed to be giving her. When they were together, she did a fantastic job of anticipating Janet's needs. She played whatever role was required. The shy and seductive new girlfriend who made her wait that 'first' Friday night drove Janet wild. Bianca pretended to finally cave at her demand she stay over, revealing elaborate underwear when pushed against the dining table. And then she was the solid and considerate partner who knew when she needed to talk, hearing a familiar name mentioned on the news. She could tell that Janet appreciated most of all, the patient presence who knew when to get on the floor with the kids to play and when to pull back from crowding them. As the weeks passed by she was all of these things and more. It was reward enough to see how Janet looked at her when they finally wound down to some time on their own.

But she didn't ever raise her own needs or try to direct what they were beyond the moment. As a result, there was something that they lacked. It was such a silly and easy thing, so common, that it took a while to identify. She just wanted more minutes of casual talk; to reflect on the daily grind, the shared frustrations and absurdities of an adult life. Such things didn't seem to interest Janet, but it was the cement that held together any meaningful relationship Bianca ever had, and there was a lightness to them that she would have liked to solidify with regular mundane discussion, to plant them firmly on a stronger foundation. She reminded herself that it was still early days. In those first few weeks it wasn't a problem, but she looked forward to a time where they could work on that. She wanted to join the dots in Janet's thinking, to see the working behind the giant leaps she seemed to make.

The only area of their relationship they do back up on, as far as Bianca can tell, is getting to know each other properly. They never cover the ground of their previous lives. Janet hadn't asked about the partner she was with when they met. Hadn't brought up her childhood, which she was happy to leave for now anyway. It surprised Bianca at first, but the more time they spent together, the more she understood that Janet was a future orientated person. Perhaps this was borne from necessity. She struggled to even keep her eye on the present. Every conversation and digression was about what was happening next; with the kids, with Bianca, with herself. It was clear that Janet was expending a lot of mental energy on her next move professionally. She worked a lot for someone who was supposed to be on a break; consulting on cases at the DPP, engrossed in law journals and current policy. On more than a few occasions, Bianca had to explicitly state that this was her time, prise the documents from her hands and bring her back to the moment. Their time together was filled with the familiar motifs of any new couple; the food, the films, the wine, the teasing. With a hefty side of verbal gymnastics. But there was one place that felt brand new, that felt like sacred ground. They ended up there most nights after the games were over. It was the reason Bianca wasn't overly concerned about their differences. When it came to their time in bed, they were perfectly matched. And were still astonished, every time, to find themselves so completely and utterly enthralled.

Every morning when she woke up, she smiled. Bianca hadn't ran. Bianca loved her too. There had been days when she thought it a complete impossibility that anyone ever would again. And now, there were blissful mornings when she turned around and was surprised to see the flowing brown hair against the white of the pillow. When she reached over, pulled her taught and warm body against hers, she sometimes kissed her neck and watched a sleepy smile appear before going further. Sometimes fell back asleep and was awoken by Bianca in a similar way. After a couple of weeks she started to regret the arbitrary once a week time scale she announced in Bianca's apartment, and was glad no mention was made of it when they started to see each other more frequently.

There was no end to the things she appreciated in her. And no end to the surprising ways Bianca found to express her love. On Valentine's day she made her a playlist, which Bianca apologised for in advance, joking that it was because Janet made her feel like a teenager again. She pretended to listen to it in the car, but never found the time to concentrate on it properly. So Bianca played it through one night and introduced each song, talked about why she had chosen it, how it related to them in some way. She pointed out the subtleties that Janet had no patience for in the car. She talked about the songs with such force and passion, talked about their relationship with such pleasure, that Janet was tearful by the end of it and they didn't make it upstairs. Being around her opened the world up to unknown possibilities. Made her feel younger. Lightened her up.

Bianca was always easy to be around, seemed to instinctively know what she needed and when she needed it. The kids enjoyed her company too, especially Liam. Her heart sang when she saw the straightforward affection that he offered her, and watched as Bianca enveloped him in her arms. Emma was always quiet, her own small person, and she knew that would take more time. The air around their love for each other was calm and respectful; underpinned by an understanding that timing was important. They had to let things develop at their own pace, and neither wanted to rush to the next stage. She needed everything about her life; professional or otherwise, to be considered. Bianca knew that. They told each other they loved each other, but there was no hurry to present themselves to the world as a unit. They both agreed, in quiet and short snippets of chat about their future before they fell asleep, that would all come later.

How much later, neither of them could say. No avenue had opened up professionally in the way Janet had expected. Although she was meticulous at work, she always made the bigger decisions on a hunch. She would know what was right for her when she saw it. And so it was. When Tony mentioned Fiji, the same week that the trial was all over the news, she knew it was where she would go. The role was exactly right; it had the gravitas and authority to further raise her game, but none of the messy details that she clung to in the throes of trials. It would involve all of her professional knowledge without weighing down her head or heart. And she would get away form here for a while, let the kids learn about a completely different environment with as much of her attention as she could offer.

She knew that Bianca wouldn't come with her, but still intended to ask. A four hour flight surely wouldn't be a deal beaker. She would come back for visits to see her, meet with her mum, and hoped that Bianca would come out to Fiji on occasion. The decision was already made. She now had to articulate it in a way that didn't make that obvious. She wanted Bianca to know that she cared about how she felt about it, even though she had no real intention of seeking her views before making the decision. That was not how she operated. It never had been. Now that there was a prospect of being some distance from Bianca, she could also see that they hadn't covered anything near the detail they should have when it came to their personal lives. She had been so busy having fun, falling in love, enjoying the early stages of romance, that she had been complacent. She hardly knew anything about her. She knew who she was, but she had very little idea about what had made her that way. Most of their talk was about work and the kids. And they spent a lot of their time not talking, expressing what they felt in another way. She didn't even want to think about the prospect of being apart from her in this regard. She was going to try and pretend to her body that she wasn't taking herself away from something it had come to cherish and adore.

Bianca was unusually distant after dinner on the night she intended to tell her, she could see that she was in the midst of something difficult at work. Janet wasn't allowed to know the full details, but was alarmed by talk of a potential undercover operation while they were clearing up.

"It won't be anything like the commission, it's not a case that involves violence. It's more...white collar crime."

"I don't care what it is. Anyone can turn violent when they get caught." Janet was surprised by the way she openly revealed the strength of her concern. She was endlessly worried about they kind of things Bianca could get caught up in at work.

"I'll be fine. I'm a tough guy remember." Bianca smiled.

Janet put on a movie for the kids, let them stay up a little beyond their normal bed time. Poured more wine. Sat down, took a deep breath and smiled. Bianca knew something was coming.

"I was talking to Tony. A job offer's come up. It's a really good one. I'd be training prosecutors and developing policy for emerging institutions. I think it's what I want. An opportunity to further my career without getting too...involved."

"Ok. It sounds good. Sounds very you. Why do you look so worried?" Bianca took a drink of her wine, waited.

"It's a two year contract. In Fiji."

Bianca let her eyes fall, spread her fingers over the flat bottom of her glass, needed to concentrate on the patterns that merged over the skin of her knuckles to keep her disappointment in check. She knows she can't talk, because if she does, Janet will know that she's devastated. She doesn't want to be apart from her for two years. Too much of her life has been spent without her as it is.

"You could come with me? You could work, or not...we wouldn't need the money."

Janet's attempt is half hearted. And they both know it.

"I can't go Janet. The commission's given me opportunities that I won't ever get again. Not at this stage of my career."

"Nothing's decided yet, there's still a lot to - "

"Yes it is." Bianca is blunt, and immediately realigns herself with what she knows she should feel, "Sorry...I want what's best for you and the kids. That's what I've always wanted. I'm just...you have to let me come to terms with the fact that it doesn't involve me."

Janet grasped her hand from across the table.

"Of course it involves you. I'll be home some of the time to visit, we can talk whenever you want. You can come over. Have cocktails on the beach, get away from here. Because that's what it's about. Being myself but not being here. I need some kind of buffer, from all of it, before I can really move on. Before we can move on."

They didn't say much more about it. Janet was relieved that Bianca didn't pursue more of the details, or make her feel even worse about what she knew was the right thing to do. There was a tinge of sadness to the rest of the evening that followed them all the way to the next morning. When Janet leaned over to wake Bianca up, kissed her softly, she watched her bright smile fade too quickly, caught the exact moment when she remembered. The countdown had begun. It was a dreadful feeling, to be the instigator of those emotions in someone she cared about. Janet tried to deny the guilt, the pain she was causing, the love she was delaying for herself. But she had made a decision. First principles; this was right for her, it was right for the kids, so it would be right for Bianca in the long run too. She really believed it, but she didn't say so. It was a bad habit that she would never break when it came to Bianca. Such was her expertise at meeting Janet's needs, she assumed that she knew her thoughts as well as she did. What was the need to say them out loud?

"When are you going?" Bianca asked.

"A month or so."

They looked at each other, both concerned.

"I love you. You know I do. I'm going to miss you." Janet said.

"Don't." Bianca looked tearful, turned away much too late to hide her fear.

A few moments later, after she composed herself, after she remembered Janet had two other people to think about, she turned back.

"I love you too. We can make it work. I know we can."

She couldn't bring herself to say that she would miss her. If she had, she would not have been able to keep it together.