Chapter 4 – The Missing Class

Kagami's POV

"You JOINED the Student Council?!" Konata asked in shock as we were heading for school the next day.

"Yeah, pretty much. Though, it was definitely not something I ever planned when starting my third year."

"What made you join, Kagami-san?" Miyuki asked. "Did it really had to do with Miyagi-san?"

"Miyagi, huh?" Konata said in a rather annoyed tone. "That girl really made a first impression earlier. How the hell is someone like her our Student Council President?"

I guess she's still mad about being called an ejaculation pillow…

"Well, believe it or not, she has the experience. She was actually the Vice-President at her old school."

"THAT girl? Vice-President? Huh. I bet they threw her out because of how she acts. I sure as hell don't blame them."

"You're really mad about yesterday morning, aren't you?"

"I didn't think you were the one to keep grudges, Izumi-san." Miyuki said.

"I-I don't have a grudge. It's just…" Konata went silent as she grew a faint blush on her face. "…when someone compares you to a sex pillow of all things based on your short undeveloped body, you would no doubt be mad at them. And she didn't even apologize, either."

"Wow…" I gained a shocked look. "…I didn't think you were one to care about how short and flat you are, Konata."

"Of course, I care. Especially since Tsukasa's gone, now I gotta look at you two's perfectly developed bodies all the time. It freaking sucks."

"Well, to be honest, Izumi-san…" Miyuki said. "…Tsukasa-chan did had a bigger chest than you."

"GAAAAAAAaaaaaa…" Konata then collapsed to the floor in anguish.

"Although, not by much."

"Miyuki…you're not helping." I said to her with a sweatdrop.

Once we reached the school, we went our separate ways as usual. And once I stepped into my classroom, I witnessed something that can be easily described as both highly questionable and predicable.

And there's only one person I know that can be both at once.

"What? Seriously? You have no idea how babies are made? Like for real?"

"Don't they just come from the stork?"

"Ha. Yeah, sure. Much like how the tooth fairy takes your baby teeth and gives you just enough money to buy used panties from a vending machine."

"Wh-Why would I do that, Miyagi-san?"

I was within earshot of Kirin talking to a girl in our class. The topic, for some reason, was about where babies come from.

Normally, this conversation is made for little kids and is usually made a subtle as possible. But knowing Kirin thus far, she's going to go full-throttle.

I better prepare myself to stop her…

"Well, if they don't come from the stork, then where do babies come from?" The girl asked.

"*giggle* Well, you see, dear innocence-filled child…when a guy takes his thick meat and shoves it inside a gal's puss-puss…slamming both of your bodies together until the guy just *SPLURT* all up inside you, a little human spawn will come out of your hole 9 months later in the most painful experience of you natural-born life. Simple, really."

"Uh…"

Jesus Christ, this girl…

"And if you want, I could go into more detail of how anal works."

"Wh-What?!"

"Kirin!" I yelled with a blush on my face. Gaining the two girl's attention.

"Oh. Morning, Kagami. What's up?"

"Don't "what's up" me! What are you doing telling people how sex works?!"

"Well, they need to know. Otherwise, they might never get to plow someone later on in life and find other ways to tame their sex drive. Teddy bears don't like to be penetrated, you know."

"Wh-Why would that even be a thing?!"

"Um…can I go now?" The girl asked with just as big a blush as I had.

"Yeah, I guess…" Kirin said. "…But answer me this: have you ever masturbated before? I could give you some pleasurable tips on how to find that G-spot."

"Wh-Wh-What?!" The girl's face was redder than mine at this point.

"Get over here!" I yelled as I grabbed Kirin by her sleeve and started dragging her out of the classroom.

"Remember, innocent one! Play with it…in moderation!"

"Pl-Play with what?"

Both of us had left before Kirin could answer the girl's question.

And thank God, too.

"*sigh* Geez, Kagami. You really had to interrupt me when I was enlightening her mind with knowledge?"

"Oh, please. The knowledge you give out should be locked up in a damn safe for all eternity."

"Hmph. You're just jealous that I got bigger balls than you. Metaphorically, of course."

I chose not to retort to such a sentence. For my own sense of sanity.

"Look, Kirin. If you're going to be the Student Council President, then you gotta be more mature about it."

"Mature?"

"Meaning…enough with the sex jokes and innuendos."

"What? Aw, come on! Sex jokes are awesome!"

"Not when they make everyone around you blush like hell!"

"That's the best part!"

"*sigh*" I facepalmed hard.

"And besides…we're supposed to be 17-years-old in our final year of high school…yet everyone here still gets flustered by just hearing the word "sex". Just how innocent-minded are you mainlanders?"

"It's not that we're innocent-minded. It's just…well…" I went silent for a bit. Trying to think of what to say. "…people just don't expect to hear such things at school of all places."

"What? But that happens in Sex Ed class all the time."

"Well…we don't have a Sex Ed class."

"What?! Seriously?!" Kirin grew a huge look of shock.

"I-Is that bad?"

"Bad?! Kagami, the whole point of a Sex Ed class is to teach us these types of things! How our bodies work during puberty, practicing safe sex, the VERY IMPORTANT difference between consent and straight-up rape…I can't believe Ryōō doesn't have one!"

"You seem really fired up about this, Kirin."

"Well, duh. If anything bad happens to the students here…especially girls…it'll be on my tight little starfish. And I ain't into that freaky butt stuff or whatever."

"I see…" I gained a sweatdrop.

"Hey, what are you two doing outside of class?" Kuroi-sensei asked as she walked up to us.

"Well, uh…"

"Hey, Kuroin! Did you know that Ryōō doesn't have a Sex Ed class?!" Kirin asked.

"Sex Ed?" Kuroi-sensei then thought for a bit. "Oh, yeah. We used to have one."

"Used to?" We both asked.

"It got shut down 3 years ago due to the principal not seeing any use for it. Something about it not fitting with his vision of "an exceptional high school education" or something like that."

"What? Oh, that's a load of bullsh-"

"Well, that's interesting to hear, Kuroi-sensei." I said after quickly covering Kirin's mouth.

"Anyway…get inside, you two. Class is about to start."

"Y-Yes, Sensei."

After Kuroi-sensei had went inside, I uncovered Kirin's mouth and gave her a moment to breathe.

"Okay, seriously! What is with you and these oddly-timed interruptions?!"

"I did it to Konata for two years. I'm pretty much a pro at it."

"I see…" Kirin gained a sweatdrop. "…Well, anyway. I know what I'm doing once lunch comes around. I'm going to have a little private encounter with our dear old principal~. *giggle*"

"Why did you say that in a sexy voice?" I asked with a huge sweatdrop.

Kirin's POV

"Hey, Principal guy! You spread open or what?!"

"P-Pardon me?!"

"Kirin! Don't just barge in here without a care in the world!" Kagami yelled at me as we entered the Principal's office once lunch came by.

"Why, though? It would be a lot easier to just enter yourself inside like sliding a pickle into a taco shell."

"That sounded both perverted and unappetizing." Kagami gained a sweatdrop.

"O-Oh…you're Miyagi the new Student Council President." The Principal said. "And who is this with you?"

"Pardon the intrusion, Sir." Kagami said with a bow. "My name is Kagami Hiiragi. The new Vice-President."

"Vice-President? I see. It's nice to see our Student Council slowly coming back again."

"Yeah, sure. Whatever." I said. "What we came here for is to ask why did you get rid of the Sex Ed class 3 years ago."

"Is that your concern? Well, you see, Miyagi…the Sex Education course did not match the standards of a good high school education. There was really nothing from that course to find useful for the adult world."

"NOTHING useful?! Oh, I concur, Principal dude! Sex Ed is the only class in which you can learn which donut hole you shove your sausage in. And I find that VERY important."

"Why would anyone need to be taught that?"

"Well, you got laid at least once in your life, right?"

"I-I beg your pardon?!"

"Kirin!" Kagami yelled at me. "I'm sorry for her speech, Sir. But…Kirin does have some valid points. It would be best if we as high schoolers would graduate with the knowledge of sexual diseases and what counts as consent or rape. Especially for girls nowadays."

"Hmm…that is true. The number of attacks against women have risen a lot as of late."

"Attacks?" I asked.

"There have been a lot of attacks on women…high school girls, especially…going on here in the city as of late." Kagami explained to me. "There've been reports of girls as young as 15 being robbed of their money and even gang-raped by thugs on the street. It's truly sickening."

"Seriously?" I grew a look of pure shock. "I never knew that was happening around here. Never did I think the mainland was so freaking dangerous."

"You're from Okinawa right, Miyagi?" The Principal asked. "It would make sense that you were unaware of this considering that Okinawa is a separate island. But that is what's been going on as of late."

"Geez…"

So, it seems like I'm not the only one…whose belief in an innocent world was shattered in just a single night…

"So, with all that in mind, Sir…wouldn't it be good if the class was brought back at this point? Even if it was just until these attacks on women stop?" Kagami asked.

"Well, you both do possess valid points…I'll at least think about it and give you an answer tomorrow. Thank you for your concern."

"Thank you, Sir." Kagami said with a bow.

"Yeah, thanks." I said. "I honestly thought you would flat-out refuse to hear us out because you were in favor of men doing it themselves with their tiny uncircumcised di…mmmph!"

"W-We'll be taking our leave now!" Kagami said after covering my mouth again. And was now dragging me out of the Principal's office by the sleeve of my shirt.

What the hell is this? Some kind of cartoon?

Author's Note: I…honestly have nothing to say here. It's the fourth chapter and I'm already stuck. I don't know where to go from this point and I'm struggling hard to think of anything. Maybe I'm just not meant to write Lucky Star fanfics. I freaking have two on here and I already have nothing on both. I just don't know what to do at this point…

Thanks for reading. Later.